The support thread (continued) for an alcohol free life. All welcome.

[WendyWagon]

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. We are a welcoming bunch. These threads were started by @drybird some three years ago.
We are a mixture of sober sisters (and the odd gent) who want to lead a alcohol free life. We chat about everyday things that we use to drink to manage. No question too silly. Someone will have done/thought or been through the same.

Goodnight all. I am struggling to keep up with who everybody is at the moment but hopefully will get into the swing of things as am planning to stay here quite a while.

It wasn't actually my birthday - someone elses.

Looking forward to another day off tomorrow. Have taken drastic action on a large shrub that was threatening to take over the whole patio. Now the shrub is much smaller but patio covered in chopped up shrub. That's a job for tomorrow

Morning all.
Up with the sunrise again. Two vans full of clothes and linen delivered to the new house yesterday. Professional move this coming Thursday. I can't wait to walk around the development as I am a nosey minx. First move not 'pie eyed' each night to deal with the stress. I once had a landlord come to say hello and I could just about speak! He turned out to be an absolute sh*t so I won't lose any sleep over it! I had a beautifully cold Gordon's AF and Fevertree last night whilst watching the Windsors. Bliss.
Have a good day my friends.

Morning all
The sober times continue. Day 134 for me.
The real strength of this thread, for me, are the shared and common experiences.
It's reassuring for me that I'm not the only one with occasionally selfish family. (aka shitty siblings)
Not the only one who can't moderate.
Not the only one who is overdosing on sweet snacks.
Not the only one who looks back in anger.
Not the only one trying to stay positive, one day at a time and not be overcome with crushing regrets and guilt at the life once lived.
We're all in this together. Same fight, different postcodes.
Have a great sober day

Morning all!

The Windsors was hilarious! I love the way they speak, so funny. The dialogue between H and M is exactly how I imagine.

So yesterday evening a family emergency happened. DD, who lives 50 miles away, young adult, had an accident. She’s OK, but it wasn’t until this morning that I realised I didn’t even think of having a drink to “cope “ with it.

So strange to think of the progress I have made in such a short time. I have to go into hospital for a procedure tomorrow which I am dreading. I will probably have to stay in overnight as apparently they won’t let me leave and get taxi home after GA. Very annoying.

HI all. @WendyWagon - I've not tried the AF Gordon's gin but am thinking I might give it a go. My go to at the moment is zero sugar Shloer - the white one - 3 fo £3 in Asda. I loved Shloer as a kid - parents used to give it to us in wine glasses as we were too young for actual wine - amazing how quickly the brain washing around alcohol gets started. I wasn't sure if I would still like it as an adult but I bloody loves it!

So day 20 for me hurrah. Positives I am noticing, in no particular order (again - been here before but doesn't harm to remind myself);

• clarity of thought
• confidence driving - I didn't drink while under the influence but if I drove a few days after drinking, I found myself very nervous
• sleep amazing - always manage to fall back asleep after being up to the loo
• atmosphere in the house is lovely and light
• DC are very chatty with me
• sober sex
• more money in the bank
• not feeling on edge the entire time
• not having bags under my eyes - at one point I was googling how much for surgery to remove them but they go away themselves after about 2 - 3 weeks sober!
• taking fewer brufen - still need to take some for achy joints but I was knocking them back like smarties when drinking
• making plans with friends that I was hiding away from and enjoying chatting to them as opposed to dreading seeing them and having to own up to my latest bender
• enjoying doing nothing!!! when drinking, I feel like a caged animal when I'm in the house doing nothing but sober, I just love relaxing and enjoying doing nothing
• house is clean and washing and ironing are all up to date
• I can hold my own in any arguments/debates in the house as I am not on the back foot, wracked with guilt and wanting to just please everyone

Negatives about being sober- absolutely none!!!
The only slight downer is feeling 'not normal' when everyone else is drinking but that is something I am working on.

Feel free to add to my list and I hope everyone is having a stress free, enjoyable bank holiday!

