On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat CONTINUED....

[Determineddoris]

Hi all,

Shiny new thread!

Thank you to @Amdone123 for the last few, she's been around longer than me and always so supportive and kind, thank you!

Tagging people I can from the last thread but please tag any others please!

@texy @Manyrivers @Bigbus @JulieHoney @Mj20 @Starlia

@texy , that article is really interesting.
In all the times I've given up before ( and gone back on it), I never knew really what I was 'fighting', if that makes sense. I was relying on willpower.
Talking about fighting ( I'll give the rock climbing a miss 🤣), I used to love Body Combat at the gym. Well, I only went a few times with my niece, who couldn't do it for laughing at how serious I was.
My target this week.
Thanks, again.

Ah thanks @texy will have a read. You are so lovely and supportive! And yes the grit your teeth moments are hard aren't they! And as @Amdone123 said the wine would have made sleeping tonight crap. I am also a bit hot despite the slight rain it is muggy though! I just miss my evenings too I don't get a chance with H much as kids go to bed quite late, they can just chill but I often need to separate them as they're always fighting 'im better than you at this that etc etc ' I have dreams of a spa break! On my own!!!!

@Determineddoris , you should make plans for one. It doesn't have to be next week, month or even year, but you could have fun planning it. And....you never know !

Yes maybe a sober spa break we could all meet up? Lol and well done for going to the shop for dog food but not coming out with wine , crisps and a take away. We did actually have a take away but we were supposed to go out for father day dinner and noone could be bothered least of all me who would have had to drive ! I was actually looking for sober meet ups near me but there isn't much out there so far but must keep looking !
Hope everyone else is ok? @Starlia @Manyrivers @Bigbus @EnoughEnoughnow @Needtokickthehabit @bookworm44 @StandingOnThePrecipice and anyone else I've missed!

Hi all, can I please join too?

I agree about feeling meh and a bit bored and tired. It’s an adjustment I think. I think the airport example is really good though. The champagne at the airport is a treat. It’s hard to know what would feel quite as much of a treat. I think the play it forward example it good though - if probably end up having as much free wine as possible then being tired and grumpy by the time we arrived at the accommodation!

@daffodills1 , hi, of course you can.
What are you hoping to do, moderate or abstain for a bit ?
Tell us your plans and you can check in with us everyday.

@Determineddoris , I meant to say about the airport free champagne issue - Who are you flying with ?! 🤣
I wouldn't think too far ahead, but when the time comes, if you want a couple of glasses, so be it.
It's our 30 year wedding anniversary in a few months - I'm not even thinking about it 😩

@Manyrivers , when you go on holiday, do you drink at the airport ? I do. Not the very early flights. The earliest is probably 11am. And I drink on the plane. I always get / got drunk on the first day of my holidays.

Thanks so much. Drinking has always been a crutch for me which became worse during lockdown. I'm hoping to reduce what I'm drinking. I've started taking sertraline and it doesn't mix well but so far it hasn't stopped me unfortunately

Welcome @daffodills1 lockdown has a lot to answer for. It was definitely the cause of my escalated drinking, as well as my persistent existential crisis which only now feels like is lifting!

I always drink at their airport because I'm petrified of flying. It takes the edge off slightly but means I start the holiday drunk then hungover and on the hamster wheel right from the off. I need to rethink this as it's not what I want for my holidays in the future.

Sober spa break, what a plan. A genuine health retreat! Paid for by all of our unbought and undrunk bottles of wine! 😂

@daffodills1 , that's an antidepressant ?
What happens when you drink with it ?

Do you drink wine ?

Hi @daffodills1 think we are all in the same boat or have been, I've been using it as my crutch for many years even before lockdown the funny thing was I did dry Jan in lockdown!!! Shouldn't have gone back but here we are. I also realised why I was feeling a bit meh and it's coz I'm about to literally come on the other witch of the month! As Ive said before I think I'm peri so drinking and that really do not go!!
@Bigbus playing it forward sounds very good plan, I just said to H I won't be drinking the free champagne and he goes oh but you can have the free soft drinks and snacks (so basically like what the kids will do!) @Amdone123 no I can't even have the one or two I know I'll be on the slippery slope back to hell it's sad but true this is it for me and I hope I will power through and remain strong. And we fly with BA but business (perks) so free champagne from 8am , then more on the flight then pissed at the destination whilst breaking up the kids fighting , luggage, heat urgh already sounds shit so I'm going to be sober and lap it all up the wonderful sights and sounds and being able to be a half decent mum (we all struggle regardless ) also the mummy wine culture is so naff too like I got into all that too ...the crutch ..the it's ok it's midday somewhere in the world let's crack open a wine etc etc etc
@texy literally if I could we could all plan a spa or just a meet up but I'm pretty sure we are up and down the country x

