On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat CONTINUED....

[Determineddoris]

Hi all,

Shiny new thread!

Thank you to @Amdone123 for the last few, she's been around longer than me and always so supportive and kind, thank you!

Tagging people I can from the last thread but please tag any others please!

@texy @Manyrivers @Bigbus @JulieHoney @Mj20 @Starlia

@Determineddoris
this is the one. It’s a Spanish one.
it does say 0.5 alcohol but I’d say that’s negligible.

@Determineddoris I don’t drink it every day because it has 12 grams of carbs in one glass 🫣

Thanks for the tags, it has been a very very busy week and I have had a few glasses each night but not getting home till late and being up very early means I have less than halved what I woud normallty have which is positive. I am off out with dp this evening for dinner and a bottle of wine but it is easier to moderate with him. Will check back in on Sunday. Hope you all have a great weekend x

29 days today off booze.

Really struggling today, would love a drink or two.

@Touty , 29 days is so good. Well done. Hope you're ok, as you were struggling. It's so difficult when the cravings start. Let us know how you got on.
@Needtokickthehabit , you're doing well by the sound of it then. You've made some small changes so that's good.
@ERN79 , hope you're feeling better today. Have you got a plan in place for this week?

Well, the gathering was lovely. Weather was awful but everyone had a great time. It was lovely but I just wanted to come home quite early on. I find it difficult to relax sometimes. My happy place is sat in bed with the dog.
The good thing was I didn't drink too much. The glasses were small, plastic things. It's true that the smaller the glass, the less you drink. I used to scoff at that recommendation 🤣.
I didn't eat despite being asked a trillion times but I did when I got home.
My family want us to go back today which might actually be nice as I didn't get to speak to any of them as we were all tending to guests. But I'll see.
@Determineddoris , hope you're having a lovely weekend. It made me smile when you said you left the pub and got home to your kids. I'm like that, sometimes, most times, I just want to be home with my dog.
I'm really looking forward to taking a break from it now. I know I feel better not drinking and eating healthier - I only have to read back my posts on here.
Dh is 60 in August but other than that, no social engagements. Thank god 🙏

@Touty excellent 29 days!! You have done so so well and yeah I also tonight felt like that around 6pm and really wanted a glass to 'chill' out before I went out for dinner but the feeling went as quick as it came. It didn't help H was drinking from 5pm.in front of me I was really mad haha I think you should treat yourself to something ? A massage? A nice book? Make up? Skincare? Something for you. Im sure you have saved a load of money for not drinking ? I used to take my H bottles of wine from.his wine fridge and then I'd buy some more from.supermarkets and hide them...
Dinner was ok unknowingly I encouraged my friends not to have the second glass/bottle. One was so hungover so she couldn't drink loads but I was ok with them drinking. I had ginger beer and cranberry juice! And we had a laugh! It was so fun. They messaged me after and said you don't need drink Doris you are hilarious without it. I'm thinking of course you can have fun without booze!
@Needtokickthehabit hope your evening went well too. @Amdone123 I completely hear you we are obviously home bodies but well done on going to the event and knowing you didn't go over board that's an achievement for sure?
How are you doing @ERN79 ? What are your goals ? X

Good morning everyone I have been reading and keeping up with everyone’s news and insights and struggles. I have definitely had a few more drinks than before - but luckily it’s more a case of more nights having a few glasses than going overboard once I’ve started which was really my problem. However I have work Mon-Wed this week so will be AF the night before work. When I joined this thread my biggest worry was my lack of off switch. Currently this seems to be really under control- I pour smaller glasses - it’s definitely true @Amdone123 ! And I take more time between drinks and also I leave the bottle indoors or in another room so that I have to actually decide to have another drink and don’t just pour it mindlessly.

@Determineddoris its lovely to hear about you sober nights out. I am really worried about that. If I don’t drink I tend to want to go home early!

I met someone at a funeral on Wednesday who I haven’t seen for a while - she’s older than me and she used to be a friend of my mums but they fell out. We were chatting about something and she casually mentioned ‘well you like a drink too, don’t you’. It wasn’t meant in any bad way but it pulled me up really - I haven’t been that person who is always the drunkest for a while now and I’m glad I’m not anymore but I felt a bit embarrassed and ashamed really. I have a really professional job and I guess the contrast between my professional and personal life used to be quite extreme. Well as they say, what’s done is done. Never too late to change and there’s no point in worrying about what people from the past think of you. it’s really hard though!

