It's day 1! Anyone else?

[Thepeppapigfanclub]

I'm 45. I've been drinking a bottle/bottle and a half a night for as long as I can remember with the odd dry January/ Stoptober along the way - but I always end up back on the wine again.

I'm a parent to a 13 year old and the shame that comes with this is crippling. It's not good and I know I HAVE GOT to stop. I am sick of the self-loathing, the fear, the anxiety and the money down the drain. Most of all, I'm worried about shuffling of this mortal coil leaving my child before I should.

So it's day one (again) for me. I just wondered if anybody else has picked this as their day one too for some support.

Any tips for the first week?

Many thanks - there's some seriously inspirational people on here reading some of the other threads - I'm in awe of all of those who've made it to six months, a year and beyond. It feels beyond my grasp.

@BoilingHotand50something and @Yocal -massive congrats on the weight loss.

@BoilingHotand50something another introvert here and like staying in. I have to come to terms with me being one of the quieter ones and that's okay!

@Yocal 3 months is amazing!! Sounds like a really good part of the AF journey. I have heard people say at around 100 days (3 months?) it all gets a lot better.

@Mummykins54 stay strong! You got this!

@Steppered NOT drinking is taking up a lot of head space!! But then so did drinking??

Lots of love and best wishes to everyone for the weekend!

I've started taking multivitamins. I know; not a big thing, but it signals to me it's another step in me taking care of myself. The weight loss and exercise journey will have to follow later for me! Well done to those who are tackling both!

How we all doing!? I tried mcGuigan Shiraz 0% tonight - I bought it before I read the reviews so I didn’t have high hopes. It was actually ok!

Hope everyone is ok.

Checking in dry. Went out for tapas and the food tasted great! Couldn’t help but wonder if not drinking is affecting my tastebuds(?!) or maybe it’s no cigarettes…. I’ve only had one since I joined the thread.

I won’t lie, it wasn’t easy skipping over the wine list to get to the non alcoholic drinks but I did manage it. Prepping my friend in advance that I wasn’t drinking was a wise move as there wasn’t even a discussion, which made it easier.

Hopefully I will be rewarded with a lovely sleep.

@Mummykins54 nice to hear from you. All we can do is keep doing our best. No one can ask anything more from you.

Well done @MamaGhina very strong to be able to resist with tapas!

@Mummykins54 I missed your comment. Sorry to hear you are struggling - be kind to yourself as it’s hard!

Morning all!

Hope you're all doing well. Well done @MamaGhina - that must have been hard.

I'm full of cold so feeling sorry for myself. Hope you all have a great day.

My OH was making dinner last night (a rarity); he went out and got the ingredients and came back with a box of white wine ("for cooking") and unpacked it all in front of me and I just lost it and started bawling. I could not believe he had done that - but then to be fair I haven't told him how hard I have found the last few days. My facebook feed had all been wine that evening. I cried my eyes out and have felt utterly flat since then. Miserable, like there is something wrong with me, and just really deflated. Ughhhhh.

I know if I drank now it would be ugly, it would be solely for oblivion.

Oh @Steppered that is hard 😭 I went through the anger/rage filled time of just wanting to be like everyone else. Just wanting to be normal. Couple that with having a DH who doesn’t think I have a ‘problem’ and doesn’t understand why I’m not drinking so keeps asking me if I want wine added to the food shop (every week 😒). I think he is waiting for me to go back to how I used to drink.

What I would say is that after I got over the moment of hesitation last night I enjoyed my evening. I enjoyed my meal and I enjoyed the company. I also enjoyed getting home safely without trying to appear sober to strangers. I enjoyed getting home at a decent hour and I enjoyed a good nights sleep.

I enjoyed waking this morning without a hangover. No anxiety about what I did or didn’t do or say. Enjoying my breakfast without feeling sick. Now I’m getting ready to go for a run. Something I wouldn’t have been able to do with a hangover.

It's hard isn't it @MamaGhina but I'm glad you had a nice night out and felt good about it. Well done, and glad you enjoyed your run as well.

