The continuing support thread for living alcohol free, every day. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello, and welcome to the alcohol-free support thread. The original thread was started about three years ago by drybird.

We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. Whatever your reasons, whatever you’re going through, someone here will have been there too. People here will have done that first sober holiday, first sober Christmas/birthday/work do/wedding/funeral, first AF night out with the drinking friends, first (and 2nd and 3rd…) AF Friday night/Sunday lunch, first day 31/day 101, first lapse. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size and we have all been there too when things go wrong.

If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quit altogether then maybe have a look at the long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board? Lots of support there too.

Brew yourself a and come on in!

Morning all.
Good to see you @Fortheloveofgodwhy

How was your weekend away @Kate489

It’s certainly interesting living life without my usual “fix” of exercise, not least because Instagram is still filling my feed with stuff from runners. Still, it will hopefully come back at some point. Just keeping a steady intake of painkillers, and trying to reduce my biscuit intake!

interesting re reading the Sober Diaries - I almost miss the early days of sobriety when each benefit of not drinking was a revelation. Maybe I need to re read Sunshine Warm Sober next!

@Onewildandpreciouslife it's so hard being cut off from exercise when you're used to it. DH is a grumpy nightmare when he can't run. Hope you can get back to something soon!

Weekend away turned out really good thanks! I was away self catering with DH and DC and was so strange not packing wine, or having a glass once there. Meant I was more relaxed about DC being too excited to sleep which was nice. Struggled initially but as weekend went on I was so pleased I'd stuck to it. Being in a supermarket with prosecco for £5 was a challenge, and I so almost bought nosecco at that point, but decided on extra chocolate instead.

I am still bracing myself for telling friends, but feel good for getting first challenge out the way successfully.

Morning all.

Glad the weekend went well @Kate489 . Isn’t it amazing we’re actually more relaxed without alcohol?

Im in a foul mood at the moment for various reasons, but at least I’m not hungover and in a foul mood

Read this on the tube this morning and had a little cry! Think the pain must be getting me down. I’m a cup of coffee and 2 ibuprofen up now. Onwards!

@Onewildandpreciouslife thinking of you. What a difficult time. X

Freezing at home lads as I can't seem to put the heating on.
More shenigans at work. My industry is attracting nutters. Not sure how much more of me I can give. I want to retire to my garden.

Sorry for the radio silence, I dodged covid then caught another cold. We've all got it.

Welcome back @threeandmeandthedog and congratulations @Kate489 ! It's all about those little and big wins, one at a time.

I'm sorry things are still hard @Onewildandpreciouslife. Is there any other exercise you could do comfortably in the meantime?

Happy belated wedding anniversary @WendyWagon . Stay strong in the face of work shenanigans.

Thank you for the quit lit reminders. Nice to be reminded of old favourites. I think the run-up to Christmas is a good time of remind myself of my why. Although this Christmas I won't have to deal with the bizarre craving for an alcoholic drink as consolation for the Christmas pudding now tasting rank on account of the brandy in it 😂

@Blackberryblossom tis weird for such an ex boozer I never really liked alcohol in food. Champagne sauce yes, sherry trifle, wine in spag bol, brandy on steaks etc. No.
My husband has an obsession for Christmas puddings, he hordes them. He goes out boxing day getting extras. Nowt stranger than folk. I'll stick to collecting red dresses.

@Blackberryblossom sorry to hear you have been under the weather-hope you are on the mend.

@Onewildandpreciouslife that sounds tough not being able to run. I am a regular runner (more of a slow jogger actually) and use it as an outlet. Can you do something else instead? Any chance of a swim? Hope the pain eases off.

@WendyWagon work sounds… interesting- hope it’s not too stressful.

I am backed up with work, one of my DC has a recurrence of a condition he had as a young child and is facing some tough treatment, my ex-H is being his usual useless and selfish self…in the past I would have immediately reached for the fags and booze, but I haven’t felt inclined too at all. All the podcasts and quit lit have really helped me to learn to sit in the moment, process the emotion and hang on in there. And do you know what? It is tough right now but I know it will be ok and I just have to deal with the hard stuff in the moment and let go of the stuff I can’t control.