Morning all.
I'm OK this morning, rationalised the anxiety mainly. It's still in the background but I'm doing well with blanking it... I haven't done anything wrong & the only person stressing is me, so I'm trying to keep telling myself that.
I won't be drinking through the week. I never do. I'm your typical party binge drinker. I can go for weeks without a drink but if I'm at a social gathering I'll drink a weeks worth (or more) in the night. 🤦‍♀️
Reflecting on Friday I didn't drink to oblivion, I wasn't hammered, and nobody has said there was any issues or that I was excessively drunk. It's just my own mind making me feel rubbish!
I will be drinking next weekend, I'm out for a meal with friends so there will be wine. But it'll be interspersed with water. So I'm hopeful I won't have 'The Fear' this time next week.
I don't want to completely stop drinking, but I would like to moderate more. I have ups & downs with moderating. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I can't believe the previous 2 posts resonated with me so much.
@Bigbus , I'm the same where other people are concerned. A family member actually introduced me as, ' This is Amdone - she's The Lush of the family. '
I can take a joke, but I was so taken aback.
I've achieved so much in my life - 1st to pass the 11 plus, 1st to graduate, the only linguist, etc, yet that's how they see me.
I also agree that it's hard to change. I'm 56 now and I know it's not old, but I'd love to be here for another 20 years ( at least !), and turn this around.
Unfortunately ( and it's partially my fault. It was fun. Til it wasn't), I don't think people's opinions of me will change.
On a slight tangent, I was having a chat with my dh this morning. He said he thought I was quiet at the gathering and that he's pleased I don't get fall down drunk anymore. He said he's noticed I'd rather be at home than go out.
We've planned a party for his 60th but I'm sorely tempted to cancel it and book us a hotel for 2 nights. We prefer each other's company anyway.
@ERN79 , I have ups n downs with moderating too. That's why I know I'm best abstaining. Also, as I said, yesterday I didn't show myself up but guess who woke at 4am, feeling antsy and nervy?

@AmAmdone123 be kind to yourself.
We can't change the past. We can only do our best!
Put the negative thoughts behind you, I know it's hard, I'm still a little antsy myself.
Get through today & tomorrow will be better. X

@ERN79 , thank you.

@Determineddoris yes it’s those 2 hours between 6 - 8 which are difficult for me, the booze gremlins start jumping in my head. I’m ok after I’ve eaten.

About money saving - not happening here! I have to say that I find being sober more expensive! I seem to have spent loads online shopping in the evening, never did this before I was too busy enjoying my vodka and tonics. Shopping to entertain myself; so spending 13 euros on a bottle of Smirnoff every week was cheap entertainment. But not cheap health wise though.

@Bigbus hope you are feeling ok after the funeral (I hate them) and the comment your mum's old friend made. It probably was a throw away comment to them but to us who struggle/understanding our drinking it hits home! You know yourself you are trying and nobody else needs to know that! I've also been told I was the joker but actually means the one who used to fall over drink, make mistakes, chat complete rubbish to people I wonder why people didn't want to know me after university but I only am just realising all this and yeah it was me who caused it all so I'm owning up to it but life doesn't stop here we got to carry on doing what we are doing to become better people !
@Amdone123 are you ok today? And your own advice many a times be kind to yourself that's the best thing you can do! @ERN79 yes to the most of the stuff we feel is in our head especially when noone has said anything about us, it's just us feeling the guilt/remorse/anxiety and it's not something we can just deal with straight away, the process takes time. Well done for not drinking in the week that was my aim for many years but it didn't work, always every day earlier and earlier. I was absolutely raging yesterday, cried and everything and unsure why. My H and I were having petty arguments but I was not being reasonable which I understand now (after the fact) but hey we are all human. Part of it was watching him drink from 5pm.and me dealing with kids and housework etc but I can't just sit still sometimes as normally I would be wasting my afternoons on sofa drinking as @Touty was saying ! I'm glad we have come.this far though our lives are different now and I'm happy to accept that with the highs and lows! Hope everyone is ok. It's raining miserable here! First day of school.holidays!

Morning! The power of our minds is immense isn't it.
I slept rubbish this weekend due to drinking anxiety from Friday. 🤦‍♀️
Currently on my way to work tired, but mentally feeling a lot better.
Hope everyone is feeling better this morning.

@Determineddoris , you're doing so well especially with dh drinking - I would find that difficult but as we've said, we can't control what others do.
Sorry you had a tough day emotionally but it's better out than in, as frustrating as it all is sometimes. A big part of drinking is escapism really. Though we never really escape - it's still there the next day.

I'm in a great mood today. It's day 1 ( well didn't drink yesterday but I ate rubbish), and I know I'm going to reach double figures. I'm so motivated.
Got a few things to do today, including booking a spa weekend for dh's Big Birthday. He said he prefers that idea than the party so all systems go yay.

