It's day 1! Anyone else?

[Thepeppapigfanclub]

I'm 45. I've been drinking a bottle/bottle and a half a night for as long as I can remember with the odd dry January/ Stoptober along the way - but I always end up back on the wine again.

I'm a parent to a 13 year old and the shame that comes with this is crippling. It's not good and I know I HAVE GOT to stop. I am sick of the self-loathing, the fear, the anxiety and the money down the drain. Most of all, I'm worried about shuffling of this mortal coil leaving my child before I should.

So it's day one (again) for me. I just wondered if anybody else has picked this as their day one too for some support.

Any tips for the first week?

Many thanks - there's some seriously inspirational people on here reading some of the other threads - I'm in awe of all of those who've made it to six months, a year and beyond. It feels beyond my grasp.

The science part does explain why I feel like I have a hangover the morning after a chocolate binge. The whole artificial high followed by an exaggerated low, which your body can’t rebalance.

As for coffee, you will pry it out of my cold, dead hands
🤣 I’ve come to the same conclusion @TimesaChangeling! I think one a day is perfectly acceptable and I’ve noted the 90 minute timeframe which I pretty much adhere to as my first drink is water and then a decaf.

@SpringNotSprung thanks for sharing that info on the liver and coffee. I never knew that.

I agree with your quote wholeheartedly @MamaGhina. Meeting running late - now at 5pm. Deciding whether to bunker in until 8ish here or go home and bunker in there for the evening! Humph. Dinner by 7 and an hour to cover 10 miles on train strike day or 20 mins to get home and dinner at gone 9? It could drive a woman to drink - NOT.

Evening all!

Interesting conversations..

As for coffee, you will pry it out of my cold, dead hands

😂😂😂Agree - and at this point in time I do not care about what it does to my cortisol levels. 😂

That sounds rubbish @SpringNotSprung.

Hey all,

Just been reading all the posts with interest, thank you everyone for such insightful and interesting information on Alcohol. I’ve only ever read the Alan Carr book so this has inspired me to look at some others. I’m not very good at science so I find it a bit confusing but definitely understand some of the concepts that have been raised surrounding caffeine. I gave up coffee a couple of years ago after I didn’t really like the taste anymore, but it did take time to adjust and had some bad headaches in the morning before I adjusted. I think the real test is to substitute with decaf and see what happens. Coffee is a drug and so the body and brain invariably come to rely on it. It was only ever one cup a day I had in the mornings. And my eating habits are something to be desired atm, but I am trying! I really am starting to see how alcohol dominated in my whole life and I really just didn’t know it because it was something I did mainly in the evenings. We moved to this house just before the pandemic so making friends has been a bit different and I haven’t fallen into a group like to socialise and go out and drink which is a good thing I guess. I do miss nights out, but then am I just missing that feeling of letting go and numbing because I have some unresolved issues and trauma. Yes that’s exactly why I’ve done it for so long. Anyone read gabby Bernstein’s books? She was an addict until 2005. It was drugs as well. She isn’t universally likes but I have to admit I like her honesty, balls and charisma to say no thanks and transform her life beyond addiction. Xx

I’ve never heard of Gabby Bernstein, will add to her to list of recommendations @Cloudsclouds6. I used to read the books in the style of hitting rock bottom, I think now because they made me feel better about myself 😬 they are a bit like watching Jeremy Kyle.

@MamaGhina i know what you mean - so much resonates to me here. I don’t think everyone likes her tbh. She’s an acquired taste abs her books are mainly spiritual self help books, she’s a motivational speaker and coincidentally has addiction problems which are not the main focus of her writings but overcoming addiction is why she was able to have the career she did and start over. Am just in the midst of a career change and doing some bits and pieces which are hard but necessary I think. It’s another chapter of my life. Feel blessed I have this chance but the chemicals are not quite right yet - just need passage of time for the AF lifestyle to really set in. Thanks everyone on here as this makes me accountable to a higher force xx

Read last night about the spiral of craving and how once you have been sober for a while, there is no physical aspect at all. It is entirely psychological and can basically last forever… it’s seeing people enjoying something you can’t have and being miserable about it. Pretty accurate in my experience.

