The continuing support thread for living alcohol-free. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. Many thanks to @wendywagon for holding the reins on the last thread, and to drybird for starting the original thread about 3 years ago.
We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. There’s support here whatever your stage on that journey. Whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size, and have all been there too when things get challenging.
Thank you too @rep22 @onewildandpreciouslife for offering to back up host too. I thought there was someone else but I can’t find the post.

Hi everyone, I was on Drybird's* original thread and a couple of the subsequent ones (with thanks also to Bunnies) as ElsaCragg*.
It's rare that I pop on these threads now, but I've been alcohol free since October 2019, and can honestly say it was the best decision that I have ever made.
There's some history of alcohol abuse in my immediate and extended family (dad, sister, cousin have all died in their fifties as a result). And I did enjoy drinking, but was very concerned that alcoholism was 'in my genes'. My main worry was that I would try to stop and wouldn't be able to.
So, after three or four pitiful attempts over the summer of 2019 (interspersed with some shameful behaviour, falling out of a taxi on my birthday, falling down a flight of concrete steps at a wedding, a two-day hangover after a quiet evening at the pub and two bottles of red wine to myself), I read and reread Allan Carr's 'The Easy Way To Control Alcohol' and signed up to the Annie Grace 30 Day Alcohol Experiment. My plan was to try to go alcohol free for 30 days and see how it went.
The 30 days were fairly easy, I'm an all or nothing person, and I stuck to it. I still had (and continue to have) alcohol in the house, still went to the pub and had soft drinks, my DH still drinks to this day.
But once the 30 days were up, I had absolutely no desire to drink. Holidays, Christmas, Weddings, going out, Covid and all that entailed, nothing has changed my mindset.
I put that down to having a small initial goal of 30 days, working through a lot of emotional stuff around family and self esteem, and the support on these groups.
And not drinking has been a catalyst for tackling other areas in my life. In the last three months, I've finally (and easily) dropped the two stones of excess weight that was making me feel so miserable, and I'm now a stable healthy weight for the first time in twenty years.
The benefits of being able to jump in the car and drive anywhere, day or night, the clear skin, great sleep, energy and good mood far far outweigh even a sip of alcohol.
I'm not trying to be preachy or brag, but no one loved having a drink more than I did, and now it's an irrelevance. I wasted so much head space thinking about drinking, and not drinking is now so liberating.
If you've tried and not succeeded in the past, treat those efforts as practice runs and try again.
Best of luck to you all.

Thanks for all the congratulations for my six months tomorrow.

@EIsaCrag I loved your post, thanks so much for taking the time. It’s inspirational to hear stories like yours. My drinking days sound similar to yours. I really need to lose some weight now. I replaced alcohol with cake and biscuits for six months. Time to address that now.

@Fortheloveofgodwhy yes I also find it useful to draw parallels with smoking. I just wish other people said “oh great, well done!” instead of “really? Why?” But we all know how that goes.

@Overitx I am very impressed with your workouts. With regards to sleep, it took me about a month before my sleep was normal. I think I had PAWS as I had dreadful headaches for three or four months. I’m absolutely fine now. It’s so great having “normal” sleep.

Congratulations on your six month soberversary @rothbury , and for your kind words.
My tea and cake habit had to go, but I held on to it far too long, despite otherwise eating healthily.

500 days for me (well actually it was yesterday)

I am not one the sing my own praises but I'm so bloody proud of myself. I was so far down the path I'd all but lost hope I could stop drinking. I never thought I could be a non drinker, let alone a happy non drinker. I don't know what was different this time but here I am. And I can say categorically I am never going to drink alcohol again.

It's not always easy, being AF has not been a quick fix and there are still so many areas of my life I want to tackle and improve but being AF was the one thing I knew I needed to do without any more excuses or caveats or compromises.

To paraphrase the lovely WendyW I am still but a work in progress but everyday I am trying and learning and coping and moving in the right direction.

