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Alcohol support

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On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat CONTINUED....

984 replies

Determineddoris · 10/06/2023 20:36

Hi all,

Shiny new thread!

Thank you to @Amdone123 for the last few, she's been around longer than me and always so supportive and kind, thank you!

Tagging people I can from the last thread but please tag any others please!

@texy @Manyrivers @Bigbus @JulieHoney @Mj20 @Starlia

OP posts:
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10
Amdone123 · 06/07/2023 04:43

@daffodills1 , well done for taking that step into therapy. I hope you get lots of positives from it. Stay on here and hopefully things will get better for you ❤️
@Bigbus , your weight loss is great, well done.
I was doing great, but I've gone off the boil.
I only drank Monday, but I've been eating rubbish. I need to plan nice meals or I just end up eating takeaways, so I'm now behaving til Sunday.
@Determineddoris , 4 weeks is brilliant. When I think of how much hard work and determination you've put in to get to this point, it's heartwarming.
Just goes to show you really - we can beat it. It's not easy, but it can be done. I'm the same ŕegarding withdrawal - I've never consulted my gp or anything - I'd be there every Monday.
@Touty , 11 days is fantastic, well done. I know the lack of weight loss is annoying - I'd be the same, but try to just concentrate on your sobriety at the moment. The weight loss will come.
@Needtokickthehabit , it's a difficult one regarding the cold turkey, etc.
Would you see your gp, they may refer you to someone. If I could just give up completely rather than moderate, I'd give up.

So, my big anniversary Sunday.
Brunch at 11am just dh and me. Family gathering 2pm. Restaurant meal 6pm.
And I really don't want to drink. I know it will happen, but like @Bigbus , i dont want to get drunk.
At least there's food all day, so I might make it my mission to eat. In fact, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, I'm eating properly so no doubt I'll be ready !
I'm quite enjoying Wimbledon though the rain and interruptions mean I haven't gotten into the swing of it yet !

Needtokickthehabit · 06/07/2023 07:51

Im drinking out of boredom. I realised it last night. I literally did not have time to think most of yesterday and did a LOT of driving between work and kids, home sorted dinners, showered, got all ready for today which will be a mental day too and it was only when all kids were in bed and everything else was done I went to lock up downstairs and then it hit me, I have not yet had any wine because I have not had time to have any wine. Now there was a bottle there so I opened it as is habit but instead of sitting downstairs with the tv on and the laptop open I just took a glass to bed, got in with my book and woke with the best part of the glass beside me so I am drinking for something to fill in hours when I am not busy. So from now on I am going to start looking out for things to do in the evenings. Pre covid the kids had things on every night so it was late getting home so I drank much myuch less as had much less time and I need to get back to that. I am going for same tonight. The rest of the bottle is still there but if I make myself wait till everything is done and do the same tonight I will be thrilled.

Amdone123 · 06/07/2023 08:27

@Needtokickthehabit , that's a good result. And don't forget just by being here, and addressing it and reflecting on it, you're doing a lot to combat it.
Drinking out of boredom is probably a number 1 reason ( along with Reward - possibly a Joint 1st), I think. I often drank out of boredom.
Yes, try to think of what else you can do in the evening. It's hard when you can't leave the house, but what else could you do ?
Also, sometimes it's trying to ignore that bloody wine witch. Honestly, I could NEVER ignore her. Now, strangely, I'm able to most times.
The more you do something, the easier it becomes. A lot of it is down to confidence I think and self belief.
That's why I think it's important you're kind to yourself because you ARE doing something about it. And for that, you should be proud of yourself.

Coppergate4 · 06/07/2023 16:37

Congratulations @Amdone123 - what lovely and exciting news!

Nothing much to report here other than I've had a day off today and ended up napping for 2 hours this afternoon - I guess I needed it - or maybe what I really needed was not to have white toast and marmalade for breakfast and then a white bread baguette lunch followed by a cookie. That's probably more like it. I've also had wine every night for...not sure how long now, a week?

