The continuing support thread for living alcohol-free. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. Many thanks to @wendywagon for holding the reins on the last thread, and to drybird for starting the original thread about 3 years ago.
We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. There’s support here whatever your stage on that journey. Whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size, and have all been there too when things get challenging.
Thank you too @rep22 @onewildandpreciouslife for offering to back up host too. I thought there was someone else but I can’t find the post.

Good morning all, I felt the need to pop in this morning and remind myself why I don't drink. On this day last year I was at rock bottom (my rock bottom). I woke up alone in a tiny flat having drink myself into oblivion the night before.. I did so because I was so sad 😞 handing over my children to my exH for the weekend, driving 30 miles home to our dingy little temporary basement flat - I drank wine until I blacked out. I had a fall.. when I came round I was in the bathroom covered in blood throwing water over my face. I'd tripped up and fallen face first onto my laptop I was holding and the charger went straight into my face. Needless to say my face was completely smashed up! Today one year on I am alcohol free - the tiny scar I was left with from that fall is almost invisible. We have an amazing new house back in the area we previously lived in and I just cannot believe how fortunate I am to be alive and well. It could have ended much worse had I not realised after that terrible fall that drink was not my friend. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be here right now!! The embarrassment of going to a&e, the scary CT scans and admitting I'd blacked out and had no recollection of what really happened were enough to make me stop. I listened to podcasts, read books and owned it. If I can do it, anyone can. It started with a glass of wine to block out my sham of a marriage.. my enabler continued to abuse me pouring more and more wine to keep me in that state. I'm so bloody thankful I walked away from him, found the strength to stop drinking and discovered of love of DIY ☺️ thank you for letting me share that story, this lovely group helped me through some bad times and I'll be eternally thankful. Have a wonderful sober Sunday you lovely lot. xxx

You have come so far @rockingbird ❤️. Your story powerfully shows what can happen when we realise we need to change and act on that. I remember your first posts on these threads, and it’s been an honour to cheer you on from the sidelines. You have done an amazing job for yourself and your family. Keep rocking!

Morning all.
@PankWuffin I took to buying expensive food when I first stopped drinking. My taste buds changed. Now I am slimmer I don't eat as much.

I found the thread about stupid comments interesting. Nobody comments on female drinking (unless it is their MIL). Misogyny is still at play I think. It isn't even covered in magazines. That I don't understand but they do push alcohol and rarely feature AF choices.

Anyhow feeling brighter today. Have a good day my friends.

@rockingbird congratulations. Your story is fantastic. You have been very inspiring. Glad you have your home sorted. Onwards and upwards.

I’m going to hold that in my mind, thank you.

@rockingbird , you’re amazing. An inspiration.

I slept well last night. This morning I thought how nice it was to open the fridge without worrying about how much wine there wasn’t left. And looking forward to the day without thinking “really? That much?”

Hi @GolgafrinchamB hope you are ok. Just wanted to say if you want to jump onto the only other really active moderating/abstaining thread I'll link it for you here. Some are moderating successfully and there's people like myself who are completely AF (and don't plan on ever drinking again) but there aren't loads of other moderating threads so thought I'd put this out there. We are a friendly, non judgemental bunch anything goes and lots of amazing tips!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/4824824-on-a-mission-to-moderate-or-absolutely-abstaining-join-us-for-encouragement-support-and-non-judgemental-chat-continued?page=15&reply=128375248

Thank you for sharing your story @rockingbird. Glad you have made a lovely new life for yourself and your dcs! Very inspiring to a newbie like me.

@SoosanCarter yes, that is a good feeling! Also no trail of destruction to clear up this morning before anyone else wakes up 😬. I have done that too often of a Sunday morning.

@WendyWagon yes, I think AF is still seen by some people as something you only do when you're pregnant, religious or someone who used to sit on a park bench with a bottle of vodka! I definitely think people who don't drink have to explain themselves which is ridiculous when you think about it.

I will definitely remember that point about boredom too @stilldumdedumming

@Determineddoris thank you for that link. I have had a quick read. The more support people get the better.

Just lost my post! Congrats @rockingbird you do indeed rock!

Sharing a quick quote from my meditation today - 'The months and years can't happen without the days.' And therefore the days can't happen without the hours, minutes and seconds.

Congratulations @rockingbird 🎊
1 year - phenomenal.

What an inspirational, honest and just all round amazing story. Long may your sobriety and positivity continue (I'm sure it will, you are epic!!!)

Milestone alert for me too. 18 months today since I last had an alcoholic drink. I'll never, ever, ever go back.

@Blackberryblossom

'The months and years can't happen without the days.' And therefore the days can't happen without the hours, minutes and seconds

Very poignant quote there, going to have to steal it.

@Crunchymum big congrats

No problem. As you say the more support the better!

Congrats @Crunchymum I remember when you were starting out and how far you have come. You should be so proud of yourself !

Hi all,

Just to put into words and (hopefully) receive comfort.

I've always had a problem with alcohol - mainly I use it to block out anxiety, to which I am susceptible (also think I'm autistic to a degree). This was fine as I have had a successful adult life - on my second "professional" career, from teacher to trainee doctor.

Drinking since 2019 has been daily and has felt very needed. This was COVID, yes, but I think the truth is its more that that's when my first child (also autistic) was born. Whilst it's been incredibly hard dealing with the violence from my child (though through patience and low demand parenting, we're doing quite well), the crux of it is that I am not emotionally equipped to raise children. The noise, loss of freedom and constant demands both admin and from the children themselves makes me soooooooo unhappy. I love them both very much, but I'm definitely in the "I would undo it if I had my time again" crowd. Its weird having those two polarising emotions.