@Amdone123 yes i drink at the airport and on the flight out always! Doesn't matter the time, I'm that person drinking wine at 6am. Not so much on the way home as I'm usually driving when back home. But I do usually get home, have a few drinks and a takeaway to "end my holiday", totally excessive when I think about it. @Needtokickthehabit

Yoga was a huge success so much so I've booked another 2 classes. I've had a bit of a what I call push, pull energy today. I've been semi productive but it feels like it's not enough? I'm quite hard on myself at times so maybe my unrealistic expectations!

Welcome @daffodills1

@Determineddoris @Bigbus @texy @Needtokickthehabit @bookworm44 @StandingOnThePrecipice and everyone else let's have a good week ahead, whether your moderating, abstaining or just trying your best. We are all on the same path. Keep smiling.

Didn't mean to tag you on first paragraph @Needtokickthehabit

Yes so it's an antidepressant. I was feeling awful drinking wine with it but now drinking vodka and hoping to ease it all back. Peri-menopausal also.
I think white wine, although I love it is my downfall so trying to avoid
I am also that person drinking at the airport, I wondered if it was an anxiety about travelling? Not sure but I am terrible for it x

Hi everyone,

Welcome @daffodills1. Good on you for realising its become a problem. Such a big first step!
We were supposed to fly to Port Douglas yesterday for a mid-winter tropical break. Instead, everyone in the house has influenza B and my DH was hospitalised with complications for a couple of days. It's been hectic and I'm disappointed we can't go away.
But it's Monday and back to my AF wine until Friday is my plan. Hope everyone has a good week - stay strong and remember how good you feel when you wake up sober and fresh!

Well done @Starlia,
That sounds super tough! Hope your husband is ok. Do you have some nice things to look forward to this week to get you through? So sorry about the holiday x

@Starlia sorry to hear your family are unwell. Hope they make a speedy recovery and you can reschedule your trip.

Hi @Starlia ! So sorry you couldn't get away on the trip are you able to reschedule hope everyone makes a speedy recovery! And well done for not drowning your sorrows! Have you still got your time off from work or can you save the holiday days ?

@Starlia , sounds awful. Hope you're all well soon. Definitely well done for not drowning your sorrows.

@daffodills1 , is today your day 1 or are you not planning to start just yet ?

@Determineddoris , you get up nice n early. I'm the same.
How are you feeling about this week ?

I'm looking forward to this week ; tennis matches to watch, I've booked at least 3 gym sessions, including Body Combat, etc
We're going away on Friday for our walking weekend. I'm secretly hoping dh is all holidayed - out, and wants to stay at home.

Good morning everyone. Good luck to everyone starting afresh this morning. Although I’m way better than I used to be I have realised that the pebbles are sneaking back on the boat and if I’m not careful I’ll be back to my old ways. I plan to be AF until Wednesday when I’ll have a couple of drinks with a friend and then AF until the weekend. Managed to stay AF yesterday without much bother but this last week I’ve had a bit more than the week before and that’s how it all starts again.

Thinking especially of those of you just starting the journey this week.

Morning @Amdone123 and @Bigbus .

My sleep tends to be super wierd it's either really early wake ups or really late in which case I'm panicking about getting to work and school on time!

