The continuing support thread for living alcohol-free. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. Many thanks to @wendywagon for holding the reins on the last thread, and to drybird for starting the original thread about 3 years ago.
We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. There’s support here whatever your stage on that journey. Whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size, and have all been there too when things get challenging.
Thank you too @rep22 @onewildandpreciouslife for offering to back up host too. I thought there was someone else but I can’t find the post.

@helenahandcart78 well done on getting trough the day and keeping busy. I have to keep myself on the go as well. I have to be occupied. I well understand what you mean about the trigger times too. Please don't apologise for your posts. They are nice to read and very welcome.

This is a thread that keeps me going. You mentioned about being accountable to us here. We won't ever judge you, but I fully agree with you. When I've had a couple of regrettable 'blips' I was more ashamed of letting down the lovely people on here than I was about anything else - even more so than the people in the group I used to attend SMART recovery sessions with. That's not because I visualise the other posters on here as looming cadaverous dragons in a vast sepulchral stone chamber, waiting to swoop down without mercy on a pitiful sinning wretch like me - far from it - everyone's so kind and understanding that the idea of letting them down cuts me to the craw. I think that's a good thing. Keeps me going on the bleaker days.

@WendyWagon and @Onewildandpreciouslife we're not allowed to expense booze at work either. I think we do offer alcohol support in the employee health thing but it's not something I'd really want to put on my employer's radar. I have used our Occy Health people in the past, but not for drinking issues. I also noticed (too late) that you can't earn Nectar points (or Co-op points) on alcohol purchases. Possibly just as well. If you could, I'd probably own all of the shares in Sainsco's by now and I'm not sure I could cope with the admin.

@WendyWagon Hope Toxic Tom continues to be kept at bay. Sounds like the sun is setting on his reign of terror. It might be a long game, but you will win. And for maximum Spanxery - get thee down to The Strand, if you can. I went to see Sunset Blvd (with Nicole Schertzthinger) at The Savoy Theatre last week. In one of the main songs, the male lead heads out into the street, being filmed as he sings his number, with it projected onstage. It's live each performance (immediately post-interval, so around 8.45pm). You could get maximum exposure every night (matinees Thursday and Saturday) to paying punters. Your Spanx will know no bounds. They might even get a standing ovation (fnar fnar....😉)

Off to Dartmoor with the dog tomorrow. He had better behave himself this time. I will not be troubling His Majesty's Armed Forces for a second time. I’m not sure he yet fully appreciates how strictly his opportunities for mayhem will be curtailed, but 'twill be a lesson well learned for the stout young knave.

Strength and love to all. xx

Darn it. More surgery needed. Hey ho. This weekend may feature a lot of cake.

Oh no @Onewildandpreciouslife that’s not the news you wanted. Go for the cake. Any timescales? Thinking of you. I’m another one who cheers every time you post about an all clear.

wishing everyone strength and ease on this Friday night, wherever you are on your AF journey. It’s been a busy week here, I’m looking forward to a lie-in tomorrow. AF tonight though and grateful that I haven’t made a bumpy week any worse by drinking.

Thanks @Blackberryblossom - probably second half of October- I have health cover through work so one less worry. Sorry to hear you’ve had a rough week.

Im away on silent retreat for this weekend, so no phones for 24 hours! (I used to bring mini bottles of wine with me on previous visits because there was never enough at dinner…) Have a good Saturday all x

Not the news you wanted indeed @Onewildandpreciouslife but I'm so glad your dermatologist was on the ball. I know its not going to be pleasant for you but at least you know what's going on and are able to have some level of control of your health.

The retreat sounds fascinating [the sneaking in wine sounds like it may have negated the benefits a little though 😉]

Keep well, sending you lots of healing vibes ❤️

Another weekend stuck in for us as DC2 has a tummy bug now (last weekend she came down with an awful cough and ended up being off school for 2 days) she hasn't actually puked but feels sick, has a tummy ache, is off her grub and pale / tired. She always gets a tummy bug when she goes back to school although 2 illnesses in 1 week is quite a feat.

DP is working away so only really around today but he'll take the other two out.

This thread is almost full, does anyone want to volunteer to host the next one? I'm happy to do it but also happy for anyone else who fancies it to have a go?

Morning everyone!

@Onewildandpreciouslife sorry to hear your news. I second the cake idea ❤️

Day 6 here. Look away now if you are offended by depictions of imaginary violence...

