On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat CONTINUED....

[Determineddoris]

Hi all,

Shiny new thread!

Thank you to @Amdone123 for the last few, she's been around longer than me and always so supportive and kind, thank you!

Tagging people I can from the last thread but please tag any others please!

@texy @Manyrivers @Bigbus @JulieHoney @Mj20 @Starlia

THREAD APPRECIATION POST!!

Just about to leave for after work drinks and my thoughts have been plagued all day with, will I won't I drink. Its a mentally exhausting battle to have this play out in your mind. I'm not going to drink but I'm definitely having weak moments of consideration. I've kept coming back and reading over this thread like a security blanket for the reassurance and morale support. I don't know your real names and I've never met any of you, but you've given me so much support and encouragement over the last few months. Days like today when I'm struggling through are made bearable by the support you all provide. Thank you all.

@Manyrivers , ahh, bless you ❤️.
Your posts are so encouraging to me, also, and I'm sure they are to everyone else.

I hate the mental gymnastics. I'm still having a few wobbles, but it's best for me to take it off the table. Literally !

Oh, someone mentioned ginger beer, thanks. It's so refreshing with ice and lime.

Aw @Manyrivers we really appreciate you too!!!!

The mental gymnastics is for real @Amdone123 but me too totally off the table. I'm drinking my icy squash.

Back from an evening out and so glad I didn't drink. It was touch and go today but happy I made the decision not to. One of the others wasn't drinking either so it didn't feel awkward.

Happy to go to bed and know I won't be hungover tomorrow. The rest of the weekend will be my next challenge, it's the drinking at home I really need to take off the table, (to use @Amdone123 phrase!).

Yay @Manyrivers well done. The hard won ones are the most satisfying!

I'm back from my gig and also glad I didn't drink. Had a brill time and looked around at all of the (very) hammered people, most of whom couldn't concentrate on the music and were just wandering around or talking really loudly over it, and was just so glad to be in my lane and not theirs tonight. A few people had to leave because they had drunk so much and some just sat outside. It was a fairly big name act and not cheap tickets, so it was just really interesting to observe.

Well done @Amdone123 and @Determineddoris Hope you've had a good evening too @bookworm44 and anyone I've missed.

@Manyrivers , that's brilliant, well done. I think it's one thing drinking if you want to, but when you drink and you didn't really want to in the first place, that's something else !
Cheers to your non - hangover day.
@texy , and well done to you, too. Another hangover - free day.

I've been fine today. Had a few 'thoughts' regarding tomorrow - I've realised it's not an actual craving, more What will I do ?!
I drank too many times from boredom, something to do - almost a hobby !

And yet, tomorrow I'll have plenty to do. My granddaughter is here for the morning and in the afternoon, I'm going to watch tennis and evening, walk for a couple of hours.
I'm looking forward.

I am loving looking at all the posts about not drinking and I am excited for it to be me. I failed yesterday but I knew I would. My friend who does not normally drink arrived at lunch with a bottle of wine and we shared it but when she left i opened another one. Now I 'only' had 1.5 bottles of wine and i say only as we started on the wine at 1pm so I had time to drink more but I took the last glass in the second bottle to bed with me and half of it is still there. The problem was I decided to go to bed early so about 10 but I am awake tossing and turning since 2. I thiknk it is a mixture of the booze and being peri and I have dreadful hayfever too which is not helping. Well done all who stayed sober this week. I won't say I envy you although I do in a way but I am the only one stopping myself joining you. I look forward to future posts being dry too :)

@texy sober nights out are such a good experience, wish I had realised this 10years ago!

@Amdone123 your plans for today sound good, I'm also going to try and fit in some long walks this weekend.

@Needtokickthehabit you sound like your consciously reducing your intake and being more mindful. Try and see that as the beginning of your process other than failing. You sound like your a bit hard on yourself (we are all guilty of this), but remember if it was easy to just stop overnight, none of us would be here. Your on the right path just maybe not as far along as you want be right now.

Morning, all !

@Needtokickthehabit , yes I agree with @Manyrivers - you have started your journey by addressing it.
Also, the tossing and the turning - I'm like that when I'm drinking. It doesn't help the peri / menopause symptoms.

I think weight loss is going to be a great incentive for me to stay af.
Just weighed myself and scales are slowly but surely going down.

