On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat CONTINUED....

[Determineddoris]

Hi all,

Shiny new thread!

Thank you to @Amdone123 for the last few, she's been around longer than me and always so supportive and kind, thank you!

Tagging people I can from the last thread but please tag any others please!

@texy @Manyrivers @Bigbus @JulieHoney @Mj20 @Starlia

@Touty , yes, my mother has a lot to answer for. May she RIP. Thanks for the Naltrexone tip, I'll research it later.
Yes, @Needtokickthehabit , I second @Bigbus suggestion of counselling. It's worth a try ?

How is everyone else @Determineddoris @Coppergate4 @Easterdaffsx @Manyrivers @OhShitImNearly40 @bookworm44 @indieray @texy

Well, not a bad week for me. I've lost 2lb which I'm pleased with but it could have been more - the weekend wine and the weather stopped me from walking ( excuses there).
I have felt better though. This week I'm hoping for 8 af days ( day 2 ), until a week today when we're going out.
Have a lovely af day, folks. Do yer best.

I'm still AF - 5 days I think. I didn't feel as upbeat yesterday as I had the couple of days before so having a drink did cross my mind but fairly briefly. I think that was in part related to sleep. Had a better nights sleep last night but there are a few things I need to sort out for that to be anything like consistent, especially when I'm back at work...so there is another related project. It won't be the first time I've tried to do this either so I know it won't all be in one step.

I'm glad I've had the AF run before my Aug-Aug planner recording starts tomorrow. I'm accepting that for me to be able to do moderating, drinking even just once a week is too much. Drinking once every 2-3 weeks will be much easier to achieve that drinking 2-3 times a week. I've done this experiment many, many times now so there is no denying this conclusion.

Well done on the 2 lbs loss @Amdone123 !

AH! I can't remind myself of everyone else last post by scrolling as this is a new page.

Good luck with your productive day today @Needtokickthehabit !

Hi @enoughisenough4 and welcome!

Good morning all! I hope some of you are getting some sun somewhere because its dreary as fuck here down south. Some school summer holidays! I was at work yesterday and H with the kids all day and they were glued to devices because it was pelting down all day and when I came home exhausted as I did not get a lunch break, H is sitting in front of the TV where hes been all day and kids on devices , I had to sort dinner (did a really easy and unhealthy one don't care ) and cleaned up all whilst H drinking fucking wine on the sofa. sorry for swearing but I'm so annoyed with him, we have plenty of other options in the house for kids but no he sat there watching tv and you tube and drinking wine-i know full well I'm cross with him for drinking and I couldn't. i am hoping that will change with time who knows but its bloody triggering. And this morning lo and behold he is moody and rude and I'm sure its because he has to work and is hungover! so I'm glad I'm not like that-I have a lot to do today and wanted H to wfh so he could look after little one while I have to go to a thing with older one. But apparently hes prime minister so can't look after little one (or just will be on devices the whole time I'll be gone)

@enoughisenough4 how are you doing? When I gave up last year for 8 weeks I found Claire Pooleys book amazing the sober diaries really resonated with me! On Saturday we went out and to a pub dinner and my H drank a beer and i drank an 0% beer and i downed it lol didn't enjoy it all but as soon as we sat down the head waiter literally was on us to order drinks-i said to him we have only just sat down give us a few mins but he wouldn't go away. so my son couldn't look at the menu properly and ordered a coke (and then didn't sleep because of the caffeine and went to the toilet few times that night) and i just went with the beer but there was sooooo many AF options on there even 0% tanqueray which i have never tasted but like posh lime and soda, lychee soda the list went on -i should have stuck to my guns and said give me a few mins but i felt flustered hungry and stressed as kids were already fighting etc anyway the whole point is my H didn't ask would I like to drive home which i would have gladly done had he asked and then moaned he couldnt drink wine to himself??? im not a frigging mind reader. so yeah im good abstaining -not thinking when my next drink is coming.
@Coppergate4 well done on your streak! @Touty and well done you too you are doing amazing and come so far. @Needtokickthehabit is that a regular thing wine for breakfast? not judging at all I'm just wondering what your triggers are and maybe we can work through them together! a counsellor is amazing i had one few yrs back and it really helped lay it all out but i def need another counsellor asap but need one for my child too and no one is getting back to me!
I will be 8 weeks on wednesday feels like a lifetime. as @Amdone123 has said and the thread title some of us are moderating and some are abstaining but theres no judgement either end-we got to do what makes us happy! i saw a quote earlier on instagram i will try and post it and it made me think of you lovely people!
REALLY SORRY FOR THE LONG POST

@Determineddoris not regular although its happened a few times in recent weeks and months i have to admit. I have been going through something but that something has finally gotten to its end and I feel better knowing it is done and dusted now. It was a huge trigger for me for months but it is now all behind me and I am looking forward to starting afresh this week with a better mindset and nothing like that hanging over me again. I may look into therapy yes.