I was peacefully doing my jigsaw last night when I suddenly hear a clear voice saying, "Well, yes, this is all very lovely, but it's never going to work long term is it? I mean, I agree, you needed a bit of time off to recharge your batteries, but seriously. Are you going to live the rest of your life in sharp focus technicolour? Remember how delicious that blurry buzzy feeling is? Nothing can ever replicate that you know."

And I heard myself respond in a wheedling voice, "Ah no, don't say that. Come on now, I'm doing really well..." And then I stopped, and thought, "No no no, this will never do."

So I let rip at her. I pushed her up against a wall, grabbed her round the throat and shouted and swore into her face. Full hairdryer treatment. And then I pushed her off a cliff. Don't know where the cliff came from but it came in very handy. And then...

All was quiet and I continued my jigsaw, pondering where to buy imaginary boxing gloves. Or a cudgel.

This bitch is not going to win this time.

Happy Saturday everyone xx

Morning all.
So sorry to hear your news @Onewildandpreciouslife thinking of you x

I fell off last night 😞

Nothing too bad. Was at home alone, no injuries or embarrassing incidents, just me, bumping off the walls in my fuzzy drunkenness.

I think I know why it happened but I need to spend some time thinking about it this weekend. It can’t happen. I don’t want to go back there, I really don’t.

Thinking of you, @rothbury . You've probably still got the residual covid lethargy. It's a data point. Go easy X

@Onewildandpreciouslife so not an impossibly long time to wait. How is your family? Your retreat sounds perfect. I started meditation last new year and it's really brought my constantly wittering mind into focus.

@Crunchymum thank you for the thread reminder! I am more than happy to back-up host if wanted.

@REP22 you had me snorting with laughter with your images of sepulchral dragons. Thank you!

@helenahandcart78 it is whatever works for you, no judgement here! Anger is an entirely appropriate response I think.

Wishing you all a good weekend!

@rothbury I'm fully aware this could happen to me at any time. If it does, I've decided I'm going to treat it as a learning exercise - a way of keeping the awful memories of why we're doing this fresh in our minds. We've got this! I'll lend you my cudgel if you like 🥰

Thanks lads. Yes I think it’s a combination of a few things but it’s no excuse really as that’s life. I have to have the resilience to cope. I really thought I did but I was wrong.

I am going to try to be kind to myself and get back on track for next week.

@rothbury thinking of you.

Thanks @WendyWagon I am ok.

I am safe tonight. Just need to get a few days clear of the drinking and reset myself.

I know many of us have had wobbles. I’m just cross with myself.

Hello all. @rothbury I am fully trusting that the cross-ness is subsiding.

@WendyWagon sorry I am late in replying, but yes society does need to do better. In terms of including people with disabilities and in terms of just bloody accepting differences. What a better world it would be.

I am home from holiday and feeling all rejuvenated. A sober holiday is my new favourite thing!

Morning everyone. Day 7 here.

So, I didn't change anything yesterday. I did all my normal activities, including listening to music while cooking, and watching a movie in the evening. And I can honestly say that the lack of alcohol didn't make any of it worse. It made it better! I had my posh tonic and danced to the music, I enjoyed the film and wasn't sitting there agitated and missing half the plot. I realise that to anyone who hasn't experienced addiction, this all sounds so obvious as to be absolutely laughable, but it is a revelation to me!

Sleep wasn't so good though. I got restless leg syndrome and was tossing and turning. Finally at about midnight I got up and ate 3 packets of crisps and a chocolate mini roll 🫣🤣 Felt much better and slept through until 8am. The feeling of waking up fresh and relaxed never gets old.

Today will be possibly the biggest challenge so far. Sunday has long been a big drinking day for me. Partly boredom and partly trying to blot out the worries about the working week to come. I usually start early and by 9pm am completely blotto. So I've planned a few slow, mindful, self-care activities. Taking the dog for a loooong walk, sorting through a few outfit ideas for the week, trying a couple of different eyeshadow ideas, a new jigsaw, and going to the shops to pick up a large selection of different flavour tonics. They really are hitting the spot.

Having re-read the above paragraphs, I sound horribly self-absorbed and self-centred. I'm not really, honestly!

Anyway, good luck to all today! X

@helenahandcart78 ha! You're allowed to talk about yourself! It's not self absorbed! This is a space we all use to talk through stuff.

