On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat CONTINUED....

[Determineddoris]

Hi all,

Shiny new thread!

Thank you to @Amdone123 for the last few, she's been around longer than me and always so supportive and kind, thank you!

Tagging people I can from the last thread but please tag any others please!

@texy @Manyrivers @Bigbus @JulieHoney @Mj20 @Starlia

@Needtokickthehabit - it always feels like a triumph when DH and I share a bottle rather than order a second, perfect for lessening it!
Good luck with Sun-Wed AF. Not that you need luck of course, but you know what I mean.
DH has been cheating a bit with the later start times (but to be fair has made an effort) - he is going to try having an AF lager first tonight to get him clearly into the new 'allowed' time of 6.30 pm. I'll be back here later as a distraction/focus to stay AF instead...

I meant Mon to Wed sorry. Feels like a Saturday today for some reason.

@Needtokickthehabit well done on the sharing that's a brilliant achievement! Tbh when we went out we would share one bottle but then maybe get an extra cocktail or something but then I would have drank when home etc etc so that's great. Being AF until Wednesday sounds like a great idea and enjoy the wedding!
@Coppergate4 I'll be around this evening if you need a distraction! I've been all over the place today but it's fine just feeling like there's plenty to do but I don't want to do the mundane stuff of housework but can't get into a book or anything as the housework is overwhelming I feel like ordering a skip and throwing everything out honestly. What do you guys do with old sentimental books your kids read as babies, or like drawings etc I have given so much to charity already !

Decluttering can be so hard @Determineddoris ! I've been doing some over the last couple of days - just makes me realise just how much of our home is taken up with stuff we never use. I now feel overwhelmed with it again! My storage solutions have now also become clutter. It is all well organised but it that doesn't stop it from being 'too much' for the house to feel light and like we are using our space wisely.

With old sentimental things relating to the baby childhood years I got rid of stuff in batches and/or took photographs before removing them...until it was all whittled down to a small amount stored in a dedicated keepsakes box in the loft. I did the same things with books - challenged myself to get rid of ten things or only keep the best half/25%. I find decluttering has burst forwards and then stalls.

Sometimes I wish I could just get a skip too or have a reason to get rid of all this stuff (like emigrating!)! I've got a sideboard pretty much full of loads of cocktail glasses and a dinner service we never use (or certainly not most of it), a cocktail trolley (fairly new!) full of cocktail making ingredients. I've now come to the conclusion I don't really like entertaining and would rather go out for cocktails...I just cba to make them. Oh and all the camping equipment...the stationery...the academic books...

Damn it. Now I want a cocktail. Going to put some ice, tonic water and strawberries in a balloon cocktail glass and see if that cuts it

@Determineddoris thank you so much for the words of encouragement. I know being AF is making a difference, my skin looks so bright and clear, I now feel I don’t need to wear foundation if I’m putting make up on.

I actually had a consultation with a surgeon about tummy tuck, i actually just wanted liposuction but no, it has to be surgery, but surgeon said it could grow back! I know to lose it I’d have to cut back drastically, last time I did that it didn’t suit my face.

I really don’t want to go back to drinking 40 units a week! I’ve got visitors coming soon to stay for a holiday and I know they will want to drink every night! I’m determined not to join in - I’m going to make up an excuse, can’t drink because of medication etc.

I have missed the booze these last few days, but I will persevere.

Morning all, how's everyone doing @Needtokickthehabit @Amdone123 @Bigbus @Manyrivers @Starlia @OhShitImNearly40 @bookworm44 @daffodills1 @texy @indieray ?

@Coppergate4 wow sounds good it whittled down to a small box, we are thinking of getting the loft done next year so will need to create a small storage just hope more room does not equal more hoarding space! Honestly I get overwhelmed but I'm slowing getting better. Hehe. Did you enjoy your non alcoholic cocktail you made it sounded delicious?

@Touty excellent news about not having to wear foundation that's already a win! I too have found I'm going completely make up free even at the BBQ other day I didn't put any make.up on I wear a lot of SPF. How is the AF streak going for you? I think I'm nearing 5 weeks tomorrow. Feels like a lifetime though!

Ps @Touty are your visitors staying Fri to Sunday? Are you hoping to stock up on AF drinks? I follow so many sober people/movements now on Instagram they give so much info on the AF drinks available out there especially from M&S so I'm going there today, I also picked up a peach belline AF from Sainsbury the other day which I'm going to try (obviously laden with sugar argh! But for me anything is better than drinking!)

