On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat CONTINUED....

[Determineddoris]

Hi all,

Shiny new thread!

Thank you to @Amdone123 for the last few, she's been around longer than me and always so supportive and kind, thank you!

Tagging people I can from the last thread but please tag any others please!

@texy @Manyrivers @Bigbus @JulieHoney @Mj20 @Starlia

Welcome @StandingOnThePrecipice you are right in that this thread is totally supportive and non judgemental. Nothing is right or wrong here. We all make mistakes but the difference is we pick ourselves up and we write about it, talk about it, try and find new ways to deal with what shit life throws at us! I have been where you are in terms of the drinking so I get where you are coming from. I have tried so hard in the past and always ended up 'failing' but it is a journey, and we all take different paths noone is the same. You will definitely get there as you are addressing the issue already and not sweeping things under the carpet. This is a safe space definitely.

Honestly thank you all so so so much! I’m actually a bit tearful now, but in a kind of happy, very relieved way. @Determineddoris yes, definitely a journey and that’s what I need to see it as. In the past I too have tried so hard to just stop and then one slip up just makes me think “well fuck it, I guess I’m drinking again”. You’ve all made me realise it doesn’t need to be like that and any progress is an achievement and can be built on.
I hope everyone today and this evening has the day they want and enjoys it for what it is, whether it involves alcohol or not knowing that a drink today or too much today doesn’t have to mean the same tomorrow.
For tonight I’ve got Aldi fake Fanta and sparkling water which is really nice mixed with pressed apple juice.

That sounds like a nice af drink @StandingOnThePrecipice ! I'm still on my icy squash but need to mix it up a little I think! I thought I would have a nice chilled morning before I forgot I had a bloody kids birthday party to go which was a 40 min drive there and back! Of course H couldn't take him grrr. I actually had a nice lunch tho with one of the other mums and we drank proper coke from a glass bottle which then made me bloated haha but seriously about two weeks ago I would have had at least a glass of large wine (as I was driving ) if I wasn't driving I would have had more. There were other occasions kids birthday parties I used to ask someone to take us when I knew there might be prosecco there awful awful behaviour I mean I didn't do anything mad but whilst other parents were sitting there sipping one glass through out the party I'd be downing it asking if there's another bottle etc I'm pretty sure some were looking at me funny whilst I was guzzling I think at one point from the bottle! Shameful acts...BUT we move on, try and be better! I think I'm on day 12 unsure but it's my second AF weekend so far in about a year so yay!

@Determineddoris , I've had moments like that, definitely. Your 2nd af weekend in progress, brilliant.
Yes @StandingOnThePrecipice , Aldi have some nice soft drinks - I like the Italian lemonade type drinks.
I'm going to Aldi tomorrow but I really need sparkling water. I want to get back to drinking 2 litres a day as it does me the world of good.
I just keep it on the side in the kitchen and drink whenever I'm passing, washing up, cooking, anything - it soon goes !
All good here - no cravings as such and I've been watching tennis all day.
Result !

My son went mental just now due to something I had apparently done and the first time I had a trigger to drink but it passed within seconds thank god! I think I need a vape now as I don't want to smoke (and can't as H doesn't like it/know) just to relief my stress and slowly wean off the cigs. I've only one left in the pack now and not buying anymore the price these days is atrocious!!!
Yay to yoga btw @Manyrivers and no you won't be the only over 40 there trust me! I used to go to pilates really want to get back into it, I quit the gym too recently I can't believe I used to go out on a Saturday night and get totally smashed and go to the gym the next day at 930am...I wouldn't do anything massive but still went as had to drop kids to activities I don't know how I functioned but I guess that's what they call functioning a..... @Amdone123 like the idea of sparking water all the way! I need to go the shops to tomorrow when I'll have a chance I don't know!

@Determineddoris gosh, hope you're all ok.
Shows such strength to not find solace in a glass of something strong, so well done.
Yeah, a lot of my friends who were very heavy smokers, now vape. It's worth a try eh ?

All good here - it's just very quiet ! A very calm day.
But I was thinking earlier had I been drinking, I'd be in the kitchen, smoking cigarettes I hate, and texting shite to people.
Hardly Rock n Roll.
@texy , how did you get on ?
@Manyrivers , I don't do yoga but I do pilates. Only because it's before zumba. I quite like it.

@Determineddoris well done for acknowledging the craving feelings but having the strength to let them pass.
I thoroughly recommend the vapes, I’d also taken up smoking again at the start of my streak a couple of months of not drinking week nights, which then escalated to smoking more when I did drink (ffs) My lungs were really starting to be affected though, so I switched to vaping a few days ago and I have to say it’s actually very nearly stopped me from smoking pretty much immediately. I think I have some psychological associations with smoking actual cigs that are hard to shake completely, but it’s very rapidly becoming less and less appealing.
I have to confess I’ve fallen at the first hurdle tonight. DH wanted some beers as it’s Father’s Day weekend, so of course I HAD to have wine. Just on my first glass of second bottle. So disappointed in myself… but at the same time trying to remind myself tomorrow doesn’t have to be the same.
Massive well done to everyone who’s holding strong, especially when things are challenging.