How is everyone else doing? @Bigbus @Claireh37345 @Coppergate4 @Easterdaffsx @Manyrivers @Needtokickthehabit @OhShitImNearly40 @Touty @texy @indieray - usual apologies !

Thanks @Amdone123 your support is for real it really helps a lot for me to see things more clearly! And spa weekend with DH sounds amazing !!! Much better that he is also on the same page regarding the party!
@ERN79 hope you have a good day!

Got back from my city break last night. As expected, I didn't drink that much due to going with someone who doesn't drink much (DS19!).

Fri night - one cocktail, one glass of wine, one Baileys (DS one cocktail)
Sat night - one cocktail, one glass wine (DS one cocktail, 1 pint lager)
Sun lunch - one glass wine

I really enjoyed that level of drinking - it was much better doing something after a meal instead and didn't feel deprived at all, just had what I wanted. This would've looked very different if I had gone with DH instead (I still managed to drink more than DS though).

The question I have now is what am I going to do tonight? I want to set the scene for this summer of gentle change I have been promising myself (I am a teacher).

Aw thank you for bumping me back in .
Fell off over the weekend but AF again now until Friday but it's going to be a tough week
I have never ever felt under so much pressure to complete the report I'm doing and I get married next week so feel like a rabbit in headlights
On the plus side I can't eat much and the weight is dropping off me
Hope everyone is having a good day x

How's everyone doing? I've been here before so many times and can't quite stick to anything !! I'm drinking only a few drinks a night !
I am getting into this bad habit of drinking in the week nights too even when I promised not to only on wknds ! I need to break this habit ! Can anyone help ? Thanks
Hope everyone is doing well x

@indieray , hi !
It is a habit but it's so hard to break sometimes. Just a few thoughts ;

1. do you have it in ? If you do, I'd try to change that as it's so tempting sometimes
2. is there anything else you can do, a distraction?
3. I was listening to a podcast last night and the man speaking said, ask yourself why ? Then you might get closer to not drinking?
4. can you reward yourself after say, a mini target of 2 days af ? The reward comes for me in non tangible form - I sleep better, I've more energy, etc @Coppergate4 , wow, you did well on your break. Well done ! Seems like The Key for you is to eat. I'm the same ! The 6 weeks are tricky - I've been there. Looking back for me, I wanted to relax through the holidays - no stress, also I'm a bit of a Rebel. So, I really liked drinking say on a Tuesday when previously I couldn't because I was teaching. That was a big problem for me. The 6 weeks went quite quickly I found. You could set yourself some targets ( you've probably had enough of target setting !!). Play it forward and imagine you're looking back on the 6 weeks and you're pleased with how it went. What did it look like ? @Easterdaffsx , every cloud ! Hey, at least you're trying - I was tired reading your list. Just keep doing your best. ❤️

Thanks so much @Amdone123 for your reply!
What did you mean by

1. Do you have it in ?

30 days AF today. I haven’t gone this long for several years without booze.

I should be on a high, but I feel so low today, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.Just feeling very discontented.

Morning y'all! Hope you are all doing ok?
@indieray do you have it inside the house physically? As not having it in, the whole.process of thinking about going to get it , pay for it, drive or walk to the shop etc all makes it all extra time and work to go get it! I can't not keep it in the house because it's always here because of my H having a wine collection and deliveries every month.
I've had such a bad evening last night trying to brush past it but my undiagnosed ASD son was really on the raging warpath and tore up the house, hurt me, broke things it was awful and a neighbour came to find out what the shouting was about and found us both crying. My H didn't handle it very well unfortunately in terms of losing his patience and I had been dealing with it for 3 hours non stop meltdown . I'm in touch with some support workers so will have to contact her again, usually I used to drink to numb the pain emotionally and physically from my son but I didn't but boy I was mad. Felt like.running away.
@Touty WOW you should be so proud of yourself 30 days whooo! I definitely think you should treat yourself ! Discontented is normal especially when the booze is leaving our system still. Hell 48/49 days in I'm feeling this too but it does get better! I have this great app that tells you what is going on in body and mind when AF.

Hi @indieray i think @Amdone123 means do you have alcohol in the house? Some
people prefer to have none available as it helps them to abstain. I hope you’re feeling ok this morning and nice to hear from you again.

@Touty sorry you’re feeling a bit rubbish. I had also been feeling a bit crappy. Could it be separate from the alcohol? Maybe before you used alcohol to hide feeling a bit rubbish - I’m sure I have. I hope you feel better soon.

Cross posted @Bigbus hope you are well!