On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat CONTINUED....

[Determineddoris]

Hi all,

Shiny new thread!

Thank you to @Amdone123 for the last few, she's been around longer than me and always so supportive and kind, thank you!

Tagging people I can from the last thread but please tag any others please!

@texy @Manyrivers @Bigbus @JulieHoney @Mj20 @Starlia

I’ve fallen off the moderation wagon again. Two birthday parties yesterday and I got very drunk and came home and spoke to my DD15 and her two friends and I was clearly drunk and slurring my words and I’m so embarrassed. What is actually wrong with me? I have no problem moderating at home these days but social occasions are a disaster. I feel foolish and ashamed (again). I’m 46. When will I learn?

@Nowstrong @enoughisenough4 @Coppergate5 thanks ladies! Thats me been to 3 another one tonight. They can be hard going but we are all there for the same reason and the guy who shared on Sat night was a high flying IT guy. I actually spoke and burst out crying and 2 girls gave me a hug and their phone numbers. I went to a meeting last night with one of them and going with another one tonight. Hopefully can keep it up.

@Touty go onto the AA website type in your location - tbh the online meetings are not as good as going to a face to face one - I tried online for a week and ended up leaving half way through. That first foot through the door I was met with a warm handshake and a cuppa. Everyone introduced themselves to me - give it a try - I was cacking myself but it is actually ok!

@Mummykins54 are they nightly?? I thought they were weekly. If they're more often that's brilliant. It sounds like you've had a lovely warm welcome and they sound very supportive 🥰

@Amdone123 maybe that should be what I should aim for too, to halve the amount so maybe two mini bottles in a sitting instead of a bottle (obviously I can't buy one bottle and just have half!). Tbh I don't actually mind a bottle in one sitting, but only if it's once a week. I get ridiculous at the 1.5 bottle mark. Glad you're not beating yourself up over slipping off for one night. You're still doing amazingly well!

@Bigbus how are you feeling about it today? I hope you're not still feeling horrible about it. It really does happen to us all, you are not alone ❤️ alcohol is so addictive.

@enoughisenough4 they are every night in various locations - I have been to 3 different ones and going to another location tonight. If you go on to the AA website and type in your location you will see what I mean - lots of folk in our boat x

@Mummykins54 wow there's one in my town and other nearby ones. I live in a fairly rural area so didn't expect that at all! That's great because a week without support could otherwise be a bit long. A massive well done on going and trying multiple meetings, that's a really good step. You and your son should be so proud of you.

This is a bit outing so if anyone does recognise me from RL, please no judgement on what I've said here 😅 but I'm going back to uni in a few weeks to finish a long qualification. I'm hoping that once I'm in a routine with that I won't be thinking about the WW so much. It's actually really good to know that's there's lots of local support if things ever did escalate.

I hope everyone's having a lovely BH weekend. We had friends over last night for a takeaway. I had some wine but because I'd already had some the night before, I had one glass, poured another, and then poured it back in the bottle!! However it's not daily drinking that's a problem for me. It's 2-3 days after 🤦‍♀️

@Mummykins54 Keep on going my love! You are fantastic, you are trying and that's great!

Everyday sober is another win!

@Bigbus I hope you're ok. I've been exactly where you are - and it still happens. That's one of the reasons I don't want to go out on Wednesday actually - because I just get in such a state. I think it's why I'd rather stay in.
Can you speak to your daughter , to put your mind at rest ? Tell her you're working on it ? I know exactly how you feel.
@enoughisenough4 that's great going back to your studies. You're right, it will give you something to focus on. We can only keep trying. Roll on September and normality. These holidays have been challenging but thank you, yes, I do think I'm doing better.
I like to recognise the small wins. I've just walked for 2 hours, popped into a supermarket to get some bits for my holiday and I didn't even THINK about looking at the wine. I got some more bargains too, usually when I'm on a shopping 'high', I'd pick up wine, no doubt about it.

@thebabessavedme thank you that means a lotx

@Mummykins54 well done, I think you’re very brave.

@Amdone123 i did text her and apologise and said I had too much work drink on an empty stomach and I am going to learn from it. She was very nice and said that I wasn’t that drunk.

