On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat CONTINUED....

[Determineddoris]

Hi all,

Shiny new thread!

Thank you to @Amdone123 for the last few, she's been around longer than me and always so supportive and kind, thank you!

Tagging people I can from the last thread but please tag any others please!

@texy @Manyrivers @Bigbus @JulieHoney @Mj20 @Starlia

Bad week here. There was a reason for it and I have drank every day but DP is here since wed so its been curbed a good bit. I will drink tonight anyway as my heart is broken but I cannot use the wine anymore. I need to deal with myself again as of tomorrow night. Will check in again soon.

@Needtokickthehabit sorry to hear you’ve had a bad week. If there’s anything you want to talk about this is a safe space. Sometimes we just have to get through the best we can. Take care.

@Determineddoris sorry to hear of the difficulties; you are doing so well at 7 weeks. I too think about buying cigarettes, I gave up 20 years ago, but I keep feeling I need a dopamine hit.

I am still on the wagon - 34 days now. I want to keep going with it but I can’t say that I will never drink again, for now, it’s one day at a time.

Financially this sobriety is costing me, I’ve got into online shopping every day, they are all things I need though. I could never be bothered with online shopping before, I was quite content with my 2 or 3 large vodka and tonics every evening for entertainment.

Good morning, folks !
Firstly, well done on 34 days @Touty , that is brilliant.
I know you've not been feeling too good recently, but overall, what benefits do you feel from not drinking ?
I suppose at least you're buying things you need. It would be worse if you were buying stuff you didn't need.

When I abstain, or even moderate, I save so much money. Last Saturday and Sunday, I spent £50 alone on takeaways. That without the buying of gifts for the party ( £50 - but I'd have bought them anyway), but the wine cost £30, taxis, etc.
Yep, definitely cheaper for me to not drink !

I want to drink today. The sun's out, the tennis is on, I don't have to go anywhere, do anything..... I've been an angel 😇 all week.
I've just walked the dog and though it would take 10 mins to do a quick detour and get a bottle of wine.
Except 1 is never enough, and 2 would mean smoking and feeling rubbish tomorrow.
I've made a toffee latte and put a capful of baileys in it. Hoping after this, I can't be bothered going for any.
Have a lovely day, everyone.

@Amdone123 hi! That's great you didn't buy the wine???? Shot of Bailey's in a latte sounds bloody divine to me right now!
Amazing well done to you @Touty you should be very proud of yourself although as you say our evenings are spent shopping ! What I've been doing is trying to sell some things on vinted (not always successful) and then buy something new once I've sold something ! I wrote this post ages ago but got distracted with the children so hoping I haven't cross posted /missed anyone's!

That sounds very nice @Amdone123 ! Hope it hit the spot and worked in the way you wanted it to!

Well done @Touty!

@Needtokickthehabit - just keep trying and forgive yourself - hope a good week come for you soon

Hope you're doing ok @Determineddoris ?

I'm continuing with my AF streak. Eating better seems to be really helping, as does having a few projects on the go to keep my mind elsewhere. My ZOE testing kit is due to arrive next week - hopefully that proves to be even more motivation to stay AF. I'm enjoying it now.

@Amdone123 I feel that my skin looks better - more fresh and dare I say it younger. I weighed myself last week and I’ve lost 3 kilos. I also feel more motivated to do things - things I would normally put off because I didn’t want to spend my precious drinking time doing DIY etc. I see what you say about drinking being expensive it was for me too when I used to live in the UK. Here I live in quite a remote area so no takeaways as such.

Good news is that I didn’t buy anything online today!

@Determineddoris thank you, I do feel proud. It’s such a difficult habit to break isn’t it? I do feel the need to replace it with shopping, and I’ve even been fancying cigarettes again.

I think the shopping will calm down over the next week or two.

Morning, folks.
@Coppergate4 , you're doing really well. You're in The Zone. And @Determineddoris is on fire 🔥 and @Touty , I'm glad you're proud of yourself. I honestly take my hat off to you all.
I was thinking yesterday that I don't think I'm ever going to be able to give it up for good. I was thinking quite negatively though which is not me at all, so I soon put a stop to that !
I drank 2 bottles of wine, but have decided 6 glasses sounds better. I'd had 6 af days which seems about right for me. Saturdays haven't posed a problem for me before, but never mind. I'll keep trying.
This week I'm aiming for 8 days af as we're going for a meal a week on Monday and the restaurant we frequent has very kindly sent us a £50 voucher for dh's 60th birthday.
No idea why to me that means a bottle of fancy wine, but I'm weird like that. 🤔

We went out last night for DH’s birthday with some old friends. Now I have a proper old school hangover. I guess my experience on Wednesday did not teach me anything. I guess we had 6 bottle between 3 of us - the others were drinking beer. Half as much would have been enough. The embarrassing thing is I don’t really remember getting home. I really thought those days were behind me. I think maybe I’ll have a break from these sort of nights out for a while. Perhaps think of other ways to celebrate birthdays.

@Bigbus , I hear you !
I can appear to have it under control then bam !
That's why I wanted to try the antabuse tablet because then I can't drink. Though yesterday the urge was strong so who knows ?
Also, regarding celebrating different ways - that's why I booked the spa weekend. I know deep down I'll drink but not as much as if we were out in town.
Yeah, maybe take a break for a while. You know you can post here - we'll help you ❤

Thanks @Amdone123 its so tricky to disassociate alcohol and having fun/celebrating/going out. I’ll definitely take your advice and try to plan nice things that don’t involve bucketloads of Prosecco.