@2023forme - great list. I really like the ones about the atmosphere in your house and being able to relax. I do regret the times I have been bad tempered with my DC because of drinking - you don't realise how grumpy it makes you until you stop. Also the relaxing - yes - I think I used to use wine as an excuse to do nothing when in fact I could have just done nothing anyway.

I'm not feeling quite so great because of a stressful family situation that is not going to be resolved any time soon. Its going to be about 6 weeks before anything can even start to be sorted out and in the meantime I am just ruminating about it - fearing the worst and hoping for the best.

Anyway tried to take my mind off things with a walk in the sunshine and more drastic pruning of my patio bush.

Not the first time I've been on one of these threads! Had 8 weeks alcohol free at the beginning of the year. Looked better, felt better, lost weight and was happier. Then my mum got cancer again (3rd time in 2 years) and I cant even remember at what point I had a drink but haven't really reined it in since!

So here I am again. I've been much better with the not drinking at home or during the week so just the weekends I struggle with when out and about.

What can I read/listen to? I have a weekend away in 2 weeks and really want to stay strong passed that weekend as I know once I've got through it I'll be able to keep going.

Have you tried LoveSober podcasts plus they have a blog and website.

They cover a lot of topics.

@onelife22 - that last post was for you. But also so sorry to hear about your mum.

Take care

Ahoy shipmates.
I love these early sunrises. Can't wait to watch them over the hill fort from the weekend. We will be surrounded by farm land again but with a little shop. We lived rurally for a lot of the DCs childhood but no shops. It was a deal breaker this time.

Welcome @onelife22 I know it will be little compensation but I could never have got through my brother's recent passing if I wasn't sober. When my dad died I was an absolute mess and no use to anyone. I drank nightly. At least I know now if anyone calls me at night I am not pissed. I could jump in the car and help his daughters or talk coherently on the phone. I am a real bookworm so I read everything. I liked the Alan Carr book.

@2023forme what a positive list. You have done really well. Imagine how you will feel in a month and you will look so much better. I was ready to leave my husband until I stopped drinking. What a selfish cow I was but we don't see it with the wine goggles on. I thought he was boring and trying to spoil my social life. He wasn't, he was worried. Worried about me falling, embarrassing myself or becoming really ill. Thank God I stopped.

@Cherrymix there is a nasty looking bush outside the new house that I have my eye on. I won't get my gardening kit out of store until Friday but Sunday afternoon it might get a haircut!

I am off out early to wait for BT.
Have a good day.

Morning everyone
I am going to join you, as I have an internal, exhausting struggle with myself daily about not drinking. Then every night I drink, usually a bottle of wine at least.
Being AF for more than a week seems unachievable to me, like something only strong minded people can do …. not me .
So I am going to read this thread and try to stay sober, at least today, hopefully tomorrow.

@millypeggyandpandora welcome.
Try a day, a week, a month.
I think if we break it down it gets easier.
I drank a bottle of wine 4/5 nights a week for five years. More if I was out. I am 16 months AF next Monday.
I never thought I could do it or actually wanted to. However my life is so much better. Post any questions, we are here to help.

Welcome @millypeggyandpandora . That internal struggle is very familiar, and yes, it’s exhausting. Going af isn’t really a question of being strong minded though- it’s daring to dream there is a better way of living out there for you.

So - what is your plan for this evening? What does the perfect sober night look like for you? In my early days I used to imagine myself settling into bed with a good book and a herbal tea, and then my challenge was how to get there!

I found quit lit really helpful. The Alcohol Experiment by Annie Grace takes you through 30 days af, and is very good at reframing your thinking.

Good luck, and post as much as you want to.

Morning all.

@WendyWagon happy more moving day. Also up with the sunrise today. I am LOVING getting up for a short plod over the hill. Makes my day and I’m back in bed with tea by 6:45!

@2023forme 2023forme that is a great list. I concur with all of it.

@onelife22 and @millypeggyandpandora you only HAVE to do the first day once. Although we all do it a lot of times. Because alcohol lies to you. I read/listened to Allen Carr, the Naked mind and the inexpected joy of being sober. Plus lots of other books too. If you are sober you are welcome here and we offer lots of advice and share quite a few woes. But if you are drinking or moderating you will need to find another thread, so best stay off it and enjoy some time with us 🙌. Sobriety rocks!

