It's day 1! Anyone else?

[Thepeppapigfanclub]

I'm 45. I've been drinking a bottle/bottle and a half a night for as long as I can remember with the odd dry January/ Stoptober along the way - but I always end up back on the wine again.

I'm a parent to a 13 year old and the shame that comes with this is crippling. It's not good and I know I HAVE GOT to stop. I am sick of the self-loathing, the fear, the anxiety and the money down the drain. Most of all, I'm worried about shuffling of this mortal coil leaving my child before I should.

So it's day one (again) for me. I just wondered if anybody else has picked this as their day one too for some support.

Any tips for the first week?

Many thanks - there's some seriously inspirational people on here reading some of the other threads - I'm in awe of all of those who've made it to six months, a year and beyond. It feels beyond my grasp.

Morning!

Thank you all for being so, so kind. I know why I drank yesterday - desperation at not being able to change a situation. My son's dad is an absolute nightmare. He had a kick off yesterday. We're not together any more but he is still a bully and very cruel with his words. I hate his guts. The things he said - I'm fat ... he does more for my child in a weekend than I do in a year ... he's stopping child support payments ... his mother is on life support in hospital ... he's sending his sister around to batter me ... he's seeing someone else (why he thought that would hurt me, I don't know!).

It's a very difficult situation to manage.

Today is another day. I'm feeling really disappointed in myself...

@Thepeppapigfanclub so sorry to hear you are feeling so low. Are you able to post on here what drove you? Hope you are feeling a bit better today. Remember, all you have done is break your current streak but if you stay dry today, it’s still your day 48 and the beginning of a new streak. I know you can do this and you have helped so many of us but starting this thread. We have all got you.

@Spendysis welcome. Wow you have had an awful lot going on and sounds like you are still in the middle of it all. Hope taking control of this one aspect of your life helps with coping with the rest of it. No need to feel disgusted with yourself - we have been sold this lifestyle and the alcohol is doing its sneaky job making us want it more and more often. Lots of us were drinking at similar levels to you. You have got this.

@Thepeppapigfanclub please try to see it as just a blip. You had done 48 days dry which is an amazing achievement.

I am having a very low energy weekend which is disappointing as I was bouncing off the walls last weekend. My realisation is that alcohol used to give me a structure - must get all driving done, all chores done, everything wrapped up for wine o’clock. Now there is no wine o’clock, I have loads of time to do all this stuff but I don’t do everything. I have always worked better with a deadline so I need a new deadline!

@Thepeppapigfanclub please do NOT feel disappointed with yourself. You have all that horrid stuff going on and you are still standing. You are amazing. reverting to a coping mechanism is NOT a failure- it's human.

I cracked too and I don't even have what you have going on,. (My own stresses sure).

You are awesome. In fact we ALL are awesome. No matter what we may struggle with on occasion.

Thank you so much @NewLifeHappyLife.

I appreciate you all so much. 💐

I can confirm - alcohol does not remove the problem - however much we want it to. Now I just have a problem and a headache.😂

I like that! A problem AND a headache! A good candidate name for the next thread which we are going to need as we are ALL KEEPING GOING!

I like that! A problem AND a headache! A good candidate name for the next thread which we are going to need as we are ALL KEEPING GOING!

Glad to hear you sounding chirpier @Thepeppapigfanclub - even if you are chirpy with a headache.

Whoops! Sorry for the double post.

@Thepeppapigfanclub I think you should view it as a slip on your journey through the first 100 days. It's totally understandable, it won't undo the benefits already reaped and will just mean your 100 days turn into 101.

The headache is good. It's evidence that your body has lost its capability to drink in a "functional" way and a reminder that too much, or any, has side effects that are unpleasant.

In the words of the Elkie Brooks song, you pick yourself up, dust yourself down and start all over again. Just as you are doing with your arse of an ex. He's the problem, not you. Easier to cut out the booze when you share a child but not easier to deal with an arse on a long term basis. In time your child will recognise he's an arse too and the problems caused by him will diminish. I've seen it with friends whose children miss their other parent hugely, until the point they realise that parent is a pain in the arse and the root of the problems and distress they caused.

Keep on going and keep infecting us all with your resolve. You can do this and we are all with you on your journey. In two, five, ten years you will look back on this period of your life and see it as the blip it is but dealing with the drinking is an important part of the journey to find peace and long-term happiness.

@Thepeppapigfanclub
Thanks for sharing what drove you to it. I have in the past struggled with holding on to what people say. Next time he does that imagine collecting all his hurtful words into a box and giving the box back to him saying this belongs to you, not me.

Its a great visual way to train your brain to not absorb that BS.

Is there anything you can do today for yourself? Can you go for a walk, get some fresh air? Play some music etc whatever will improve your mood and put you in a looking forward mindset?

X

Thank you so much @Yocal. I really appreciate that and will certainly try that strategy.