I wanted to go back to this as it really struck me yesterday @Amdone123 so thank you for saying it - I actually think it's essential to be selfish about putting our needs first in this journey and I actually would hazard a guess that 90% of us are here because we don't do this in any other part of our lives. Always looking after others or trying to keep others happy.

A few weeks who, we were going to a friends for dinner and I consciously considered whether I wanted to drink. I didn't want to. However, I actually then went through a whole thought spiral worrying that my friend would think I wasn't being a good enough friend or 'celebratory' enough (she'd just got a new job) if I didn't. So even though I knew I didn't want a drink I came very close to drinking anyway so I didn't let others down. I do the same with my partner who drinks a fair amount.

Time for us to be a bit more selfish, or at least put our needs as equal to others rather than always, always the last thing to be considered.

Feeling fresh this morning! I have my PT session this morning and feeling quite nervous after the escapades last time. I'll report back!!! 😬

*ago 🙄

Morning everyone! Wow well done for going to a gig and noticing your surroundings and think that's not you! That's a pretty amazing feat you should be quite proud of yourself @texy . @Manyrivers really glad the evening went well and someone else wasn't drinking either! Even though it shouldn't it does make it that little bit less awkward did you have to explain why you weren't drinking did the other person mention why they weren't ?
@Needtokickthehabit I think @Manyrivers is right you are being too hard on yourself , hell I was so hard on myself and still am and I'm not drinking at the moment ! Seriously if you have time read back to the other older thread where most people completed dry Jan except me no joke I think I couldn't even do one day or did I? All I know if then I tried dry Feb , then dry march and tried to follow everyone's footsteps in moderating and could see they were all doing so well and I was failing. So I stepped away for a bit because I didn't know what to say! But at least you are coming on and talking about it esp as you say you don't have anyone in RL to talk with we are here for you!

Good morning all. Well down to all those who are hangover-free this morning. I was out at gig last night but I was volunteering and stayed off the booze. I had one glass when I came home. Kind of unnecessary but I actually really enjoyed it and stopped at one and feel fine today. I am concerned though that this could be the start of the little pebbles being put back in the boat. I need to be mindful of where this goes.

Even if we’re not managing to moderate/abstain as much as we would like, everyone of us on this thread, even those who have popped on for a few posts and then stopped, are doing something different and it’s all part of the process of change. It can just take a long time to change ingrained habits and coping mechanisms. It’s scary to take away the alcohol and even coming on here is a big step.

@texy let us know how your PT session goes, I've just booked myself on to my first ever beginners yoga class for tomorrow. Eek!! I'm so nervous and have an image everyone will be young insta types and il be the only over 40s overweight one! Anyways I'm going to give it a go, will also let you all know if my fears are confirmed!

@Bigbus I hear you with the pebbles in the boat. I felt like that this week with my 1 bottle of wine and 2 large beers. @Determineddoris nobody really asked why I wasn't drinking as I've done this on a few of our nights out now, and i think my friends secretly know I have issues with drinking but we have never discussed it. This weekend is a year to the date where I attended an event, and got absolute wrecked and completely embarrassed myself. It makes me so ashamed and embarrassed thinking about it.

@Manyrivers the last straw for me too was a night out when I got really drunk and the consequences could have been much worse than they were. I am still embarrassed to think about it and I can’t even write it here because it’s too embarrassing even though this is a super safe space. I hole in the future I’ll look back on that night as a good thing because it was a turning point without which I would have carried on, maybe until something even worse happened or my liver packed up.

Well done to everybody who did well last night. I drank too much and am feeling worse for it this morning. I have, however, still put a bottle in to chill ready to continue tonight. What is wrong with me?! I am not planning on buying anymore though, at least until next weekend.

@bookworm44 , well, have that one as planned then at least you know you're not buying anymore.
I can't have it in the house.
I'm in The Zone atm, but who knows what would happen if, for example, someone brought me a bottle.
I'd probably panic 🤣, then pull myself together, then ask them to take it and store it somewhere else.
( Can you tell I've got Contingency Plans?)

