On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat CONTINUED....

[Determineddoris]

Hi all,

Shiny new thread!

Thank you to @Amdone123 for the last few, she's been around longer than me and always so supportive and kind, thank you!

Tagging people I can from the last thread but please tag any others please!

@texy @Manyrivers @Bigbus @JulieHoney @Mj20 @Starlia

Def more energy in the mornings .
I am I guess effectively at the beginning of day 3 and feel so much better.
2 weeks from my wedding
1 week from completing the most enormous report needed by the courts
1 week from moving my MIL to be from one county to another 6 hours away
3 weeks from finding accommodation and moving son to Oxford for his internship
2 weeks to sort my hair out which I've accidentally turned green ( usually naturally blonde and waist length )

So ..... staying focused and alcohol free is pretty much the only option . Either that or I'll lose it and none of the above will happen which won't be good .
Thanks for the motivation Sunday night . It really was what got me going in the mindset to just stop so thank you 😊

@Easterdaffsx , that's the spirit, you're doing really well. Yes, you've definitely got too much on to impede your progress through drinking. Well done on Day 3.
If you're going on honeymoon, focus on that !

Not, so good here. Not drink wise, though ironically it's past drinking that is causing problems. It's to do with my new job. I don't want to go into too much detail because I'm just waiting to see what's happening.
And I'm depressed, so floodgates will open !!
I don't drink when depressed / fed up, so at least that doesn't present a problem 😪

Definitely the most productive work day I have had this week anyway. Got all the little annoying bits out of the way so feel good about that as they can be daunting. Going to organise dinner of some sorts here for the kids, I fancy just a toastie to be honest and wine and toasties do not really go together so going to have that and then work from there.

Morning all, @Amdone123 I hope you're feeling ok this morning. You bring so much support to others on the group, so do keep posting if that would help you to feel better about what's going on. You would have an army of support here I'm sure.

@Touty and @Determineddoris you're doing brilliantly marking up those days. I'm sure you must be feeling the benefits too which is great. @Touty I hear you on the disappointing weight loss front. I can't work out how I could have been consuming so many additional calories through wine (and associated snacks, let's face it) and haven't lost even an ounce since cutting down but the scales have not shifted. At all. So odd. All I can think of is maybe there is truth in the theory about weight set point and my body was working really hard to keep my at that maximum set point and now I have to go through a penance period of losing nothing even though I'm under my calories etc most days. I've even started exercising. Nothing. 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Manyrivers & @Bigbus hope you're doing ok. I think I might be in a similar place to you. Pebbles have been creeping in frequency-wise because I'm tired and about to go into a holiday so am in F it mode. I need a plan for the summer I think.

Morning, all .
@texy thanks for your message 😪.
I'm feeling a little better - was supposed to hear from them yesterday and I didn't so spent the day in a perpetual state of anxiety and negative thoughts.
Though, I did work really hard to feel positive.
I'm hoping to hear today, one way or another, I just want to move on.
Sorry to hear your frustration regarding the weight loss ( !!). I would just keep going. Or have your holiday, then put a plan in place for when you get back.
Thanks again ❤

Good morning @texy I have been adding a few more pebbles recently - I seem to be very good at moderating when I do drink but am ending up having a glass of wine more nights than before. Last night I was at a wake and I had two glasses of wine which would usually be the tipping point for me but I stopped and didn’t have anymore when I got home. Some people were quite drunk and I think that helped - no particular desire to act like an idiot! Also I have something to do for my son this morning that would not be good with a hangover.

@Amdone123 sorry things are stressful. This is a safe place if you want to offload. I hope it all works out.

@Bigbus , thanks.
I think you moderate really well. To have 2 glasses then stop is great. And you were mindful regarding doing things today. I hear you regarding the frequency but I think you can combat that. It's just another step to think about.

Hi @Amdone123 I hope you are ok! The waiting game is so crap but I hope you will find out soon and you might be surprised! I'm the same as you negative thoughts spiralling out of control but you got this! Hope you will feel uplifted soon and we are all here for you.
@Bigbus amazing you only had two glasses that's really good self control and at a wake! As you say you would rather not be a drunk fool?
@texy I too would be in a f it mode about to go on holiday! I'm actually dreading my holiday coming in 2 weeks because I'm doing so well not drinking...
I'm supposed to be going out with some mum friends tonight and I've not been the last few they've done but they're all going to drink and I'm not...I'm feeling run down and all sorts like my legs feel too heavy etc and work and sleep has been mental coming up to end of term. Also had a meeting with the family support worker at school just now trying to help me with my eldest behaviour etc it's just constant..but I feel like the friends will be like oh Doris yet again has cancelled on us etc what do you guys think?
@Needtokickthehabit glad you had a productive work day! How was your day today?
@Touty hope you are ok and the humidity has decreased!

