The continuing support thread for living alcohol-free. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. Many thanks to @wendywagon for holding the reins on the last thread, and to drybird for starting the original thread about 3 years ago.
We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. There’s support here whatever your stage on that journey. Whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size, and have all been there too when things get challenging.
Thank you too @rep22 @onewildandpreciouslife for offering to back up host too. I thought there was someone else but I can’t find the post.

I drank at the weekend, and was interested to see if I could get back into no drinking mode again today. Usually I just slide back into old habits. However,AF today so thsts good. If I can have sober days all week,then have a drink at the weekend I will be very happy with that as its a massive reduction for me.

@WendyWagon I fall over a lot. I used to be ok with it but now it feels pretty crushing to be fair.

I would love to cane some wine now. I'm close to performance monitoring at work. I do the best job I can. I won't drink tho - it really won't help.

@Hedjwitch well that's the dream! But if it were that easy we wouldn't have to give up. I can do that for a week or three - then it's the hassle of ignoring the slippage into a 3 or 4 day weekend and then having to give up again!

Sorry ima bit scatty. Thank you @Blackberryblossom - I can just hear myself and think 'won't you shut up? You're boring people!!'

@stilldumdedumming you are not boring. I probably am. I write daily, it's therapy for me.

@Hedjwitch weekend drinking is not an AF life. @drybird started the thread for people who weren't seeking moderation. It is a teatotal thread. Some posters will be triggered by talk of having a drink. I am not being difficult but we have some members for whom if they drink they will be back in therapy/ rehab. Believe me I am one of those people who think about booze all the time. If you're OK I might start thinking I am able to drink at weekends too and I will be necking 5 bottles Friday to Sunday, being sick and showing my pants.

@WendyWagon I'm aware of that.
As this is an AF life thread only,I'll drop out. Good luck all.

@Hedjwitch I would often try that but then something would come up mid week...after many false starts I just find AF mindset easier. I don't like counting down the days of my life to get to the weekend so I can finally drink and then feeling rubbish on a Monday. I don't count down the days at all now, and so am probably making more of each day. As I said up thread, I just wanted to remove the noise of it all. The wondering how much is acceptable, how stressful a stressful event has to be to allow the mid week drink, how many units have I had now? Etc etc

Busy Monday in here! Congratulations on your hangover-free weekend @Littled19 And how are you @Thestartofsomethinggood .

@Hedjwitch Maybe try one of the moderation threads - they will probably be a better fit. Good luck to you too.

@WendyWagon - poor you! What did you hurt? And yes, as Michelle Obama said, we are only ever as happy as our least happy child.

my birthday was thoroughly lazy and indulgent. It poured down all day, so there was tea, coffee, fake gin in tins, and Noughty fizz which I hadn’t had before. Spent the afternoon trying to watch the tennis and set my kindle up at the same time which went about as well as you’d expect. But it was lovely to be present for the whole day and evening, and to be able to happily get up at 6:30 this morning ready for the school run.

Happy birthday @Blackberryblossom
My dd had a scan today and the sex of the baby is now known...by her friend, who pulled the cannon and filmed it in black and white for dd. Which I found funny and v cheeky! They are having a reveal on Sunday. Sadly I won't be invited. It's a shame but she's quite complicated. Early Gray for me tonight (sp)

I’m good thanks @Blackberryblossom . Day 3 done. Yeah

Morning all.
5.50am today so that's better. I like to be in bed at 10 unless I am watching the skin doctors

I am not a battered as I thought. I might venture out. BFF is visiting to help with the books. The chick lit needs to go. I shall keep St Marion and the original Jilly Coopers.
Still fleebaying, still sorting.

Our son is coming home next month for a year. He wants to save money for a house. I suspect a wedding too. He is the booze police so that will be helpful plus he will make me exercise. I might go back on a formal diet to see if I can shift another stone. I have found such lovely clothes I want to wear. I will also need a coporate photo for this new company.
Love to all today.

Morning all!
Well done on day 3 @Thestartofsomethinggood

Glad to hear you’re not too bad @WendyWagon

Work has been quite tough over the last couple of weeks, and I’m tapering off my anti depressants, so am quite tired at the moment. My brain is not in its happiest place, but I am much better these days at talking kindly to myself

Good morning lovely ladies. It’s great to hear that everyone is doing so well. Day 10 for me today. Can’t say it’s not been tough, but each day I feel a little stronger, each morning I wake up feeling groggy, but after reading these posts I feel so much brighter and relieved that i haven’t got a hangover!

A weekend of no alcohol was liberating, I can’t believe how much I managed to fit in! And more so I didn’t have that sinking feeling when I woke up, wondering if I offended anyone and whether me and the DH ( I still giggle a little when I write this due to the double meaning 😂) are on speaking terms or not!

Checking in.

Hope you’re OK @WendyWagon . I’m dyspraxic and fall over on the regular. Did a spectacular dive through the air last year which nearly resulted in me being run over. Sober too for that one. Many of the others, not so sober 😣

I hardly slept last night, I think I’m worried about the DC. DD has just told the “Guy with a girlfriend “ she has been seeing that she’s had enough and it’s over. Good for her, at last, but she’s devastated. DS new GF is a bit too,erm, spirited for my tastes. Does coke and doesn’t appear to work much, and has moved in with DS “to save on rent”. He thinks she’s really cool. I think she’s Trouble.