I need an AF night tonight - hopefully I can even have a fairly productive evening as I had an extremely relaxing afternoon. I can't keep thinking about making changes...I've got to actually make them! I'm going to try and view that nap as a reset.

Amdone123 · 06/07/2023 17:28

@Coppergate4 , yes, have a reset. It's not the end of the world, and sometimes it just happens like that.
Thanks, BTW, we're so excited.

Well, I saw tomorrow is going to be so a scorcher so I thought I'll get some wine and get in the back garden. Old habits die hard.
I'm not going to drink tomorrow. But I will sit in the back garden.

Touty · 07/07/2023 01:00

Well, tonight I drank soda water with lime with a dash of apple vinegar. I decided to cut down on the zero San Miguel lagers, too many carbs.

I don’t know how long I can keep this up for; I’ll just take it a day at a time.

don’t know whether DH has even noticed I haven’t been drinking, he doesn’t drink at all and hates even the smell of booze.

Determineddoris · 07/07/2023 06:42

Just checking in, 1 month today. feeling all sorts of emotions and not handling it very well. Feel very flat and deflated.

Hope everyone else is ok!

OP posts:
Determineddoris · 07/07/2023 06:43

@Touty well done on the AF drink sounds nice and healthy. Why does your H not drink or never has?

OP posts:
Amdone123 · 07/07/2023 07:42

Morning, all.
@Determineddoris , 1 month is brilliant, absolutely brilliant.
It's ok to feel a bit flat. I've been there. Just keep plodding on. If you compare how you're feeling not drinking ( when you're not feeling flat), it's tons better than how you were feeling when you couldn't get off that treadmill?
Maybe also examine the things that are bothering you. I do this a lot. Sometimes, most of the time, they're only small but niggly. I write down what I can do about any of it. Some are out of my control, some aren't, but at least I know.

I was thinking of drinking today, only fleetingly, but honestly can't stand the thought of being hungover tomorrow. Also, it's going to be hot so I need to stay hydrated.
I'm doing lots of washing / bedding, some self care to get ready for the weekend and some Wimbledon.
I'm also 2lbs lighter this morning and last night I had half a family sized bar of galaxy !
Better than liquid calories.

Bigbus · 07/07/2023 07:46

@Determineddoris well done on one month. Sorry you are feeling flat and deflated. Is it because you start off just doing one day at a time and feel really good about it (quite rightly) then at some point you look ahead at the long term and the reality of staying AF hits? I’m not AF entirely. I did have a drink at the tennis yesterday but only what I had planned which was a good result. I did wonder if it actually added anything to the day really. Perhaps it’s just habit. Anyway I wasn’t drunk and I didn’t carry on when I got home so that’s all good. I do think that if hangovers didn’t exist and wine was 0 calories I would struggle more to stay moderating! I miss looking forward to a good night out and I miss the silliness but I don’t miss the recklessness and the fear the next day.

Needtokickthehabit · 07/07/2023 07:55

Wow @Determineddoris a month is amazing!!! I can't even do a night so totally in awe of you right now but sorry to hear you are feeling a bit flat.

Coppergate4 · 07/07/2023 09:24

Congratulations on the month @Determineddoris ! Sorry to hear you're feeling flat and deflated though - agree with everything that @Amdone123 said. Keep plodding on - hopefully a new challenge/project/interest will come along that will help.

I made myself complete the piano practice that I had set myself on my newish productivity app last night before having a glass of wine so I didn't end up having one until about 8 pm. I know I said I wouldn't have one at all but...that as the prize. Slept all night despite my 2 hr nap.

I would like to go back to 'not drinking at home' [unless entertaining - which almost never happens]. I don't see how I can begin to tackle my other issues if I don't - namely how fat I've become, which leads to a whole host of other less the optimal consequences. Reluctance to exercise is one and feeling exhausted too often.

