The continuing support thread for living alcohol-free. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. Many thanks to @wendywagon for holding the reins on the last thread, and to drybird for starting the original thread about 3 years ago.
We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. There’s support here whatever your stage on that journey. Whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size, and have all been there too when things get challenging.
Thank you too @rep22 @onewildandpreciouslife for offering to back up host too. I thought there was someone else but I can’t find the post.

Congratulations @Minutebyminute

Isn't it a wonder what we can achieve when we are clear headed and unimpeded? Well done.

Lovely news for you too WW

@stilldumdedumming these blinking education issues. My DD can't get a Nationwide student overdraft because she is a direct application student!!! "She's had an account from birth!

I have the support of the DH @Crunchymum for the new business. Usually he thinks it will be trouble. I make millions for others. I want a ethical, pro female company. If you need a lovely bath soak to keep you off the booze, buy it from me! 😄

Good morning all.
I got through yesterday which was the anniversary my father's passing. I didn't do a memorial poem on fb like I normally do because I have been around too much sadness this year already. My friends have lost close family members and my dear dad was a elderly man. Tis not the same.
Life is for living and for me that includes no more booze sticking plasters. Plastered being the operative word!
The DS is moving home tomorrow so I am making space today. It will be a chippy tea as I suspect I will be surrounded by clothes. Luckily I don't fancy anything other than Yorkshire tea with that!
Have a good day my friends.

@REP22 I've been making a black pepper tofu dish regularly for about two years. I have only just realised very recently that the two tablespoons of black pepper is actually two teaspoons!!!! It's lovely!

@WendyWagon morning. Well done. I should think you feel better for not succumbing and honouring your dear dad's passing with a clear hard. I do feel very lucky to have both my parents still.

Well done WendyW for not succumbing.

Its my mum's anniversary next month (3 years - how??) and it's always such a difficult day. In fact my mums death was what finally saw me step into the abyss.

She collapsed and died suddenly and unexpectedly aged just 65 and the loss of her was monumental. I won't deny my drinking was already problematic but my mum's death really pushed me over the edge. The pain and shock and sheer heartbreak of her death saw me drinking a bottle (and often opening the second bottle!) most nights. It never helped, it just made me feel like shit on top of grieving for my mum

Amazingly now I've been sober for more than half the amount of time she's been gone. It's always possible to pull yourself out of thr abyss.

Evening all. 🚨

I have done four huge black bags of clothes for the charity shop. Shocking to see so many tickets still on the kit. I can be addict to the frock shop too!
I am going to have a coke in minute. Woo hoo.

@Crunchymum my blips are have been caused by grief.
My friend lost her son this week and I can't write to her yet. I did the obligatory heart on FB but I always write. With my brother's passing it has been tough but it makes you think 'there for the grace of God' (insert higher power or none).

I am looking forward my chippy tea and I have burnt it off already.
Life can be bitch but I can't help anyone if I am slurring in the gutter.
Love to all. Sober snoozing.

Verrrrry strong cravings today (which I won't succumb to). My ND son had a huge meltdown today, lots of hitting and kicking. We've had a lovely day so I have no idea what kicked it all off, which makes it worse as it'll happen again. I'm wiped, yet feel pent up and agitated, and just like I "need a downer", but that's exactly why I always drank and drinking isn't a long term solution. I've just no idea what the "downer" should be! I'm sad and scared and exhausted, and I feel that way even when I'm "relaxing" today. Perhaps a nice sugary drink and a pizza when all are in bed.

Sorry! I know this is supposed to be a nice thread to support each other and I'm just moaning - just need to rant somewhere, I suppose. I won't drink, but today I properly feel the void which I haven't for a while, and i can abstain, but will power is a finite resource. Hopefully normal service resumed tomorrow.

@Sillymummies123 - you have nothing to apologise for. This is exactly the right place to moan and rant. I’m sorry today has been so tough.

Just checking in.
@Sillymummies123 that sounds like a rough day. I hope you and your son are ok. This thread is absolutely for support on the bad days as well as the good. If we never needed the support I’m not sure this thread would be as busy as it is. Hope you sleep well and that tomorrow is a better day.

@Crunchymum my heart went out to you reading that. Hope you are ok.
@WendyWagon I will join the queue for your bath products!
@Minutebyminute so you will be in your new job for Christmas! Excellent.

so sorry to just post quickly, taking the tail end of my cold to bed and then heading off to see family tomorrow for a few days. Will write more tomorrow.

Morning all.
I had a fab sleep but we are off early to collect the van to get the DS from London. He has been gone two and half years. He's such a shires boy but with the wfh policy it has served it's purpose.
He's a bossy boots but a sweet boy really. I will have no juice, potatoes or bread left each day. The DH and I have been eating leftovers since the daughter went to university in January. There won't be any!
I had my coke last night and it hit the spot. First tea down lads.

Morning all, Come on the Lionesses ⚽️⚽️! I’m here with my coffee ready to watch the game!

Good luck with getting the DS @WendyWagon - I hear you on no leftovers - I have a son with hollow legs as well!

Today on day 45 I did not have to crawl out of my pit trying to face some food so I could take painkillers for the self inflicted headache - priceless! Enjoy your AF free day all!

@Crunchymum sending you love. Something similar happened with my lovely dad. He dropped me off at the bus stop one morning and 20 minutes after he arrived back home he was dead. Massive heart attack with no warning or family history. Awful. The shock of it is so much to bear. I understand how cruel and desperately unfair it is. It's five years now, but it's still horrible. Anniversaries are particularly grim.

