The continuing support thread for living alcohol-free. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. Many thanks to @wendywagon for holding the reins on the last thread, and to drybird for starting the original thread about 3 years ago.
We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. There’s support here whatever your stage on that journey. Whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size, and have all been there too when things get challenging.
Thank you too @rep22 @onewildandpreciouslife for offering to back up host too. I thought there was someone else but I can’t find the post.

Ah, yes, the “call of the corner shop”! Mine will have a glut of Villa Maria by now. I had to go to mine this morning as they had delivered the Daily Mail instead of the Torygraph, which I only really get for the crossword. The Sauvignon Sirens didn’t call me🙂.

Morning all.
Well I survived and didn't get involved in a family fight. Yesterday would have been my brother's birthday. I took to my bed with the little dog who wouldn't b*gger off. A couple of off posts on Facebook and I thought, Sav take yourself upstairs and keep out of the corner shop!
The DH got fish and chips on a Tuesday and I watched some fashion nonsense on Netflix.
First tea down.
@SoosanCarter my nickname is Sav due to my previous love affair with the said grape. It's a sweaty old taste really but I don't do sweet. Not sure which quit lit guru said it but I now visualise it as mouldy fruit in water. Active mind me.
I am unpacking china and glass today. Any more plastic toys and I might screem.

Hi all, good stuff to all those people starting their journey and learning new ways of being without alcohol!

I am day 34 today and had a small twitch on the way home from work to turn my car in to Tesco to grab some booze - but instead I questioned why I was feeling that way. I had a good and productive day at work and all is serene at home. So maybe some misguided effort to celebrate? I just kept my car pointing to home and arrived without the wine or cider!

Anyway, I am at home on the sofa in my comfies and today I will not drink!

@Minutebyminute well done you.
The first thirty days are the hardest. I'm proud of you.

Thank you @WendyWagon - that is really kind of you to say 😊.

Well done for getting through yesterday without a drink @WendyWagon - these occasions are hard

34 days is awesome work @Minutebyminute ! 👏👏

Thinking of you @WendyWagon . Hope today has been a bit easier.
Poorly dh here, looks like he'll be off work for a bit.
My music thing went well this week. I've got a guitar/bass/drums track based on a chord progression I wrote, now I just have to figure out lyrics and then record them. It's good though. Definitely a solid step outside my comfort zone.
Waving to everyone, happy Wednesday to you all, wherever you're days, weeks, months or years into your AF life.

Morning all.
Big sort out yesterday.
Three cupboards done, china, glass and a larder all sorted and stocked.
I am doing clothes today. All 'normal' kit not worn for two years is going into the donate bags. Life is to short to wear clothes you have no passion for.
There's a poem about wearing purple when you're old. I am having pink hair as I did at 18. Need to retire first. A few years yet.
Happy Thursday everyone x

Day 29 today. Trying to avoid articles that praise the enormous health and wellbeing transformation that 30 days free gave them, as I feel as bloated, tired, greasy and sick as I always did when drinking. Haven't lost a pound either. Feel definitely worse than when I was drinking daily, so need to put my head down and not question whether I should be feeling a transformation or not!

As I was "functional" and had nailed a cocktail of fluids, foods and supplements to kick off a hangover, I can't say I'm experiencing the "wonder of waking up without a hangover" either.

This all comes later in reality, right peeps?

@Sillymummies123 Well done for the 29 days, it takes a lot to crack that.

I know how grim it seems. But It DOES get better, I promise. Even if it doesn't feel like it just now.

Keep going. It will be OK. x

@Sillymummies123 have you replaced alcohol with sugar?

I did. I consumed my body weight in chocolate, cake and cookies for the first four or five months. I did feel better, but the sugar took its toll!!

Now, eight months in, I feel fantastic and am steadily losing weight.

After doing so well in April/ May I had a prolonged slide and so am back on day 1.

There was a very stressful family situation at the time that has now resolved itself so am hoping that and my upcoming week off will help get me kick-started.

I think my main issue is that in my heart of hearts I m not 100% convinced that I want to stop drinking completely. Even though I know I feel better when I do.

It's also about how to deal with boredom. Which is a big trigger for me. Plus ruminating. Also a bad habit of mine.