Well done for getting through it all though @Needtokickthehabit whatever it was it takes its toll on mind and body heavily so you are thinking positive and it's great to read and you are still here! Do you have time for quit lit books/podcasts? Therapy although very valuable can be ££££! And also most have waiting lists unless online but i found even that was ££/wait lists. Funnily enough I've always wanted to be a counsellor! I did start drinking at one point earlier and earlier and a couple of occasions don't know the triggers but I was by myself and opened wine at 10am and drank the whole bottle by 1! It was a massive escape for me x

@Coppergate4 , well done on Day 5. I'm similar to you in thinking that drinking once a week is too much. I'd love to drink say every 2 weeks, perhaps I could try that. I just remembered that I did go through a phase when I only drank every 2 weeks. It worked out at 1 bottle a week - I felt normal.
@Determineddoris , no sun here but I got up, put a waterproof on, and walked for 1.5 hours. 12k steps, and I enjoyed it.
Sorry to hear you're a tad stressed with the other half. My dh is off today and I just suggested I make us omelettes for brunch. He agreed, then put all his mail on the Hob and proceeded to open it - why does he do that ?!!
After my walk, I popped into Tesco. Gawd, I was so tempted. I even picked up a few bottles. Walked away - the last time I did that I felt really pleased with myself. Today, I just thought, meh, why aren't you normal.
Seems I have an obsession with that word today.
I'm glad I didn't buy any. I know like @Coppergate4 's experiment, what it would look like. Today and tomorrow.
@Needtokickthehabit , you're sounding really positive today. Today is going to be a good day for you. ❤️

@Amdone123 it's so hard isn't it. I don't know why after a few days I'm pretty desperate for a glass (bottle+) of wine. It's like it's the only thing that satisfies me. I enjoy the first glass and then I just get carried away. I had a bit of a wake up call on Saturday night though, so I really think that needs to be it now. I've got This Naked Mind arriving on Wednesday so hopefully that'll help. Day 2 today! Thank you so much for your kind words ❤️ I'm glad you're not beating yourself up about your night. It's easily done but not helpful to. Still feeling a bit anxious today actually, hopefully that'll pass by tomorrow. Congrats on your 2lb loss! I'm on slimming world atm, did well for the first few weeks (aside from booze) but now I've totally messed it up this week and am expecting a fairly sizeable gain in Wednesday's weigh in.

Does anyone have advice on what to do when day 3/4 gets here and I'm gasping again? Do you do things to distract yourself or just wait it out?

@Needtokickthehabit hope you're smashing through your list, you've got this 👊

@Coppergate4 thank you! ❤️

@Determineddoris well done on sticking your guns! I've been floating around on this board here and there in the last month or so (usually after another blow out!) and one thing I read which might be useful is to always have your AF drinks choice ready to say, before you get there. Easier said than done when there's that choice though, but also good there are lots of options! Sorry to hear your DH isn't being very supportive, hopefully that will change soon. Doing ok today thank you, still feeling a bit anxious actually but not as bad as yesterday. I'll give that book a try, thank you. I've found I quite enjoy reading non fiction books in the evening actually, I got some parenting books out of the library the other day and I'm hoping reading them in the evening will help keep me away from wine. I've ordered this baked mind and I'll add your suggestion to my list as well.

8 weeks is amazing! Well done you!! It'll take me a bit of time to figure out who's abstaining and who's moderating, so apologies! Also sorry for the long couple of posts, but thanks for having me here

@enoughisenough4 , yes, sometimes it's the only thing that satisfies me. Funnily enough, I was thinking this on Saturday. Why didn't I buy beer ( which has no effect on me), why not vodka ( much better for my weight loss)....the answer, because I don't want those drinks ! I don't even enjoy them.
It's no wonder my sister rolls her eyes when we're going out and I say I'm just drinking beer. As soon as we get to the bar, I order wine. All the time.
I think once you get to 3 or 4 days, try to list all those positives ( if you've slept better, if you've had more patience with others, if you've eaten better, if your skin is clearer, etc) and hold on to that. You may have to just get through it. But I know exactly what you mean. For years, I would give up, feel great after 4, 5 days, then go straight back to the thing that made me feel crap in the first place. It's quite common, though.

I'm looking forward to putting my first sticker on the Aug-Aug wall planner today! I'm going with this:

• no alcohol at all - green smiley face
• moderated alcohol when out (or special occasion at home e.g. Christmas, visitors) - purple smiley face
• OTT alcohol when out - red dot
• moderated alcohol at home - orange smiley face
• OTT alcohol at home - red dot

It may be a bit childish but I'll take that 😀

Just counted properly and I have just completed my first AF week in quite a long time - so pleased I did that as I'm now starting in a much better place. I weighed myself today too - at the moment I plan to do that just once a month but we'll see.