@onelife22 I agree with all the books @Fortheloveofgodwhy suggested, and would add The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley, Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whitaker, Alcohol Explained by William Porter (the first few chapters are free on his website) and Sober on a Drunk Planet (whose author escapes me for now)

Thanks all for the encouragement. Some times if I go for a walk at witching hour ( 6pm) the anxiety and craving isn’t so bad, so I will do that and ask my partner to make dinner… staying away from the kitchen helps ! Then green tea and early bed. I really hope I can do it because the self recriminations and hopelessness the next morning if I can’t are so hard 🥹

@millypeggyandpandora - welcome and sending strength and positive vibes your way. Sounds like you are already putting some strategies in place to deal with triggers so well done for that.

day 21 for me, fellow AFLers (alcohol free lifers). This time 3 weeks ago, I had been in my bed for 24 hours, semi conscious after a 3 day bender. Coming to with Anxiety through the roof, family devastated and worried, feeling physically ill and knowing I’d have to face the music and go through the next few days of hell.

I’m going to screenshot this post as I simply cannot go back there. It’s non-negotiable. I still haven’t had any desire to drink although I’ve been here before so I know it will come at some point. So I’m staying vigilant.

stay strong people, post when you need to, be selfish and just do whatever it takes to not pick up that first drink. Disclaimer- when I say “selfish”, I just mean put yourself first - while recognising others need you, especially if you have DC. Say no to things that will trigger you if you can. Avoid people who bring you darkness. Do the things that bring you joy. Do whatever it takes!! 💪🤞❤️

@2023forme three weeks is a key point. Athletes use it as a training point. So well done.

Good morning sober warriors! Hope you all had a good weekend.

@Gymspiration I feel the same about this thread, so helpful in many ways. And you're right - we are all on the same road together. It doesn't matter what our vehicle of choice was, whether by push-bike, Harley Davidson or fancy 4x4, here we all are together and supporting each other. xx

@rothbury I'm really sorry about your DD. I hope all will be well.

@2023forme that's a brilliant list! I can identify with most of those, happily! I took the dog to a new place (for him) yesterday, which involved a drive out and making sure he didn't make a nuisance of himself (previously unthinkable on a weekend/bank holiday - I would have been too pssed to do much beyond letting him out into the garden). We had such a lovely time and a lady with her dog sat on a bench with us for a while. When she got up to leave she said "I really enjoyed talking to you; you're funny!". That meant so very much to me, more than a pay rise or a free ice-cream. I thought no-one would like sober me. Transpires that I'm not that hopeless after all. I am starting to like sober me, which I really never thought would be the case. I also like the feeling in the morning of not being utterly wnkered. The feelings you describe about your last 3-day bender are word-for-word my own from 14 days ago (also a 3-day bender). 13 days AF for me now.

Hello @onelife22 and @millypeggyandpandora , hugs to you. I am glad you've found yourself here aboard Cap'n @WendyWagon (and @Drybird2020)'s ship. I'm new myself and this thread has been an utter godsend. Wise advice, kindness and support of the best kind. It's a brave step you have taken and won't be easy but you can do it. If it helps to begin with, take the non-drinking hour by hour and build on that to day by day, etc. I found this recent thread - The reality of the end | Mumsnet - to be very helpful and a stark warning (CAUTION - it is grim and upsetting reading and very honest. But it certainly gave me a much-need reality-slap which has been helpful). I keep that in mind and the mental image of me a couple of weeks ago, lying on the floor, throwing up onto a towel while the dog looked on in despair (sorry). Whenever I feel tempted - and I do, very often - I "play it forward" from the first few sips to that reality/memory. That helps me not to go there. And I don't have ANY in the house. I cannot moderate, however much I tell myself I can.