@Determineddoris , thanks. They were supposed to phone yesterday and didn't, like I said. So annoying but maybe no news is good news.
Today I was waiting and then at noon, I just thought, feck it, I'm going out. Took the dog to a local beauty spot - had a carvery and a bottle of wine. Was a lovely day. I'm home now, dog is shattered - I'm drinking tea.
I think, regarding your friends, if you're not in the right place, and you want to rest, and get yourself sorted, your friends will understand. Or, at least, they should. You'd understand wouldn't you?
I was supposed to be going shopping with my sister today but just felt too tearful. She was fine, as I would be with her.
You're doing so well ❤

Aw @Amdone123 you are doing really well too and sometimes these people forget they have someone waiting to hear from them and don't realise. Do you think you could give them a call tomorrow and chase up? Your dog walk and carvery sounded delicious! Glad you are on the tea now. I really am thinking of a fuck it moment but I really can't undo all my hard fucking work mind my language! I'm going to see how I .at the airport and go from there. I don't want to label myself alcoholic but I know I've also been here so many times and I spiral out of control each time. I've done 6 weeks and it'll be 8 by time of my holiday and it's the 8 week mark last year that did it but I went all out and drank like a fish (always before going out noone is the wiser) and then some and shots and that's when I woke up the next day in remorse and apologies and had messages from so called friends calling me out on my behaviour (which in hindsight wasn't bad it's because she had issues of her own and I was just being loud drunk me which doesn't make it ok but it was blown out of proportion my side and theirs but had I not been drunk none of that would have happened) and she's one of the ladies that will be there tonight and since last year things have never been the same! I don't find it too fake but I am aware they'll be downing bottles of wine and I'll be sitting there watching and listening to them get more and more animated and me feeling slightly bored. And yes I would understand and not push it with a friend who was abstaining. Hope your sister is ok now? I've been meaning to ask.

@Determineddoris hope you were happy with the decision you made tonight whether you went out or stayed in. Hoping you had a good night and that if you went out it wasn't too triggering. Sounds like you have some heavier feelings at the moment and that seems completely understandable. The holiday looming seems to be an object coming towards you that you're not sure how to feel about in terms of drinking. Is that because you feel like you want to drink because you'll be on holiday, or because you feel like you should be able to drink on holiday? Because I would probably suggest that you go back to some of what you've written in here about how much better you feel etc and weigh it all up. Plenty of people go on holiday and choose not to drink, and have a brilliant time. Maybe their best holiday. Is it worth trialling it?

I didn't drink tonight which feels like a miracle as I've also been having some heavy feelings today. Seems like there's a lot of it around at the mo, I wonder why! Must be something in the fizzy water! @Bigbus I've been exactly the same as you - fairly proud of how I've been moderating quantity but the frequency is definitely creeping up and up which was my other strand of attack on the moderation front. My tiredness/willpower cycle is vicious and I know that having good sleep makes all the difference.

Hope everyone else is going well. Let's all be kind to ourselves for the end of the week, particularly at the moment when there's trickier emotions around 💐 we're all doing our very best x

@Determineddoris ive been there too, the last time I had a break from the booze I deciddd to have a drink whilst waiting for the bus home, a few drinks later, they really went to my head. Caught the bus home, now I had the taste for it, I stopped on the way home at the local bar and can’t really remember how much red wine I drank; got home and threw it all up in front of DH who had to clean up and who hates the smell of booze and doesn’t drink.

I have also been judged for my drinking by people who themselves drink more than me! So, sitting in judgment whilst guzzling the booze themselves! So I made a decision that I will no longer sit with those people and drink, if they want to meet me we go for coffee.

wishing you much strength. 26 days for me now, I’ve decided ti keep going with it as my mental health has improved and motivation. Probably also to do with that perhaps my medication is working properly without being affected by booze.

@Needtokickthehabit you are doing great!

@Determineddoris , 6 weeks is great and I agree with @texy , you could read back on your posts here to get yourself in the right mindset for your holidays but some interesting questions there to ask yourself. Do you think you can not drink on holiday? How will you feel if you fall off the wagon ? It's a difficult one though.
@Touty , 27 days - brilliant. You're both inspiring me. I've got a party tomorrow. I don't want to go but I've no choice. After that, though, I'm back eating properly and getting myself sorted.
@Determineddoris , my sister is good thanks. She's not gone back to work and can't drive for a while, but ok overall.
@Easterdaffsx how are you doing?

I'm in a better frame of mind this morning. I could have carried on drinking yesterday, I was tempted. But, I knew I'd feel rough today and I've got to get sorted for the party, so a day of making myself beautiful today 😩

Hi, I just posted on another thread but this one seems to be more active. I need to stop my nightly glass of wine. I don't drink to excess but often half a bottle and even one glass makes me groggy the next day. I need more energy, I need more focus to sort out a few issues in my life and I'd like to shift some weight. I've got super fit since Xmas but the booze is just stopping me from getting back to my ideal weight. I've half a bottle of fizz in the fridge for tonight and then I need a break. Maybe the 30 day challenge? How are you all doing?