I've had years and years of experience of dealing with his abuse (in fact this was quite mild) so it really shouldn't upset me but it's hard trying to work out what the best thing to do is. It never crossed my mind that he would try and manipulate my child so it just feels like a hell from which there is no escape. It's frustrating.

Yes - something positive. Today I'm going to plant some spring bulbs and thank my lucky stars that I don't live with him. 😂I'm going to concentrate on gratitude (if that doesn't sound too twee).

What are you guys up to?

Also, YOU get to decide who and what you are, NOT YOUR EX.

You have clearly decided you are changing for the better. You have recognised alcohol does not help. This is your life, not his to be commenting on. He sounds rough and nasty. You focus on YOU and leave him on his own path.

He’s a dick and an arsehole and will be whether you drink or not. Climb back on the wagon and write it off as a blip x

I've got another great visual. You plant those bulbs today and when they come up in March imagine yourself looking at them and the person you will be then. Planting seeds for your future self is always a good thing. Come Spring next year what do you want to be like?

I must have cross posted with your update @Thepeppapigfanclub - sorry your ex got to you. I love the bit of advice about boxing up the insults and giving it back. I did the spring bulbs last weekend - I am excited to see how I have done when they pop up!

I'm so sorry you had a bad day @Thepeppapigfanclub , please don't berate yourself because you have done amazingly well. Every sober hour, every sober experience, every sober day is evidence in our dossier; blocks in our sober wall. It is NOT easy but sometimes having these blips can make you more certain you're on the right path. Your ex sounds like a wanker.

I was having a bad day yesterday too; trauma and alcohol are unfortunate bedfellows and I am getting a LOT of feelings coming back to the surface which I have successfully buried for years. This always happens when I stop drinking and normally makes me start again! I have been having therapy, thanks for the poster that mentioned that; it helps, to a degree, but so much of it has to come from me, it is hard. I sometimes feel like it's a rock (drinking) and a hard place (trauma); and often end up going back to my rock, my coping mechanism. Hence my saying the other day "only one minor inconvenience away from drinking!!", it's so true isn't it.

Welcome @Spendysis , sounds like you have a lot going on.
@NewLifeHappyLife hope you are okay?
@BoilingHotand50something these new weekends are an adjustment aren't they!

Spring bulbs sounds like a really nice idea, thanks for sharing.

I bought some Trip drink yesterday (fizzy tins with CBD in them). Perhaps bouncing into my next addiction haha. I'll report back...!

Cheese alert but I particularly am reminded of the line from the Princess Diaries - no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Superficially I always think it was a tiny bit “it’s your fault for feeling this way” but actually the point is that he is utterly irrelevant, and he knows it, because you’ve already left his sorry arse and so he is trying to wound you. It is up to you to not let those words land. He’s weak and poisonous and flailing around. You on the other hand are emphatically not!

Thank you so much @Steppered (yes he is wanker and that will never change) and @TimesaChangeling- wise words. I appreciate you taking the time. And thank you all for making me feel better. He's going to be getting some boundaries slapped down on him once the emotional/actual hangover clears. This usually results in explosive rage (his) but if he's prepared to get into a car with my son after drinking - it is unavoidable. It feels quite lonely because it's so hard always having to the one navigating these difficult relationships and being the one responsible for keeping my son safe. I don't feel like I can have other relationships because of his behaviour. It's not the sort of thing I can really talk about in real life because of the nature of it - it feels like I'm the one who has done something wrong.

I'm nearly home dry. The years pass so quickly and my child will be an adult before I know but but knowing he has him as a 'role-model' is seriously depressing. Very nasty piece of work.

How are you doing @Spendysis? It sounds like you've got an awful lot going on. So sorry to hear about your sad news.

Managed last night need to nip to the shop to get bread on the way to pick ds up from work determined not to buy like I usually would
how is everyone else doing

https://www.functionaldrinksclub.co.uk/

Discovered this. Thought it might help some people on here.

Back in for another day 1…got really lazy this last month and have slipped back into mindless casual drinking for no reason..apart from one anniversary celebration..a bit of stress going on in my life at present and I’m going to manage it it with a clear head and heart 💕 I am worth this effort…

Morning @TicketyBoo11 - you are worth it! You have got this!

How is everyone else?

I had a very flat weekend. I am almost pleased to be back at work because my day has some structure! Day 36 here we go!

Morning all and welcome @TicketyBoo11.

I’ve got a difficult work meeting this morning. Ordinarily I would have been tossing and turning all night but I actually had a great nights sleep. Let’s hope it stands me in good stead for dealing with a few difficult customers.

It’s day 10 here or 1 out of 40 depending on how you count these things. Was reading last night about how it can take months for your body to adjust and recover. Months for nutrient levels to right themselves (even with the help of vitamins). Months for the natural chemical reactions to kick back in.

On that basis things can only keep improving! Have a great week everyone.