It's day 1! Anyone else?

[Thepeppapigfanclub]

I'm 45. I've been drinking a bottle/bottle and a half a night for as long as I can remember with the odd dry January/ Stoptober along the way - but I always end up back on the wine again.

I'm a parent to a 13 year old and the shame that comes with this is crippling. It's not good and I know I HAVE GOT to stop. I am sick of the self-loathing, the fear, the anxiety and the money down the drain. Most of all, I'm worried about shuffling of this mortal coil leaving my child before I should.

So it's day one (again) for me. I just wondered if anybody else has picked this as their day one too for some support.

Any tips for the first week?

Many thanks - there's some seriously inspirational people on here reading some of the other threads - I'm in awe of all of those who've made it to six months, a year and beyond. It feels beyond my grasp.

Morning again!

DH decided to do the school run as he wants to go the gym on the way back so i am back and savouring silence (Before I need to start wfh anyway!).

Great idea about the vitamins.

I had a bizarre dream last night. There was alcohol-drinking me (thin, gaunt, yellow, wild eyes) having a fist fight of epic proportions with alcohol-free me (slim, healthy, glowing, living life well). Alcohol-free me won.

I am sure that I don't need to consult a pop-psych book about dream interpretation to understand it! But I woke up happy and very re-enthused so I am holding onto that thought hard today!!

I come from a heavy drinking family too. Parents particularly so. But they will tut judgmentally at people who apparently can't hold their drink or overdo it and comment 'how sad'. Which I am certain is so they can avoid thinking too deeply about their own drinking.

Hope everyone has a GREAT day!

Good luck everyone. Because my abstinence coincided with a health issue and I have also changed my diet: no refined sugars, carbs, saturated fats, processed "shop made" food, red meat no more than twice a week, etc, I am thinking a lot about sugar spikes and habit. It's very much a Mediterranean diet but the interesting point is whether the alcohol (sugar) precipitates the food cravings or the food itself????

I have not restricted quantities but am far less hungry. Since 10th July, I have lost 17lb so very steady loss - just another 20lb to go!!!

It's an interesting inter connected puzzle I suspect.

One interesting thing is wheat. I have cut it out almost entirely but as a treat had poached eggs on sour dough on Saturday morning and avo on sourdough on Sunday. I have had a very bloated and upset tummy since Saturday afternoon. Were some of my "symptoms" the wine or the wheat. I suspect I have a wheat intolerance. It's all rather interesting.

Like many on here I am from a family where alcohol is normalised but no alcoholics.

I feel so much better. I thought when all my test results (liver) were fine I'd moderate at 6 glasses a week. The hepatologist said it wasn't a problem, but no more. But I'm not sure I want to start the slippery slope.

Thanks @excitedemmi and @MamaGhina and everyone for your continued encouragement. I did reread the entire thread again last night which has helped strengthen my resolve. Day 10 today and somehow making it into double figures feels like a real milestone so I am looking forward to ticking the dry day box in my try dry app tonight before I go to bed! I'm in the office today so just need to make it through this evening.

I was in the office yesterday too and had a bit of a stressful day. Normally I would have stopped in the M&S at the station and bought a bottle of wine (or two) to make me feel better in the evening but I managed to walk past the shop.

Thanks also to the person who mentioned Wellwoman vitamins, I think I will look into those as well as starting to eat more healthily. While I am stopping the alcohol because that is my most dangerous addiction, I am also very overweight so do need to do something about that too. I'm just scared that if I try to do too much too quickly, I'll end up failing at it all!

Morning all, yes I'm going to get some well woman vitamins. I have noticed the SAD season is here. It flicks like a switch in me. Definitely need to get some strategies to get through till Spring. I'm going to start hitting the vitamin D hard.

I'm another one with a partner who is still drinking every night 🙄. I now have a superiority complex about it, which he would rather tolerate than stop drinking himself! I've got to admit though, I'm not bothered by it, my frame of mind is in the school of thought that "alcohol is the scurge of society more fool you for drinking it" - for now anyway.

Trying to keep it upbeat because I do feel SAD... I'm looking at my holiday plans for next year when I will be 10 months sober and a healthy BMI weight, if I stay on this track. I'm visioning a light, bright and breezy self come May 2024! I want that so bad.

Hello
Can I join? It's day 2 for me. Another one whose partner drinks most evenings, tho I notice that when I don't drink for some time, he also becomes less likely to drink. He's had enough of me starting and stopping - it's happened so many times I can understand his frustration - so my intention is to keep quiet and get on with it. In the day I am all on board with not drinking, and if I can get past supper time then I'm fine - it's that early evening, drink with dinner moment that so often scuppers me. I am really worried about my health - my liver aches when I drink, I look permanently knackered, I'm a much worse mum and partner, I can't give my work the attention it needs. And yet I still keep coming back to alcohol for that relaxing buzz at the end of the day which in the moment is very helpful.
Looking forward to being accountable here - I've been reading through the thread and it seems lovely and supportive.