Peace out ✌️ ♥️

Well said @Crunchymum , I 100% agree. And congratulations on 500 days 😊.

Hi all
@EIsaCrag I love hearing stories like yours they give me so much hope.
I'm naturally an early riser so I'm regularly up at 5.30 - 6.00am, it felt so good this morning to be up at that time not feeling groggy. I read somewhere on MN before that said nobody ever wakes up wishing they'd got drunk last night and that's stuck with me.
Today at work was a nightmare so usually I'd be planning to head to the shops to pick up a bottle but tonight my plan is to get DD to bed and have a long hot soak and an early night,
Hope everyone's had a good day

@NeedToChangeRightNow very true re early mornings.
The one that sticks out for me is an AA speaker saying nobody got nicked driving under the influence of sweets!

Congratulations on your 500 days @Crunchymum ! I think one of the best things about being AF is it makes all the other changes look entirely possible. Good luck with whatever is coming next for you! And shout it loud 📣
What an inspiring post @EIsaCrag , thank you. I started with 30 days too, because I’d not even managed a week AF in forever and really didn’t fancy my chances. But something just clicked, probably down to all the lurking here. It’s lovely to see the positive changes adding up afterwards. Congratulations!

Day 2 done and dusted. Tucked up in bed ready for tomorrow, tomorrow and Saturday will be the hardest for me because I go into weekend mode and think sod it it's Friday/Saturday night I've worked hard all week I've earned it. Determined not to give in but as I say tomorrow will be the test

Hello everyone, mind if I join you?
Day 25 here, something I couldn’t have imagined a few months ago. Not setting any long term goals right now, just hoping to keep going each day.

Jumping aboard!

Can I join please? I'm struggling to cut down my drinking and I think this might help. Woken up feeling rubbish again today and just don't know why I keep getting on this same old merry go round. I told myself I'd try a week without a drink in the evenings and have failed. I now need to ask myself why I can't do it. Is it that much of an issue for me? If so we're not on very good ground.

Planning for a sober weekend and would love to hear your tips for how you keep busy in the evenings and break that initial habit of wanting to drink at certain times.

Morning all.
Up too early but loads done already.
@SignalLoss @AriettyClock22 welcome.

Morning! Welcome @SignalLoss and @AriettyClock22 . Arietty, weekends can look scarier than they are. I found that Friday evenings could have moments that felt almost empty. I used tactics like running a bath, knitting, sitting in a different place to the seat where I normally drank, getting really nice teas and soft drinks, and loads of AF versions of other drinks. Huge ice cubes and good mixers, nice glasses. I needed to feel as if I wasn't going without. Audiobooks or kindle in the bath. It is achievable though, if a week is too long then go for a day, an hour, a minute, or even just a few seconds at a time until any craving passes. My secret weapon was pickled onions or brushing my teeth, because of how awful gin or dh's expensive wines would taste afterwards. The feeling of satisfaction the next morning is brilliant. I wouldn't try to unpick everything straight away - there's plenty of time for that once you've built a bit more confidence. Post here if we can help - we've all done the first Friday night.

I'll post again later today, I need to get a few bits done now.

congratulations @Crunchymum I am six months sober today and aspire to get to 500 like you.

Newbies, in the early days I found it useful to get into PJs as soon as I finished work on Friday. Then lots and lots of early nights. I also took up knitting, although I tend not to do it when it’s so hot.

Just remember, you only have to avoid that first drink.

I also read every quit lit book ever written.

Congratulations on your 6 months @rothbury !

Hello @MerylSqueak ! Lovely to see you - how are you doing?

Well done on getting through day 2 @NeedToChangeRightNow

Welcome @AriettyClock22 and @SignalLoss

It helps to have a “toolkit” of things to cope with the really tricky times like your first Friday night, as @Blackberryblossom said. Also decide what your best outcome is - for me, I used to imagine myself getting into bed sober with a good book and a herbal tea. The feeling of getting into bed sober never gets old! If you struggle to think of what you might do instead of drink, I think it’s helpful to think about what you used to enjoy doing when you were 10. We lose so much enthusiasm for life when we drink, so it helps to look back on what we used to do for fun!

