The continuing support thread for living alcohol-free. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. Many thanks to @wendywagon for holding the reins on the last thread, and to drybird for starting the original thread about 3 years ago.
We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. There’s support here whatever your stage on that journey. Whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size, and have all been there too when things get challenging.
Thank you too @rep22 @onewildandpreciouslife for offering to back up host too. I thought there was someone else but I can’t find the post.

Hello. Have popped on previous threads very occasionally but change my name every so often.

@rockingbird that’s a truly amazing story and well done you. That realisation alcohol is not our friend but our enemy is so powerful.

As for me I will celebrate my second Soberversary next week. Of course life is not perfect because life never is but it is better than the physical and mental hell of alcohol addiction and the continuing descent into despair , as well as the accompanying shame and guilt

Morning all.
A early one for me. I turned over to find a dog nestled into my back!

I couldn't face clothes sorting yesterday but I am on the books again today. Tis time for culling.

I have a lunch with an old friend tomorrow and it will be difficult. She was my drinking buddy for two years after my mum died. She will want to get plastered and I will have to put up with it. There is no way she will have soft drinks. I'm driving so I can manage my own beverages but after a few drinks the aggression comes out. My friend would never hurt anyone but she had a shit childhood and lost her husband to a stroke at Christmas last year. He left her nothing and she is bitter about that. They were both heavy daily drinkers. I managed to recover from my addiction when I moved away from the village we all lived in. It didn't pop up again for nearly a decade. We've reminded friends but she absolutely won't accept she has a problem. I fear for her health. I can't abandon her but it has made me anxious for a week. Even the DH said can't you cancel, sadly I can't.

I feel like an evangelical ex smoker and nobody likes them!

Hello all!

Happy soberversary @Crunchymum and @TooOldForThisNonsense 🎉. 18 months and 2 years is great. Hope to be there some day 😬

@WendyWagon that sounds tough. I am in a not as bad but similar boat as I am visiting my home town in Ireland soon. There will be some heavy drinking friends there. I am planning to just be honest that I'm trying this and so far I'm not missing it and feel a lot better for it. I know what you mean about seeming evangelical, but you never know, you may inspire her? I'd definitely cut it as short as possible. You aren't driving her home are you? I'd definitely want it so that I could escape when I wanted!

Congratulations @TooOldForThisNonsense 🎊

2 years is epic!!

I hope that all these milestones help to show those who have just started their journey that it can be done.

I never believed I could cope / be happy / have a social life / have fun / deal with my issues without drinking. But I can and I do, every single day. And better still I don't miss drinking at all

Thank you @PankWuffin love your username 😂

well done @Crunchymum

Hearty waves to all, and sharing the joy of all the anniversaries.

I'm hopping about in the paddling-pool of sh-te at the moment. Mother issues. Argh. Never mind. It will be alright I daresay. "If it's not one thing, it's your mother" (I think Peter Kay said that). But still AF, so still A-OK.

@WendyWagon sorry you can't get out of the lunch. It sounds grim. But can you plan an escape strategy? When you sense it's heading towards getting too much, decamp to the loo and set an alarm tone for the imminent future on your phone. When it goes off when you're back at the table - Oh no! It's a text - something's happened to the cat/dog/neighbour's child/other emergency: you have to go! Snooze it, so it goes off again shortly afterwards - "I'm sorry but it's really kicking off. I've got to go. I'll drop you home, I'm really sorry." Invoke DH if you have to - he can follow up the "texts" with a 'be here now' call.

I get why you have to go and meet up, but you absolutely don't deserve to have to put up with drunken abusive nonsense. This way, you have been there, listened and been a friend - up until the point that it gets out of hand.

I really hope it goes OK. Maybe she might be OK and not start on at you? But then, I think that's something we probably tell ourselves a lot. Please take care of yourself and I hope it end better than seems likely at the moment. xx

Strength and love to all. x

Hi
I'm a beginner. 3 days in. I have tried to cut down a number of times in the last few years but struggled with will power.

I'm trying a new approach which is to stop altogether. I've just finished the Allen Carr The Easy Way to Control Alcohol which rang a few bells and will try some of the others recommended on this thread.

