It's day 1! Anyone else?

[Thepeppapigfanclub]

I'm 45. I've been drinking a bottle/bottle and a half a night for as long as I can remember with the odd dry January/ Stoptober along the way - but I always end up back on the wine again.

I'm a parent to a 13 year old and the shame that comes with this is crippling. It's not good and I know I HAVE GOT to stop. I am sick of the self-loathing, the fear, the anxiety and the money down the drain. Most of all, I'm worried about shuffling of this mortal coil leaving my child before I should.

So it's day one (again) for me. I just wondered if anybody else has picked this as their day one too for some support.

Any tips for the first week?

Many thanks - there's some seriously inspirational people on here reading some of the other threads - I'm in awe of all of those who've made it to six months, a year and beyond. It feels beyond my grasp.

Morning all.

I slept through until 4.30 so am now up and ready to start my day.

No-one else in my house, however, is. So I am watching netflix with subtitles instead of sound.

@Steppered there is a quote i like; 'Don't look back. You're not going that way'.

@MamaGhina

@BoilingHotand50something re AF recommendations I like the Sainsbury's own sparkling AF wine. Also Jacob's Creek used to do one that had green tea in it which meant it was more dry than the sweet AF wines you usually get.

It was back to taking it hour by hour for me yesterday- had some difficult meetings including one with a patronising arse of a colleague. But I got through. I delegated my nail polish purchase to my older DS and he excitedly came up with a bright and sparkling orange polish; 'For Halloween mum!' so I will wear that today.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day!

Oh and as a bit of stream of consciousness, if you will indulge me.

What I hate about alcohol is... it takes away my time, my passion my motivation. It takes away my sense of self, my equilibrium and my self respect. It makes me curl up in a ball of self dislike. It takes emotional time away from my family and loved ones. It covers up the real me and it does not allow me to experience all the true unfiltered highs and lows of life. Plus it's expensive. And its making me fat.

@NewLifeHappyLife I love being up before anyone in the house. I tend to lie in bed listening to podcasts, but I’ve recently invested in a good yoga mat so from tomorrow I intend on rising early and add some mindfulness to my recovery.

Day 7 here, hasn’t been completely plain sailing, there has been a couple of moments where I’ve thought about how good a nice glass of wine would be, but as always, I’ve played it forwards.

For me, it seems to be the first day or two that is by far the hardest, getting to a point in my mind where I want to stop. I just need to accept that alcohol and I don’t go together.

@Steppered well done for coming back and for your reflections. I hope you're doing OK.

Something I've been worrying about is my period. I tend to drink too much just before my period and I'm thinking of how to navigate it because I anticipate cravings and the urge to drink.
I looked it up and it is indeed a thing due to increased estrogen levels.
I'm not very informed on hormones and how they affect us really so I wondered if anyone has any advice on riding that storm. Is there anything yiu can take to even it out, supplements, diet changes, medication, teas, I'm open to suggestions!

@NewLifeHappyLife what it takes from me is confidence. At work. At home. Out and about. I had to make a complaint about something to do with my DD’s care and I felt strong. I know that’s because I’m hardly drinking at the moment. When I’m hungover the doubt creeps in. Even when I’m sure I’m right I doubt myself.

Sorry @Awayinthewindow ive never had that particular issue (in fact I get roaring energy in the few days beforehand which is pretty handy!). Maybe one option is to train yourself to look for your reaction to it and then divert it away somehow? Sooner said than done, I know…

Well I thought it would generally be getting easier by now but bloody hell today was a strong craving. I know exactly why - busy day at work - and possibly I think combined with a renewed sense of how long exactly am I doing this for? It’s been 68 days now and I know it is A Good Thing. But contemplating forever is too hard which, as I read somewhere else on one of these threads, sort of makes me want to get the breaking over and done with. I live to see another day but oooof.

Morning all.

@MamaGhina I really hear you on how alcohol affecting confidence. Alcohol breaks it down. There are no benefits, really. Just transient benefits. For a short period of time alcohol makes me feel settled. That bit lasts maybe an hour. The other 23 hours make me emotionally wrecked.

You are doing really well @Adsy1988 - Day 8 already!

@Awayinthewindow and @TimesaChangeling I have never really paid attention to alcohol and my hormones. I might need to start!

yesterday was a white knuckle day for me. I need to really change my mindset. I am usually still thinking about alcohol and managing my mind around how to avoid it. I want to remove it from my mind. There is a long term sober man on some social media- Club Soda, various facebook pages etc. People may know who I mean, but his tagline is 'Party Sober'. I really admire him. he is so enthusiastic about sobriety and I listened to a Club Soda podcast with him (He goes by the name Hove Kal - el) and he basically THREW himself into positive sobriety right from the start. I need a bit more Party Sober in my viewpoint! He wears his sobriety really well as he went from being exceptionally unhealthy to really and truly living his best life.

For today - well. I am going to explore the world of sober treats. Luxurious hot chocolates... cake.... setting up a separate savings account using a portion of not-drinking money to be able to then use for days out with the DCs, a nice pair of mittens from the White Company I have my eye on etc.