The thought of drinking a bottle of red, which would have been my go to, just does not have the same appeal as it used to. Something inside of me has really changed.

I also had to see my ex H today at DC hospital appointment- he smelt of stale booze and it gave me a real flash back to our marriage- so happy to not have that in my life now, so so sorry the DC have to deal with him still though.

Morning all.
Hard day yesterday, but got through it sober. Too much sugar though, which I’m wondering whether that might have caused me to be so weepy last night. Will write a lot of lists this morning and crack on!

Saw the surgeon yesterday - I think I’d somehow expected him to wave a magic wand for the pain to go away. Which was probably foolish.

Im really missing the clarity of thought I had a few weeks ago - I just have to trust it will come back.

Hello everyone
May I join? I know, after many attempts at moderation, that it isn't going to work for me, and I need to abstain. This is my Day 1.
No big rock bottom but lots of ways in which I'm not proud of myself. I drank half a bottle of wine alone last night when my DP was at work and my teenage DCs were around. They saw me drink alone and I became less present for them. I didn't get up this morning to see them off the school. Now I am a little hungover and I can't do my job, which requires me to be really present to do well, to the standard I'd like to and others suffer as a consequence.
My liver hurts when I drink. I haven't booked my NHS check, because I'm worried about what it will show and I haven't been honest with myself about that.
There are many social situations where I feel I've been more drunk than others around me, and that it's noticeable.
My DP and I have a dysfunctional relationship around alcohol - we rely on it to relax together - and I've realised that I need to take my own responsibility and just abstain alone. But it does mean that there is a very difficult patch when he gets in from work and I'm cooking. I often crumble at that moment.
I want to be really honest with myself now about needing to stop. I've had several periods of several months, but always gone back to the booze thinking this time it will be ok. It never is.
I hope to use this thread to keep myself accountable and get to know others who have the same struggles and committment to abstince.

Welcome @livingalivelife ! Do you have a plan for this evening to get over that difficult patch? I used AF drinks to get through that bit - it just felt easier with a wine glass in my hand! What has worked for you in the past?

Ive just re-read the Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley - have you read that? There sound to be lots of parallels for you.

Thankyou @Onewildandpreciouslife!
You are absolutely right about Clare Pooley - my life has some similarities with hers and I have found her writing super helpful. In fact I followed her sobermummy blog when she was first sober and managed several months AF inspired by her. It's a really good idea to look at her book again - going to download it on my kindle app now.
This evening I plan to drink fizzy water and practice the oboe, which I have recently taken up. If I get practising then I'm usually ok for the evening. My DP is out too and that will help with the supper time hurdle.
How about you? I am sorry to read that you have health issues - it can't make sobriety easier I imagine.

@livingalivelife welcome to the thread. Honestly, your story sounds a lot like mine. I too kept thinking 'this time it will be ok' but it never was. For me the low points weren't really low at the time but now looking back I'm appalled. I'm a year on and at the moment I can't imagine drinking again. It was really tough at times but now I feel like I'm 'free' and there's no way I want to fall back into the alcohol trap.

For me, having other treats instead of alcohol helped. And using the Try Dry app to see how much money I was saving was an eye opener.

I don't know where you are in the country but where I am (West Sussex) you can get 6 online 'therapy' sessions with Dtinks Coach free. There might be something similar in your county. DH has now decided to stop drinking and he's finding these really helpful.

Anyway, good luck and well done to us all. We're all superstars!

Thankyou @MyGhastIsFlabbered . It's inspiring to know that you are at a year. I have never got to a year and I seem to stall at 100 days. Still let's cross that bridge when I come to it! ... for now I need to get through day 2. Day 1 yesterday was not difficult but tonight will be hard. For me it's more difficult not to drink when we stay in than when we go out - the habit of a bottle of wine together is so ingrained.
I do agree that feeling of freedom is wonderful - am so fed up with feeling trapped in obsessing about alcohol! and also that treats really help especially with these early days. I think I'll get myself a nice shower gel or face mask today and take some time to look after myself to get through the witching hour. I like how Clare pooley describes prioritising not drinking - everything else needs to come second for a while.
I hope that you have a relaxing Saturday.