Clare Pooley's book is very good, as is The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Grey. I'm just re-reading that. Her other book Sunshine Warm Sober is also good, but I've found the first one most helpful. The podcasts "One for the Road" by SoberDave were also very helpful to me. Good luck on your fledgling journeys - you can do it, even though it seems impossible at times. Keep going. It will be alright. xx

Strength and love to you all. xx

Oh gosh @REP22 i am just mopping my face up. I can add to that sorry tale.
My lovely late brother drank solidly for 24 years. His best friend died in a road accident, killed by a 92 year old who refused to stop driving. This was followed by our mothers cancer diagnosis and death six months later. He drank three litres of wine at a time. Whisky chasers at parties.
Sadly he had an accident two years ago. He suffered kidney damage. He gave up drinking but would he have had his heart attack last month if he hadn't been such a big drinker for so long?
I am heartbroken and it has scared the sh*t out of me. He wasn't fat and he was three years younger than me. I am frightened of following him now and I am getting in the swimming pool as soon as I can. If we are on this thread we have taken the first steps. We can make a change. A new life awaits us.

Oh WendyWagon, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my older brother in 2016 to cancer, I can’t help but think his drinking has something to do with it.
xxxxx

@WendyWagon I am so sorry. Any of those things by themselves are horrendous - but to have them all to deal with. Gut-wrenching. The realities and what-ifs must be a regular torment.

You are doing your very best and, ultimately, that's all we can do. I think you're brilliant. Where would we be without you keeping this board going? Howling into the night and sobbing into the dawn, probably. You're fantastic. xxx

@REP22 bless you.
I am not the Donna. @Drybird2020 @BunniesBunniesBunnies and @Breathmiller I believe started the threads. I just have the habit of writing a diary. Hence the daily ramblings.
It has kept me accountable. I have made new friends and even have a breakfast buddy IRL as we live close to each other. I have told people things on these threads that I haven't spoken about to my close friends. I trust the sober sisters judgement. They lift me up. Perhaps we all share a similar back story?

@WendyWagon you welcomed me in and I am grateful. Grateful also to @Drybird2020 , @BunniesBunniesBunnies (that name often makes me smile) and @Breathmiller. I feel that this thread helps me to be accountable too. And open where I might not be able to be elsewhere.

I strongly suspect that, however different our lives and paths are, there will be some common threads. Something we drink to forget, to feel, to ease and comfort, to numb. There might not be the same things, but I suspect that there ARE things nonetheless. My own has its roots in a difficult childhood and the fallout, plus ongoing not-unconnected issues. We are all linked in some way. Every link is slightly different, a different shape, maybe a bit wider or longer than other links, maybe a bit more chipped and rusty than other links. But when you join all the links together, they make one powerfully strong chain. You are a good and valuable link in our chain here, everyone is. And a good strong chain is only as powerful as the individual strength, however relative, of each individual link. I'm more of a paperclip to be fair, but I am trying to be a strong one.

Blimey, that was a bit profound, wasn't it?! Sorry, don't know what came over me. Since last posting I have been out to the dentist and back for a tooth/root extraction 😵Probably the anaesthetic talking... 🙄

@onelife22 and @millypeggyandpandora I meant to say in my earlier post that I have also downloaded the "I Am Sober" app to my phone (the basic version is free). You can check in whenever you want and it tracks how long you have been AF, how much money you have saved, has milestones and encouraging quotes as well as other areas of support and help. I'm by no means an app-fiend but I have found it helpful. Readily available on GooglePlay or other app stores. x

Hello all, love reading your stories. I'm really thinking of giving this a proper try but could I ask a few questions for those of you who have been doing this a while? These are the niggles that make me think I can't do this:

1. Do you ever get past the association between wine and special occasions (if you had that in the first place)? My family love wine and picking a nice one for a lovely dinner. I worry it will always be something delicious I'm denying myself.

1. This is a bit harder to explain but I long to be the sort of person who has a glass or two and that's it. When I try and cut down I look at people like that and think 'if they can do it I should be able to too' and feel jealous and like somehow I'm going to be able to be like them if I just keep trying. Will I always feel hard done by (not blaming anyone else, I know it's up to me!)?

Sorry, not sure if this makes sense, it's not that logical but what I'm thinking. To be honest I want the constant thinking about this to be gone - it's exhausting!

TIA!