The continuing support thread for living alcohol-free. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. Many thanks to @wendywagon for holding the reins on the last thread, and to drybird for starting the original thread about 3 years ago.
We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. There’s support here whatever your stage on that journey. Whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size, and have all been there too when things get challenging.
Thank you too @rep22 @onewildandpreciouslife for offering to back up host too. I thought there was someone else but I can’t find the post.

@Blackberryblossom I have dreams like that. Except mine involve tumblers of vodka and a scenario where I have no option but to then get in the car and drive someone somewhere. I wake up cross and very unsettled. I have been finding that I don't have them as often as I used to though.

Top stuff about your music, that sounds brilliant. Can we have tickets for your album tour? x

@Cherrymix welcome back. My thinking is similar to yours. I'm sometimes not sure if I want to be sober, especially of an evening.

Boredom is a MASSIVE issue for me too. It was soul-crushing when I wasn't able to drive (no incidents, I just surrendered my licence voluntarily to the DVLA when I knew my drinking was a serious problem). At least I can get out and about in my lovely car now - but I HAVE to be doing something, especially at weekends. It's like a persistent itch. I need to be busy.

So - shite cricket team match for me tomorrow with elderlies. Plus possibly introducing the dog to a still-hovering ex-boyf on Sunday. The dog will fart him into oblivion and I shall show no mercy.

All for the sake of having to keep myself occupied. 'twill be worth it.

It's nice to see you back. It's not the blips and the falls that matter - it's picking yourself up, dusting yourself down and keeping on going that counts. xx

Just about to get in the car for my first AA meeting. Aaarrrhhhh!!!!

Went to the supermarkets earlier, didn't buy any alcohol, was quite pleased. It's only day 3 though!

Good luck @BoredAndNotDomesticated

I haven’t done AA myself but I know some posters say it saved their lives.

Hope it went well @BoredAndNotDomesticated , and that you have your first AF Friday under your belt now!

Thank you @REP22 . It’s always a relief knowing that it’s not just me with the dreams! I love the idea of an album tour, maybe we could ask @WendyWagon to do the vocals 🎤🎶🎶

Re boredom: I'm choosing to think that any gaping chasm like feelings are making space for the life I am supposed to be living, without the anaesthetic of booze.

Wasn't entirely sure what to make of AA, can see it's definitely worked for people, but I don't know if I could ever get on board with the 'spirituality' aspect of it. I spoke to them on the phone beforehand, earlier in the week and they said it wasn't religious, but I felt it was. Mighty try a different local AA group and see if it's any different in feel??

Morning all.
@BoredAndNotDomesticated try another group. I tried two. One nosey, one not. I was delighted to get a medal for not drinking that day. Childhood thing. I learnt sweets are your friends in the early days. I am COE but they don't ask that but it is why doctors can't give you a leaflet. I also didn't like some of the steps. I didn't do apologises. I have worked my way around most people now and said sorry for my shenanigans.
SMART recovery is another group. No religion. I would find a group helpful even now. I wish the lads could form one but our annomity is a big part of the honesty on this thread. I couldn't admit how much I was drinking to anyone IRL. 3-7 bottles of wine a week and it was killing me.
However tis Saturday and fish pie tonight, hoorah.

The thing is that holding spaces can be a bit delicate and so it's good to be somewhere you know the group has a bit behind it.

Really tempted last night. My dp bought me 2 g and t tins months ago. I don't know why. They are still in the fridge. He thinks I'm being a bit OTT probably because I always drank a fair bit less than him. But I don't want to booze my way through life. It's too precious!!

Here's my latest heavy hearted fest. I separated from my ex 8 years ago. Father of my children. We'd been together 15 years. The house was always in his name. I know!

The split was incredibly nasty. He is a controlling gas lighting hippy. It's weird to watch. He made the kids choose. I am renting and it's expensive because I left with nothing. Of course the kids chose him as they knew I'd never make them do that. So when I say I left with nothing I mean it!

Now things have settled a little. I ended up with my dd and me and ds speak every day. Me and ex are ok we chat and I would say we are friends. He decided he would give £10k to help me buy a house if the kids agreed.

Ds agreed readily. Dd - who is pregnant and relying on me for support, who I have been there for through thick and thin and all her extreme destructive behaviour that saw her dad and brother move towns to get away - would not agree. And so it's off! Nice eh?

Made me contemplate a bottle of red I can tell you. But I knew that would be the outcome. I don't think she knows I know. She said some pretty nasty stuff in the mix.

And just for context I didn't drink when I was with the kids. It was after we split that it got a bit too much and I decided to quit.

Good morning!
I have completed a week. I feel so much better this morning compared to last Saturday when I woke with a faint memory of my bestie phoning me and me denying I was drunk when I clearly was. She’s been fantastic.
Tbh, it’s been far easier than I expected.

Thoughts on the past week.

Cravings not too bad, if I hadn’t admitted I have a problem I would’ve have scuttled off to the corner shop, but now I have committed myself to my promise.

AF beer and gin have been a huge help. I enjoy drinking them without guilt, and I don’t miss the alcohol effect.