Hope everyone has a great day. I'll be checking in later with this lovely group. ❤

Thank you @NewLifeHappyLife this is actually day 9 for me (I’m bloody awful at counting). My last alcoholic drink was on Wednesday 18 October around 11pm. Second weekend of sobriety incoming.

I had a serious wobble last night, DS2 came home from school in a right state, had been in some bother in class, and was quite upset about everything, shouting at everyone in the house, think it might be his hormones. Had a serious conversation with him, told him that he cannot act up in class, and kept his iPad off him last night as punishment. Told him that today is a new day and we will start again.

As tempted as I was to run out to grab wine, I opened an AF beer and done next weeks’ uniform ironing, so I was mighty pleased.

Setting up a separate savings account sounds like a great idea @NewLifeHappyLife, I might do the same, track the money saved.

Well done @TimesaChangeling @Adsy1988 @NewLifeHappyLife for riding the wave. It’s tough isn’t it? I haven’t had a major wobble but I have been more reliant on AF options this week and have felt myself glugging them a bit. I am hoping it is because I am off work and a bit more time on my hands, and will be stronger again when I am back at work busy.

@MamaGhina the confidence thing is interesting. Now I reflect, I think I am feeling this too but only subtle changes at work. I feel very good about myself generally for having achieved over 50 days dry and I think I am feeling more confident socially.

Wish I was feeling energised though. I find myself sitting around when I have got loads I should be doing. Still significantly overweight so that must have a bearing. I am trying not to beat myself up about being lazy as this being dry thing is enough to be getting on with for now.

Another Friday is here. Luckily I have a big weekend looming so I know the wine witch won’t be an issue until Sunday night. But for those who will be battling her tonight - good luck. You got this.

I hope everyone has had a wonderful peaceful and lovely evening. Much easier today than yesterday and looking forward to the weekend.

@BoilingHotand50something the AF stuff is interesting - I haven’t really gone for any of that. I was never a beer drinker so the 0% beers I bought a while ago are just sitting there. I think the energy thing is a bit up and down anyway and one mountain at a time. I’m well overweight too but it’s gradually coming down and I just feel better in myself. Am sure it’s coming for you too.

I hope everyone has had a wonderful peaceful and lovely evening. Much easier today than yesterday and looking forward to the weekend.

@BoilingHotand50something the AF stuff is interesting - I haven’t really gone for any of that. I was never a beer drinker so the 0% beers I bought a while ago are just sitting there. I think the energy thing is a bit up and down anyway and one mountain at a time. I’m well overweight too but it’s gradually coming down and I just feel better in myself. Am sure it’s coming for you too.

Morning all. I’m still dry. First dry half term since my kids started school. That’s awful isn’t it? Just got to get through tonight. Waking up on a Saturday morning without the hangover doesn’t get old. I love eating my breakfast without feeling sick or anxious or trying to act normal.

Morning all. Hope everyone is okay.

I'm on a real low, I get like this 3-4 times a year but I have a call with NHS talking therapy next week to try and get some more support with my cptsd. Just wondering, if anyone cares to share, has anyone ever used antidepressants and what were their experiences (in turning off the intrusive negative thoughts in particular?)

However. It did dawn on me. That this quitting alcohol malarkey is like learning to speak a new language. It won;t happen overnight, it can take years of immersive experience. I feel a bit better after this realisation.

I haven't drank since my disasterous Tuesday evening, not been remotely tempted nor has it crossed my mind to think about it in the evening. Still too scarred from Tuesday.

Have a good weekend everyone. Enjoy the beautiful autumn colours.

Hello everyone. I've caught up with the thread. Glad everyone is doing OK, despite struggling.

@Steppered, my dd takes fluoxetine for anxiety and depression. She was in a dark.place about 9/10 years ago between 15/17. Anti-depressants improved her mood sufficiently to engage with therapy. We also found that therapists are a bit like comfy shoes - you have to try a lot to find the right pair.

FWIW I'm 103 AF, drank last Saturday (two small glasses of red) so this is new day 7 since. I have fancied a drink far more this week than post about 45/50 days, and I didn't particularly enjoy it either.

In other news, my bone isotope appointment has come through for 27 November. This is because the ALP (one of the liver function tests) which can relate to bone or liver has gone back up to 198 (not liver because the fibroscan was clear with just a very mildly fatty liver at 239 - normal is up to 238!). I think it's due to bone formation due to the drug for my osteoporosis (daily injection) working really well but they want to rule out Pagets disease. One bloody test leads to another. Bah!

Arising from the liver scare though and all my terrifying reading, (I was drinking 30 to 35 units a week), women who drink more than 35 units pw can request a referral for a fibroscan through their GP. It's a consideration.

Good luck on the journey.

I really hope Peppa is OK but as she is absent and as the thread has way over 900 posts now, I hope we are going to start a new thread as this one has been so valuable for so many.