@Ontheshingle hello, yes my "happy hour/s" was that teatime zone too. I don't think it is a co-incidence gin is called mothers ruin. I was a pink gin'oholic to relax my nerves through the evenings with kids. I didn't get drunk, but I did do it to cope and take the edge off. But those few drinks day in day out was no good for me and not a solution.

I agree this is a suportive thread and so far no MN trolls!

Hi @Ontheshingle and welcome!
I‘m another one who has stopped and started so many times I’ve lost count. I’m currently on 1/43, due to a small Friday night indiscretion last week. I’m focussed on achieving a 45 day run this time, as I think I did 39 straight days and was really happy with that.
I’m looking forward to a time when I don’t think about drinking every day. I never even used to drink every day so don’t know why it’s consuming my thoughts so much. Strange. Maybe it’s a case of thinking the grass is greener, despite knowing with great certainty it isn’t.

@SpringNotSprung snap. Since stopping things have mostly, ahem, regularised but I have also noticed more clearly now the effects of certain food (and I would never have said I had a wheat intolerance prior to this) but bread gives me both extreme tiredness and a dodgy tum/bum. Am taking it as a sign to go for less processed filler and more natural stuff. I need an autumn plan for taking home cooked meals to work when I get back from holiday.

and so far, so sober! 45 days, who’d have thunk!

Evening everyone! I hope you're all well and not finding it too challenging tonight.

Welcome @Ontheshingle and wishing you all the very best with this. As you can see, you are in good company. The aches and pains I was getting before I 'gave up' (won't be cocky) were really scaring me. They have gone now (mainly).

Great news on the 45 days @TimesaChangeling. Bloody well done! Nearly half way to 100!

It's really interesting to hear about the food @SpringNotSprung. I wonder if the addiction to the wine is also a sugar addiction...People often say that when they have had something to eat they are less bothered about having a drink.

I'm just plodding on. I had an awful day at work today but didn't think about wine. I've been invited to some great night's out but don't trust myself to go because I'm not strong enough to say no to wine yet. That's a bit sad, but I am pleased I'm using my common sense for a change. 😂I'm pleased I'm making it a priority because I really, really do need to.

I'm really finding it interesting reading your posts and reflections. I was feeling pretty desperate (still am at times) when I started this thread and it's really helped so, so much.

@Thepeppapigfanclub oh work is so often challenging. I feel your pain. I'm just leaving! Bah.

Yeah I am just finishing up work and just about to click my + button for 30 dry days on Try Dry! Whoop!

@BoilingHotand50something. That is just brilliant! I hope you're planning on rewarding yourself.

@SpringNotSprung - I hope you're getting a lie in in the morning!

Thanks @Thepeppapigfanclub - I am indeed celebrating - well, brewing up an Ovaltine, switching on my autumn lights and watching a bit of TV!

Thanks for starting this thread. I had bought the quit lit and the hypnotherapy and the apps but needed something to push me to start, and this thread is it!

Thanks for the supportive messages. I made it through the witching hour of Day 2 - it was really difficult for a minute, but I have a 'log your craving' feature on the app I'm using and I found that really helpful.

@MamaGhina please don't be discouraged - I'll handhold and let's make this our last time together. I've had enough starting and stopping.

@Thepeppapigfanclub Thanks - my liver always calms down when I stop but I know I am pushing it every time I have another drink. It should scare me more than I do. Anyway, here we are and let's try to treat our bodies well now.

What do people think about this theory in Alcohol Explained, that by regularly introducing an external high like alcohol, the body reduces how much it makes naturally?

He uses the example of coffee and says if you drink a coffee every morning, the body will stop producing the chemical that is the natural ‘get up and go’ because it is used to the coffee? Suggesting people who drink coffee feel more groggy in the mornings (before their first coffee) then people who don’t?

I’ve massively cut down my coffee in the interests of better sleep and mon-fri just have one now. Yesterday I decided not to have one and in the evening I had a headache for the first time in ages. Coincidence?

I’m not sure. Part of me feels like if I start removing all the bad stuff, alcohol, coffee, sugar etc etc it’s a bit like sucking the joy out of life. People that do this, do they find alternative sources of that happy feeling or are they just miserable?!

