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Alcohol support

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The continuing support thread for living alcohol-free. Everyone welcome.

982 replies

Blackberryblossom · 28/06/2023 16:29

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. Many thanks to @wendywagon for holding the reins on the last thread, and to drybird for starting the original thread about 3 years ago.
We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. There’s support here whatever your stage on that journey. Whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size, and have all been there too when things get challenging.
Thank you too @rep22 @onewildandpreciouslife for offering to back up host too. I thought there was someone else but I can’t find the post.

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stilldumdedumming · 22/07/2023 10:36

Morning I spent my children's childhoods at festivals. We had a massive old van and went to them all. Mainly on artist or press tickets. I didn't used to get that drunk as ex dp did and we had the kids to think of. I miss it.

I am away for 2 nights this week in a cabin treehouse thing. The site is where I am usually at an AF camp so I'm thinking I can keep the holiday AF - even though the weather looks dire!

carlottacandle · 22/07/2023 15:07

Hi all, checking in from a weekend away. Definitely some tricky moments as we've had an issue with the accommodation, for some reason this made me very anxious and desperate for a wine. I've done well at trying to manage my emotions though and haven't had the wine. Day 17. I feel like if I can get through the summer holidays AF then I'll be in a strong place ready for Christmas.

stilldumdedumming · 22/07/2023 15:12

Absolutely excellent work @carlottacandle well done!

carlottacandle · 22/07/2023 17:14

Thank you @stilldumdedumming as it always does, the feeling passed. I haven't had too many AF drinks so far, I must admit I can find them a bit triggering and would rather have a nice soft drink. However, I had a bottle of 'nosecco' in the fridge and it is quite nice. Drinking with a few olives as I cook the kids and our tea. We went to a play area earlier and there was a bar!! That's the kind of unicorn I would have loved to have found 18 days ago LOL. It wasn't too bad though. Good wishes to all this weekend xx

WendyWagon · 22/07/2023 18:54

I am here lads.
Very busy day.
Didn't get to go into the bookshop due to the summer school in the local town. No parking available.
I am up for an early night. I need my sleep.

Itslookinglikeabeautifulday · 23/07/2023 00:16

Hello all, Day 12 done and dusted. I've been reading the posts on here (not caught up yet) and many strike a chord with my experiences. A few years ago I went AF for more than 100 days, and now I'm going AF again because I feel I have been prioritising drink over other more important things. I had felt like I did when I quit smoking several years ago - fed up with the creeping control something else had started having over my life. Because I was very ready to go AF i have thankfully found it fairly easy thus far. BUT I know that puts me in danger of the "one won't hurt" house of cards. Hence joining this thread. Grin 👋

WendyWagon · 23/07/2023 06:41

Morning all.
A good sleep was had.
The boys are clearing the storage unit today. I shall get my proper china and glass back. Ditto my Christmas decorations.
No one was drinking here although they put two Guinness zero in the fridge.
I had the milk and went to bed.

Onewildandpreciouslife · 23/07/2023 07:04

Hello @Itslookinglikeabeautifulday and welcome! I like your “house of cards” phrase. I vividly remember once thinking “gosh, if I feel this good sober, imagine how I’d feel if I had a glass of wine!”. Absolute madness.

I do wish I could sleep for a bit longer @WendyWagon - I sleep really well but wake up at 5ish. I’m hoping it’s a result of tapering off the ADs and will settle again at some point

Blackberryblossom · 23/07/2023 07:37

Morning! @carlottacandle that's a real achievement! Different problems and new situations were always my kryptonite. Whatever I was anxious about, I always knew what a g&t would taste like in any situation. over time I learned to spot these triggers and now it's almost funny how my mind will still hopefully suggest a drink in a situation that really wouldn't benefit.
@justdrink that's such a good idea. It really makes a difference not having it all in line of sight. I have a few AF drinks out on the counter where the spirits used to be, and dh's actual spirits are now away in a dresser in the dining room.
Welcome @Itslookinglikeabeautifulday I recognise your description of "creeping control".
@WendyWagon there's a big summer school near us too. I hope you can get to the bookshop soon. There's something very therapeutic about a good bookshop.
@Onewildandpreciouslife that made me laugh! We are so good at trying to sabotage our own success!
Happy Sunday all, hope you have a lovely day.