@Coppergate4 well done for your af week, and great as a springboard for your August plan, which, BTW, I love. It's not childish, it's great. I may adopt it actually 🤣. I didn't know what OTT meant at first ( oh, thee irony ).

I've been weighing myself every morning which is really strange as up until a few months ago, I'd never even owned scales. It's interesting for me - when I eat properly and don't drink, exercise etc, I'm a pound down every morning. When I drink and eat rubbish I'm 2lb up ( sometimes 3 !! ).

I'm getting pretty fed up with it all, though. Or it could just be the weather.
Or an off day.
Anyway, you can do it - I think August will be a great, dry ( 🤣) month for you.

Thank you @Amdone123 !

Hope you don't stay feeling fed for long 🌻

I'm trying to get productive around the house today. Having to play games with myself to actually get started after every time I stop though. Done an hour in the garden so that's something.

Hi all, @enoughisenough4 I had written a post this morning and it tagged someone else who was also enough is enough and then wouldn't let me delete it without coming off the web page etc! But thank you for your words and support, I actually just wanted to peruse the drinks menu for over 60 seconds without being put on pressure to order then and I normally go for a coke but with the caffeine I didn't want it but it's fine the AF beer 0% did me fine but I didn't enjoy it and it's not my cup of tea tbh. You are doing wonderful too! I need some parenting books myself ? I find I order and buy and never actually sit down and read. Sometimes I wonder if I have an attention problem as I start doing something and then start another thing it's really bizarre. although when I used to drink I was good at concentrating on bad TV and wine!!!
@Coppergate4 just the thought of your new planner makes me excited I might do the same but for different purposes! I've been making very very unhealthy choices recently with food I just can't help it sometimes instead of having fruit for snack I'll go for the crisps. they are in the house because of the kids but tbh the kids could do with eating less crap too! Luckily they eat all the fruit and veg I give them so all good.
Holiday is looming, suitcases out. still a bit nervous about it all but I feel bloody strong these days so I'm sure I'll be fine 🙏

Hi just checking in, it’s so hot and humid here, I keep dreaming of going to a bar and downing ice cold lagers. I’ve had a few zero lagers but not quite the same. But I know that after the lagers I would want a vodka and tonic.

Hi all, busy day. Got fed up of looking at the rain and feeling guilty about my poor dog being stuck in the house, so I've booked a holiday. Flight is tomorrow.
I'm now excited instead of fed up.
I'll probably be awol but I'll try to check in with you all.
😎

Well done @Touty !!!! I can imagine the hot and humid weather would make you want to jump on the bars but well done and an ice cold shower instead ?? The AF stuff doesn't hit the spot no I've had better hits with ginger beers
@Amdone123 so exciting love it!!! Have the best time xxx

@Determineddoris thank you and you are also doing so well. Ginger beer hmm 🤔 that’s a thought.

@Amdone123 have a lovely holiday

WOW @Amdone123 ! Love the spontaneity of this holiday - have a fabulous time!!!

First sticker on [don't worry I won't be taking a photo every day - once a month is plenty!!] & weight recorded (just digits of weight in lbs, don't want to look at the actual number!). Up to me what this planner & my life looks like in 13 months time...can make a lot of changes in this time!

You're doing brilliantly @Touty!

@Determineddoris Hopefully the planner idea will work for both of us!

I've just bought a parenting book (you and your adult child - although most chapters not relevant yet). Audible for me though as it never gets read! I bought a few in the teenage years (still there but at 19 a different set of challenges less teenage in nature)...Particularly liked the titled of 'Get Out of My Life...But first take me & Alex into Town'! Just reading the title of it helped when in the thick of those teen years!

@Coppergate4 I LOVE the sticker chart! I am v tempted to the same tbh! I track on Drinkaware, and I track my wi right on the slimming world app but it would be nice to see both in the same place. Well done on your first smiley face

@Amdone123 if I'm 100% honest, my turning point absolutely was Saturday night. I've done some stupid things while drunk many a time, but it normally only affects me. DS is almost 2, and he's been sleeping through for over a year but on Saturday night he woke up in the night. I went in his room and brought him in our bed, I was WAY too drunk to be handling him. I could have tripped over carrying him, fallen on him, fallen against something, anything like that could have happened. I'm mortified and so ashamed, and that's been the turning point for me. It's all well and good when my stupidity affects me, but not him. I will not allow that to happen again.

@Determineddoris how old are your DC? It's interesting you say that about attention - I did some reading about the connection between ADHD and alcohol (not saying you have ADHD, it just reminded me!) and there does seem to be something in seeking that dopamine hit, something I've often wondered about myself actually!