Do you often get restless leg? I have been using magnesium glycinate and I personally think it's really working most nights to relax my muscles and make my sleep better.

@stilldumdedumming I've had it for ages, but as with all my minor ailments over the last few years, I put it down to the drink and therefore used it as further grounds for self-recrimination. I certainly never googled cures or sought treatment in case the unthinkable happened and I was advised to cut down on the booze 😔

Will now have a look at magnesium supplements so thank you for that!

Have been thinking a lot about moderation this weekend (for obvious reasons!) and, without wishing to offend anyone who is attempting this, I have concluded that, for me, it is a crock of crap.

My wine witch is the chief advocate of moderation. It's basically all she ever talks about.

But I think if you are having to seek advice and support to moderate, you are most likely too far down the path for it to be achievable. It is part of the denial spiral really.

And, for me, the idea of having one glass of wine is ludicrous. Just - why would you? To put a positive spin on it, I am one of those people who believes if you're going to do something, you have to do it properly! All or nothing.

If I was setting myself "treat days" it would be a disaster. As someone said up thread (sorry for not tagging) I would end up with a chart or an excel spreadsheet. And then it would be a constant exhausting battle of deciding whether a particular event or a bad day would allow for a exemption. I would also spend the days leading up to "treat day" completely obsessing and counting down the hours. I can actually picture how jittery and agitated I would be.

So. This is it. No wavering, no hesitating, no dithering. Freedom.

I agree. Moderation is a rubbish. Freedom all the way!

Afternoon all.
I went back to sleep again! I was dreaming of a Sunday lunch with my sister and she charged me £3.50 a head. As we don't speak over my late dad and she's a chef it was bizzare. Seems a bargain though.
This working lark is a lot of bother. But the sleep is park bench stuff, zonko.

@helenahandcart78 i am the spreadheet filly. I make lists, plan and moderation was my middle name until the weekend. I think I could moderate but I know the collecting would come in and I would have racks. One sniff of emotional trouble and I would be on the floor attempting the 'three bottle challenge' , slurring, having arguments with bullying relatives,flashing undergarments and looking like sh*t. I don't want to go through the 30/100 day shakes again. I have had a few wobbles but better than working out my allowance.

@WendyWagon, yes 'working out my allowance' is a great expression for it. It would become a full time occupation!

I'm back from my various errands and had a little wobble in the car. Had to have a sharp word with the wine witch. I actually spoke out loud, which I'm not sure is a good sign 😂

Well I thought today would be a challenge...and I wasn't wrong. 😔

Cooking a roast dinner was a mistake. I felt so deprived I became a crotchety old cow bag.

Actually, I feel like I have been placating a grumpy 4 year old all afternoon. "Do you want to do a jigsaw?" "NO" "well, what about a film then?" "NO!" "Ok well maybe just go for a lie down?" "NO NO NO WAAAH!"

I ended up sulking with myself, drinking endless cups of decaf tea while staring at the wall.

I've got a week to rethink my Sunday strategy...

Hello sober gang, I have been MIA! Life has been busy with my children - Uni, starting apprenticeship’s etc. phew! But I am now on day 86 - I get a shock every time I open the I am sober app and am reminded of how far I have come. Each day felt like a week to begin with and the thought of getting to double figures unthinkable - but here I am!

I have started to look after myself with care and compassion. Hair and make up done, getting my nails done etc. because I am worth it 😀! And that is such a change in mindset for me. It’s not perfect, but I am 100 times better than I was when I was drinking. My red cheeks and nose and bloodshot eyes have gone, and the gnawing pain in my right hand side no longer there - who knew it was drink related (me of course, but my denial was in full force!)

I am so looking forward to getting to day 100 in two weeks!

Welcome @helenahandcart78 @Kate489 and good luck on your sober journeys!

Hello again @Minutebyminute and congratulations! 86 days and the 100 in sight! How lovely that you are seeing so many benefits.

hang in there Helena. I know exactly what you mean, but I also know that you’ll be greeting Monday without a hangover, and just how good that feels. The wine bitch is persistent but she doesn’t have a place like this on her side.

hope you’ve had a lovely Sunday Wendy without being charged for any roast dinners!

I think we’ve got another 25-30 posts left before this thread is full, so I’ll set us a fresh one up in the morning. DH has kindly offered to do the school run so I can set us a new space up over breakfast.