@enoughisenough4 i have a terrible hangover which I hope will deter me. I have no problem at home anymore. Right now there are about 20 bottles of wine in my house and a fridge full of beer and there always is. I get wine delivered and because I’ve cut down it’s built up a bit. I’m glad I’ve conquered the home-based moderation but I just can’t seem to stop once I’m out.

as @Amdone123 says, I might just need to not go out for a month or so. I’m ok if I go out with one other person for dinner but group events just lead to disaster.

really well done to all who are managing to abstain. It really is crazy that I can’t even contemplate never drinking again. But if I don’t manage to moderate then I might have to.

@Bigbus I'm glad your daughter was so understanding. Also, sometimes we think it's worse than it actually was. I'm not minimising it, but I think it's part of the hangxiety and all those 'wonderful' feelings that go with it.
That's why I was contemplating the antabuse. If I can't moderate, and like you, I'm not sure I can. I mean, I can say go 7 days, but then the quantity is too much. It's not like I just have 2 drinks - I drink til I fall. At least when I'm at home, I can only fall upstairs. When I'm out, Christ, I've fallen into alsorts.
The antabuse is still on the table for me.

@Bigbus have you read the unexpected joy of being sober? It talks quite a bit about how to deal with social situations without a drink, and whether you should avoid etc. I think you'd find it useful

Well folks that is me back from my first and clearly last holiday with my dp. I totally ruined things, I got absolutely HAMMERED drunk the second night there, fell asleep at the table then two days later again hammered and we argued about it him calliong me an alco and me trying to get him to apologise for saying what is actually true. Then he said fine prove to me you can be sober and stormed off so what did I do? Next morning for breakfast i had a vodka... then a second one, then i went to the hotel shop and bought a bottle of it. At this point we were only communicating via text so at one point I folliowed him to the pool for a splash about, he went and got ready for dinner and i decided to forgo dinner (clever idea) so ended up having another voddie getting ready to go so by the time we got to the hotel entertainment i was pretty drunk. He just left, went up to the room and sent me one message just to say this is not the future he sees and we are over. And now we are home and I have fucked it all up because of alcohol.

Anyway i was too afraid not to drink today so had one cocktail before we left, nothing on plane on way home and nothing since. So we start again. I havetotally fucked up my future happiness. I hate myself. I need to stop fucking drinking. I will need so so much support as my heart is aching at this loss and knowing I caused it.

@Needtokickthehabit yes but why do you feel so unhappy that you need to drink, I’ve been in your shoes, this is something that needs to be addressed by both of you.

@Needtokickthehabit I’m so sorry to hear that happened. You’re in the right place here to get support. Quite a few people on here have been going to AA. Do you think that’s something you could think about? Alcohol is such an insidious poison and the problem is that it’s everywhere and socially acceptable. Maybe can you see this moment as a turning point? I really feel for you. I am filled with post-alcohol regret today too.

He wont address it as he wants out but for me I think it stemmed from childhood. Two emotionally abusive parents who finally separated after 14 years of living hell with them point scoring against each other. My dad drank every night for years afterwards to the extent one night he was arguing with me about something and I was not backing down so he faked a heartattack, I called the ambulance and when they got there they told me he was lying. He gave up not much longer after that. My mum has done and said awful things too as she is a narcissist and I have both of these people still in my life and still get odd bouts of emotional abuse or mental guilt trips about things. I think I use alcohol as a crutch.

I was the black sheep, the one who questioned things and would not back down. I know I should abd grey rock them but then I get so upset i drink and that is where the 'drama' kicks off. ALways because I just want answers to things that I will never get answers to so I push and push and then everything is my fault etc.
I never learned boundaries or how to have a healthy relationship and have been in two different abusive relationships over the years so I stayed single about 8/9 years before dating again and met my now ex dp and for the past few years things are great. Normally i moderate around him however give me an all inclusive and that went to bloody pot. I hate myself I really do. I had it all and lost it. I now have to tell my kids and he his about this and they all got on really well too. Ive ruined it all.

It really is everywhere and when you say no thanks to a drink people query it but I need to fix myself. This behaviour is abhorent and I truly wish I could take it all back but I cannot. I dont collect my kids till tomorrow so I came home and took a long hot shower etc and got into bed with a book. I had about 3.5 hours sleep but woke and got upset so thought I would post on here again. Theres no alcohol in the house at all so no fear of getting up and pouring something so that is good at least.