Morning all, thanks for the tag @Determineddoris - I've been meaning to post but it's been a bit of a few weeks with MIL taken into hospital and other random life stuff. I admit to filling my boat with more pebbles than I should have and the evening drinking with dinner has crept back in. Tiredness is my worst trigger as I hate being tired and when tired I really do hit the F it switch all round. On the plus side, no drinking to excess even as a wedding guest on Saturday but just too frequently. It shreds my sleep too and then it's a massive vicious cycle of being tired - drinking - being more tired - drinking. Anyway, I didn't drink last night and won't tonight so that's a good start at breaking the habit.

@Determineddoris I have to say, reading your posts is absolutely inspirational. You're making such good choices and doing all these 'firsts' and smashing them. Bloody well done you.

@Needtokickthehabit you too! A few weeks ago you would never have considered taking just one glass of wine to bed. This is huge, well done you too!

@Amdone123 hope you had a lovely anniversary party.

@Bigbus good wins with moderating at the tennis - you did what you set out to do and I think that helps us to trust ourselves more.

Hope everyone else is doing ok? @Manyrivers how are you doing? @Coppergate4 the Zoe programme did help me eat more healthily but didn't help me to lose loads of weight to be honest. But definitely more nourishing food/less food shaming so that was a win for me.

Sorry also meant to say a massive well done to @Touty too! 14 days is a fab streak as if you can do 14 you can do any amount. The friends coming to visit is challenging - but their drinking choices are not yours. You have a fresh perspective now and don't have to go along with them if you don't want to. Your body and mind are too important.

Morning, folks !
Great catching up with all your posts. Everyone is at different stages, obviously, but we're all trying and I think that's brilliant.
Anniversary was lovely, thank you all. I wasn't too hungover yesterday, just tired and needing to give my brain a rest. On the day, I had 1 bottle of white wine and 1 bottle of champagne, so not too bad really. I ate a fair bit, but also smoked about 3 cigarettes.
It was a lovely day but I'm glad it's over.
I didn't drink yesterday but I'm counting today as my new Day 1 ( because I ate junk food all day and I like a good day to be eating properly, not drinking and exercising).
I've got 10 days til the next party and I'm determined to give my body ( and liver) a rest.

Hi Everyone,

I'm still around and playing the moderation game! Had a sober night out at the weekend which I must say I'm growing quite fond of! I have been drinking alone at home still , which is the one habit I'd really like to kick. Not all bad though as I have been moderating that as well to either 3 large glasses of wine, (still buying the single serve bottles for this purpose), or 4 bottles of beer.

Healthy eating and not drinking alone at home are my new focus goals. I have a few nights out coming up, 1 I'm doing sober and the other I'm going to drink.

I've not had time to read and catch up on everyone's progress will try and catch up tonight. I hope your all doing well.

Hello, I’ve been reading this in the background for a while but would like to join and say hello now if that’s ok? I need to moderate my drinking. If I’m honest I’ve probably needed to for years. I’m mid 30s and now have 2 small children. When I was in my teens and 20s I was a bit of a party girl, loved nights out, wine with meals etc, very sociable. Settled down a bit and easily went through 2 pregnancies without drinking, but this year I feel like I’ve developed a bit of a problem. I can have a glass of wine with dinner or in the evening at home no problem, but when I go out I’m drinking to excess and a few times I can’t remember getting home. I hate the thought that I’ve put myself in that situation, I can’t fully remember conversations and get terrible hangxiety for days after. I would love to be one of those people who could go out and have a few wines, then call it a night but I just take it too far every time. I think more so now because I’m not out as often, and maybe drunk me thinks “you’re never out, just one more..” So anyway, I’m going to cut it out completely for the next few weeks, and be honest with my DH and a few close friends/family, and see how I get on. My goal is that I’d love to enjoy a nice big glass of wine with my Xmas dinner, or a Sunday roast, but then leave it at that. I think I need to abstain completely when I’m on nights out for a while, I don’t want to say never again because I feel I’m setting myself up for a fail if I do. Just taking one day at a time… sorry for rambling!

Hi, I am a Mum of 3 and always been a social drinker. Never drink during the week only weekends and I stopped drinking when my children were small. Now they are older we (myself and husband) have got in the habit of drinking more whether it be in the local pub or with friends with our kids and theirs. Only recently I've started to worry I'm drinking too much, last weekend we are at a friend's bbq and I got way to drunk, more drunk than usual and I'm really worried about my child who witnessed it. Thankfully I didn't do anything embarrassing but the shame and guilt I feel is horrendous. I haven't slept since, keep crying and just genuinely feel awful. Has this happened to anyone before? Was your child OK? How easy have you found giving up alcohol? I really want to stop drinking altogether I don't know my limits and do not want my child to witness me that drunk again. Any help or advice would be great I'm in a mess and don't know what to do.