And don’t try to fix everything all at once. Your mission is to get through this first weekend sober. If that takes a lot of chocolate or Percy Pigs, so be it.

Good luck!

Hello! Thanks for the new thread, @Blackberryblossom. It's lovely to see the threads snowballing and picking up new members. Brilliant to see old faces too (waves to @EIsaCrag)

I've been alcohol free now since 31st December 2019 - bang on 3 and a half years. It's the best decision I've ever made and my only regret is not having reached it sooner, although like most of us I had a number of false starts and failed attempts.

When I think about booze now, it's only with relief, and joy that it doesn't control me any more.

Leaving booze behind has created so much space in my life, it's as though it was blocking the airwaves and preventing all the important messages getting through. Since I quit I have made a number of positive changes; lost 2 stone, taken up running and pilates, started an MA, written a novel, moved jobs, and addressed my relationship with my difficult (alcoholic) parents. The last has resulted in going NC with one and LC with the other, which is difficult and painful, but overall so much better for me - and I'd never have had the strength and clarity to do it while still drinking.

When I wrote my first post on the first of these threads, I was a weeping mess. I felt I'd fucked up and let everyone down. I really despised myself. But that changed, quickly. Every day without alcohol.is an achievement and restored a little bit of my self respect. Posting here regularly was a massive part of the change. I am so grateful for the kindness and support and occasional kick up the arse I got on here. If you're just starting out, do yourself a favour and check in here every day. It worked for me!

@Crunchymum whoop whoop tot he 500 days - well done and it has been an utter pleasure to sit alongside you on our rail road racks.. here's to 1000 next!

@rothbury 6 months is such a marker, i recall it being the one where it really felt like i had done it, that the next marker was 1 year and that had seemed totally unachievable. WELL DONE

Welcome new folks.

@rothbury whoop, six months is a biggie.

6 months is a massive milestone, shout it from the rooftops 😂

Same to you @Fortheloveofgodwhy I know you are a week ahead of me so we're very close. What a journey thus far and long may it continue.

Hi can I join? :))

Mum of 3, been drinking far too much for about 10 years. 3 weeks sober on Sunday and feels different this time.

I definitely used alcohol as a crutch, or self-medication, because of such a busy chaotic life (what with work, study and family). It was a way to 'switch off' from all the endless crap that needs to be done 24:7. A way to forget the stresses - but ironically would leave me waking up in an absolute panic at 2/3am. Even having to run to the loo in the middle of the night with diarrhoea due to the anxiety, which didn't feel right at all.

Final straw was waking up one night at 1.30am, after an hour of sleep, in such a state of panic over things that I couldn't go back to sleep at all. Realised I either needed to see a doctor for anxiety meds or stop drinking. First option seemed pointless without trying the 2nd option first. So here I am.

Feels loads better already, look much better, have lost a few pounds and am being a much better wife and mother in general. Problems are still there, but I can deal with them better now. Love going to bed sober and love waking up sober. A cup of tea feels like a comforting old friend now, unlike the 'fake friend' that my red wine was.

I look at my kids sitting chatting around the dinner table in the evenings and quietly smile to myself, knowing I have a secret that I've quite possibly saved their mum's life for them (playing it forward 10 years to what could only have been liver damage at the very best!).

Looking forward to sharing the journey with you all.

Welcome @Rachael2023
I am mumsnetting today as mega stressed.
Have loaded the books on another bookcase but not audited yet.

Friday handhold please lads.

Can I join? Been alcohol free for 6 months and feeling amazing!

Hey @WendyWagon - sorry to hear you’re stressed. Would ranting help? Hang in there x

Keep going @WendyWagon , it will be alright soon. xx