I am also struggling with getting flashbacks now I'm not drinking - I've got cptsd and drinking was really very effective at drowning out any negative issues, so now I have to deal with it which isn't easy, it's been overwhelming this morning.

I don't think my OH gets it either, I would love someone to do a pamphlet for him to explain why we can't moderate our drinking. He is always like, well why don;t you just drink on Saturday nights? And I can't explain (even to myself, let alone him) why not?! I think he is a bit scared of losing his drinking buddy as well. I said to him it's like him having to give up football. He went very quiet after that.

Hope everyone has a good weekend x

@Steppered . I am sorry you were made to feel like that. Might some therapy help? Relate are good and it isn't just about couples. They were invaluable when dd was a teenager and struggled with her MH.

Well we should have been going to a big birthday party today. I wasn't worried about drinking because it's miles away and I'd have been driving. Sadly the birthday boy (it's his 70th) was admitted to hospital on Thursday for a triple bypass. Therefore DH has gone to work and I shall garden.

My weight has stalled and I am pissed off about it. I didn't eat on Thursday or Friday evening to try to break the plateau, but nope. Grr. On the bright side I am on leave this week - we should have gone away but DH now has to do something work related Monday/Tuesday. I think all men bring their problems and many years concludes they found their way into all things that women struggle with: MENopause, MENstruation MENarche MENtal health. Mine isn't bad to be fair: loyal, kind, clever, stubborn, fastidious, impractical.

It’s hard isn’t it. My DH is still drinking but can stop after dinner or can have a couple out with mates but then doesn’t feel the need to carry on. He keeps saying - surely a bottle of red won’t hurt? Are we having a blow out at half term? But surely he can see that I cannot moderate. We have been together 25 years. I feel strong and won’t give in currently but the longer I am dry, the more persistent he will get I think. He misses the old me I suspect. Whereas I think he should be proud!

There are pamphlets for it, in A.A. I'm 21 years sober. The majority of people didn't think I was alcoholic either.

It's about the first drink. If I don't take the first drink, I won't get drunk.

Uh, you say. The first drink sets off the phenomenon of craving that I want more and more. It's like that first piece of chocolate.

There is more to it than that. I strongly suggest you at least not be at the A A website.

It's not what you think or have preconceptions of what it is. Link below

www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/

Hi all- just popping in to say i am struggling greatly but appreciate and am inspired by your posts.

@NewLifeHappyLife sorty to hear this. Did you want to talk or are you better trying to deal with it on your own? By just being here, you have made a positive move and you are stronger than many. Take care.

i hope everyone’s sober weekend in the sun is going well. I could really do with a handhold. Not going out but staying in is my biggest problem - especially a Saturday night with my DH and his nice wine cellar. Once I can get past the witching hour I will be fine. I’ll commit to reporting back here!
a tantrum resonates with me @Steppered - I feel entitled to a drink and deprived by not having one - need to reframe it as giving myself permission to honour and treasure my precious body!

Thank you - that is very kind. I am just trying to get through and reading what everyone is up to.

I am about out to a theatre production and am trying to work through what to have when there is wine at intermission etc!

I shall report back. :)

Good luck @NewLifeHappyLife

Here for the handhold @Ontheshingle - stay strong!

I went out for brunch this morning, early and fresh as a daisy and really enjoyed it. I also noticed in the park it was full of park runners! It appears there is stuff people do on Saturday mornings!! I witnessed a whole world of people out there who are sober enough to get out and run on Saturday morning. These might be a better bunch to support you on your aober journey if you are looking to fill those Saturday mornings with something.

Day 48. I cracked. I can not deal with what I have to deal without a drink. It's just f*ing impossible. It feels so familiar - but sad. I just can't cope with all of these emotions and deal with all of these traumas... I just want to scream.

It's all just too much.

I'll start again tomorrow.