There’s a lot about the subconscious but what I really don’t understand is why it is so hard to say no if there is no physical craving. It’s all a battle of will then? I find that so hard to accept because it should then be as easy as just saying no, shouldn’t it? He does refer to it as mental torture and I agree, the thoughts can be consuming but I still don’t understand why it’s so hard for some people but seemingly easy for others.

”Drinking to avoid the misery of the craving” now that I understand.

I’ll leave those thoughts there. Have a great day everyone.

@Cloudsclouds6 - totally understand about seeing that alcohol dominated my life (even if I didn't didn't it did at the time).

@MamaGhina - the psychological craving is the enigma and whilst we're in the early days and the trenches it might look like a never ending form of torture (wanting what we can't have); alot of the long term sober people seem to say it genuinely doesn't bother them most the time (but can catch them off guard now and then!) and rarely even think about alcohol! I think that's one of the reasons why we're often told to keep going as doing day 1 over again and the early weeks/months is doing the hard part over and over again.

GUYS massive win here last night! Went to a regular social club with a friend, which I was a bit worried about so early on in my day count (day 11). She had already bought me a glass of wine before I knew where she was. I was thinking "oh no". About half way through the evening I hadn't touched it and she asked me if I was drinking it. I had even FORGOTTEN about it. I was having such a good time. If I had been drinking, I would have been thinking about it, thinking about could I get a next one etc. I said no I'm not drinking it, and she had it. Crisis averted. 🙂🙂🙂

I'm not sure @MamaGhina but I wonder if it's to do with "liminal thinking" and "unconscious bias" as Annie Grace talks about. It seems like we have to unpick a lot of our (and society's) thoughts about alcohol, almost like a bad ex-boyfriend. Those "good times" we thought we had weren't really true. Happy and fun events that we went to weren't fun because of alcohol, they were fun because they were fun!

We have to work through a lot of our beliefs around alcohol, eg, "alcohol makes me relax, alcohol makes me more fun", etc, and prove these wrong to ourselves? And then we feel we are not missing out? Doing these things sober helps add to our dossier, like bricks building up a wall. I guess.

Not sure. I definitely could have drank last night. Trigger? Uncomfortable feelings. I was put in a really awkward position and I literally had to hide, and breathe. After about half an hour it passed. But I still have that "emotional hangover" that people talk about. It feels like there's something every day this week sent to test me and I'm still trying to work through cptsd too. BUT. I didn't drink. 3 weeks sober today, which will be my third longest deliberate AF stint. I have to say I am really panicking about doing 100 days: some days I feel great and certain, other days I feel I am one more minor inconvenience away from a bottle of fizz.

How is everyone else doing?

Thanks again for this thread x

OMG @excitedemmi that's amazing! I'm like a bloodhound with wine, I would know where every last drop was. I'm really glad you had such a nice evening.

Lol at the Jeremy Kyle! I’d totally agree but I watched someone I used to be close to end up down that path and Jesus it was enough to put the willies straight up me.

i think the psychology is - again - because we have taught our brains so well. One bit of literature referred to the neural pathway having been turned into a motorway at this point and getting your brain to reform is intensely tough so even years later it is telling you that a glass to go with “whatever it is” is exactly what is needed. I think it’s probably why - for some people - understanding exactly what alcohol is doing to you is really helpful.

Sigh, not that it will help when the next craving rolls along. Mind you, I ate the best brownie I ever had yesterday so perhaps I can distract myself with a new addiction .

Evening all!

I hope you're well. Great news @excitedemmi. There is absolutely no way I could have done that. I'd have totally cracked - no question. I'm really jealous and will have what you are having. I daren't even go out. Bodes well for the future?