Your week sounds pretty fab, which tennis are you watching? We go to Wimbledon in a few weeks nothing big though probably just the surrounding courts but we saw the final few years back with Djok and Fed and it was amazing and I wasn't drinking then either! I'm feeling a bit better but now I know I'm coming on so all the crying a few days ago and feeling shit is because of dreaded hormones! Well done for the gym sessions I too went ahead and booked Body Conditioning I think today as it's my day off! Don't know how I'll be but let's give it a go....then I'm visiting a 6 week old baby and his mum which will be cute I love babies! The mum also used to have some issues with drink, she never wanted to abstain but moderate too, she always just needs her one or two glasses a night. It really is so surprising just how many women in particular want to cut down or give up alcohol , it's just not talked about like menopause! So do you not want to go on the holiday @Amdone123 ? Don't you think after the week you have had cleaning and everything you could do with a change of scene or is it because you don't want to over drink?
@Bigbus like your outlook for the week too , you are so mindful about it all ! Hope you have a nice time with your friend mid week and it's good you are aware of what it could look like too. It's all the mental gymnastics that take over when I try to moderate. I think I'm on day 13.

@Determineddoris , I'll watch Queens this week. I'm excited for Wimbledon. It's the highlight of my year.

I think I am worried about drinking yes. I'm worried that I'll be so happy walking, then we'll stop in a pub and I'll think feck it, I'm having a drink.
Then I'm anxious because I'll feel like I've failed by caving, and so it will all begin again.
If we go, I've made a list of af drinks to take, though.
I'm not sure if I can do it. I veer between being wildly confident and doubting myself.

I think I'm just going to ensure the next 4 days are how I want them.
I'll see what Friday brings when it's here.

Great idea @Amdone123 ! Not thinking too far ahead is something I have to manage too. I think as you say see how you get on and see what Friday brings. Even if you do go into a pub you have so many AF options these days I think you might be ok? H is being a bit moody this morning he's already left for work but I think because he's in a new role the pressure is higher plus I asked him to attend at least one of the sports days for our kids but he can't make it so I think that may be playing on his mind. Esp the older one with possible needs he wants us there and I'm going to miss some of it too as I'm working ... But also he drank all weekend not excessive but I noticed his sleep is obviously not great when he drinks so he's moody in the mornings! But I would not say that to him.. I also gave him a dirty look when he popped open wine last night lol I know I shouldn't berate him for his choices and he doesn't have an issue with booze so not his fault I have but it still grates me. I've avoided the social scene for two weeks now and some are now asking if I'm ok and why I'm not drinking etc I'm just honest with them and say it's not good for me and it may trigger me when I am out. Most have been quite supportive actually but I do think they and my H think I'm boring now !

Ok so it is Monday. Today is tapering day one. I am actually afraid to quit cold turkey as I have drank so so much in the last couple of years. The last few months have been terrible and I mean sometimes beer for breakfast terrible. Working from home can be a curse too at times. I cannot believe I am finally opening up about this and being honest. I am truly grateful for this thread and everyone in it.

Anyway day one for me today. I have yet to work out a tapering schedule but I have a tab open here so will look at it over coffee. I have an extremely busy week so I genuinely do not have time to get drunk or be hugover but then I say this every week and find myself at the bottom of a bottle of wine. Anyway the most I am promising myself today is limited beer as that is what is in the house. There were 15 beers in the fridge yesterday - there are 5 remaining today.....

Morning all, terrible sleep last night due to intense combo of dog and hayfever so a bit grumpy this morning. Not a fan of Mondays anyway - except bank holiday Mondays 😉

Lots of action here @Bigbus I think it's good to notice the pebbles. All the quit lit is about abstaining completely and I can see why - it's a lot more effort to moderate successfully and manage not to feel guilty or go overboard. It's the main reason that I think I'll eventually end up AF, plus the less you drink the less you see the point so it's a good reinforcer. I'm going to try and have a completely AF week so I'm with you @Amdone123 and @Determineddoris. Have a wedding on Saturday that I want to approach differently to the past too, so all good learning opportunities!

@Needtokickthehabit little by little. As I said upthread, the seed has been planted so it's just a matter of time for you. Immerse yourself in all the books/podcasts/Instagram groups etc as it's all subliminal messaging which does help.

@Starlia gutted for you about your holiday and truly hope your husband is feeling better soon. How disappointing for you all ☹️ good plan to stay AF this week - sounds like there's enough shit going on!

@Manyrivers so pleased to hear about your yoga success! I have another PT session today and aching already!!!! What's your plan for the week?

@Amdone123 body combat sounds like it might be the adrenaline hit you need! Hope you have a nice day reuniting with the worldly traveller!