On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat CONTINUED....

[Determineddoris]

Hi all,

Shiny new thread!

Thank you to @Amdone123 for the last few, she's been around longer than me and always so supportive and kind, thank you!

Tagging people I can from the last thread but please tag any others please!

@texy @Manyrivers @Bigbus @JulieHoney @Mj20 @Starlia

@Bigbus that's The Spirit !
( no pun intended)

Morning all.
Stayed AF yesterday so back on track. Big family party today but it's SO hot here I'll be drinking AF beer and/or water (I love anything fizzy).
Touty dance away the wicked feelings
WendyWagon a chippy tea, haven't had one in ages (no chippies here), glad you enjoyed and as you say, one day at a time. Wish I had some booze police here...
Amdone123 if I drink, I eat. Anything and everything. So my aim is to stay off for as long as possible and hopefully the weight will fall off (who am I kidding?).
Bigbus I also tend to eat myself up with remorse and as Amdone123 said you are not an idiot. Otherwise we all are. Am listening to Carr's book (again) gaining inspiration.
Went swimming this morning before the Sunday crowd arrived. I now swim a minimum of 1/2 km, then exercises in the water. My aim is 1km by September. I'm really just trying to feel good about myself. Deep down I think self love is essential to be able to make any progress. Staying positive.
Hope everyone is fine and enjoying a leisurely (or not) Sunday

@Amdone123 I thought I was enjoying it at the time, but I probably would have been more satisfied if I cleaned the sofas or mopped the kitchen floor etc etc which has needed doing for ages and I've not got round to it because I don't have time (but of course I have time for wine 🤦‍♀️). I didn't go overboard though. I did finish the bottle, of course (I can never not) but I didn't have anything else (because we didn't have anything else, otherwise I would have) and it hasn't affected my day today, so that's something. I think I'm going to try abstaining for a bit because the more I have it the more I want it.

Well done on abstaining last night, I bet you're really glad today.

@Touty don't be so hard on yourself. It's really hard to abstain when you really really want it (like me last night 🤦‍♀️) do you have any hobbies? Is there anything you'd like to try but haven't got round to? Hobbies are very time consuming!!

@Nowstrong hello fellow swimmer! I'm just about to go actually. I'm amazed at how much better I feel when I go every other day and abstain from alcohol. I really need to make both of these things a priority again. I bought myself some under water earphones and it's an absolute game changer. It's so nice to be in the pool just me, doing something for myself and in my own little world with my music. Do you have a fitness tracker? I find it really motivates me and means I don't have to count my laps! Are you a new swimmer or has it always been a hobby (sorry if I've missed this)? I've been on and off for a few years but only recently going regularly and for decent stretches

It looks like I got through the best part of half a bottle of vodka last night. Completely fed up.

@Touty do you know I was going to say put it behind you and say the same thing I posted to @Bigbus but I was thinking before that maybe we should acknowledge how absolutely rubbish it makes us feel. We shouldn't disregard any feelings we have, no matter what they are. So, we could acknowledge them for a while, then make a plan to not feel like that again ?
I know that stopped me yesterday - I said no to it because I knew I'd feel awful today. Plus, I had the added bonus of my sister looking terrible!

@enoughisenough4 that reminded me of when I have a thought / craving to drink. I often think the bathroom needs cleaning but I rarely act on that 🤣. It's good that you didn't have anything else ( I know you had no more but I often think that if I were that bad, I'd go in search of it).
I'm trying to abstain now til bank holiday Monday when we're going out.

@Amdone123 i don’t even feel hungover, I drank it over several hours with lots of ice and tonic, maybe that’s why.
well yes I’m annoyed with myself but what I’m completely fed up about is the reason or reasons why I drink, boredom, and anxiety over my living situation.

Can I join this thread please - I am going through a very acrimonious divorce - been going on for 3 years - husband dragging things out. I have been drinking 2 bottles of wine a night - it is affecting the relationships with my 2 grown up kids - my son is only 22 and has just had a baby (not planned). I know I need to stop. Have got the Annie Grace book - any tips would be much appreciated.

Been told to go to AA but not sure how I feel about that - I know I just can't go cold turkey - I really need support ladies - please help!

@Mummykins54 , hi and welcome !
Would you go to your gp as a first step ? I say this as you're worried about going cold turkey, which is a valid concern.
I've never been to my gp regarding my intake. The first thing I did was the Annie Grace 30 day experiment. It's free, Google it and start that maybe ?
Sorry to hear about the divorce - that sounds so hard. At least you've got a grandchild to inspire you to get healthy ( I know mine did. And does. She's 7 now).
Some people may suggest tapering. I'd never heard of this before but I think it means cutting down gradually. So, in your case, 1 bottle instead of 2. Could you do that ?
At least you've acknowledged there's a problem. That's a great start, so well done.
We'll help you ❤️

AA didn't work for me. Well, I only went once. I know others swear by it, though.