I don’t know. I know that the science makes sense. I guess I just love my coffee….! Or are we actually aiming for moderation rather than abstinence? One coffee a day is actually quite restrained, I think. Or is the important thing about personality? I’m not a one drink and I’m done person. Experience tells me I can’t moderate alcohol successfully long term.

Or maybe I just need to finish the book 😂 I’m on chapter 3. It’s certainly thought provoking if nothing else.

I loved Alcohol Explained and This Naked Mind, which is similar. I still drink coffee though but limit myself to drinking it in the morning and decaf in the afternoon.
I’m feeling much, much happier without alcohol (9 months + for me now), so that seems true to me.

@MamaGhina you might enjoy the Sober Powered podcast - she's a scientist and covers a lot of these areas, I am finding it fascinating. Much as I enjoy hearing other peoples recovery stories, understanding exactly what it is doing to our brains is really interesting.

Yes, introducing alcohol totally messes with our brains natural reward centres.
Natural dopamine, like going for a walk, could never compare with the artificial buzz that alcohol gives. But once we cut alcohol out, our natural dopamine levels back out. I genuinely noticed this at the weekend when I was out walking and really noticing the colours, textures, etc. It felt good.

Feeling okay here, just a bit overwhelmed and like there is always SOMETHING buzzing away in my mind. Having real problems with one of the kiddos at the moment too, the behavior is something else and I'm blaming myself. Not tempted by alcohol currently though. Day 20.

I see what you’re saying @Steppered, in that once that artificial ‘high’ is removed we start to appreciate the good things around us more. I must admit, I ‘enjoy’ exercise more these days. Before it was a bit of a chore to keep my weight under control but now I feel great after a run. I guess running without a hangover makes a big difference too.

Thanks for the recommendations, I’ll take a look once I’ve ploughed my way through alcohol explained. Sorry to hear you’re having a difficult time with your DC. I’m sure you’re not to blame but it’s very easy to feel that way when things are tough. Hope it gets better soon.

Interesting thoughts. I have one coffee mid morning and want it to be good. I like the juncture in the day. I'm going to say one coffee per day is a moderate amount and should just be enjoyed. Especially if you've cut out alcohol I wouldn't remove this bit of joy if you enjoy it. If you wanted to find something to replace it later down the line you could, but for now you're doing a great big thing, I wouldn't be taking coffee on! But off course up to you.

When I had my liver scare one of the things I read is that coffee is very good for liver disease.

I feel irritated about the weather forecast this weekend. For me (and many others I'm sure!), sunshine + BBQ + sitting in garden = a massive trigger to drink. URGHHHH.

Hi all- I have not read either This Naked Mind or Alcohol Explained yet. I will look them out.

I need to try and focus on something other than booze as an end of working day reward. My hard wiring is still geared towards that. Today I have a late work meeting so am thinking of afterwards going to my favourite chinese restaurant for won ton soup and a lemonade before going home. I have to bus into work as the car is at the garage so this would usually mean i would head for the pub, so hoping to focus on this instead.

I am going to mangle this completely, I am sure, but I think part of the issue is that whilst alcohol triggers the reward centre in a quite extreme way, your brain thinks “uh uh, this is wrong” and dumps a load of depressant into the system to bring it back down. Then not only is your brain bad at natural happy high, it is trying very hard to remove the unnatural high as well (hence much higher depression and anxiety levels post drinking etc).

As for coffee, you will pry it out of my cold, dead hands. But (more internet nonsense incoming), I have read that if you drink coffee within the first 90 mins or so of the day, you interfere with the body’s natural creation of the cortisol which makes you wake up after sleep and teach it that coffee does it instead.

it’s all neural pathways baby!

Can you try find a new association for great sunny days that you can enjoy long term. Such as long walks in the countryside/ going somewhere new/visiting a National Trust /museum/ heritage site/gardens/wild swimming etc?!! I know it's so hard when in my case you spent your childhood in beer gardens etc, the association is strong, but I've been working on giving my child a different childhood and now we look at the weather and think lets go to the beach/outdoor swimming/ give that National Trust membership a chance at returning on investment etc.

Congrats to all of those reaching milestones!

Re: caffeine and food, I'm at the early stages so I'm only focusing on alcohol atm, but I've heard those further down the line have a lot more clarity, motivation etc. and hopefully I can tackle caffeine, food, and exercise much further down the line... I'm giving myself a bit of a pass on these things right not as alcohol is the overriding important one to get on top of right now for me.

Do agree that alcohol messes up your dopamine etc. and off it (long term) you can get joy from all the normal things in life (that people who haven't been addicted to alcohol won't even realise would be an issue - I "thought" I needed alcohol to enjoy lots of different things in life, but that's the alcohol talking to me!).