The support thread (continued) for an alcohol free life. All welcome.

[WendyWagon]

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. We are a welcoming bunch. These threads were started by @drybird some three years ago.
We are a mixture of sober sisters (and the odd gent) who want to lead a alcohol free life. We chat about everyday things that we use to drink to manage. No question too silly. Someone will have done/thought or been through the same.

@WendyWagon have an amazing day packing and nesting. A new chapter for the Savs.
@Gymspiration how lovely of your friends and family to have taken note and thought about your gifts. I hope the hospital visits have concluded with nothing too serious. Always easier to manage this stuff sober.

welcome back to the fold those who have returned or reposted.

out with friends last night. All 5 of them drinking. All around the 40s age. I could pick out the one who needs to deal with their alcohol problem immediately. That used to be me. I’m so glad I packed it in.

@Gymspiration Well done on the dry birthday.

Morning all.

Ah yes, presents. Much more challenging when you can't just pop into the off licence. Easy way out well and truly blocked.

Have a safe and sober bank holiday weekend everyone.

Congrats on the new Chez Sav @WendyWagon

Evening all - just back from a special birthday lunch. Didn't miss the drinking but do find small talk a bit challenging without wine especially when average age of lunch guests was about 80 and quite a few were very deaf (welcome to my wild wild life

Still was nice to be able to walk home sober and do a few light chores before settling town to tonight's installment of TNM rather than feel knackered, fall asleep and then wake up at about 11.30 at night with a headache.

Congrats @WendyWagon on your new home. Hope it will be very happy.

@REP22 - I did a 9 month stretch a few years ago and have done various on and off periods since. I do feel that this time I have learnt something and have been more able to step back from trigger situations and recognise them for what they are rather than just giving in.

For example the other evening I dropped DS of at uni, drove home and found myself thinking the whole way that I always stop off after this type of journey and buy some wine as a "treat". This time I managed to remind myself that this is just automatic thinking. That its not inevitable and while its annoying to have my head filled with this obsessive thought - it will go away eventually.

It takes a long time to unlearn something that has taken a long time to learn.

Congratulations on completing on the new house WW

Beautiful day here in London. Had a long walk along the canal after swimming today. Fed the ducks, had Ice creams with the kids, and a Waitrose picnic for late lunch / early dinner. Was perfect. In my old life i'd be rushing it all along so I could get home and drink! Now I'm just happy to have afternoons like this.

Happy long weekend one and all.

Wanted to share one of my favourite quotes with you. Read it on a memorial plaque on a bench overlooking the sea and its always stuck with me.

That sounds a lovely day @Crunchymum

My anxiety seems to be kicking off at the moment- not sure why. Hoping a good night’s sleep will reset me

I hope you’re settling into your new home @WendyWagon

I have been feeling a bit sad this weekend. I am reflecting on my perception of my friends drinking and my own drinking vs the reality.

I am realising that, other than the odd exception, I have usually drunk more than everyone else, whilst simultaneously telling myself I was only drinking because I had to keep up with my boozy pals.

Maybe none of that matters now though. I’m here and I’m sober.

Morning

I was on here under a different name a while ago, but spectacularly fell off the wagon 😬

Hopping on board again. Thanks for the ongoing threads!

Morning all.
I was up and out early to get a van. I am a van drivers mate actually. His Nibbs is being bossy. 'why are you taking curtains up to the house, blah blah'. Men.
We are getting as much out today as possible before the professional crew.

Welcome @AThousandDreams
Glad you are back.
I watched the sun come up this morning and woke up quite mobile, thank those looking out for me. I am getting excited. We have lived in other people's houses for too long. I didn't even think about drink yesterday which was great. Too tired, I read my new book and went to bed.
@rothbury i have boozy friends but they do a big binge and then don't drink for weeks. I used to have two days off then the cravings would start (I never thought of them as cravings just fancies). 'oh I'll just get some wine on my way home' As @Fortheloveofgodwhy says, it's not a glass it's a bottle. That was my reality.

Thanks @WendyWagon

Day one done yesterday, so that's a start!