Hi all, wondering if can join please? I’ve just found this thread and so much of what everyone says resonates with me. My drinking the last month had really escalated from one bottle of wine a night to two and also possibly stealing a few of DH’s beers on top… this started when I initially had successfully abstained during the week for a few weeks and only drank on weekends. So I justified it to myself by thinking it’s ok to really indulge at the weekend. Except then some difficult life stuff cropped up and the alcohol free nights during the week fell by the wayside, but the two bottles ago habit didn’t…
Thing is, I know I feel shit physically and mentally when I drink that much and that often, so why do I keep doing it?! I had 1 bottle of wine and one beer last night and Thursday night, but determined I’m not drinking today and at least not until next weekend. I would really love to be able to go weeks without drinking and not even give it a thought, but that just feels too monumental at the moment and like I’d be setting myself up for too big a challenge, so would immediately cave. I can’t remember who came up with the analogy about the rocks in the boat, but that really summed it up perfectly!
Well done everyone for the progress you’ve all made so far, you’ve genuinely inspired me to start addressing this before it ruins my life. I’ve got young kids and really worry about the damage I’m doing to myself and not been here to see them grow up in the long term. In the short term I just know I’m not being the best mum I can be and that they deserve when I’m hungover or desperate to get bed time over as quick as possible so I can go crack open the wine.

@StandingOnThePrecipice , of course you can join. Hi and welcome !
Yes, it's a slippery slope. I remember when I used to drink only at weekend then someone at work said weekend begins on a Thursday, so off I went. Wasn't long before it was 4 nights a week. I always say it on here, but it's that treadmill effect. It's so hard to get off.
Don't think too far ahead - just get today ✅. And if you're not drinking til next weekend, you've got a good few days there af to see how you're feeling - I hear you regarding the mental and physical rubbish feelings.
I'm a few days in af and honestly, I feel great.
You can do it and we'll help.
❤️

Welcome @StandingOnThePrecipice

Thank you so much @Amdone123 this is honestly the first time I’ve admitted to anyone that I have a problem. I’ve told DH that I want to cut down etc and he is supportive when I say that and won’t suggest getting drinks on the way home from work if I say I don’t want the temptation put in my way. But I’ve never been able to bring myself to say to him “I think I have a serious problem”. He also likes a drink and will sometimes drink every night of the week with me, difference is, he will have 2, maybe 3 small cans of IPA (and they’re quite often lower ABV ones) and then stop and go to bed. Whilst I sit up on my own, finish the bottle and then start on the second one. In the morning I can never quite remember how much I drank when I first wake up but will then try kid myself that it’s not that bad really if I get up and see that I didn’t finish the second bottle.
There is a history of alcoholism in my family too and I’m terrified that’s where I’m heading, or maybe where I already am? I’m not physically addicted to alcohol and thankfully don’t get any withdrawal symptoms, but I don’t think that’s a very helpful definition. I definitely have a problem!
You’re right about taking one day at a time and I’m really trying to remind myself how much happier I actually am when I don’t drink. I’ve done long stints without alcohol before when going through several rounds of IVF and eventually pregnancy. Now I’ve got the children I thought at one time I’d never have and who I’m so thankful for every day. My life now is actually the best it’s ever been in every respect. Yet I’m drinking more than ever!
Sorry this post is long and very much me me me. I just really feel like I need to put these things out there in black and white before I try sweep them under the rug again.

@Manyrivers thank you for the welcome. Your post about will I won’t I drink in work night out is really inspiring. That’s the battle I seem to have with myself every day starting from lunch time, except I’m just sat at home most of the time. I don’t know how I’d cope at a social event without alcohol and I’m really impressed that you managed and stayed strong! You’ve given me hope that it’s possible!

@StandingOnThePrecipice , no worries about long posts, it's better out than in.
You've made the first step, so well done.
It's not easy admitting it's a problem.

@StandingOnThePrecipice I try and post about my bad days as well as the good ones, I do this because I hope it inspires others and, it keeps me accountable. I love a long post so don't worry about that. The therapeutic element of this thread is typing out your thoughts and realising your not alone.

@Manyrivers the honesty of everyone on this thread, through their successes as well as setbacks is what made me feel this is a safe space to start addressing my problem. The support and non judgmental responses of everyone else, without enabling, but instead offering kind and sensitive encouragement is really lovely. I hope I can make the progress you all seem to be, keep the bigger journey in mind if it doesn’t always go to plan and offer my support to others too.