@MamaGhina@NewLifeHappyLife@BoilingHotand50something Might one of us pick up the mantle? Or someone else who has been around for a while. I don't mean to step on anyone's toes.

@Steppered I did about 20yrs ago but didn’t find them very effective. Probably because I didn’t give them enough time to make a difference. I did the nhs counselling and benefitted from having someone impartial to talk to but again, it didn’t really ‘solve’ anything for me. I don’t think I was mentally in the right place to make real changes (which is what I needed). Doesn’t mean I don’t think it’s worth a try though.

@SpringNotSprung we do need another thread. I’m not ready to go alone! I’d be happy to lead the charge and start one. That’s if we don’t hear from @Thepeppapigfanclub between now and then. I don’t want to put her under pressure to return but she did such a great job keeping us going.

I definitely need a new thread. I wondered something about spring bulbs as that has been a theme.

Spring indeed. Peppa planted bulbs and so did you I think, and some others. My spring beds are complete. Few new bulbs this year, except for some snowdrops (which are never successful here) and some fritillaria and aliums.

I noticed this evening that the first of the hellebores are in flower and the Holly berries are colouring up. Lots of cyclamen too as everything else is fading.

The clocks fall back tonight so we are almost in the thick of it. I love the third week in Feb when all of a sudden it's suddenly light at 5.

Extra hour in bed tonight.

Hi everyone, just catching up with all the posts.

@Steppered im sorry you’re feeling low. Mood is a real controlling factor in how we act and respond. I hope you find the therapist you need 🤞

@BoilingHotand50something im glad you’ve got an appointment through but I can imagine it’s still worrying and frustrating. The fact you have been so healthy and gone AF will hopefully go in your favour.

The poster who mentioned that they crave alc before their period - I totally get this. I also crave much more sugar too. It’s so draining. Plus I get really productive and energetic but the cravings are there…

I opened a cupboard today we have in the back of the house looking for something and saw the stash of out of the ordinary boos we don’t often drink like baileys etc and I just looked at it wanting some. Arggh.

on another note, at week 8, giving up has brought up many unresolved issues for me. Such as my marriage - won’t bore with the details but we have been through some bad times and I’ve brushed it all off with alc. I’ve met someone who has taken my eye who works near us (first time in 15 yr of marriage I’ve actually considered being with anyone else) and I’ve felt like this. Really unsettling and making me do the silly thing of regretting the past. Which I can’t do. It’s the now that counts. Maybe if I hadn’t had my head in a bottle of gin then I might well have been in a position to meet someone new. Anyway, onwards and upwards - they say journaling is good 🤔

@SpringNotSprung I have snowdrops in my garden that just cannot be killed 😆 a lovely patch that seems to get bigger every year.
Can anyone recommend something I’m not too late to plant that will do alright in a damp shady corner?
Is anyone else up for leading the thread? I’m happy to follow or start… I’ll be here either way!

Crossed post @Cloudsclouds6. It’s very easy to focus on everything except the real issue when drinking. I know I am guilty of this. I actively avoid any sort of argument with anyone because I have no confidence when hungover.

It took me years and years to leave my awful first husband. Years of wasted opportunities. Years of dreaming about what could be. Years of hoping he would change or things would get better. And even when I finally left him, years to actually feel happy again.

I honestly don’t have regrets though. Everything I have been though has made me who I am today and whilst I’m certainly not perfect… I am a good person. I am the same person.

Oh and fuck him. That feeling never went away 🤣

Ah thank you @MamaGhina that makes a lot of sense. You were brave in the end and think of all the years not wasted anymore. I admire you though as it’s a big decision to leave. I wish this other person hadn’t come into my life (he’s not asked me out or anything ridiculous but we talk a lot and there’s a spark). I just don’t like my DH anymore for things he has done. I’m sat here as he drinks his 8th cider and next he will go onto the wine! Not that I’m counting as it’s his business lol! I’ve lost 10lb since started AF and been doing exercise classes and eating healthily. He is the opposite. Very difficult to explain.

although just about to eat some Turkish delights lol!

Ps @MamaGhina how about tulips?

Tulips sound like a good move @Cloudsclouds6, I will venture out on Monday for some!
I think in my first marriage I was waiting for someone to save me. There were loads of opportunities as I was young and fun 😬 but had loads of outside influences telling me to stay and make it work.
It wasn’t until I had nothing to lose that I went for it. I think I had to hit the relationship rock bottom to do something. Plus at that point in my life I had no children, which made things considerably easier (although I didn’t appreciate that at the time).

Ah yey or maybe even alliums?? @MamaGhina

yes! That’s it - I’ve been told to stay and make it work. But more recently I’ve started opening up to friends, very slowly. It’s the kids that are keeping me here. Youngest not long started primary. I want the kids to remember me not drinking!

I’m so glad I’m not drinking as I don’t want to mask this anymore and also pple come into our lives I guess for a reason or to show us things for what they are….

hope everyone’s having a good dry Saturday!

Hi @Cloudsclouds6 - I didn’t have an appointment. I think you tagged the wrong poster?