Thanks @Amdone123 I got on well thank you, no throwing up this time!!!! I actually really enjoyed it and the time went quickly and then I came home and had a really lovely and productive day doing some jobs and then meeting a friend for a coffee. I had AF lager and then when home I had some wine (which I had planned to have).

@StandingOnThePrecipice welcome, it's good to have you here. You've planted the seed so it's a matter of time before you complete day 1. Note how you feel tomorrow as all those observations help so much.

@Determineddoris so pleased to hear you resisted a trigger. You really have held on to how much better this is for you; this is true self-care 🩵 @Amdone123 congrats on having a calm day and watching tennis without any cravings. I know from reading the historic threads that this used to be a big trigger and you're just batting them away and creating new habits.

Hope everyone else has had a good evening!

@StandingOnThePrecipice , don't worry about it. You know you want to cut back so it is just a matter of time.

I think anytime anyone says, Right, no more. I'm stopping xyz today, it very rarely happens.
I think the likliehood of it not happening is high because you're thinking about it. If I said I'm never eating a twix again, I bet I'd want a twix !
I hope that makes sense !
For me, after 1000s of day 1s, I'm not saying I can't have wine again. I can, if I want, but the positives far outweigh the negatives. I want those positives.

@texy , that sounds like a great day. Really lovely.

We had some friends over tonight and I’ve had a few glasses of wine and more food than I should have but I’ve also had a lovely night with some really good friends and I am still making sense. No stupid texts! No angry rants! Just a nice night with a few drink and good company. So grateful to this thread. I don’t know how, but it has worked for me. Like someone upthread said, I don’t know your real names or what you look like but you are a genuinely nice, non-judgemental supportive group of people. Thank you.

@Bigbus , that sounds like a lovely evening.
This thread really has helped me immensely. And I've tried alsorts !

Same, I've been on different threads, AA, counselling, all the things to try and moderate, talking, not talking, meditation (which I'm trying again), I was then starting to consider hypnosis and medication but luckily because of this thread and I don't know what (god? I'm not a believer but I want to believe in something I was grown up with a religion I didn't really understand) I am standing strong. I know there will be triggers and things that will be devastating for me etc but I know I won't need the drink to deal with it....I hope.
Sorry bit deep for a Sunday morning!
Well done to all those moderating and actively thinking about what they are doing and drinking! I honestly am in awe as I don't think I could do one or two drinks etc so abstaining is best for me. @Amdone123 you are doing wonderful hun!!!! Is your H back today? @texy pleased you enjoyed the PT this time! I think I'm going to bite the bullet and go I have two PTs who have been asking me to do sessions for ages. One does one with babies and the mum she's amazing a body builder and the other is a guy who doesn't look at you in the eye so bit off putting! Hahaha
I've never been to church before and am considering going this morning with my in law's (very rare thing for me to even talk to in laws without H present ) but things are changing the cogs are turning in the universe to try and help me make me a better me! Xxx

@Determineddoris , you are smashing this !

I'd go to church, I think it could be beneficial. Peace n quiet if nowt else !

I tried alsorts including AA and hypnotherapy and in their own way, they all worked. I took something from all of them but being here is best for me.

Day 10 today.
So many positives.
The best is I'm overall happier.
Second best - I'm losing weight. I always hovered around 13st 7 when drinking. Convinced myself it was the menopause. 13st 2 this morning.

Dh home today.
So, a different scene if you like to the past week but I'm carrying on. Whatever triggers, temptations, like @Determineddoris , I am standing strong.
Feck that Witch.

Good Morning Everyone,

First thing I said to myself this morning when I woke up was, "so grateful to wake up sober". What I meant was, its great to feel fresh and rested on a Sunday morning!

@Determineddoris I think the church may be a good plan if your drawn towards it, a spiritual connection with anything you believe in can be powerful. Also good idea for the excerise its what keeps me on the right track most of the time!

@Bigbus don't you just love it when a moderation plan works! Well done you it sounds like a lovely evening. @texy I'm hoping my Sunday goes something like your Saturday, sounds like your winning. @Amdone123 I totally agree with you. I can't say I'm never drinking again or say, I'm only drinking xyz days etc. It'd puts too much demands on you, I'm hoping my new mindset sets off some organic change in habits, you've certainly mastered that the last week or so.

@StandingOnThePrecipice how are you today? Whatever your feeling, we have all been there, done it and I for one have a wardrobe full of the tshirts!. Hope your OK

Thanks everyone for checking in. I actually don’t feel particularly hungover (which is probably a concerning sign about my level of tolerance to alcohol now) no headache or feeling sick, just tired from not sleeping well due to too much booze. Although it didn’t help being screamed awake by a toddler at an unreasonably early hour, who I don’t think actually wanted to be awake himself because he then screamed at me to go away the first three times I tried to lift him out of his cot 😂
Would have been much less painful to deal with that though if I hadn’t had such a foggy head when I first woke up!
It’s Monday tomorrow, so I really want to get an early night and actually have some restful sleep. @Amdone123 you make a good point about there been so many genuine positives of not drinking to look forward to, which far outweigh the brief artificial relaxation I get from necking wine. Once I get going it’s like I just don’t have an off switch. Even though quite a few times recently I’ve found myself pissed and thinking “I’m not even enjoying this… but better finish the bottle anyway so that there’s nothing left to tempt me tomorrow”. Then end buying wine again the next day anyway 🙃I’ve just had enough of this merry go round and it’s totally up to me to get off it.
I want to wake up tomorrow and like @Manyrivers savour the feeling of being fresh and rested!
Well done @Bigbus for successfully moderating and being to enjoy the social positives that a few drinks with friends can bring!