I used to find it helpful to imagine my goal - getting into bed sober with a book and herbal tea - and then focus on that.

I am also ridiculously goal-oriented so ticking off my app gave me great pleasure each night!

Hello and welcome @livingalivelife I hope your day 2 is going well. Honestly, if you've got to day 100 before you're probably better at this than you think. Can you prep any meals ahead of time to minimise the cooking triggers? Or stock up on favourite AF drinks? You can re-wire old habits for better ones.
@Onewildandpreciouslife I'm sorry you're still in pain, that's awful. Can you ease up on things for a few days? I think a lack of clarity is understandable but it won't always be like this. Do you have any more follow up appointments?
I had my over 50 health check today, and loved answering the "do you ever drink alcohol?" question. Interesting that it was the very first question on the template, ahead of smoking, exercise and healthy eating. I do have to take my blood pressure twice a day for a week though. It was a brand new nurse and my nerves cut in. Took it at home tonight and both figures were 20 points lower 😂

Thankyou @Blackberryblossom. I need to book my over 50 health check, and I've kept putting it off because I am worried about how alcohol is affecting my health. I've now put a reminder on my phone to book the appointment on what will be my 6 months of sobriety (May 17th 2024). I am determined to get there and I like having the target.

I got through day 2 by doing things differently! Instead of opening a bottle of wine and watching strictly, I went to an early film with my DP. He suggested going out to eat afterwards, but we agreed to come home instead. Then I drove to collect DCs from parties late at night. I am shocked (yet again ...) by how much time and connection with others I got back by not drinking. I had nice chats with my DCs in the car. Thankyou for the support @Blackberryblossom @Onewildandpreciouslife @MyGhastIsFlabbered it helped alot. Getting through that Saturday night was a big first step for me. Now on to day 3 ..

I like the 'I am sober' app. I've reset it so many times it feels less useful in a way but I am going to keep on because as you say @Onewildandpreciouslife it's good nerdy fun to tick off the day (I am sober has workbook tasks too - I love them!) and I am looking forward to watching my sober numbers go up.

@MyGhastIsFlabbered I agree therapy is very helpful. I am in therapy and it's helping me to think about how I do and don't connect with others and the part alcohol plays in that.

Hi all, I ordered The Sober Diaries last night and it was just delivered! I am getting nervous about my lunch with friends next weekend so felt it was time I read it. Quite excited for a night reading, so hoping DC go to sleep early 🤞

Well done @livingalivelife - the connection with others is the best thing. Being sober at times when you wouldn't hav been before is a real eye opener.

@Blackberryblossom it sounds lovely being able to answer the health check question about alcohol with out feeling any embaressment or shame. I have a health check in a few weeks and look forward to answering it.

Had a weekend away with a pal, she was drinking, I wasn't. We went out for a really nice meal and I felt a pang of longing looking at the wine list- but there were some lovely mocktail type things and I focused on sleeping well and waking up clear headed, and the reality of drinking, which, for me wouldn't have been a lovely glass of wine, it would have ended up a bottle. I think its getting easier not to drink at times like this, with practice. Planning what to say ahead of time. And feleing confident about saying 'I am not drinking alcohol', I often almost apologise for not drinking, which is daft really. Shows how conditioned we become.

I like the Try Dry app, it is really satifying ticking off a sober day before bed. I find it motivating. I track my entire life on various apps 😳

Morning all.
Saw the surgeon on Thursday - thinks the scar is “over healing” but took some swabs and put me onto anti viral meds just in case. I have felt better over the weekend- don’t know if it’s time or the meds but who cares?

Another tracker fan @threeandmeandthedog ! Are you noticing a difference in your resting heart rate and sleeping patterns?! Sounds like a nice weekend away.

@livingalivelife I was amazed how much time I got when I wasn’t drinking. In some ways I found that quite difficult in the early days, I guess because I was in such a rut. I used to kid myself I was spending large parts of the day having “lunch” because it was fun, but really I was just escaping.