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threeandmeandthedog · 23/07/2023 07:54

This thread is so helpful to read. So much resonates. I am not a prolific poster but reading everyone’s experiences makes me feel connected and accountable.

I am on day 56 AF, and the last few days have been the first time I have been wavering. I went for dinner at a friends house the other night, there were two other people there who I don’t know well and I really had an urge to have a drink. Luckily I can come prepared with AF beer. The feeling passed. It was a lovely evening. They were all quite sloshed towards the end and I was glad I wasn’t. Even more so the next day.

Last night I went to a good friend’s birthday party. These are friends who I always used to drink with. Lots of people were there who I knew, but not well. Before I went I felt really undecided as to whether to have a glass or two of red. The thing that stopped me was thinking about tue terrible night’s sleep that would follow, the anxiety, the low mood, not being present for my kids. So I didn’t.

A bit of a revaluation that social anxiety was a big reason for drinking. I hadn’t realised this until I reflected on it. Have always felt quite confident in social situations, but without the booze, I realise that a lot of that confidence must have been false boozy confidence.

There were some very drunk people at the party and it was strange really. That would have been me before. I wasn’t judging them, but it was odd. Some folk were being very loud and obnoxious and it made me feel a bit panicked inside, thinking was I like that? I always thought I was charming and funny…but maybe I wasn’t. I was never a loud drunk, but it made me realize how much my perceptions were altered by the alcohol.

Sober parties are hard work. But I had a real laugh with some people I hadn’t seen for ages. Had a few really interesting conversations and , overall, it was fun. I got home , had a cup of tea and watched some shit tv. So glad I didn’t drink.

its pissing down here and I may even go for a run. This would have been unthinkable before 😂

carlottacandle · 23/07/2023 08:06

Hi @threeandmeandthedog your description of social anxiety really resonates. It's absolutely true for me too. I lead quite an isolated life, my family aren't a part of my life, although my DHs are. I have few friends I see regularly outside of school runs etc. I've never made friends easily so drinking always helped give me confidence to try and talk to people. It's a shame that's no longer an option as I'll probably now not socialise, but I'd rather it be that way. I can't overthink and analyse what I've said to people if I don't talk to people 😂😂

justdrink · 23/07/2023 08:29

@MyGhastIsFlabbered how was the rest of the weekend? Did it dry up?

@carlottacandle well done. And yes to bring string enough to handle Christmas! I have booked a weekend away in Edinburgh for the Christmas markets, with a couple of friends who make Patsy from AB FAB look dry. It will be challenging, but I think they will respect my choice. We live far enough away from each other for it to be a huge novelty to get together and I am sure there will AF options available.

@stilldumdedumming that sounds amazing! I always dreamed of doing this but never quite made it happen.

Welcome @Itslookinglikeabeautifulday and I amat your self awareness. There is always this danger, and it's a sloppy slope... It's great to have you here.

Well done @threeandmeandthedog !!!! And I agree with @carlottacandle about social anxiety. It's huge for me, but as time goes on (and I experience more things sober), I am learning to navigate a bit better.

@Blackberryblossom happy Sunday to you too! I thought of you as I was pottering in my garden, I am cultivating a non prickly blackberry bush and the blossom is beautiful. The first berries are starting to ripen too, and they are beautifully sweet. It 'sparks joy' for me Smile

Onewildandpreciouslife · 23/07/2023 08:42

@carlottacandle I’m finding this a really interesting side of being sober. I am quiet by nature and used to use alcohol to bridge between how I am and how I thought I should be. But DD and I were once out with a big group of friends (hers and mine - she’s 20), and she said to me “I’m just not as loud as them, am I? But I’m ok with that”. So I’m just trying to be ok with that too.

Also, the overthinking happens much less if you’re not drinking! I’ve been to some drinks evenings where I do an hour of good conversations and then leave. I don’t have to watch myself and I find it much more relaxing

WendyWagon · 23/07/2023 10:02

You know lads I big bold Sav have social anxiety and I've been a TV presenter! (a long time ago). I think it comes from seeking others approval or inclusion. I actually don't give a monkeys most of the time now. It is so freeing.
I thought I was charming and humourous but really I could do a fine impression of Barry Humpries as Sir Les. Thank God there wasn't that much Internet around ten years ago.