I'm not starting the testing part of ZOE until August but there is nothing to stop me making a more serious attempt at changing my diet before this. I know someone asked me before what it was in a nutshell but I'm struggling to do that properly. Just cut and pasted this from somewhere else:

The Zoe programme, or Zoe 'diet' as it is being dubbed, wants to reteach us how to eat in line with our biology. It does this by offering at-home testing of blood glucose (via a continuous glucose monitor), blood fat (via a finger prick test), and the gut microbiome (via a stool sample) to assess how you personally metabolise foods, mainly carbs and fats. Zoe then uses this information to provide guidance via an app on how to make better food choices to suit your unique metabolism.

We'll see. It was pretty expensive and I'm not entirely convinced it is worth the cost but I really, really need some motivation (and a couple of colleagues and a friend are doing it and seem happy). I think I will need to make extra effort to actually lose weight though.

Needtokickthehabit · 07/07/2023 09:45

Well I did the same last night as the night before - kept myself busy till bedtime then brought up a glass of wine. i drank it while watching netflix but did not go down for more so there is still half a bottle down there!!!

Touty · 07/07/2023 10:00

@Determineddoris well he doesn’t drink for religious reasons, has never drank, it’s part of his culture I guess, parents the same never drank etc.

he can smell it a mile away, he can even smell vodka, who can smell vodka? It has no smell.

Touty · 07/07/2023 10:02

@Determineddoris one month is amazing!

sorry to hear you are feeling flat, I really identify with that feeling.

Determineddoris · 07/07/2023 14:25

Aw all you lot have actually made me feel Hella better! Thanks for your words and support and encouragement I feel very grateful to have this thread and you lot! Thank you!!!!!!! So many hugs for you right now.
@Amdone123 you are right need to keep keep keeping on! And well done for not thinking too much about drinking and getting it out of your thoughts it's brilliant and 2lbs lighter even better! I've actually lost 2 kg in the month off the booze you can imagine how many cals I was putting in my body every night hey..but also I don't feel lighter if that makes sense no clothes are loser etc I was wearing cycling shorts this morning and changed into baggy trousers instead my confidence is shit, I needed to hear some things aren't in my control I guess. I have started journalling but very sporadically almost like nothing but I reckon a line a day is better than nothing ?
@Bigbus yes I think it might be part of oh shit is this forever type thing especially after Wimbledon everyone enjoying one or two Pimm's and I'm like I can't even do that FFS! Well done for not drinking when you got home amazing ! Everyone is actually really taking great steps to moderate it's brilliant @Needtokickthehabit and @Coppergate4 the Zoe thing sounds good but I'm not giving stool samples sod that hahah
@Touty oh I get it now fair enough about how he's never drank I guess non smokers can smell smokers a mile.off too ? Vodka does smell sometimes if you really want to sniff it hahaha

OP posts:
Touty · 08/07/2023 00:21

Day 14 finally arrived! 14 days no booze. I feel better in myself but that belly is still there.
I don’t feel compelled to drink at the moment so
I think I will continue on for another 14 days if I can.

Determineddoris · 08/07/2023 06:38

@Touty wow bloody well done with that determination and spirit (non alcoholic of course!) Really good well done! And yes if you can do another 14 that would be amazing too! Keep at it girl!
I was coming on to say we went out last night for dinner with the kids as well and my husband ordered a large glass of wine and I was a bit like wtf I want one it's Friday it's sunny but I had a san pell arianciata instead ....others were drinking aperol spritzers , wine red white I was surrounded but I looked at my kids and thought nah. Im present for you guys this evening. And that was that. What's everyone up to this weekend ? X