I'm sorry. 😨

Can I join please you seem like a lovely supportive group sad and disgusted with myself that my drinking has crept up again to a bottle of wine a night sometimes more

I never used to really drink certainly not on my own until about 4 years ago was going through a difficult time with dh and used that as a coping method sorted things out cut back to just a few drinks when dh off work then dd got into and abusive relationship for 2 years and i turned to the wine again her boyfriend used to message me at stupid o clock at night triggering me goading me and because I had been drinking I would reply which didn’t help she out of the relationship now so once again I cut down my drinking

We’ve had an awful 6 months 5 family and close friends deaths all sudden all under 63 including dh brother who had a heart attack and we had to switch off his life support. one death being yesterday a close family friend I’ve had my cat pts my dog who was fine suddenly put on weight refused to walk and now randomly went blind 3 weeks ago so that is challenging I haven’t spoken to dm and dsister for 3 months as hence the name change dsis has always been financial reckless and has been stealing from elderly mum when I raised my concerns dsis had obviously got to dm first as she was fine about the missing money also started a new job 6 months ago that I am really struggling with and not enjoying I am also peri menopausal started hrt a month ago dh has also had a health scare

fast forward to last night ds 18 has been challenging since he turned 18 he has a new friend slightly older who he just randomly met in town 1 night and all of sudden ds never has any money now despite working full time dd met up with ds in town one night and mentioned that apparently the rounds were on him that night. Ds went shopping with said friend who is 2 years older and bought some different clothes no issue but the friends snap chat was taking the child shopping. So having been drinking I stupidly messaged them please don’t refer to my adult son as a child as it’s creepy and not to take advantage of my son not my best move I have apologised to ds

so well done if you have read this far I wanted to be open and honest today is my day 1 af

Ah I’m sorry to hear this. I’m sure you have nothing to apologise for.

What led you to drink this time and what can you do differently next time to find a healthier coping strategy?

Alcohol doesn’t help us cope with stress or hard things it just piles on more shit to an already shit situation. Xx

@Thepeppapigfanclub I’m sorry you’ve had such a shitty day and that it all got on top of you. Here’s a question to think about though - has wine or whatever it was made you feel better (I don’t mean to sound like a condescending twat and sorry if I do) . Tomorrow is another day and no apologising, you have already done amazingly and there is no reason that it can’t continue.

Oh @Thepeppapigfanclub 47 days is a good run. Let's call yesterday a blip, a back fire, a bump in the road. Get back on your wagon and carry on. Nothing happens in straight lines.

I don't want to pry into your traumas, but have you got a way to process them?

Also, I'm not afraid to scream into a pilow or go to the top of a moor and let it out. It's surprisingly or not so unsurprisingly helpful. One day I'm sure they will be groups meeting up moorsides to do it together.

If you just get back on your wagon and focus on filling your life with good stuff then it will be better than the alternative of giving up. Keep going. X

@Thepeppapigfanclub are you ok? Your post was quite coherent so I’m sure you are I just hope this morning you don’t feel too bad (emotionally or physically). Just wanted to echo what the others said in terms of nothing to apologise for etc.
Also wanted to say that one night didn’t send me back to the beginning as I had already broken that awful period of withdrawal. I did honestly jump straight back on. I’m now on day 9 or 1 out of 49 depending on how we measure these things.
To say I’ve had one night drinking since 21 August is massive. Don’t let last night take that achievement away.

Welcome @Spendysis and well done for taking that first step.
I think we can all relate to the things that drive us to drink, whether it’s an abusive relationship, a personal loss, a difficult job, problems with our children… the list goes on.
I’m reading alcohol explained, which is quite a common sense approach to stopping. It explains why drinking makes dealing with our emotions harder not easier. It increases our anxiety and can lead to us making decisions we wouldn’t normally.
I’m sure you know all of this and being sober does make those problems less easy to run away from. I have found that forcing myself to face up to the issues has been, on the whole, a positive thing. I’m not there yet but I’m chipping away and all the other benefits of being alcohol free mean I’m still here, still trying. It’s not easy and as someone said upthread, it’s rarely a straight line of progress.