Are there any books or podcasts people can recommend for moderating? A lot do them seem to be about quitting and I had been managing to moderate quite well so would like to keep trying that approach. Thanks all.

I went so overboard yesterday it was ridiculous. Today I am gone most of the day and plan to just buy a half bottle on the way home. This has to be my week to get off this fucking alcohol train. It has to be.

@Needtokickthehabit can you do half a bottle a day for half the week then maybe just a one glass bottle for the rest of the week then try a few days AF? Or even just stick to half a bottle a night for a few weeks - it’s still less than before.

Hello all,

I hope it's ok to pop onto your thread, I was wondering if I could join please?

I'm not a daily drinker, but I do drink 2-3 times a week, and when I drink I can't stop.

Last night I had over a bottle of wine, and then proceeded to go to the pub next door. I have a son, and I've missed going out with DH and DS today because I am too hungover. I barely remember getting home, have no idea how many I had in the pub, and I want better for myself and my family.

I don't think I can moderate, once I start I drink to excess, I've been ridiculously hungover twice in the last week, so I think I just need to stop. It's wine that's my weakness.

I've not read the whole thread, but I've read the last weeks worth, you're all doing so well!

Oh dear, hard day today with temptation. There were six cans of cold lager in the fridge at work, i so wanted to sit in the sun and down a few.

@Touty it's so hard when the sun is shining. Fortunately, it's raining here.
Are you going to carry on for as long as you can, then look into moderating ? I don't want to encourage you to break your tremendous streak, but I was thinking about you the other day, when you were a bit down.
I think it's vodka and tonic you drink ?
Could you implement a plan whereby you have a few drinks say a couple of times a week ?
Apologies if I'm triggering you. I don't mean to, just was thinking of a way forward.
@enoughisenough4 , hi and welcome.
Yes, I'm the same. I don't stop once I start, really. I can moderate sometimes but it's best for me to stop completely. Unfortunately, it's really difficult.
Will you start today, day 1 ?
Just take a break from it for a while and see how you get in.
God only knows where I'd be without this group. I've tried alsorts, but being here is the most consistently successful I would say.

@Amdone123 yes, today is absolutely day 1. I've thought about quitting before but never actually did it. Read the unexpected joy of being sober, and yet I'm still not sober. I can usually quite easily go 2-3 days without, and then I'm off to the shop. If we have anything else in the house it's a sure bet that I'll end up drinking.

I have health anxiety too, and it's really bad the day after drinking, so today is not fun at all.

So glad this thread has been of use to you, it's so important to have support and somewhere to turn when you're tempted.

Are you totally abstaining? Sorry I have read some of the thread but not all of it so I need a bit of a catch up!

No worries !
Well, when we first started this thread, it was to moderate but I've realised that I'm best abstaining. The problem is I can't abstain for very long - less than 2 weeks is a big achievement. So, this week I've had 2 bottles of wine ( 6 days af then yesterday), which is not too bad, but today I don't feel great, although I've taught myself, with the help of this thread, to not beat myself up. I can only imagine how awful it is with health anxiety. Probably not worth it, I'd say, but again, giving up is easier said than done.
When I do abstain, I feel great ; loads of energy, sleep better, lose weight quite easily. I'm generally happier.
Day 1 for you today ✅
As the days go on and you start to feel better and more confident ( I think confidence is a big thing), and you know you're doing the best for you and your little family, you'll be flying.
Post here, no judgement - we've all been there, and we all have setbacks, but it's ok. At least you're here, you've recognised a problem and you've got the courage to deal with it.
You can do it ❤

@Amdone123 Im trying to see how long I can go for. I don’t want to go back to drinking every day; I don’t know if I trust myself at the moment to just drink a few times a week. Initially I thought I would do 2 weeks as I read somewhere it is good for the liver, then I really wanted to lose belly fat so that means longer.

You know what else is at the back of my mind? I don’t want to end up like my mother, who drinks every day, starts at lunch time; says she’s going soon and her entertainment is booze.

@Amdone123 look at naltrexone - I haven’t used it but I’ve read a bit about it, might be worth looking into.

Yes this is going to be the plan although we are holidaying this month so that is going to be tricky to avoid booze there as dp also loves a glass of wine. The thing is though I drink less around him so that in itself is moderation. I have had a shitty few weeks and knew July would be shit but now we are at the end of it and I have so many things to do this august that I cannot afford hangovers and a full day of drinking (which is what i did on saturday literally had wine for breakfast) so the plan is to keep myself occupied and just have a small glass of an evening till the holidays, then once we are home I have 2 months to sort myself out before he moves in with me so unless I want to lose him I have to deal with this shit now.

Anyway I am up and off with a positive start this morning. Plan in place and a full list of things to do today which I cannot afford not to get done.

Best of luck all with a new shiny fresh week and month ahead x

@Needtokickthehabit good luck with your plan. Do you think having some counselling or other professional support might help? A few years ago I was really struggling with my mood and self esteem and I had some counselling and ir really helped.