I have the AF martini to crack open today, hopefully not to sweet.
Have a good day shipmates.

threeandmeandthedog · 23/07/2023 11:13

@carlottacandle thats certainly one way to reduce social anxiety 😂 Since splitting up with my H of 20 years last year (he is a heavy drinker) and since going AF I am much happier in my own company rather than seeking social connection all the time. It’s very grounding and far less exhausting.

@WendyWagon i find it very freeing knowing that I went out and had a good time and there’s not the slightest possibility I made a total tit of myself, and if I did it wasn’t because of alcohol - just my natural personality 😛 Barry as Sir Les made me laugh.
I also think as I have got older (am
mid 40s now) I am far more comfortable in my own skin, being AF helps.

Happy Sunday to everyone @Blackberryblossom @Onewildandpreciouslife @justdrink and everyone else.

WendyWagon · 24/07/2023 05:32

Awake early lads.
The dog is still asleep.
Every bit of me aches from the storage yesterday. Utter rubbish in the main. We have a few weeks to get it sorted before the DS comes home for a year.
I didn't even think I have done a horrible task I need wine. Someone on this thread once said if you have been drinking since you were a teenager you need to grow up. I think that is happening to me.
Big interview this afternoon. A job I would love but the location is rubbish. I need to think honestly if I would be put under loads of pressure to stay away from home too much.

rothbury · 24/07/2023 07:43

Good luck @WendyWagon .

My advice is to persuade them you are the only person who could possibly do the job, then once secured, you start negotiating on wfh.

Work out how often you can bear/afford to travel.

Crunchymum · 24/07/2023 09:34

Hello from a very changeable SE coast so far we've had storms and sunburn (it's only day 3!!)

It's nice to be away from the day to day stresses [although I am away with the MIL 😂] but my little people are quite challenging. Different ages, different interests, easily bored, constantly squabbling. It's hardly a relaxing break. I have to admit to myself how I've used alcohol in the past to deal with the intricacies of parenting. I don't always find it easy.

Looks like we've had out quota of sunshine though and the rest of our trip looks soggy. I can look forward to lots more moaning 😀

Thestartofsomethinggood · 24/07/2023 09:36

Happy Monday everyone. Day 9 so 2 weekends done. Rainy here but done an hour dog walk and an hour on allotment. Just defrosting freezer. Rockand roll

Blackberryblossom · 24/07/2023 09:52

Morning all! Thank you @justdrink what a lovely thing - a Blackberry bush with no thorns! I took the username from an old Michelle Shocked song, back in the day.
Welcome @threeandmeandthedog !
the that's an impressive start to a Monday 🏆
We had a lovely weekend with friends. I think it is definitely getting easier to make AF choices now, we were at a huge oriental foodhall and they produced a decent AF beer without breaking stride. And then a Turkish restaurant with a stonkingly good Virgin Mojito the next day.

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Onewildandpreciouslife · 24/07/2023 10:35

Good luck today @WendyWagon

Really tough day yesterday. Cried for the first time in about a year - used to cry every day. Going to visit mum today, which is always tough (dementia), and my sister’s cancer may have recurred. Still, didn’t drink, so that’s something

justdrink · 24/07/2023 10:54

Onewildandpreciouslife · 24/07/2023 10:35

Good luck today @WendyWagon

Really tough day yesterday. Cried for the first time in about a year - used to cry every day. Going to visit mum today, which is always tough (dementia), and my sister’s cancer may have recurred. Still, didn’t drink, so that’s something

Sending unmumsnetty hugs to you. That's shit. When will your sister find out?

Well done everyone on another summer weekend AF!

Blackberryblossom · 24/07/2023 11:35

Onewildandpreciouslife · 24/07/2023 10:35

Good luck today @WendyWagon

Really tough day yesterday. Cried for the first time in about a year - used to cry every day. Going to visit mum today, which is always tough (dementia), and my sister’s cancer may have recurred. Still, didn’t drink, so that’s something

That's so hard. I can see that alcohol wouldn't help but I can also see the temptation. Thinking of you.

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Onewildandpreciouslife · 24/07/2023 11:40

Thanks- they’ll have a better idea what’s going on in a couple of weeks.