Wish me luck.

Good luck @Ginwitch5! I am a beginner too 😊. I am on day thirteen I think. Two weeks tomorrow

@Ginwitch5 well done on getting started. I have no willpower. It really isn’t about willpower. It’s about removing the desire to drink. The quit lit will help

Welcome and good luck @Ginwitch5. It might not be easy but I can guarantee that it will be worth it. xx

@Ginwitch5 somewhere there's a naked mind video about why scientifically and chemically it's hard to moderate. The long and short of it is though that it's almost impossible for some people (me!)

Hi @Ginwitch5

Are you looking to abstain or moderate?

This is a thread for people who have decided to be totally alcohol free.

Personally the best book that helped me was the "30 day alcohol experiment" by Annie Grace. You read it day by day as you stop and everyday it tackles a new issue or discusses a new element about alcohol addiction.

I found it really helpful.

I had lots of failed attempts to stop, lots of attempts at moderation (always ended up drinking more not less) but I'm now 18 months alcohol free and I'll never go back.

I’m struggling with my workload at the moment. It’s not usually a problem, but there’s lots of people off on holiday, and the caseload is stacking up.

I also have one client I would willingly stab, and he emails me about five times a day 😡

I would normally drink my way out of the resulting anxiety, but I know that would just make everything worse.

I just need to plod through it and look forward to my own holiday next month.

Alcohol free. I couldn't do the moderate only. Allen Carrs theory that you need to quit completely and see alcohol as a poison rather than continuing to take smaller amounts made sense to me. I am stopping a behaviour which is hurting me rather than depriving myself of a treat.

Ohhh - I hear you @rothbury ! Agreed to cover for lots of people, so don’t feel on top of things - anxiety is rocketing, and at the end of the day I feel like a kettle about to go off.

Welcome @Ginwitch5 ! I’ve never read the Alan Carr, but I’ve heard good things. One of my favourite quit lit is Holly Whitakers Quit Like a Woman, and she followed his approach- Never Question the Decision, is that right?

Thank you. I'm making a book list....

@Ginwitch5 I would definitely recommend Alcohol Explained by William Porter. It’s very factual and really leaves you with no desire to drink alcohol.

Hi all. Been signposted to this thread by some lovely people on one I started. Two weeks sober today for me. Will have a read of the thread

Welcome @drinktilisink ! I’m glad you found us. I saw your thread, and 17 months ago I could have written your first post. My drinking had always been problematic, but I had 3 really hard years, topped off by a time that I could only deal with by escaping into a bottle. My life is immeasurably better since I stopped drinking. You have done brilliantly in getting to 2 week - keep going!

Morning everyone! @WendyWagon all the very best for your lunch today. I hope it goes ok, remember to take care of yourself
congratulations on your up-coming 2 year soberversary @TooOldForThisNonsense ! That’s a great achievement, enjoy it!

welcome to all the new posters and congratulations on getting those early days and weeks under your belts!

Morning lads.
Welcome @drinktilisink . I found AA useful others like SMART.
All help is useful and I usually post daily to keep accountable.
We all think we are good at hiding the drink. If you partner isn't a boozer he will know.
Some of our members hid their stash in their cars, beds and even in a bush! I use to wash the bottles up or top them up with water. I wouldn't go back to that.

I am dreading the lunch but tis only a couple of hours.

Two weeks for me today too 🎉. Waves at @drinktilisink 👋😊

All the best today @WendyWagon. You're a good friend to go.

@PankWuffin thank you. I bailed.
I just couldn't do the huge abstinence around someone who was going to consume two bottles at lunch. Then my fibby excuse was in vain as my friend had gone AF. Guilt for me.

Don't blame you @WendyWagon! But that's great news she's AF. Maybe you can meet up without the fear she'll get wasted and become aggressive. Don't be hard on yourself. You really need to protect yourself first around alcohol

Don't feel bad @WendyWagon, I'd probably have bailed too in the circumstances. You opted out for all the right reasons. And - who knows - she may have stopped going AF as soon as you were off the scene (whether literally or figuratively). You have absolutely nothing to blame yourself for. xx