Welcome back @AThousandDreams

I had many, many day 1's (every Monday was a day 1 😳)

Managed Dry January every year but never got beyond Mid February.

I was a bottle a night [on the weeks I drank every night which was fast increasing. I'd estimate at the end I was drinking 20 days out of 30, having dry days was becoming more of a challenge). I'd drink more than a bottle at weekends.

I'm now 440 days and I'll never, ever go back.

Now just to crack the sugar / food issues 😒

Thank you for being here. I am back on board day 1. I have hovered for a few weeks but I feel ready.

Thanks @Crunchymum

Hello @stilldumdedumming! Similar to me then. Let's hope we can do this!

Morning all, welcome to the new members! @WendyWagon hooray!!! Your actually moving 🤩 delighted for you. I've had my head up my arse with work .. massive project which didn't go at all smoothly but there's light at the end of the tunnel which is a huge relief. I could of really done with a glass of wine to take the edge off but resisted the temptation. Off to a garden birthday party today.. the drink will be flowing but I'm taking some AF Prosecco with me. 🙌 the weather here is finally looking brighter, the garden looks better now I've grown the grass .. house project continues 🫣 I've opted to lay my own flooring in the lounge this weekend and the shutters are ordered for the windows. Slowly coming together. I hope you are all well and keeping on the AF bus. It's a bumpy road sometimes and yeah we've all fell off and got back on it. BUT we are all trying our best and that's a massive improvement from hiding away from the reality of the endless regrets the day after. Much love to you all xx

@rockingbird and @AThousandDreams - precisely! It's about keeping on trying and no hiding.

I have known for years that I just cannot have one glass of wine. But recently I have realised that it actually makes me feel angry that someone might suggest it. A glass of wine with dinner? I would actually feel angry that it was not going to progress into the whole bottle. I don't really know what is behind that. But I would gladly leave it behind.

afternoon all. Day 19 for me and still no desire to drink. Still having flashbacks to my last rock bottom (I've had about 10 of those now) and feeling the shame and guilt. But otherwise feeling positive and looking to the future with good thoughts.
@Onewildandpreciouslife - hope the anxiety is subsiding - do you have any suspicions about what might be triggering it? I've been reading a lot/listening to podcasts about the subconscious mind and find it fascinating just how much of our thoughts we are aware of - only about 5% by all accounts and the rest are subconscious. So it can be hard to really figure out our triggers.

@rothbury - same- I kidded myself on that I was only drinking because others were and that others were worse than me because they drank more days than I did - but boy did I cane it when I did drink. I even drank myself before I went to meet my so-called boozy friends so I was half-cut when I got there but they were 'the drinkers' - madness.

@AThousandDreams hello and good luck on your journey.

@Crunchymum - 440 days is so inspiring. I too am never going back. Listened to someone on 'one for the road' and she just said something so simple along the lines that she decided that getting blind drunk again just became non-negotiable for her (she is able to drink in moderatioin) and I am making that my new mantra. It was non-negotiable when I was pregnant and its non-negotiable now.

@stilldumdedumming welcome and well done on doing day 1. I've had more day 1s than I can remember and am determined to have no more.

@rockingbird - your garden project sounds fab. I'm not a gardener at all but I love my garden! DH did lovely decking and I just love sitting on it having my coffee and looking at my lovely fake plants. Keeping my fingers crossed for some decent weather (live in Scotland) so that I can have my morning coffee and breakfast on the decking as its such a lovely way to start the day. Hope the garden party goes well - I keep telling myself that AF drinks give me the opportunity to socialise without the downsides of alcohol and hopefully it will stick one day.

My day today consists of tidying out the cupboard from hell which has stuff literally piled from floor to ceiling and it has been bugging me for at least a year but today is the day to crack it. There's a big football match on in Scotland today so I will be swerving son and DH who will be screaming at the TV no doubt. Making a nice roast dinner and we will have a sit down dinner with all the family.