@waterwinner , hi there and welcome.
Yes, it's so true that for some people a glass or 2 makes a big difference the next day. It's a slippery slope, too but the best news is that having a break, for your body and also I think to rethink your relationship, is a great idea.
Do you mean the Annie Grace 30 day alcohol experiment ? I highly recommend that. Google, and log on and it's free.
Just out of interest, do you drink in the evening as a reward ? To chill ? Cos it's there ?
I think if you can try to pinpoint the reason, you're halfway there to finding some alternatives so your 30 days abstention goes better.

Hi! Yes I mean the Annie Grace. I'm not sure if do it though. I'm sure I'd get offered a glass and just have one but it would be broken! I'll look at it and see.

I know that a glass changes the day to evening and makes me feel like I'm 'resting' even though I'm not. It's more a ritual. I've given up for a bit on a couple of occasions (ie when I'd been drinking more through divorce etc) and changed to fancy water in a lovely glass and this helps. I don't have any 'issues' with booze as in I don't get smashed or behave badly but I have been using it as a crutch through a tough time an need to get healthier now. It's definitely easier to brake a habit with support!

Well, you're in the right place here.
We'll support you. It's great that 1 ) you've abstained before ( so you know you can do it) and 2 ) that you have no real issues with it. I had many issues. Thankfully, they're now distant memories, but I was in a bad place.
Sounds more like a habit to me. And we all know they can be broken.
The wanting to lose weight and feel fitter is a massive incentive gor me.
When will you start ?

@amdone123 tomorrow! 😃

@waterwinner , good for you !
I think it's great starting on a Saturday because by the time Monday comes, you've already got a couple of days to your credit and the new week gets off to a great start.

It's the first week we are all home from holidays, I've set up some gym stuff and ordered some nice sparkling water. I'm planning on evening pamper baths as well. A week of health ensues!

Morning, folks! How are we all ?
All good here. Thank you all so much for your support during my worrying few days. All sorted now and full steam ahead ❤️
It's strange how when you change your habits, lots of things just happen naturally.
Yesterday I went for lunch on my own. Took my book. Had 1 beer then water. Got home and drank tea. A while back I'd have stayed in that pub and drank all day. And bought wine for the evening. This occurred to me during the night !
I'm out today at quite a big family event. I know I'll drink but I'm ok with that.
It's also a longggg time since I've beaten myself up after drinking. I'm happy about that.
Drinking or any addiction isn't something to be ashamed of. The more we talk about it, the more we'll all be content with where we are.
Have a great day, folks, keep on keeping on. You're all doing great in your own way, because you're addressing it and making those changes.

Morning all,
@texy I did end up going out but left early while they carried on drinking, they kept saying stay stay but my car was just outside the pub and I just felt relief when I got in and went home to cuddles with my children. I didn't sleep until midnight but may have been the caffeine from the coke zero I had!
Woken up with a banging headache unsure why, I know I need to sleep more and peri meno and the whole lot but hey ho I'm here today for another day of AF!
@Touty what brand AF wine did you find was ok? I have tasted some back in the day but never found anything nice. Also I was doing some reading and someone mentioned on this morning they were doing an AF thing and most were 1-3% alcohol content not completely AF and also for me this time round I don't find it worth drinking AF beers or wine or spirits and they're expensive! So in the pub had a coke zero and my friend bought me a cranberry and soda mix which was quite nice actually ! They didn't question my drinking just said well done for reaching 6+ weeks.
Also @texy sorry reading back I also feel yes why can't I drink on holidays..I should be able to but I'm coming to the (fortunate/unfortunate?) Realisation that I won't be able to drink anymore because once I start I won't stop and it'll be another year of BS and then I'll be back to square one!
@waterwinner welcome welcome lovely! How have you been doing ? Are you starting today? There's so many apps out there and it feels so good to see the AF days go up!
@Amdone123 we are always here for you and you have always been so so supportive and have such amazing advice I'll never forget it! Enjoy your family day and I'm so glad you are at peace now with what you drink when you drink and to all of you NO beating yourself up please!!! Whatever you do you are doing for a reason and we are all trying out best by even coming on a thread like this. @Needtokickthehabit how are you?

Hi all. New to this thread but have posted on old ones.
Still trying to moderate! 🤦‍♀️
Had drinks with friends last night, at the time was tipsy but not hammered.
This morning I have the anxiety & partial memory blanks.
No real point to this post I suppose, but looking for solidarity I think. Currently having a lazy day at home trying to fight the anxiety 🤷🏼‍♀️

@ERN79 , hi.
Be good to yourself today, it happens.
I'm just on my way out so I'll post more probably tomorrow when I'll be in the same position.