Dh is not home today.....it's tomorrow. 🤣
Doesn't really affect my day - still watching tennis, as planned !

No cravings, urges to buy / drink wine today.
In fact, by playing it forward, it's the opposite.
I'm just very hungry.
I'm not sleeping too well but that's a combination of the heat / the dog and the heat / dh being away.
I've ran out of soft drinks so it's tap water, which isn't a bad thing.

Well my big night out went well. I drink a fair bit over the course of the day and night but remember everything and it was just really pleasant. Loads of food too. The bad thing is I have come home with a gift from the kids dad of a full box of beer bottles which he helpfully put in my beer fridge so they are ice cold and it is a hot day... i know he meant well but they are going to be taunting me now all day and night till I cave.

@Needtokickthehabit , it's hard for some people, myself included, if it's in the house. Having said that, beer wouldn't bother me. I'd probably have 1 or 2.
How many would you want ?
Would the beer trigger a want for something stronger?

No it wouldnt trigger me to want stronger. I generally just get the taste of one drink and stick with that. I mean if I had say 3 beers and wine in the house i would drink both but there is only beer and i wouldnt go out for more. My issue is that I would probably go through the full box if I started. I just cannot leave it alone once I start. I was doing so well last night sipping over one glass of wine and then all of a sudden it was nearly like a thirst came on me and in record time finished a bottle and ordered a second.

Evening all, feeling a bit meh today. Went to church...wasn't for me but at least I tried. I actually used to go to a Buddhist temple where I really felt at ease at so might try that one. It's been a busy day and a few hours ago I sat down and said I feel like a drink and H said get some water then. Lol. So I did. But not feeling good and struggling tbh and a bit down. I actually am getting triggered by him drinking and the weather and others able to moderate etc (social media) so going to try come off it for a few days just to reset. I've found I've spent so many hours online when I could be doing something I have wanted to do for a long time. Also haven't smoked today yay but also arghhhhh. Glad kids are in school tomorrow hehe

@Determineddoris , I feel the same. A bit meh.

I've had a lovely day, done lots for myself - had a bath, lots of self care, and more housework etc, read, watched tennis, a film, played with the dog etc etc.
I think when I'm drinking it's something 'to do'. Which sounds daft as I've 'done' lots.
At no point, did I want to go and get any, I don't want to drink ; it's just all a bit flat.

Anyway, let's see how we go.

Well done for not smoking - it's not easy, I know. And yes, another fresh start tomorrow.

Yes it's all gone a bit flat is the word. All my positivity seems to have been sucked dry by the weekend!!! Lol and now we have finally sorted our summer holiday I've been reminded I'm not going to be able to drink champagne at the airport or the flight etc (they give it free) so that was another meh but I can't think too much about the future otherwise I'll go doo lally!

Hi both, that's exactly how I felt in half term. Really flat and a bit bored and just meh. I made my list of inherently pleasurable stuff and played it all forward and it did help, but I definitely hear you on the flatness and I'm sorry it's felt like a bit of a boring day for you both. There's a few podcasts on the dopamine low after being off drinking for a while that might be worth listening to.

@Determineddoris you've done so well and you knew that a trigger or more tricky time would come. That's what this is; and you will overcome. It's just more of a grit your teeth moment than some days. Weekends are actually really bloody full on when you have kids and family stuff, they're not restful at all. You're probably a bit knackered, and subconsciously looking for a zone out which is completely understandable. One day at a time.

@Amdone123 Maybe you need to sign up for a new 'adrenaliney' hobby!! Kite surfing or something?!

This is quite a good summary too - treehouserecoverypdx.com/emotional-flatlining-how-to-deal-with-anhedonia-3/

Rock climbing it is!!!

@texy 🤣🤣, I probably do need a new hobby.
I'll think about that - cheers ! The dopamine low makes sense - I'll look that up later. Thanks.

I've just had to get out of the house. Cabin fever. Walked to the shop as I needed dog food.
On the way, I was thinking, well, get a bottle of white wine if you want. Maybe crisps, order a takeaway, watch another film. I mean, I'm not torturing myself. I'm just trying to reset my relationship with the betch.
Anyway, I don't want a drink !
I don't want a bloody takeaway - I'm not hungry !!
I bought a lovely pineapple fizz drink. I'm actually really hot despite the cooler weather. Wine would have been awful for sleep tonight.

And walking home from the shop, I felt happy. Not that I'd resisted - I know I can do what I want - just felt good.
I think I just needed to get out of the house !