@Mummykins54 welcome. I am a newby on this thread but long time on the freedom one. I have a 20 & 24 year old. My son hates drunks, my DD is teetotal.
Stress, upset but it was mainly grief that caused my alcoholism. I personally like a bit of AA, where can you get free help atm? nowhere. They are God botherers but so what. I have never met a nasty 'in recovery dry drunk'. We are gentle souls without the booze.

@Enoughisenough4 I used to swim a lot (when I was young) and have just got back to it. Don't like the crowds though, so only go at opening time in the morning. At the moment our local outside pool is open, when it closes mid September will have to drive a few kms to a covered one. Will try to keep it up. Yes to the fitness tracker. I mainly keep an eye on my sleep with it, together with my hikes. Too hot at the moment for me to walk my regular 10kms. I've noticed that if I drink then my heart rhythm during the night remains over my daily average. Keeps me motivated. Health wise. Am also planning a week long walk next year with a friend, will be an average of 20km/day. Going to have to train and get very fit for that.

@Mummykins54 I'm also a newby and find just reading this thread sometimes helps to relativize things. Just starting to find my feet communicating. Everyday extreme stress doesn't help. Been there, got the T-shirt (several even). Be kind to yourself.

Did a quick spelling check (sometimes losing my English) goodness knows how I managed to put a Google Search in my message...

@Nowstrong 🤣🤣

Thanks so much for your replies - much appreciated @Amdone123 I think I move onto cider which is not as strong and gradually reduce each day.

When I open my glass bin I am ashamed at what I see and what I have become

@Mummykins54 I've definitely had those feelings but I try to remember it's an addiction and also, a slippery slope. I suppose for some it happens gradually over the years, and before you know it, you're needing it to cope.
For me, it was a habit. Still is, but with the help of this thread ( and other avenues), I'm gradually trying to change those habits.
Sundays are notoriously quite bad for me ( I think it stems from having to work on a Monday!), but strangely, not been tempted today.
When will you start ?

@Amdone123 Tomorrow - currently reading Annie Grace's book The Naked Mind and have ordered a 10 day detox book from Amazon. Also when I think of the cost EEK. Wine is so expensive - could be putting that money to better use.

Can I ask why AA didn't work for you as my friend's sister attended meetings and she said they were really helpful - I did attend a zoom one a couple of times but tbh I felt depressed listening to people - hope that does not sound mean!

That's a great start - well done. You can do it.
Well, I only went to the one meeting. It was actually in my hometown. I recognised my friend's son there, and I think he recognised me, but that didn't bother me : I'm quite open about my struggle. Other than this young man, the rest were quite old, mostly male. They were lovely, very welcoming but they'd all been sober for 20, 30 years. I suppose I didn't feel a connection. I could have tried somewhere else but it was actually just before Covid, so no momentum anyway.

I have actually booked a hypnotherapy session - 1 to help me move on in life from this divorce and 2 to help with the addiction - I will try anything. I am what is known as a high functioning alcoholic. Not nice. It is true - it steals your life. Do you still drink or are you clean now? Haven't had a chance to look at all the past conversations?

@enoughisenough4 Thats great that you are back into your swimming - I think my divorce has actually contributed greatly to my addiction as I did not expect it to take 3 years as my husband is being a complete idiot. And I have friends saying oh you need to move on get a hobby - my life was devoted to my two kids so did not really have time for hobbies. Guess my hobby is the wine.

@Mummykins54 I think my hobby was wine, too. I loved buying it, storing it, cooking and drinking it, everything ! Sunbathing, reading, watching tennis - I always had a glass in my hand. I'm better now - I'll do all those things without a drink.
I'm not clean, no. I tried moderating but I really need to abstain. The irony is I am so much happier when I'm not drinking.
When I get cravings, nothing will stop me really. Though I am getting better. I have tools ! 🤣

What hobbies would you like to do ?
You may find yourself a bit bored once you give up. Boredom is terrible for wine - drinkers !

I walk, do zumba, read, play with my granddaughter. I love cooking and no longer need a glass of wine in my hand. Miracle.

@Amdone123 good for you - I like to go walking, love Netflix etc - I joined a gym - not for the gym but for the jacuzzi and I haven't even been yet - alcohol drains your motivation I have learned that

@Mummykins54 I was never into spa's, etc but we went to one the other weekend. I really enjoyed it. Sauna, steam, mud treatments. I'm going to do more of it in future. It's not even that expensive. I find when I don't drink , my bank balance is healthier.

Hi everyone,

I’ve been away because I crashed off the wagon in a big way. I feel so ashamed. I went to a dinner party and got really drunk. I hadn’t done that for more than a year.
My poor kids were worried about me because they are better people that I am.
I just feel very low. I wish I didn’t care about alcohol.
I’m not giving in though. I’m back to my AF wine and trying my best.
You know, I thought I was doing so well. And then suddenly I wasn’t. It’s really shaken me.
Welcome to the new members. This is a really supportive and lovely group. We can do this together.