The continuing support thread for living alcohol-free. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. Many thanks to @wendywagon for holding the reins on the last thread, and to drybird for starting the original thread about 3 years ago.
We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. There’s support here whatever your stage on that journey. Whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size, and have all been there too when things get challenging.
Thank you too @rep22 @onewildandpreciouslife for offering to back up host too. I thought there was someone else but I can’t find the post.

Happy Birthday for yesterday @MyGhastIsFlabbered ! It sounds like it was a great day, congratulations on your 250 AF days, and good news for your son too.
@carlottacandle I think alcohol distracts us from our emotions, whatever the emotions are. There's definitely fewer places to hide without the booze. Sometimes bad moods are just there. Lucky you with the Taylor code, good luck! I'm waiting to hear if dd got a code, she's away on a school trip until tomorrow.
Hello @gemini45 ! I can only speak for myself, but when I look back on what those glasses of wine in the sunshine led to, I don't really feel as if I'm missing out on anything by not drinking. It was a leap of faith to actually make the decision and start. I hope your appointment on Monday is helpful.
Congratulations on your week 1 @Hedjwitch Those early days and weeks are such an achievement.
@stilldumdedumming my heart went out to you. Is there any support available to partners like you?
@Minutebyminute thank you! I stocked up today with nice drinks. Enjoy your lovely new clothes.
And well done @WendyWagon . Your daughter is so lucky to have you.

What a lovely post @MyGhastIsFlabbered And well done.

So, a weird and wonderful thing. A month and a bit sober and not once have I woken up in the night in a state of panic. This was actually pretty much the last straw for me in the end I think. The fact I was waking up almost nightly in the small hours.., heart pounding out of my chest, and such an adrenaline surge that I'd even have to use the toilet some nights.

And this hasn't happened once since I've stopped drinking. My life is no less busy or stressful. But part of the difference, I think, is that when I wake in the night now I can tell myself "No need to think, nothings changed from when you went to sleep" and I drift back off quite well most times. Whereas when drinking, I HAVE to think as I need to recount what the hell happened before bed 😆. Did I text anyone making plans? Did I order something ridiculous I can't really afford? Did I shower, lock up, feed the cats, and come to bed normally? There is so much that could have changed over the course of an evening when you're drinking , so you have to let yourself think in the middle of the night.

If that makes any sense xx

Morning shipmates.
Up early and but feeling better. We now live on the downs and it's blowing a gale here.

@Rachael2023 I never went back to sleep for twenty years. I would toss and turn, sweating and aching. I told everyone I was one of those people who couldnt sleep well
No drinking and I can will myself back to sleep in about 30 minutes (I usually count the aforementioned black trousers as it is a family joke). If I don't the dog moans.

Happy birthday @Blackberryblossom .

Calm waters with the DD and she getting her uni stuff together (she has a summer term). I have found a few boxes today from years ago. I shall enjoy the rummage.
I bought Martini AF in Waitrose so I will let you know my thoughts.

Happy birthday weekend @Blackberryblossom Have a good one and enjoy your AF drinkies.

Hello @MyGhastIsFlabbered so lovely to hear from you. I was thinking about you recently and wondering how you are getting on. Happy belated birthday to you. I've just had my second sober birthday. I couldn't imagine pissing away my birthday now. I love being present and calm.

I had the AF martini (Martini Vibrante) over Xmas. I had a glass or two most evenings over the festive period but could never quite decide if I liked it or not 😂
I remember it annoyed me that the normal version was on special offer and the AF was full price and more expensive!!

I'm not really having AF drinks often but I like something for occasions. Usually I just have an AF beer and that hits the spot (I was never a beer drinker)

Welcome to all the new joiners. The decision to become AF is the single most positive decision I've taken in my adult life and whilst it's not a cure all I'd never, ever go back.

Good morning shipmates.

I have been feeling a bit low recently. In days gone by, I would just drink my way out of it. Oblivion to erase the uncomfortable feelings.

So now I am stuck sitting with them and having to actually deal with them. Gah!!