Hey ho. Glad to be back just now

Oh @Sillymummies123 - your body is so much better off without the poison that is alcohol - but a bit of a sickener that you aren’t feeling great! I hope you will feel better soon!

welcome back @Cherrymix - yes, boredom and ruminating were my two sticking points as well. I have used ‘play it forward’ with good effect - the cider may fulfil my need to reduce boredom or turn my brain off at the time, but the joy of lifting my head off the pillow in the morning and no headache is priceless!

Day 35 for me today and my app tells me that is 5 weeks. I remember at the start the days crept up painfully slowly but are adding up now. I am still resolute in my abstinence and today I will not drink!

@Cherrymix welcome back and a week off is a good time to reset.

I refuse to accept that life is boring without alcohol. Like that's all I had. But I still feel it might be the case sometimes so that's a bit tricky!

I am 102 days with a quick blip in there. Which I definitely count but don't think completely detracts from how I've done.

Would it help to not think of it as giving up completely. But more of a curious experiment on what it might feel like to lay off for an indeterminate time?

Also,

Hi @Sillymummies123 sorry to hear that you're still struggling & not feeling great. I wanted to comment because years ago I gave up alcohol for lent, and felt exactly like you and could have written what you had about not only not feeling any better, but actually feeling worse! I also didn't lose any weight. It turned out that I actually had an underlying health issue that I wasn't aware of. Self medicating the fatigue & depression with alcohol was actually how this all started for me. Perhaps an MOT wouldn't do you any harm, just in case you too have another reason not to feel the benefits. However, even if you are fit as a fiddle, I've read a lot of comments here and there of people reporting the same - but they always feel the benefit in the end. I think everyone's journey is a bit different in terms of the first weeks / months. Keep going !
I think I'm day 36 or 37 today. The biggest benefit for me so far has been my skin. I've actually jumped back as I've looked in the mirror some mornings. I can't believe how awful I was looking before. No magical cures in terms of my sleep or weight so far though!

Hi All 👋 I've posted on one of the other chats on the alcohol support section too. I'm 2 days sober and planning on going to an AA meeting tomorrow. I don't like group activities so I doubt I'll like it but I have to do something. Wish me luck!

Welcome @Sillymummies123 - I’m glad you found us from the other threads. I’m sorry you’re not feeling the benefits yet, but hang in there. It may be worth looking at your wider health if you still feel grotty after a while - I didn’t feel great physically initially and was still exhausted after 30 days, and that was the prompt for me to go on HRT (but I may be a lot older than you!)

Welcome back @Cherrymix. I do know what you mean about boredom- there is so much time when you don’t drink! But I decided that using a poisonous substance to escape that wasn’t a sensible use of my time. It takes a while to learn new ways of being.

Hello @BoredAndNotDomesticated - good luck with the AA meeting. It’s worth pushing outside your comfort zone to see if it helps- I’ve never tried AA but it’s helped a lot of people

Thanks for the replies and apologies for previous grump. I'm binge eating as I did when drinking, I'm just sad I suppose that the binge eating hasn't reduced as alcohol was always a trigger.

I suppose I have to be patient and start, as you say, looking inward for tiredness and any feelings outside of alcohol. I have an NT 2 year old and a ND 4 year old, so I suppose some degree of continued exhaustion is natural. I am excited about exercising now! Lifting weights and cardio always felt so futile when drinking. I did it for years and never made any progress. It always felt like atonement. Effortlessly, these past 30 days, I've become faster, stronger, and although I'm still carrying all of the podge, my legs are toning nicely.

@Sillymummies123 good news on the exercise front. I'm trying to get back to exercise. I was a runner and loved it but I can't even walk properly anymore due to disability. I miss exercise and it's the only thing that helps my mental health but I'm now 18 stone and it feels out of reach.

@BoredAndNotDomesticated good luck today.