Sleeping has been far harder than I expected. It’s lovely going to bed sober, tidying the kitchen etc. Dropping off within half an hour, but wake a couple of hours later and just try to doze thereon. Love the Try Dry app pinging me at 9.15.

Evenings are long. I think I’ll be doing a lot of knitting.

I’ve found this thread supportive, just knowing I’m not alone. I’ve not felt the need to seek any “outside help”, yet. So thank you.

Hello 👋

I will join you on this nice thread please and thank you 😌

I think I am on day 10/11 today and trying very hard not to let myself think "it wasn't so bad! Surely you aren't quitting FOREVER"?!

Anyway, I am just getting over covid at the moment (which is so 2021), and not feeling great. Weirdly this has helped as i have not wanted to drink and I've done nothing but sleep this past week or so. I'm going to brave the outside world today I think and go for a walk. I'm impressed with people doing proper workouts. Walks and yoga are my preference but who knows what now drinking might lead to?

@stilldumdedumming I read your post and felt for you. I know exactly the type when you say controlling hippy! I know men like that too. Well done for not drinking as I'm sure it was tempting.

@stilldumdedumming - that’s so tough, I’m sorry. Well done for not drinking though.

@SoosanCarter - a week done! Great stuff.

welcome @PankWuffin. Keep on keeping on, a day at a time

@PankWuffin (excellent name) it's a definite type isn't it?

@SoosanCarter first week can be tough. Well done- keep going

@SoosanCarter well done

Ffs.
The article’s not too bad

@stilldumdedumming your situation sounds really tough. Good parents put thier children first in situations like you described. You have done that and it may take some time for your DD to realize that you have been putting her first all this time. It’s really hard to be on the receiving end of hurtful behaviour from DC- especially when there is a much bigger picture that they don’t fully grasp through no fault of their own.

Controlling hippy is an apt description for my ex. Sooooo laid back to everyone else…but just a front when it came to me. It is very hard work not saying anything about a father who has behaved badly and not put DC first. My ex-H is a monumental arsehole, I smile and remain positive in the face of his frequent fuck wittery for the sake of the DC, but I am honest with them about his behaviour if they ask (which is hardly ever). At the end of the day I want them to be happy and have a good relationship with him- I hope they will come to their own conclusions as they get older.

I definitely used booze as a coping mechanism- it made it all far worse. I am 77 days dry now and coping so much better- I can focus on my own well-being and the things I can control and this works much better sober.

So @stilldumdedumming hats off for not succumbing to the wine. Not easy.

👋 everyone else- well done @SoosanCarter - great achievement.

Welcome @PankWuffin

@threeandmeandthedog oh yes. Both dc definitely had to do some extreme mental gymnastics to survive and will not have come out unscathed.

I'm the same with my dc's. I say he has some good qualities because he does. And they're a lot easier to see from afar!

Two weeks into a year sober. DH and me. We’re trying it for many reasons and so far, so good. He even attended an all day sports event with mates who drank all day and he stuck to the AF.

We have a few events coming up when would usual involve alcohol and would like some help. Next week we’re on holiday for a week. No idea if the little island were visiting has AF options. We’re self catering so won’t be tempted by any AI alcohol. Any tips or advice for addressing it?

Generally loving the peace not drinking brings and feel a bit of a relief to not waking up with a hangover or having the whole day impacted by not feeling great.

@Thosesummernights lots of overseas countries don't have drinking culture. I am sure they will be delighted to make something for a sober Brit. In the early days I use to order a virgin Mary etc.
I am also a big fan of fresh juice. My DC drink it all so I look forward to it whilst out.
I can even drink coke these days which I hated.

I had another drunken call from the friend who upset me a few weeks ago. Her texts are rude and aggressive. She wants to meet this week and I can't put her off. I really fear for her health.

Oh yes, virgin cocktails are a great shout, thank you.

Yep, sadly it’s too easy to press self-destruct while drinking. Have you told her how she’s making you feel?

Just had a chuckle on the 'ridiculous things said' thread but I have to say I have had a few since giving up the grog.

'it only takes 30/100 days to cure alcoholism' yeah right, hallelujah praise the Lord, not.

'you don't look like a drinker' show me the bottles honey and you won't believe your eyes!

'you can have a cheeky drink now' - you wouldn't offer an ex drug addict a quick snort!

I did chuckle at the thread, worth a read for the 'no reasoning with stupid'.

I haven't seen that thread @WendyWagon. Will have a look now though! That friendship situation sounds hard.

@Thosesummernights I also imagine they'll be happy you're sober and not one of the legendary drunken Brits abroad.

I had a weirdly low moment earlier at about 8 o'clock. Just suddenly felt like I didn't have anything to look forward to and it made me a bit down. I was wracking my brain trying to think what triggered it and I think it was maybe it being Saturday night (so, usual drinking time) combined with a disappointing meal at dinner time. It sounds so ridiculous, but a slightly crappy dinner really did depress me 😂. Will make a bigger effort tomorrow. Dh cooked tonight and it just wasn't what I fancied.

book marking