I tried journaling last night and that helped a little, but I don’t think I have quite got to the source of my unhappiness yet. I will keep digging.

I will not drink.

Well done on your week @Hedjwitch !

Happy belated birthday @MyGhastIsFlabbered - good to hear from you. And happy birthday @Blackberryblossom

I got blindsided by really strong cravings last night. I think I’ve worked out why though - I’m only a couple of weeks away from the big 500 days, and I always struggle around milestones. I had to give myself the “just don’t drink tonight, and see how you feel tomorrow” talk, which was oddly comforting.

Another boozy party today- gosh, my friends drink a lot

@Rachael2023 yes, the mad nighttime panics and thudding heart - urgh! I told myself it was because I was peri menopausal. Nope 7 days without alcohol, not one heart palpitation or panicked night waking. The lies we tell ourselves eh?

@rothbury - sorry to hear things are feeling tough. Sitting with uncomfortable feelings is really hard, I would do anything including slinging booze down my neck to avoid it. Learning new coping skills when you have one (drinking) that is ‘effective’ is so difficult. We are here with you!

I am okay today on day 9 - watching the ladies Wimbledon final and finding some excellent lunchtime meal prep salads videos on TikTok. I am going to make some next week for work to cut costs and the temptation to just ‘have a look’ in the alcohol aisles of the shops I go in!

Good luck all!

Thank you @Onewildandpreciouslife @Crunchymum @WendyWagon . It’s actually tomorrow but I’m making a weekend of it. Dd gets back from her school trip later and family are here so it’s nice, in a lazy way.

@rothbury I hope the journaling helps. I tried morning pages a while back but only ever produced very angry to-do lists. I know it works for a lot of people though. I started meditation at Christmas time last year after realising I needed something to help me deal with covid related stress and I couldn’t afford for it to be alcohol. It’s really helping me to see where my various patterns/triggers are, and to recognise them and step back. Not always as soon as I’d like, but it’s definitely a start.

@Onewildandpreciouslife for me there is something about the build up to big anniversaries that lets in the idea of moderation. It’s either telling me that it’s a miracle that I’ve lasted this long, or that I’ve clearly solved any alcohol related issues by now and one glass to celebrate wouldn’t do any harm. Then I make a cup of tea and like you, promise to see how I feel tomorrow.

Thank you @Blackberryblossom and happy birthday. I hope you have a lovely day tomorrow.

Feeling really tearful this evening. I think you are right about drinking distracting from emotions. I've really suffered with my SVT this week, despite thinking lack of alcohol would actually be beneficial. I'll admit that has got me down as well as a few other things on my mind. I know drinking will make things worse, so don't feel like I'm going to succumb, but I wish I didn't feel this down. I hope everyone has a better AF evening than me x

Day 1 again

Hang in there @carlottacandle . Svt must be quite distressing. Quitting alcohol doesn’t fix everything but it can make it easier to deal with stuff. And sometimes life is just rubbish, whether we drink or not. But a hangover will never make things any better. Can you run a nice bath or get an early night with a book? Thinking of you.

And Thank you!

Hello @Thestartofsomethinggood well done on regrouping and restarting. How are you?

For all the newbies can I recommend Rachel's Holiday. It is the original and I found it light hearted between all the quit lit in the beginning. It is a thinly failed account of an alcoholics trip to rehab. It is laugh out funny. You can get it second hand on world books. There was a follow up last year. Marion Keynes the author was a drunk. I think she has been dry twenty years. She paints her nails instead now and collects limited edition nail polish. A girl after my own heart.
Giving up drink is the hardest thing I have ever done. Personally I think it is harder than being a scoffer. I like veg and clothes but my alcoholism blocked me from understanding I was creating poor health. I was just being me, Sav, wine drinker, houmous wag. Actually I was a slurring mess but booze is powerful stuff and we do deals with our addiction.
One day at a time my dear friends. I'm a work in process. I've just had a pint of milk. I'm off for an early night and my Grahame Norton novel.
X

I love Marian Keyes and have read everything she has ever written.