@Littled19 oh I remember suddenly having so much extra time! My house has never been so clean! Well done everyone.

@rothbury I think I may be at least slightly dyspraxic. I've always been 'clumsy', lacking in spatial awareness and it took me years to learn to ride a bike and to swim. I've had two spectacular falls in the last six years, both when completely sober and have facial scarring as a result. My GP thinks I'm 'mildly frail'.

@Littled19 i regularly offend people!
@rothbury I hid my disability for years. I actually feel like I want to be a right arse at my next interview and get disability adjustments. And watch their faces! 😄

I am sorry if I offended anyone yesterday re the rules of the thread. I wasn't being a hard arse.
Moderation is not helpful to those of us who are truly alcohol dependant. I am putting myself in that category because I still think like a boozer. I don't see bunnies, I see places in super markets I need to avoid. I had one blip this year where I topped up a bottle with water! That is not moderation. I'm still fighting.
We have a great thread of people who really understand. There are loads of people who can and should reduce the amount they drink but alcoholic dependancy is different. It consumes you as a person. It ruins lives, careers and self esteem. We are not AA but it is the first time in my adult life I dared to admit the bastard drink had got me. IRL the shame was too much. I thank you all for that.
One day at a time folks.

No no no @WendyWagon

Without wanting to upset the moderating poster concerned, I was very uncomfortable with their post and was grateful you stepped in to explain.

Most days I wouldn’t be remotely triggered by someone talking about moderation, but there’s a drip drip drip effect, plus the risk of reading it on a bad day and pressing the Fuck It button.

@rothbury thank you. I have felt a mean girl all night.
It took me six months to admit my alcoholism. Some don't use that word and that's OK. One of my judgy friends (the one I am considering giving a wide birth for pearl clutching, head shakes and sanctimonious shit) came out with the statement 'if you have to ask if you're an alcoholic, you probably are'. Oh please. It's called working the steps. We don't all wake up with a to a do list and see the light! 😄 Amen

@WendyWagon sounds like you have had quite the last week, i for one appreciated the calling out of the moderation not being an option for many - Christ knows we wouldn't be here if we could moderate. Although I also beleive the idea of the pitcher plant and whilst you may be able to crawl a little higher, the effort to stay there means eventually you will be drawn down to the depths, for some it takes a little longer than others.

Off to an early gym sess, wish me luck I am physically finding life tough at the moment.. thyroid, HRT or a n other buggering up my energy - also lack of sleep..i feel i need a holiday, but the planned week in summer is an ALL extended family one so will be super stressful. might try and book something for autumn - a raetreat perhaps!!!

@Fortheloveofgodwhy ooh I'm up for a retreat. Not wanting to jump on that but I would like something for me this year. I have been thinking about a writers workshop.

@WendyWagon no it was a good call. And well received. I definitely felt the pull of that thinking.

I go to a women's camp each year. It's bloody sublime. Capped numbers. You are fed daily and you can do whatsoever you please. Join or not. Hang out with 20 people or spend time alone on the land. And no booze or drugs allowed. It is an incredible space.

I am trying to do at least one time alone a month. Not overnight because ££££ but just time to reflect and see what takes me.

I literally just went and sat in Coventry cathedral last week and listened to the organ tuning!

By the way I am trying to up my real self care - not candles and face masks. Actual stuff to keep me good. Confrontation is one of my absolute fears. And I would see wishing a poster well in their moderation journey and explaining with kindness and best wishes why that can't happen on this thread, as confrontation. I would love not to see it that way. But I'm working hard on it.

(Of course had I been on the receiving end I would have not been offended or upset at all. I wouldn't see it as confronting).

Another one here saying Thank you to @WendyWagon for stepping in yesterday. I think the next time I host this thread I’ll include a line or two in the opening post about how this thread is to support those whose intention is to be alcohol-free for good, for life, rather than for weekdays/ a month/a stone/until a particular occasion. The moderation threads are better able to support that type of relationship with alcohol, with posters on there who have succeeded. Moderating’s not easy either, after all. I never got beyond one day in literally years of trying. Wendy, I nodded along with your words about no bunnies but having to avoid parts of the supermarket. My underlying constant sober emotion is one of relief.

Moderation was way harder for me that abstinence (surprisingly)

I found it exhausting to moderate as I was so consumed with when I could drink (be that in 30 days time if I was doing DJ, or on Saturday if I was truing to keep to drinking one day a week) and of course moderation never lasted.

I'd do a few weeks of drinking just on a Saturday and then it would become a Friday and Sunday too, eventually it was everyday. Until my next attempt at moderation and then the exact same would happen except I'd be drinking more on the days I was "allowed" to drink and then the number of days I "allowed" myself to drink increased until I was having way more wet days a month than dry days.

It was exhausting and ultimately pointless for me.

So this thread - and the fact moderation is not even an option - has always be sacrosanct to me.

i also nodded along to your post @WendyWagon abput moderation vs AF. Moderation always sounded a fab idea to me, until it wasn’t and was just another excuse to ‘go on, have a drink’

I am Day 12 today and thank you @Onewildandpreciouslife for reminding me I am two weekends sober, that made me feel really proud!

I am taking my son out tonight to Nando’s and then the cinema which will be nice - and I will be sober 😊!