Don't panic about the 100 days @Steppered- one day at a time? I know exactly what you mean though. Well done on the 3 weeks! I can go from being convinced I have given up forever, to being within a mm of cracking and back again within the hour - several times a day. We can do it and apparently 100 days is when you start seeing the really good changes. Hope so because I'm still porky, sleep is rubbish and I really could quite easily down a bottle. 😂

On the plus side, money 'saved' £453...

An loving the posts, thanks everyone. @excitedemmi thats great - well done 🥳 honestly these achievements are what keep us going! You can do this!

@Steppered - I know this emotional hangover feeling well. Often when I’ve been with someone who is not really a friend or I’ve had an argument with DH. I did read somewhere that when we feel this way it’s like the minds way of telling us that we are not suited to being around particular people at this moment in time. Our emotional health suffers. Good/real friends should energise you not sap energy or make you feel like you need time out. I do sometimes suffer from anxiety and when I do unfortunately most situations make me feel this way so it’s difficult to differentiate between whether it’s just me or that someone is really draining my energy. Sorry, digressing.

@Thepeppapigfanclub do you think you will start accepting invitations/organise a night out at some point? I feel so unsure of who I am without the alc that I’m just happy taking it steady and finding that out for now. Nights out will invariably lead to me drinking I’m sure. Must be strong! Was forced into going out to an event the first night I stopped drinking nearly 5 weeks ago. I feel comfortable in saying (and I do mean this in a very non judgemental way) that I did notice when sober just how much my friends pack away drink wise! Gins,wine,shots the lot! I’d never usually notice the change in behaviour as I’d be pissed but from an outsider point of view, everyone became much more tactile, louder etc. was so interesting! One thing I noticed the most was that I wasn’t actually drinking as much as some of my friends before - I had never even notice their consumption level but I did so that night and it was an eye opener. Then functioning the next day as normal too - Impressive!

@Cloudsclouds6 functioning the next day is the warning sign that all is not well. After downing that lot they should be feeling like the walking dead, not getting up and getting on with their day.

Lovely reading all the updates today. Massive well done @excitedemmi I’m not sure I could have sat there with the wine in front of me either.. I’m going out tomorrow night for dinner and I’ve already said it’s sober October I’m not drinking etc!

I went to an exercise class tonight. Better then sitting on the sofa thinking about the spiral of cravings 🤣

Thanks guys.

I definitely agree around unpicking our thoughts around alcohol. It makes us (and society) believes it has all these magic properties that it doesn't. And also not making it the default "motorway" pathway to the answer to everything. It's hard!!

@MamaGhina well done on the exercise class!

That's such a good point about functioning the next day being a warning sign. Others were always impressed how I (mostly) got up the next day and carried on (and I prided myself on it), but actually it's a bad thing! A massive warning sign!

Morning all!

Happy Friday! Let's hope the cravings aren't too bad this evening. I've got none at the moment - but it is only 6.50am. 😂

Terrible drinking dream last night.

@Cloudsclouds6 and a very interesting question. Will I start accepting invites again? I don't really know. Definitely not until I KNOW I will not drink - and I'm not there yet. Also, despite once being the life and soul - I'm also not sure who I am anymore. I seem to get a lot of pleasure out of very little things these days. I'm not sure if this is who I am now or if this a just a phase. Time will tell? I do know that not drinking is my absolute main goal though and there are going to be a lot more challenges and likely internal battles.

Hope you all have a brilliant day.

Hope you have a brilliant day as well @Thepeppapigfanclub .. and everyone else!

Wishing everyone a good and sober Friday. It’s been really interesting reading the discussions about cravings and how our mind needs to reset. I’m on day 13 now and I am still focusing on short term goals - my current one is to make 14 days!

Looking further ahead scares me because it feels as if I would have to determine who I am without alcohol (as @Thepeppapigfanclub said) whereas at the moment I am just me who isn’t drinking for a while!