I am feeling a little calmer, thanks for all the support shipmates. I am going to visit my friend who had gastric surgery next week, and have made a list of things to do, so I feel more in control and more productive.

I might even book a mini break for later this year!!!

Hello all. And thank you for all your wise posts. What top quality mn ers we have here.

@Blackberryblossom it's been a bit better today as we have kind of called a truce. Support is a weird one because realistically it will still come down to me. I am trying to do more things that I want to do. I massively need to work on boundaries and I'm making a start on that.

I read along with this thread and then decide not to post in case I'm too boring! I type out a post and then discard it! But I have lots to respond on. Including those wondering about how to coexist with a drinking dp.

@carlottacandle it's a fucker. I hate that giving up alcohol has not restored me to better health. But it has to be better even if it just proves that I can take charge of my health a little more.

@Thestartofsomethinggood well done. We all know how hard day 1 is.

Morning all.
Great to know my writing is still up there with The Bard. A chickpea wag apparently!
I am half way through the my novel and I guessed it all on the second chapter. I do like mysteries though, big fan of Morse and Agatha Christie. I also love a bit of tweed and opera.
I haven't started the AF Martini yet.
The DD is back to university today. She has sharpened her pencils. She has been home for a month and boredom has set in. I need to sort out the company purchase or get a job. I have been fuffing around for nearly a year. The coffers are empty, it cost a fortune to move here.
People owe us money and I need to fight to get it. Ever stressful. However not as bad a a depressed DC. Big girl pants on and into battle tomorrow.
Have a safe sober Sunday my lovelies.

Slept badly but having done a 12 day stretch that has given me hope. Here’s to day 2

@Blackberryblossom thank you for posting. I have completed day 7, but struggled with DH still drinking. I have to be fair to him, he did drink less, but I was constantly thinking that I wanted a drink. However I didn’t succumb and I’m interested to carry on as my sleep has improved and although I am dealing with trauma and thought that alcohol was helping me cope I can now see that it was making things worse!

@stilldumdedumming i am totally with you, boundaries are a big part of my life also. Not drinking I’m hoping will help with this. Good luck to us both on that one!

so Sunday morning and the first Sunday I have not woken up with a hangover in a long time! Run planned on first thing, then a walk with a friend, praying it doesn’t rain! Hope you have a good day ladies xx

Still here - Day 10 done. We can do this!

Fabulous stuff @Minutebyminute - second sober weekend under your belt.

Morning all.
The brain has definitely decided 5am is wake up time.
One tea down. Daughter back at university so not so many pots and glasses.
I have a day today to write a few letters and clear my headspace which has been very busy. I was too tired yesterday to think of drink which would have been my default button 18 months ago after the troubles of last week. It would have been a reward for all the hurdles overcome. Tbh I went for an early night.
Congratulations to all those who had a sober weekend. I even hoovered on a Saturday! 😄

Day 2 done. Bring on day 3. Happy Monday everyone

Morning all. Still here! Day 11. Congrats to all who enjoyed a AF weekend. Mine ended up being insanely busy, which is good. Sipping coffee before an insanely busy week too culminating in a weekend away this weekend. I'm sure it'll be testing at times not having that wine but I'm determined. This is a practice run for my 2 week holiday in august. Have a great week everyone!

Hello! I had a lovely birthday weekend, thank you for all the good wishes. I did not miss drinking at all.

@stilldumdedumming honestly bring all the boring that you want! It's often the mundane bits of life that are the greatest challenge to deal with AF.

Just off swimming, back later x

Evening lads.
I fell over today and seriously hurt myself. I fell over a dvd player! The dog tried to help but it ment I couldn't get up for a while as he was sitting on me and barking. I am going to have any new treatment going. This fibromialga is pants. I had planned an angry letter day. I ended up in bed feeling sorry for myself. At least no thoughts of booze until I wrote this. I might write more progressive notes tomorrow!! 😄 Think charm Sav.