Hope you enjoy the book after all the hype on here @Kate489 ! And try not to worry about the lunch too much. Plan what you can - if you’re going out for lunch it’s helpful to look at the drinks menu online in advance so you don’t have to worry about that at the time. Your friends’ reaction may surprise you - I read an Instagram post at the weekend that said: you won’t be the only one in your group of friends concerned about their alcohol use, but you are the only one brave enough to do something about it.

I went to dinner at a friend’s house on Saturday- there’s a group of us that meet up a lot so they know my story well. There’s one of them who gets very argumentative when drunk, and it’s a bit painful- he started going on at the person next to me, and I said very loudly “Oh! We’re at that time of the night are we?” And started taking the mickey out of him, then we all changed the subject. I would never have dared to do that drunk, and would have just got caught up in the argument.

Hello @Kate489 - I hope that enjoy the sober diaries and find it useful - what we find useful is so personal. eg lots of people seem to like the Naked Mind but I can't connect with Annie Grace's approach at all.

Hello @threeandmeandthedog and well done on your weekend away - that does sound challenging and it's good to hear that it's getting easier with time. How many days AF are you?

I'm glad you are feeling better @Onewildandpreciouslife and hope it continues. I find it very interesting that you were able to be more truly assertive than you would have been if you'd been drinking - I already feel more authentic in myself.

Day 3 was fine. I got so much done in the evening! Ordered a load of Xmas presents for family, practised the oboe and made sure the DCs got to bed at a decent time. I am nervous about this evening - it's the weekday evening bottle of wine I am worried about ...

@Onewildandpreciouslife my heart rate is consistent now- I’ve always had a very low rate, but I recover better from exercise now and no more palpitations in the night after drinking. I just entered the Great North Run in a fit of enthusiastic and as motivation to stay on track and off the booze.

glad you are feeling better. It feels positive when you notice sober you handle situations better than drunk you would have.

@livingalivelife congratulations on day 3- can you think of some new weekday evening habits you can get into. Fitness, knitting, re-watching all of ER on catch up (I know how to have fun🙄😂!) I am day 16. I did 100+ days over the summer. I had decided not to drink whilst I was getting divorced as it wasn’t helping. I got divorced. Drank a bit in October. Realised that although nothing terrible happened I am useless at moderation and was much happier AF- so this time I hope it’s for good. I have returned to this thread as it keeps me accountable and it’s very supportive. Other’s stories are really helpful.

I didn't really read that much quit lit. I read Alan Carr and a American guy (?) who likened wine to rotting vegatation in water. I re read lots of Facebook where I was drinking. I also read the AA blue book. There was a story of the big business woman drinker, twas me. I use to hide my books incase anyone thought I had a problem. I now admit I had a massive one. Hopefully it will help someone. There's no shame in needing help but we all have different times to stand on our soap box.
The husband had to lock up the Christmas port yesterday after I had to give another statement to the police. I was having a turn. In the old days I would have demanded it, screamed at him and generally made him the baddy. I thanked him this morning. A port hangover is hell. Drink was my emotional support but now I put myself to bed. New linen ladies and I have found the house of my dreams! I will have to sell Wendy towers.

That’s exciting @threeandmeandthedog do you have a training plan! Good luck! I read that thread on AIBU about exercising at 40plus and ended up getting the weights out from under the stairs and finding a yoga/ weights programme that I had started online three years ago and not finished… And yes, the nice thing about the AF health check was knowing that my BP and weight were all benefitting from quitting alcohol too.
I’m glad they’re still looking after you @Onewildandpreciouslife . I hadn’t realised that, about getting more time when living AF but you’re absolutely right. The mornings are the best.
Good luck to your dh @MyGhastIsFlabbered how’s he finding it?
and hang in there @livingalivelife . Playing a musical instrument is a great idea because it keeps your hands busy. You’ll be able to be one of those oboe players who makes their own reeds! I did a lot of knitting in the early days but now I tend to play guitar. I play alto sax and don’t get sticky pads any more from drinking shandy or halves of beer on gigs.