Alcohol has destroyed me

[startingover202]

I have ruined my relationship, my family and my health through drinking wine every day.
I am on day 3 of not drinking. I've had anxiety and shaking and my sleeping is bad but I'm determined not to drink.
I was shaking and anxious everyday after a drink as well as constant diarrhoea so I have to ride this out.
I'm slightly better today so hoping tomorrow will be better.
Has anyone else had withdrawal symptoms?
Alcohol services kept telling me not to completely stop but that wasn't helping.

It's run by volunteers, they might have made a mistake taking down your number or something.

Here is the meeting finder. Lots of love to you.

www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/AA-Meetings/Find-a-Meeting/London

As someone who lost her dad to alcohol, can I tell you how proud I am of your honesty and your insight. If my dad had been half as aware or tried anywhere near as hard as you are then maybe he'd still be here. You haven't failed. You're stronger than you think. You know your demons, and you can beat them. You'll drink again, maybe you drink again ten times, but I believe that one day maybe you just won't. And you'll keep not drinking. Go to a meeting. It's designed to be an in person thing, so please go to one, with an open heart and an open mind. All the best of luck.

@surlycurly
Thank you. So sorry about your dad.

Everyone's messages are helping.
I will not have a drink tonight.

I am sitting here tired, heavy headed and shaky. I can't wake up feeling like this tomorrow.

I finish work at 18.30 tomorrow so I'm going to try and brave the meeting at 20.00.

You can only do what you can do. The guilt around drinking, and not drinking, is often one of the biggest barriers to giving up. I would say be kind to yourself but if you could do that you'd probably not need to drink at all. I wish you were able to be gentle with yourself though, and remember that we are all fallible. I understand the weariness; this is an exhausting battle that you're in the middle of. You only need to find the resilience to get through an evening or a day or a meeting though. Don't focus on the bigger picture. Every drink you don't have is a step closer to having the life you want. And thank you re my dad. He was an amazing man. I'm still sorry he couldn't beat his own demons. But you can.

Falling off the wagon isn’t the important bit, it’s getting back on it and carrying on, it’s like having a bar of chocolate on a diet, you don’t just throw the towel in you go back to the diet.
I can’t just have a wee drink either, it’s black out or nothing! I’m on day 8 sober and feel on shaky ground every day so far but taking it one evening at a time, sometimes it’s an hour at a time, keep going, the self loathing will be replaced eventually by feeling proud of yourself, I can’t wait to feel like that it’s something to look forward to, I’m not even in the same country or I’d go to a meeting with you x

The chat line is being manned today but with some gaps. If you try right now someone will speak to you. I have just checked

The chat now service I mean. Not chat line.

Let your legs be smarter than your head and just move your body to the room. Don't think about the meeting itself, just move your body to the place — then you can always leave if you want to.

If you're in London there will be meetings today.

Hi op, so what if you have had a bad day?! Every one has bad days. It's often a case there is 1 step forward but 2 steps back.

There's always a new day, a new page of the journal journey you are on and a fresh hope.

What you might want to monitor is what are the triggers that cause that hand to grab the bottle?

Try and see if there are patterns and count how many days you are able to be sober before you lapse.

See if you can extend the days sober and don't beat yourself up if you get overwhelmed.

Try and disassociate your hand that reaches out for the bottle and see if you can set your mind and your other hand against it.

Try forbidding your dominant hand from touching a bottle because you may find that your mind and your dominant hand are a more powerful combination in working together.

Try little experiments like this to see what works and what might help.

Set a mirror up whenever you feel you want alcohol.

Observe what is going through your head and see whether distraction tactics work.

It's a struggle op, that's ok, struggles are always hard.

You have to forge new habits to replace the old and so see what interests you.

Keep at it, we are all behind you!

There will be, are you able to go today?

Op I am sorry you are going through this.
However please take the advice of many posters and just go to a meeting.
You say the local alcohol services haven’t helped, so why it try something that might help and go to a meeting. Posters have provided information where to find them.

You will need to go to meetings anyway for it to work, so just go.

It's the first drink that gets you drunk. If you don't have the first drink, you won't get drunk. What a revelation. I can not set off the chain reaction if I don't have the first drink. It's a craving for the firet drink. Once we have had that first drink, we continue as the craving (allergy) is set off.

You need to get sober for counselling to work. Step in the doors of A.A., and you're no longer alone. Everyone in the rooms were scared and frightened at their first meeting. Everyone in the meetings is likeminded and had their first meeting.

You are brave enough to do it. Please go and let us know how it goes.

Look for the similarities and not the differences in emotions and thoughts as well as the drinking stories with and without a drink.

The things that you haven't done are all yets waiting to happen

I'm an ex alcoholic and weed smoker.
I was depressed during this time of addiction
Everyday I prayed in the shower to remove my addiction and remove any energy that does not benefit me. I woke up in the morning, lit incense and said I am blessed and protected and my addictions are gone.
Try this....

How are you getting on @startingover202? I hope you had a better day yesterday.

Startingover202,also wondering how you are ?

Not great but doing better. Still drinking but not as much.

Processing my thoughts.

Some days off and one bad day.

I will beat this.

I think I'll only stop drinking when I resolve the reason why.

But I can't resolve it so carry on drinking.

I feel trapped caught in a viscous cycle.

AA won't solve the problem of why I drink.

Not sure how to do that. If anyone has any suggestions it would help.

AA won't solve the problem of why I drink

Not sure if you can ever know for certain why you drink - it may be genetic. So why not deal with the problem as it stands rather than looking for reasons. Going to an AA meeting would be a good start.

I know exactly why I drink.
Whilst that is still there I don't see how I can stop.

AA will solve the problem of why you do drink. It did for me and thousands of other people.
You're not the special one a million alcoholic that has different underlying reasons to drink that AA cant help.
Alcohol is your solution.
You use alcohol to change how you feel and cope with life.
Bog standard garden variety alcoholic.
If you really wanted to stop you would try anything.
AA can help

Actually AA does prompt you to consider emotional issues and take steps to resolve them. Therapy as well can help.

What’s the reason? That will help with relevant replies.

I can not urge you enough to watch Timothy Fletcher videos on YouTube. You will learn a lot and come to understand all addicts are driven by the same behaviour. You may want to start with his videos on codependency or cptsd, something you suffer from as alcoholism is one of it's symptoms and you have the symptom and therefore you have those conditions too it's fascinating. You will feel he is talking directly to you. He has a recovery programme in Canada and does stuff online, it's very reasonably priced but the videos will be enough to get on with.