@Needtokickthehabit so sorry to hear your news. You're going to be feeling awful for a few days at least, but it will get better.

I know you're devastated about the relationship breakdown - you're bound to be, but honestly, I think it's best to make plans to sort this alcohol problem out first.
Concentrate on you for now. If the relationship is meant to be, it could happen in the future, when you're in a better place. Show him that you can get sober, turn it around - it could take as little as 2 weeks to see a dramatic change.

1. would you go to your gp ?
2. could you try Annie Grace 30 day alcohol experiment?
3. could you find an AA meeting ?

You don't have to tell your children anything yet ?

Well done for those steps last night, shower, early night, cup of tea - you could so easily have gotten back on it, but you didn't.

Keep posting, we'll help.
One day at a time.
❤️

Morning all.
@Needtokickthehabit so sorry to hear about your bad experience. As @Amdone123 and others said, pick yourself up, see how you can get help and this thread is a hand hold when RL support is not available. One day at a time. Love yourself a bit.
I'm also hobbling along without my crutch, but practice makes perfect, or nearly, have good and bad days. Throwing myself into sport and slowly getting a better MH.
Have two of my DGC today, I'll be so busy keeping them out of mischief that I'll be out of it too.
Invited out for dinner tonight, but have already told my friend that I'm not drinking. Got to pack my case and tidy my place before I leave tomorrow.
Good news, even if I've hit the carbs a bit more than I should, a bit of a weight loss. Most welcome. It encourages me. Plus the lack of baggy eyes staring back at me in the mirror is also an ego encouragement.
Wishing everyone a good day. Stay strong.

Thank you for this. I actually even managed another 3.5 hours of sleep so I am sure once coffee hits I will feel more awake. My issue is the shop being so close to me. I can start any day with the AF intention and anything hits me and it is like the siren goes off in my head so I have decided that as today is my final day off work I am going to print out my bank statements, see what dd's are coming out between now and payday on thursday, leave myself no cash, take the wallet off my phone and if i do not go the shop I do not buy alcohol, it really is that simple but we shall see. Thank you for your support x

@Nowstrong you always feel you are in a lonely world when you have alcohol, I certainly do anyway and came on here to find online friendships to just chat to when drinking never thinking I would be on here to find online helpers to kick the one thing I came on because of. I fel better having slept and I drank 3 bottles of water last night instead of alcohol so mentally that makes me feel stronger too. Enjoy your grandkids today :)

@Needtokickthehabit , I think we all on here start the day with AF intentions then, as you describe, a siren goes off. It really can come out of nowhere. Perhaps, take it hour by hour then. Make a plan for today, a checklist to get everything done, including staying af. Then tick ✅ at end of day, it will give you encouragement that you can do it, because I really think confidence plays a big part.
We doubt ourselves, sometimes even thinking we don't deserve a better life, but we do !
Stock up - soft drinks, chocolate, good food.
Keep posting ❤️

@Nowstrong I thought you meant you were on crutches then. I'm thinking what kind of sport can you do on crutches 🤣
It's great that you've told your friend you're not drinking this evening. I've cancelled tomorrow - I'm not even in the mood.

I'm doing OK really. Yesterday was a day when previously I would have drank, but I didn't. Lots of tennis today, but I've got hot chocolate - it's freezing here, so appropriate.
Have a great day, everyone - we can do it. We just need to believe in ourselves.

Well not a good day yesterday, I went out and had some drinks, I think it was 3 lagers, a wine, and a vodka. I just felt so bored to the point that the boredom felt painful, I just had to do something. I planned to go out to the shops for a walk around but I just didn’t have the energy.

boredom is the devil, lately it’s not just occasional boredom but it’s constant.

I have just made myself a nice breakfast of meats cheese and breads with coffee and orange juice. The past few days have been filled with self loathing so today I organise everything I need to for house/school/kids/work and plan plan plan. Occupy myself and then book myself in for a massage somewhere or something to look forward to at the weekend.

@Needtokickthehabit that's a brilliant attitude. You've got this.
@Touty I can be the same. Fight or Flight. And I usually flee. Boredom is terrible though, I often feel like running away 😩