Anyway - I'm a month alcohol free. Withdrawal was fine, a little tiring, and there are some ongoing cravings but I can manage it. I'm just left with the fact that I'm in a life which I find fundamentally too anxiety inducing and miserable, and i find it destresses me greatly to compromise on what i want. Again - love my kids, am just not equipped to manage. They have lots of stuff, lots of my time, lots of experiences, love, stories, patience, healthy food, etc, so I am, I suppose, "managing" from an external POV, but not inside.

So my sobriety is all about not being able to drink away the sadness and anxiety. I know this all sounds very PND, but I don't think that's right. I'm perfectly happy when staying away or out with friends. I've done the SSRI and therapy thing but neither help the fundamental issue, and I found SSRIs were great but I drank A LOT more, probably because they reduced my anxiety about health and drinking.

DH comments that, although I feel more forced to face fear and misery, I'm calmer off the drink. Maybe it wasn't the calming protective thing I always thought it was!

Thanks for sharing that @rockingbird. I can’t wait to get to a year.

@SoosanCarter your post rang a bell. It’s so nice to be free from that constant anxiety about “did I really drink that much?!” in parallel with “have I got enough?”

When I go out with friends I am so much more relaxed because I’m not thinking about who is drinking the fastest, can I order another bottle/round yet? Am I irritatingly drunk and repeating myself? I can just sit back and enjoy the moment.

I have to admit I am swerving a boozy event today. That’s possibly more to do with me trying to manage the situation where I’m considered “default driver “ for a group who all drink. Whatever the reasons, I didn’t fancy it so made my excuses.

@Sillymummies123 welcome.

I think I understand about the DC thing. I didn't have children for the first 11 years of marriage. When they came I was in shock. I also resented the loss of freedom, I had to be home etc. I have/had a big career (I'm not very well atm). I had PND with my DD. Alcohol took hold the year after she was born as my DM had died.
They do grow up very quickly. I am better with teenagers. We're not all earth mothers. I love my kids but I prefer dogs truth be told! If you have tried therapy (I did, it was excellent, I did six months). CBT didn't work for me but might for you as a trainee doctor, it is a heal thyself.
A support group might work to fill the void as you may be analysing the therapist. I did this until a friend said, 'for f*cks sake Sav just talk to the woman'. Lots of support here and well done on your first month.

@Sillymummies123 I think it’s very common to drink to escape- I know I did. The big problem with alcohol is that’s addictive, so the “cure” ends up being a problem in itself. I found myself in the position that the problems that led me to drink heavily resolved themselves, but I was left with problematic drinking.

Getting through a month with all those challenges is amazing. What I’ve found is that after a while the scales fall from your eyes, and you can see things more clearly than you have in years. That’s a bit of a two edged sword BUT along with the clarity comes much more energy and, yes, much less anxiety, so you may find that you start to find new ways to cope.

Well done on 18 months @Crunchymum !!

Afternoon my lovelies, busy thread today - something about waking up to a sober Sunday reminding us all and allowing us to reflect on why we are abstinent maybe?

I’m loving the analogy of alcohol filling a chasm of emptiness but now an alcohol free life can fill that - brilliant and I wholeheartedly agree!

@rockingbird - amazing achievement and story - well done!

Day 38 today - my overgrown garden beckons me! But I need to do a bit of interview revision/research as have two coming up this week. My current job is stressful and miserable and not what a retrained to do a few years ago. So I am making an active decision to try and get another one better suited to me - who knows how I will do but I feel positive. Could he looking at a whole different career this time next week - fingers crossed!

Have a lovely AF day all!

Just popping in. On my all inc holiday with the extended family. The only time I’ve been tempted to drink was last night after DH had gone to bed and I had just my teens with me in the bar and I was sad that I couldn’t fully have the holiday bar/drink/escape with them. However this morning I’ve woken up after a good sleep. I’m taking them on a spin (golf carts on resort) to the marina and we will get coffee and more sun cream. Much more wholesome and better bonding experience than getting pissed with them last night!

Well done and fab that you're having a great time with your teens!

I'm only 30 odd days in, but I've noticed that if I don't drink and spend the evening out (not pubs and bars), I feel pretty similar to how I did when I drank - more a pleasantly tired, which I must have mistaken for being alcohols influence. .

Morning all.
A bit stiff after a long car journey yesterday but I have a rare day to myself.
Sorting of clothes not boxes today I think.
I hope everyone had peaceful weekend.

This reminds me so much of the Kirsty MacColl song New England:

“Once upon a time at home
I sat beside the telephone
Waiting for someone to pull me through
When at last it didn't ring, I knew it wasn't you”

Nice work!

many congratulations on 18months @Crunchymum 🥳🥳🥳 there’s something lovely about just keeping going and thriving without alcohol. I’m glad you like the quote, I had to remind myself not to leap up off the mat to write it down straightaway

AF vibes to all!

I have had a disappointing day - had an interview that I did ok in - was hopeful - lost out to someone with more experience! Can’t be helped but I find interviews so hard, applying, prepping, coping with the nerves, waiting for that call - excruciating! I have another interview on Thursday so have a day or two respite until the whole process starts again - ahhhhh!

However, in a foreshadowing win I bought galaxy chocolate and squash ‘ems yesterday that I will systematically work my way through later😂

So this evening. I will be in a sugar coma, but no alcohol!