@Claireh37345 and @Starsinyoureyes12 , I'm just waiting for a job interview but a quick hi and welcome.
You're both in the right place.
I'll message properly later.

Welcome @Starsinyoureyes12 and @Claireh37345

@Claireh37345 I can hear your hurt in your post and I'm sorry you're feeling that way. A few things off the top of my head - your child will not be scarred by that experience. Especially if you can talk to them about it and explain what you are going to do as a result (cut back/abstain/ whatever you choose). It's no harm to them to hear that actually alcohol can make you do things you're not proud of and you are going to reign it in. Secondly, try to forgive yourself. You are not the first nor the last to drink a bit too much when our and feel the hangxiety. Some of that feeling is psychological (eg embarrassment) but some is also physiological due to alcohol creating short term imbalances in your brain. Hang on in there and you'll feel better soon.

@Starsinyoureyes12 and @Claireh37345 It's always helpful to take a step back from our drinking and assess what it's giving us and what it's taking away, and constantly reassess that balance. We're all at different stages but this is a v, v supportive community so do post along the way. We're here!

Hi @Starsinyoureyes12 everything you has written really resonated with me, I used to definitely over drink especially on nights out to the point of not remembering things, waking up with remorse, anxiety and self loathing (I think it's on the previous thread to this one/one before where I had done this last year and came on to get help) and everyone helped me it took me a while but I got on the treadmill as @Amdone123 says so often and it's so true!!! Taking a step back and coming on here is already the start of you and @Claireh37345 doing something about the alcohol! I would love a nice fat glass of red (my poison) at Xmas but I truly think I just cannot drink anymore. It hurts at times and I always think why can't I be normal! I wasn't even doing anything overly bad but just drinking every night, wondering what time was ok to start, wasn't there for my kids at all, relationship with husband was on the rocks , everything and I mean everything has changed in the past 5 weeks I haven't drank a drop! Some of us are moderating and doing really well actually, if you read back you will see little tips and habits people have done to reduce their intake! @texy thanks so much for your kind words ,you always inspire me!

I don't think it is a small box @Determineddoris but it is just one box! It is definitely a relative small amount compared to what I got rid of though.

I suspected that would be the case @Touty with the Zoe and weight loss. I almost certainly will need to deploy an additional tactic to lose weight but I'm hoping that long-term this will help me keep it off/not go back to old habits.

Got to collect DH from station now. Haven't read the most recent posts yet. Hopefully I'll make it back on later...

Thank you so much for the welcome everyone 😃, and @Claireh37345 looks like we are starting this at the same time! I hope you are ok, and I know you feel awful but it’s great you are taking some positive steps. I’m feeling positive today and going to talk to my husband tonight about my decision.

Hello, well another AF day today, it’s 17 days now! I haven’t done 17 days for a few years now. So the last few days have been difficult with cravings, what doesn’t help is it’s so bloody hot and the days are long here.

Weighed myself today no loss on the scales, can’t see any difference in my shape BUT my skin does look good and I think my face looks more fresh.

@Determineddoris yes guests, I have one coming the end of this month and another a few months later they will both stay for 10 days. I will get some AF lager in, I can’t really get any other no alcohol drinks here, I live on a small island and we are not that developed here. But slimline tonic I can get and Diet Coke.

i really want to continue this. I don’t want to go back to drinking 4 bottles of vodka every month!

@texy yes, I have a new perspective now and so I need to be prepared and vigilant.

something occurred to me in the last few days, I actually drink more when in company, I just get carried away and part of it is drinking to cope with socialising.

@Claireh37345 @Starsinyoureyes12 , hope you're both OK today and feeling positive for a fresh start. It won't be easy ( at times, it's easier than you thought it would be ; other times so much more difficult).
@texy , yes, your post was spot on, especially about taking a step back and assessing - everyone should do that, at some point, I think.
@Touty , I have definitely drank in the past to cope with socialising. Before I examined my relationship with alcohol properly, that socialising was the biggest problem. I was ok, to an extent, when at home, but so many problems when I went out. So many - ending up in a n e, or just a mess when out. And I'm 56 now, so it was never a pretty sight.
@Determineddoris , you're still doing so well. It can't be easy at times, but you're still going. I have a friend who I met via a support group online. About 5 years ago now - she gave up for good about 2 years ago ; your post reminded me of what she said. About being normal - why can't we just drink like normal people. It's funny that I don't or didn't know what 'normal' was / is ?
I suppose if it's having 1 or 2 drinks then stopping, I don't know many people like that.
I'll have to think about that....
So, yesterday I very nearly drank. Had a job interview about a small part time job ( I need to get out of the house !). Finished the interview, walked into a pub, walked back out. Went to supermarket for tea stuff, looked at the wine, left it there.
All the time thinking, what are you doing ??!!
Day 1 and to be blunt, I wasn't even trying. Thats why I'm so impressed with you @Determineddoris , you're really trying !!
Day 2 today.