This event is also what sent me off into my worst spiral (though like you say for yourself, there was already a problem there - my dad was dropping me off at the bus stop because I had voluntarily given up driving due to my drinking). Along with my mum's insistence that we should "rejoice because he is now with the Lord in heaven". 😐

I'm so sorry. I know that no words help - none are ever enough. But I hear you and I understand. It's f-g horrible. Thinking of you in the days ahead. 💐❤

Strength and love to all. x

Amalgamation of sons and our larder. He has real onions! I gave those up when I went to work for a nail company. Busy again and DS said 'Christ, mother you've lost more weight '. Hard work is needed for my bod. I'm not quite landed gentry but I do wonder if I need hard work not arse sitting? I was an athlete until 25. No weight issue until DC. Evil calorie counter. I have donated 40% of my wardrobe today. I kept the serious stuff to sell on fleebay but it feels good. Who said they angry weed? I am f*cked off sorting. But it's all good. x

The strangest thing has started this week. I'm 5-6 weeks in and not once, twice, but threw times I've been presented with the opportunity to have really unhealthy food (I've been a binger and bloater all my adult, drinking life), and I've automatically - without thinking- reached for a healthy option. Family got a post-walk reward of happy meals today and when asked what I wanted, I declined without any feeling of deprivation, thinking longingly of my salad and chicken leftover in the fridge.

I'm not even trying to convince myself, or opting, unhappily, for the healthy option. It's like my craving for shit food has gone, and I'm actually craving healthy food. Don't get me wrong, I've always tried to eat healthily and known the value of it, but I've never actively preferred it.

Morning all.
@Sillymummies123 I know what you mean about crap food.
I used to eat cheese and crackers, crisps etc when drinking my wine.
I have one block of cheese a month to cook with now.
We do have a take away once a week but I prefer fish to fried chicken etc. My taste buds have definitely changed.

Bad news on the bath and body company, the woman gazumped me! Eight months of negotiation and shifting goal posts. Not a member of the sisterhood that one. Back to the drawing board. But I'm so disappointed.

Oh @WendyWagon I am so sorry.

@Sillymummies123 I know what you mean about the food thing - I am the same. Used to love a cheeky bit of junk food, but it definitely doesn't have the same allure. I'm also enjoying longer and more energetic dog walks than I had thought previously possible. The dog is not impressed (for a young and fit dog, he's quite remarkably idle).

On yesterday's walk I was thinking how I could never have walked at the pace I was when I was in the drink fog. When I was doing SMART recovery, one of the people in the group spoke several times about how he walked miles and miles to keep himself occupied - and I recall him saying that he once walked from his home to the nearest city and back - over 20 miles - "because I wanted my recovery so much". I understand what he meant.

Really sorry @WendyWagon about the company. That's most unfair. I hope the lady who gazumped you finds that all her bath bombs crumble without fizzing and that all her lotions carry the all-pervading stench of cat's wee. Something better is waiting for you, I'm sure.

I need to get a tree in my garden seen to. My neighbour isn't keen because "the rat likes it". I fear Roland and his simplicidentatal mates may have to make alternative arrangements.

Strength and love to all. x

Hey can I join. On day 1 here but realised I need serious help. Got through 2 bottles of wine yesterday as a "Sunday treat" and at point it's affecting my whole life.

@REP22 I am heartbroken and seriously fed up. My new house looks like a tip (son has so much stuff) and I am gutted. The seller had flip flopped so many times. I caught her out on serious bit of safety paperwork so spent money to get it sorted. I feel totally shafted. Why are people so dishonest? I hate liars. I can cope with most things but dishonesty no. Hit me with a home truth but don't lie to me. The old bag's skincare has gone rancid anyway so I expect she sold it to a certain TK retailer. No class.

Husband got told to do one and he's gone out with the dog. I think it would be very unwise of me to venture out. The wine witch is sitting right next to me.

@Namechange1990 welcome.
Not a vintage day for me. Good luck x

@WendyWagon I am so sorry. It must be absolutely galling. Dishonesty in all its forms is a horrible thing to encounter. I hate liars. Especially the ones who continue to lie, knowing that you know. I really am sorry.

Kick the wine witch away - she's lying to you. It might feel good, but for mere moments only, then you will still have all the feelings you are having now, PLUS the guilt and the nausea. Get her gone. Mainline chocolate if you have to.

The son stuff situation is temporary. It won't be like that forever.

It will be alright soon. I promise. Take time to grieve the loss of your plans and hopes. What has happened is really unfair and horrible. But you aren't the one who has f-cked-up here; you've been stitched-up by one of life's worthless scrotes and it was not your fault. New, better, plans will come along for you. Maybe not for a bit, but they will.

Keep going. I'm sorry this has happened. It's not fair. Sending love. x

Sorry to hear this Wendy but don't let this take away all the hard work and dedication you put into your AF journey so far.

Be mindful and powerful and make what is ultimately the best choice (and hide your purse so you can't go to the shops!)

Thank you for your very kind and insightful post. Sorry that you have been there too, it really does change your whole existence.

I know we've all had losses and bereavements and there is no hierarchy with grief but I think the sudden nature of my mum's death was one of the most difficult things to come to terms with (my dad and sibling were with her and had to perform CPR on her until paramedics arrived, so I feel guilty for even thinking about my distress!).

I still can't really let my mind wander to that day too much as it's just too awful.

But I am okay, I am coping as best I can and trying to focus on the positives.

Morning all.
Another evening AF.
I didn't go out without the DH and I asked for his support. I am dropping the daughter back at uni and going out to lunch. Driving so safe. Feeling deflated. I am fed up with disingenuous people. Nature or nurture? God only knows. It's also cost me a fortune.