The continuing support thread for living alcohol-free. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. Many thanks to @wendywagon for holding the reins on the last thread, and to drybird for starting the original thread about 3 years ago.
We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. There’s support here whatever your stage on that journey. Whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size, and have all been there too when things get challenging.
Thank you too @rep22 @onewildandpreciouslife for offering to back up host too. I thought there was someone else but I can’t find the post.

I am going to write this because I can.

Drinking means:

A hangover
Lying to our family about our bottles in the recycling
Forgetting what you said
Being rude and not socially aware
Being ill / sick
Not being invited anymore to events or dinners
Havng your child cry because you are asleep
Being not on your best game at work (I was paid a munsnet fortune to be hungover, luckily enough I am nice and bright enough to cover it up, I think).
To hate your husband who said you need help.
To getter fatter because alcohol is just sugar
To write angry letters and frighten the pants off people who pooped on us (that one I might keep). Lawyers love a fight.

Other than a first crisp glass there is not a lot in it really.
A bright morning, no apologises. Bliss my friends.

@WendyWagon, your post was spot on. Don't give it any more thought. Moderation is not for us.

@stilldumdedumming, we might be sitting in Coventry Cathedral at the same time. I go regularly now and usually light a candle for those who need it. If you're local and you fancy a coffee, why not drop me a DM?

Love that list @WendyWagon !

Still can't beat getting into bed sober.

Moderation has served its purpose for me, only in the sense that each time I tried it turned out to be what Annie Grace would call a 'data point'. 2 or 3 times I've got to about 50/60 days sober when I decided I could definitely moderate.

The first night I would only drink a glass or 2 at the very most and feel pleased that not only do I not really like the taste anymore, but that one big glass is enough to make me a bit lightheaded. But each time I tried moderation, within about a week I was back to nightly drinking at the same levels as before.

I'm about 5 weeks dry this time and I had a couple of brief 'pulls' in that direction at the weekend. But lessons learned this time and I didn't let the hardwired habit get the better of me. I couldn't go back to looking and feeling like I was.

@Pleasemrstweedie I don't live locally but am sometimes there with work. Did you see the exhibition about the Indian soldiers in WW1 - I stayed there for ages? I love a reflective moment and yes I will Dm you- thank you

In bed. Day 4 done. @WendyWagon great and true list

Morning all.
God I rabbited on yesterday. Funny weather here, muggy but dark and autumnal looking. I love sutumn.
A nice tweed jacket, jeans and boots.

My investor is back re the bath and body company and d day is August 1st. Hopefully full steam ahead.

Have a good day lads.

Morning. Start of day 5. Have to leave at 7 as working in a different place today.

@Thestartofsomethinggood well done on day 5 - you're over the hardest part now, onwards and upwards with your new sober life!

Another benefit of sobriety:
I've been going to bed about midnight since sober (something I could never do when on the wine!) and usually get by on 5.5-6 hours sleep at night. But this morning I was woken up by one of the kids going to the loo at 4.30am and didn't go back to sleep! Feel a bit crap today on 4hrs sleep but if it was 4hrs sleep after an evening of drinking I would feel ill, shaky, palpitations/heart racing and anxiety absolutely through the roof. Instead I just feel a little bit tired 🤷🏻‍♀️. Another win!

Morning all, love the list @WendyWagon . I also could keep up a ‘phony’ front of professionalism whilst doing my job - but I am sure the puffy face covered in thick make up that slipped off due to feeling sweaty may have been a give away. What a horrible thing to write about myself but it is the truth.

Day 13 for me today - and I am feeling well. I am finding the opposite of some on here and am so tired, struggling to get up in the morning. Woke up with heart palpitations in the night but not alcohol triggered. Wondering if perimenopause may be to blame (I am 47) so likely. For now I am going with the tiredness, and assuming it is what my body needs for now.

Have a wonderful AF day all!

@Minutebyminute I think quite a few of us found those first two or three weeks quite physically demanding and yes, tiring. I found this mainly subsided in week 3.

Thanks @stilldumdedumming - that is reassuring 😊

@Minutebyminute the exhaustion whilst your body resets is ...well.. exhausting!

Roll on week 3, I’m struggling a bit at the moment. I’m guessing my therapy is bringing things to mind that I would usually fill by having a drink!

Just need to remain strong and deal with it rather than distracting. Keep on going everyone

@Minutebyminute my tiredness lasted about 4 weeks. 8.30 pm bed times.

@Littled19 therapy for me saved a few friendships. I understood what I was doing to myself and when people asked I had talked out my problems with a professional (who was also super nice). I didn't dump on my friends which in the early days is helpful. I needed to re organise my thoughts. I had six months of therapy.

@Littled19 perhaps you are creating a space where there's potential to deal with something. I sometimes think I don't have to deal with the hard stuff straight away or in one go. I know I'm preparing the ground for it to be possible and that's enough

Thank you @WendyWagon and @stilldumdedumming. I have had an issue with someone who in the past has manipulated me and abused me financially and most probably sexually. He has recently started contacting me and I spiralled.

I spiralled even more when I didn’t get support from DH, who in fact withdrew and made it worse. Since deciding to go AF I have seen things more clearly, but that in itself is frightening at the moment, I guess that’s why thinking of having a drink is creeping back in 😞

That is a lot. incredibly painful and your DH backing off too. It's hard to deal with. To me all the more reason not to drink. I might want to tell DH how this is for me, but I wouldn't want to risk that while drunk. The emotions are too high for me to drink on top of that.

In these situations people say 'look after yourself'. When it comes to my drinking that means AF. Other people can hurt me but I refuse to do it to myself.

@Littled19 can the police help you? I have a Violence against the person order for my stalker.

That is a very good point. Worth getting some proper advice

Thank you both. I have reported it in the past but they weren’t much help. I think I will report it again when I am feeling a little more stable.

@stilldumdedumming you’re absolutely right, the worst thing I could do right now is drink and let it all spill out! That’s what made me decide no alcohol this time. I want to feel the emotions and know they are real and valid.

@Littled19 sounds a really difficult situation but hold on in there - the advice up thread from @stilldumdedumming really resonates - others can hurt you but don’t do it to yourself - so true!

I am posting as I am struggling this evening - various stressors. But I have changed in to my pj’s, washed my face and about to eat my dinner with a glass of oj and lemonade. Through gritted teeth ‘I will not drink tonight’’

Hang in there @Minutebyminute . Not long until bedtime.

That sounds really hard @Littled19 . I can’t add anything to the posts above x

Hello to everyone struggling today. Giving up alcohol is a tough choice to make, particularly when you’ve got lots of rubbish going on in your life. But trust the process. The longer you go without alcohol, the better you will feel- that doesn’t mean there aren’t hard days, but you will be able to cope with them better. Hang in there

@Minutebyminute absolutely, we must be kind to ourselves. Comfy pjs and good tea, followed by a non alcohol induced sleep. As hard as it is tonight, you
will be so proud in the morning. Goodnight all.

@Minutebyminute I'm a bit late to the post, but a nice snack and a tea/coffee s as sometimes helps.

Went to a pub tonight for a meal with some people from work. How strange that it didn't even cross my mind that I wanted to drink (in the past I only would have gone for the drink! And had a few before I left the house beforehand too). It all looked poison stacked up behind the bar there to me - I've had enough of that horrible stuff holding me back.

3 people asked if I've lost weight, which I have since giving up - but to be noticeable is lovely