Happy Friday all! Really interesting reading everyone’s thoughts and all these theories. We are getting a bit deep! Very impressed @excitedemmi - there is no way I could do that.

I think I am coming to terms with the fact I don’t really like going out, unless it’s with DH / my DDs. I am an introvert and the only way I could cope was to drink. And even then I tended to be waiting to go home or to be too drunk to know how I felt. I don’t what that any more.

So day 33 and I am feeling on top of the world. My personal approach has been to diet alongside going sober, as previous attempts to go sober have failed because I have remained fat and bloated. I know many of this thread are tackling one thing at a time but, for me, it has to be all in - complete reset. So I have been intermittent fasting and low carbing and I have lost 18 lbs since early September. So this, alongside losing my alcohol bloat, is making me feel great! I mean don’t get me wrong - I’m still classed as obese but this progress is making me more determined than ever!

So I know I won’t break tonight. Sorry for writing this on here but I want to keep hold of this feeling.

Good luck everyone in giving the Wine Witch / Gin Witch a battering at the witching hour.

@BoilingHotand50something well done you. 👏 18lbs is a huge amount in one month. I'm similar in tackling weight as well. I stopped drinking then a couple of months down the line started counting calories. I've lost 8kgs to date.

I'm about 3 months into sobriety and definitely feeling the benefits now. I also started HRT so I'm pretty sure that has helped no end. I have a renewed zest for life.

I think giving up the alcohol was the first step to sorting things out and it's having a domino effect.

I have lost all alcohol cravings now, which is awesome. If anyone is wondering when they might lose them. That's the time frame it took for me. (Just for reference - gin at teatime was my habit - maybe around 100mm, but daily - plus peroni regularly).

Happy sober Friday everyone! @Thepeppapigfanclub I really hear you - it’s also a protection mechanism to keep you on track by not going out. There will just be a time when you think, I really fancy a Thai or whatever and go out without drinking - that time will definitely come! Im ashamed to say I feel a bit sad about not being able to have a wine with a curry or on a night out but then that’s totally ridiculous - feeling sad that I’m not allowing myself to poison myself anymore. I need to get a grip!

@BoilingHotand50something alc was also a crutch for me - a pre drink before going out was my norm while getting ready in my room, a bit like a teenager with a Malibu and coke sitting on the dressing table next to the curling tong 😂

Oh well. Brighter days are coming. I just wish I could make my DD see this before she starts drinking, she’s only little atm.

one thing - a few months ago my DH friend had a terrible (drunken) accident - it involved falling out of a bus and she was in hospital. Anyway. She’s fine but she always said how she was shy and alc was just how she functioned on nights out. I wish we we weren’t forced into trying to be such social creatures sometimes. I think it’s ok to enjoy staying in, a good movie etc. I’ve taken to Netflix lately and started a new course. Food wise - major cravings for sweet stuff and my diet which had paid off the last few weeks (lost 7lbs) has gone to pot. Also on another note - not drinking has made me even more against social media. It’s almost like you start to see the ‘truth’ and meaning to things more when sober. Not entirely sure I’m making sense lol! Hope everyone’s having a great day. Keep going!

Ps @Yocal uve just seen you’re post - wow 3 months you’re doing amazingly! And the weight loss too - well done! Am please hrt us working out for you. Hope you’ve had support during that time. Really want to be where you are.

@Thepeppapigfanclub well done - have to say I have been struggling - its not easy to pass the wine isle these days but I am keeping trying

Strapping in for the weekend - entering my 4th weekend AF.
Feeling okay about it (I think), having mainly got over my mid-week tantrum about not drinking in the sunshine! All these sober hours are ammunition for the brain.

I do feel a bit "meh" though, impatiently waiting for my sober joy to appear... I guess I need to be a lot more patient and give my natural dopamine a chance to level out and kick in. Quite honestly am a bit fed up of all the brain space that Nor Drinking is taking up though, it feels like a mammoth project. Time to do some more meditation I think!

Have a great weekend everyone.