OP posts:
Amdone123 · 08/07/2023 07:48

@Determineddoris , well done, that was lovely to read. You're doing so well and @Touty , 14 days, wow ! Keep going, that belly will go down soon !
Oh, I've seen that san pell aranciata in home bargains, it looks nice. I think there's an af aperol, too.
Well, I drank yesterday. I was sat in the garden reading one of my favourite books and just felt like it. 2 x prosecco and about 5 cigarettes.
I'll have to put it behind me.
Tomorrow is our anniversary so basically, party day ! I'm hoping to eat more than drink.
After tomorrow, I've got 2 weeks til the Next Big Event so I'm going to really try 14 af @Touty Days !!
I'll call it Doing A Touty 🤣

Coppergate4 · 08/07/2023 09:42

That's brilliant @Touty - well done on 14 days AF!

What a decision @Determineddoris - wow - love it! In the face of such temptation too.

Happy anniversary @Amdone123 ! Hope you have a great party day!

Same old for me I'm afraid - still feeling like I'm sleeping too much, still drinking wine to some extent every day and still spending time on another habit I want to kick. Hopefully I can make some steps away from this rut today...

Touty · 08/07/2023 21:31

I really felt like a drink today, but I didn’t. I keep wondering if this not drinking is making any difference, I’m still carrying too much weight around the middle which is getting me down, if lost 2 stone in the last 2 years but the fat in the abs does not budge; it’s probably my age, now 50.

Determineddoris · 09/07/2023 06:37

Hi @Touty trust me it's making a difference! Not only weight and health but mentally too. I mean it depends what the reasons are for stopping I guess. Mine was more mental but the physical has definitely improved over a month in AF. I also have the non budging tummy roll I said to someone yesterday I feel like a have literally a spare tyre. My sil researched for many years and tries all the dieting and everything and she came to the conclusion that you would have to have surgery to lose it but then I spoke to a personal trainer and they said no way you can definitely do it , my problem is I eat so many carbs and sugar I would need to completely cut it out!
I had my first social event since going AF, BBQ at a friend's I actually forgot so wasn't prepared but every single person was drinking around me except me. I had taken along AF beers but I didn't like them and this one woman was saying urgh how can you drink that it's disgusting. And then another woman kept offering me shots I said no I don't drink to her so many times. And they were all getting sweaty, red faced and pissed and I wasnt and funnily enough I even enjoyed myself great craic with some of them! I also did a 5k for the first time in ten years and am literally broken my groin hurts like hell and was up all night but I didn't drink!
How was your anniversary @Amdone123 hope you had a great one and happy anniversary!
@Coppergate4 thanks again for your kind words and encouragement really means a lot! Oh and out of force as I've been with my husband so much since his accident I haven't managed to smoke either but I have definitely got a bit ratty and tried to find an old vape yesterday but couldn't oh well! So I'm officially non drinker and non smoker....and stupidly tried to run but I'm going to keep going as I need to lose this belly !

OP posts:
Amdone123 · 09/07/2023 07:29

@Determineddoris , well done on the bbq - that took some willpower! People are awful towards non drinkers - alcohol is the only drug people encourage you to take.
When I go low carb, my tummy goes a lot flatter. I just find it really difficult.

And, well done on the 5k. That's brilliant. I've always wanted to run. I've downloaded the couch to 5k app so many times
It's my anniversary today. Woke up feeling refreshed and happy, and thinking I don't want to drink but we'll see how it pans out.
After today, I'm definitely af for at least 10 days.

Coppergate4 · 09/07/2023 11:09

I'm loving reading about all the AF streaks and the positive consequences emerging...to the point of really, really wanting to join in too! I've got to do more than one of my 'vague hopes' though to make that happen...I'm going to have to report back here early evening.

Needtokickthehabit · 09/07/2023 16:56

Out with dp last night and we SHARED a bottle of wine. How is that for lessening it! He was knackered which was fantastic news.

I have a bottle here for tonight but I want to see can I go Sunday to Wed without anything. We have a wedding Thursday so that is out but Mon to Wed it would be nice to see if I can do it.