I'm out for dinner tonight. It doesn't happen very often but my friend suggested it and I'm going. I'm driving so no chance of temptation at least as it's just not an option! Will be strange to be out for dinner without a glass of wine

Hope everyone is well x

@enoughisenough4 , how did you get on at the meal ? Also, did you get weighed? Apologies if you've said already - I've just woke up. @Coppergate4 , you can do so much in 13 months. You sound so determined, go for it - the time will pass anyway. @Touty I love ginger beer. It's better than af options. @Determineddoris , thanks - and, I've had about 3 cold showers and I've not been here long. Much better than drinking !! Hope you're ok and looking forward to your holiday.
Well, I've arrived.
The last time I went away on my own, I was looking forward to drinking and smoking with no one around me ! This time, I was more excited at the thought of just taking some time out, and when I reminded myself I could drink, it definitely didn't get the same response.
It's so hot - sorry if you're in the rain and wind in the UK - I went for a walk this afternoon and thought I was going to die.
I've had just 2 glasses of sparkling wine. To drink anymore would be stupid.
Plan is sleep, reflection, walk early mornings, read and avoid the very cheap wine.

Morning all you fabulous people! It really is so nice to read your stories and what you feel so honest and raw it's wonderful this thread and helps others who are lurking or otherwise with their own battles!
@Touty did you get the ginger beer? I haven't got it yet been in such a faff with holiday packing and dealing with the children. My eldest has actually been touch wood ok, I've learnt how to talk to him and what triggers him (mainly jealousy of his brother I never knew it was so strong!). @enoughisenough4 eldest 10 and youngest 8. @Coppergate4 Those books sound pretty good but as you say they never get read. I'm on Instagram and got a support network there too and someone recommended a book by Ant Middleton so have bought that to take on the plane/holiday apparently he was a soldier but helps with mindset the book that is who knows it's worth giving it a try? I'm addicted to my phone too so I'm going to do what my friend does on holiday and put in the safe in the hotel but then how will I take memorable pictures of the children and us? Lol. Ah back in the day when there were no phones hey only landlines. Children these days would never fathom it! Love your sticker chart so much I would order the planner online but it wouldn't get here on time before hols! Also @enoughisenough4 I'm not proud of it but I've also done some awful things whilst drunk when dealing with the kids and put them in danger and myself so please don't beat yourself up we've all been there trust me! Well done though for making these steps! @Amdone123 wow yes we were in battering rain and wind kids bored shitless lol but well done for not drinking more wine that's wonderful I don't trust myself to drink even one so it's better I don't at all. It's sad/hard at times but I do know from past experience it's a slippery slippery slope (evidence is on these threads of me trying and failing so many times!) So yes I'm determined but also not going to wallow in self pity that I can't drink.

good morning everyone, I’ve been catching up. @Amdone123 your holiday sounds lovely - like you I always have associated being away on my own with evenings of wine and nice food. I’ve managed a few little trips now with moderation and felt so much better during the days. I hope you have a lovely time.

@enoughisenough4 and @Determineddoris ive also some things I’m not proud of when I’ve been drunk around the kids. It’s not so much bad behaviour - I’m usually a happy drink but I’ll say things I don’t remember and they do, or once a don’t remember coming back from evening entertainment on holiday and I had my 8 year old with me. It’s embarrassing to say it. There are other things not involving the kids but I’m not ready to write them yet!

@Coppergate4 i love that ‘Get out of my life…’ book, it has been a great help to me. It helps to understand what’s going on for the teenager but also helps the parents to be kind to themselves too.

I went out for dinner last night and had a few drinks but not too many. I poured a glass of wine when I got home and had some of it but I remember looking at it and thinking why am I drinking this? So I went to bed. Next goal is not to pour the wine at all!!!

I hope everyone is doing ok

@Amdone123 meal was so-so - my mum Calle dafter we ordered and before food arrived saying I had to come home as DS wouldn't go to bed 🙄 we ended up staying for food but it did kind of ruin it. I did briefly feel a bit hard done by not having any wine, but all in all I still had a nice evening and a good catch up with my friend, and my mind wasn't focused on wine because it wasn't an option (driving). Yeah I had weigh in - 2lbs on so not catastrophic and I thought it would be a lot more tbh. I'm still annoyed at myself because I could have been half a stone now had I not gone off the rails, but time to draw a line and get back on track.

Where are you holiday? Sorry if I'm missed it and no worries if you don't want to say! Hope you're having a lovely time. Stopping at 2 glasses of sparkling wine is amazing!!

@Determineddoris thank you for not judging 🤦‍♀️ it certainly was a wake up call. I'm the same as you, I know I can't just 'have one'. One always leads to far too many. Battering rain here too!

Thank you also for the non judgement solidarity @Bigbus