Interestingly DH said to me after my last bender that he wasn't going to drink in front of me in the house as it 'wasn't fair' on me - he drank rather a lot on our AI holiday the other week but has been AF in the house. He is a moderate drinker 99% of the time and easily can have a beer then go onto coke. In fact his drinking friends all complain that he stops drinking and goes on to soft drinks! But he's just came in said "I know I said I wasn't going to drink in front of you but is it okay if I have a few beers with DS during the football?". He is half-jokingly saying he needs it for his nerves - I said 'you don't need it, you just want it'.

I've said I don't mind as I really don't and it won't trigger me - my triggers are all internal. He will have two or three beers max then stop. I know this is probably wrong but part of me is glad he is seeing how hard it is to be AF in an alcohol-filled world. I hope it can give him some insight into how scary a thought it is for me to think I need to be AF forever. I know it's previously been said that this is dangerous thinking - ie the belief that alcohol still holds some positives for me - but sadly I am not yet at the point of feeling like being AF forever is a good thing - even though I know it is! I so want to get to that point. .

Happy Sunday everyone - hope its a good one! 💪🙏❤

welcome back @stilldumdedumming ❤️❤️❤️

Hello, @stilldumdedumming , I remember you! Welcome back. And @AThousandDreams. You know the drill; daily check in here, treat yourself like an overtired toddler, read/listen to quit lit, line up the distractions.

Hello all! Greetings and love to you, whether regular, new or returning! 👋

I hope you are having a good weekend. My hair has finally been cut (different salon though) mercifully without recourse to the dog+lawnmower combo. The dog seems disappointed.

@Blackberryblossom I started reading Sunshine Warm Sober yesterday. It's very good. I read Catherine Grey's first book "The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober" last weekend and found it very insightful and helpful.

Happy birthday @Cherrymix 🍰

This thread is such a blessing; it's great to read all your updates and have a safe space to share.

I'm having a tough one this afternoon, though the day started well. An ageing parent is a key trigger for me. Much (very awful much) that is difficult there, both now and from childhood. I had to hop online and help with bank stuff the other day and spotted a vastly, VASTLY depleted balance amount. Subtle questioning at lunchtime today has revealed that, despite never having money, having to live a lifetime of severe frugality, numerous thousands of pounds of recently inherited funds have been spent on a ring from a private jeweller because "it's pretty and I wanted to treat myself". It's cost more than a decent second-hand car and now I'm having to run around because they can't afford basics for themselves. OH FUUUUUUUUUU😱

Sorry. I will pull myself together. Breathe and reboot. I will have to face the Slimming World music for excessive dependence on chocolate milkshake next week. But it's better than the alternative. All shall be well.

Strength and love to you. Keep going. xxx

Afternoon chaps. The roast is on and the second van load is being hoisted. I have retreated to my kitchen. The boys are doing the next drop. I must be shrinking as it was like mountain climbing to get into the van!
All my posh clothes have gone and I am left with jeans and T Shirts. I had a turn lunchtime because my brother always did our moves with us. He was fantastically strong and had a building conpany so the drill was in hand for curtain poles etc. I cried buckets but my 6'5'' son gave me a hug (DH is a back patter and tea maker). @rockingbird you sound very skilled at this DIY? I want power tools of my own.

Welcome aboard to all the new shipmates. I am on the Gordon's AF later.

@WendyWagon First roast in your new home! How exciting. Hope you enjoy it.

I'm sorry it's brought the absence of your brother into sharp focus though. Sending you hugs and love. 🌻

I would like power tools but should not be trusted with them. I would drill holes where holes were never meant to be.

Welcome back @stilldumdedumming and @AThousandDreams

Thanks for asking @2023forme - I’m much better today. I slept for 10 hours and did a hilly run. I traveled a lot over the last couple of days, and know I irritated someone yesterday. I’m a classic people-pleaser, having spent a lot of childhood trying to work out how I’d upset my mum (and of course most of the time it wasn’t me at all). I’m much better at realising these things now - getting over them is harder!

@REP22 - that all sounds horribly familiar- hang in there

Thank you @Onewildandpreciouslife , much appreciated. I think I might have read wise posts from you on other threads. Standing with you, sending virtual hugs and solidarity. 🌻You're fantastic. x