@Touty , well done on Day 18. That's absolutely fantastic.
I think regarding your visitors, you sound like you have a plan - af lager, diet coke, tonic water, and you really want to continue this, so I hope you smash it.
I think this would be difficult for me and it wouldn't be the actual wanting to drink, it would be the coping with socialising - is there anything you can do to combat this - I think it's a mindset thing.
In the past, when I've not wanted to drink but I've been out, I've had to be really mindful and determined.
You saying that about coping with socialising has given me so much to think about. I think at times I've found socialising quite hard work - is this why I prefer to drink alone ? I'm a morning person and like to be in bed for 8pm so whenever I went out, I didn't really want to be there. I was maybe tired, so drank to combat that ?
It's hard work, also, making conversation !
My anniversary party was lovely but I'd rather have gone away.
I hope all this makes sense - it's beginning to, to me ❤️

I have had drinks all week so I failed in my no drinking. DP and I have a couple of nights planned away Thurs-Sunday so although we will drink it will be far less than normal as I can control it around him. Sunday will have to be my day one again but I really want to as we have a holiday in the sun booked for next month and I want to be in a bikini for the first time in years and do not need a wine belly for that.

Hello all and welcome @Claireh37345 and @Starsinyoureyes12 . I have definitely been in both your shoes. Looking back to some of the times I have had too much to drink when my children were around I just cringe. They don’t seem to have noticed or
remembered but there was one particular incident that happened just before I joined this group that really inspired me to start the moderating process. I can’t even bring myself to type it now! And I am so sick of the hangovers.

Unlike some here I am not aiming to abstain at the moment. I’m super proud of all those who are, they are doing an amazing job. I’d just like to see if I can maintain moderation personally and this group has been so supportive. I’m so far mostly managing to moderate quite well. I’ll often go 4-5 days without a drink and on drinking days I’ve mostly stuck to my limit although I have had days when I’ve drunk too much I’ve tried to use those as learning points (and the hangovers as a deterrent!).

I’m away in a European city at the moment with my DD16 and her friend. I’ve had a couple of drinks both days. Most proud of yesterday when I had two small wines with dinner and then when we got back to play a game a nearly opened a bottle I had here but I told myself what is the point of that? 6 months ago I would have had the wine, and probably talked rubbish and felt crap today.

I’ve found this group to be so supportive and non-judgmental and never felt like a failure when I’ve fallen off the wagon. It’s like having your own team of cheerleaders!

Morning all,
@Starsinyoureyes12 how was your chat with your husband? Hope it went well and all positive!
@Touty amazing 18/19 days?!! That's awesome I couldn't get on that streak for so so long as others can vouch on this thread it was becoming a joke and embarrassing for me. I was even name changing to dry Jan, sober Feb, sober march nothing worked but something inside me clicked! Sounds quite cool you live on a hot island , you mentioned you can't get AF drinks but the friends coming to stay can they bring you some or it's not something you can ask them? I also used to drink more when socialising I was apparently the fun of the group but I realised I don't have to be the fun and I can still have fun but with the right people I guess.
@Amdone123 well done for walking in and out the pub!!! Amazing. I would feel like that too after an interview how did it go what is it for? I don't blame you for wanting to get out the house only so much housework and dog walking you can do!
@Needtokickthehabit you haven't failed in our eyes so keep posting and keep doing what you are doing I think it's excellent you can moderate around your partner! Looking back I think how the hell did my husband put up with it ? We met as teens and I was always the one who got drunk, fell over so many times he used to have to carry me out of a bar or club with the help of friends how embarrassing for him but he stuck with me...I think he's beginning to notice a difference to my not drinking too, I'm less arrogant, less selfish, less being a bit of a cow (still nagging him to do stuff tho lol). My sleep has been terrible recently I'm worried about a lot of things health wise and my son so I'm averaging only 5 hours sleep a night which is affecting my mood big time! But it's fine I'll.catch up somehow..