Morning lads.
DD had the dog last night so I went back to sleep. Hoorah.
@stilldumdedumming I'm a big girl and the weight is now coming off. My shape is changing to. It took me a year to lose a stone and a half then boom the next one came off in two months. Like you I have pronounced disabilities but I do try to walk a bit. When I lose weight it encourages me not to overeat. My son told me when I was drinking I would eat 3-5 packets of crisps. Can't say I noticed!
@Sillymummies123 ND children are hard work, unless you have experience of life with a ND person you have no idea. However it gets easier, I promise.
@BoredAndNotDomesticated I attended AA before I found this MN community. I found it useful and shocking. The shock has stayed with me. Some back stories had me howling. I don't object to the God bothering and there are very kind people there. The only reason I don't go is a nosey friend of a friend. She introduced herself as knowing who I was. That's against the rules, but in a rural backwater I don't think it was policed enough. That I didn't like. However I went to one meeting full of TV people. Fancinating. It's free so why not?

I'm still drinking, to my shame.

I've bought Annie Grace's Naked Mind and Alcohol Experiment and Alcohol Excplained by William Porter. I'm finding they have a very similar approach (although I'm only part way through them as I'm following the advice in the books to read a couple of chapeters a day)

I have self-referred to an addiction service and I'm cutting down, but I have yet to step completely away.

Hello all,

I have a bit of catching up to do but I had another major win last night. Had dinner with friends who are MASSIVE drinkers.
First they wanted to meet (adults only) in town. I said I wasn't drinking, so they suggested a family bbq (at mine so I would drink as not driving) but I am still recovering from an op so didn't feel up to hosting.
Then, it was a cuppa and biscuits at theirs, and when I got there, an impromptu bbq happened.

And everyone got very drunk ... EXCEPT ME!

Sorry to hear you've not stopped completely, hopefully you find a workable way to make that happen for you.

In the meantime you may want to check out the threads dedicated to moderation as this thread is for those who are completely AF.

We didn't all get here overnight of course but moderation / cutting down isn't something we advocate (mainly as it's never worked for us, abstinence is the only way)

There is plenty of support out there for people who wish to moderate. Best of luck.

hello. Very weird dream last night about being offered a full glass of wine by people who knew I’d quit. I said no thank you and still woke up cross! Well done @justdrink on sticking to your guns.

@GolgafrinchamB well done on self referring. I can’t really add anything to crunchymum’s post except to add my best wishes too. Wanting to quit and feeling trapped is such a horrible feeling. The Try Dry app might be useful too as you can use it to track your changing relationship with alcohol.

@stilldumdedumming might swimming be a possibility for you, depending on your ability? I go to an over 50s session at a local pool and there are people of all sizes and abilities there. @Sillymummies123 it sounds as if exercise is where you’ll see your AF wins!

hello and welcome back @Cherrymix , that was a very honest post. The sober girl society Instagram is very useful at looking at the perceived relationships between alcohol, fun and boredom.

congrats @Minutebyminute and everyone celebrating a milestone of whatever size!

it’s been beautiful today. I had a walk with dh this morning, a bike ride this afternoon (on my Two Years Sober bike which is still my favourite 🚲). I also got a verse and a chorus and a rough melody sorted for the backing tracks I made on Monday, and that has me grinning! Wishing you all a lovely weekend.

Afternoon all. Greetings to everyone, new and established 👋

Sending love to you all, wherever you are on the AF path.

Today is my day 100 since my last little 'blip'. (My actual day of stopping properly is 24 October 2019, but blips have come and gone since). This is a good win for me, because recent days have not been easy. The Dartmoor debacle (coat that was trousers/dog vanishing with car key + phone/chicken in pants/etc.) has settled somewhat, but work has been especially challenging.

So I will take my 100 day win and rejoice in it. I have tried to get the dog to dance the hellacious hula with me to celebrate, but he wasn't keen. In fact he was quite cheeky. I might have to report him to that Graeme off "Dogs Behaving (Very) Badly" on Channel 5. That'll learn him.

Top result on the sober BBQ @justdrink , that much have been hard but ultimately satisfying.

Keep trying @GolgafrinchamB. I concur with what @Crunchymum says - I have tried cutting down/moderation. It never REALLY worked, even when I valiantly tried to convince myself that it did. Not having any in the house was the only answer for me; I just couldn't trust myself. But please do keep going and don't give up on trying. You can do it, however impossible it seems.

Have a good weekend. Strength and love. xx