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Alcohol support

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The support thread (continued) for an alcohol free life. All welcome.

994 replies

WendyWagon · 03/04/2023 18:33

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. We are a welcoming bunch. These threads were started by @drybird some three years ago.
We are a mixture of sober sisters (and the odd gent) who want to lead a alcohol free life. We chat about everyday things that we use to drink to manage. No question too silly. Someone will have done/thought or been through the same.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
18
Crunchymum · 25/04/2023 16:50

Well done @2023forme you are doing a stellar job there.

Whatever it takes to get you through.

REP22 · 25/04/2023 17:17

Thank you so much @Crunchymum , that's lovely of you to say. That means a lot. 💗It isn't easy - but you are right - it does become easier and the steps easier to tread.

That's a great saying, and one I had totally forgotten about. I used to do a lot of orienteering, especially on Dartmoor (before the days of whizzy GPS devices and Smartphones) and that was a saying that literally made sense - far easier to turn back if the path is unsafe or unwise, even if it meant hours worth of wasted walking. It's a route gratefully re-walked if it was the way back to the car park and safety. I knew it was meant spiritually, but it made perfect sense in terms of actual walking and boot leather too (plus the poisonous glares from a cold and whimpering p*ssed-off dog!). Very, very wise. Thank you for reminding me about it.

Thank you for your support and your kind words. You're lovely. x

Crunchymum · 25/04/2023 17:22

I love it when something can make sense both spiritually and literally, it is a like a multi tasking proverb 😂

I am glad you are finding the group helpful. All I did when I joined was moan but everyone was so kind and nurturing and supportive so it's good to be able to 'pay if forward' so to speak.

We all get it, we all understand.

REP22 · 25/04/2023 17:27

Crunchymum · 25/04/2023 17:22

I love it when something can make sense both spiritually and literally, it is a like a multi tasking proverb 😂

I am glad you are finding the group helpful. All I did when I joined was moan but everyone was so kind and nurturing and supportive so it's good to be able to 'pay if forward' so to speak.

We all get it, we all understand.

😂"Man who puts willy in biscuit tin is f*cking crackers"... there's another one 😉

I really am so glad that I found this thread and had the sense to start posting on it. It - and you all who post here - have really kept me going in some recent very dark days. Thankful for you, very much indeed. xx

WendyWagon · 25/04/2023 17:41

The boxes are here!!

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2023forme · 25/04/2023 18:32

@REP22 i just snorted my tea down my nose at that 🤣🤣🤣

REP22 · 25/04/2023 19:40

@2023forme 😂 sorry about that 😉 Just back from Slimming World, I have put on 5lb 😦 But I'll take that over the not-drinking feeling. Dust off and get onwards. For now I need the milkshake at night. It's a fair exchange.

@WendyWagon happy boxing day.

Strength and love to all. xx

AlloftheTime · 26/04/2023 06:06

Checking in

@WendyWagon happy Boxing Day!
@Crunchymum multitasking proverbs 😂love it!
happy hump day everyone - keep at it it’s worth every clearheaded start to the day

WendyWagon · 26/04/2023 06:32

Morning shipmates.
A good sleep was had. We chucked the dog out and baracaded the door. He's a strong little blighter.

I am off out for breakfast with 'FortheLove'. Need sustenance.

Very exciting now re the house. I think the son has been the most bouncy as he gets his garage back so he can play car. I am picking shade loving plants so deep into the gardening programmes. I love Portuguese laurels so I am definitely having a pair of those. Small garden so posho plants only. I have been growing my nails for a new beauty project but they are so long I look like a stripper! The clippers will be out.

I think I have recovered now from the acid tongues of last week. I have been keeping away from the shops and the AF drinks. I have put myself to bed with the new Cathy Kelly. I did put the application in for the charity yesterday so that gave me some hope. I am not good at this wfh. I need people. Fingers crossed lads x

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TheOtherHotstepper · 26/04/2023 10:17

Morning Cap'n! it sounds as though it's all coming together at your end.

We've never had a broadband connection good enough to support WFH, but it wouldn't work for me. Like you, I need people and so much can be done waiting for the copier/printer/kettle etc. My DD on the other hand, loves it. She bought her first house a couple of years ago and has been nesting ever since.

Crunchymum · 26/04/2023 15:33

Love WFH, been doing it 3 years now and could never go back.

It was not quite so joyful in covid times (when I was WFH and homeschooling 3 children - in fact I was drinking myself into oblivion most nights at the point!) but it works well for me now.

Went out for a lovely dinner last night and I decided to foot the bill [it was kind of a thank you dinner for my lovely sister and SIL] but feck me did they pack the booze away. £72 on wine!!! I hadn't told them I was paying as I know they'd have had one drink each.... but I did feel a bit aggrieved paying it they offered to pay for the wine at least when I told them I was paying but I did want it to be a treat so paid for the lot

I actually don't think I could afford a wine habit these days. My wine is now a tenner a bottle and I was getting through way more of those a week than I care to admit.

WendyWagon · 27/04/2023 08:48

Morning all.
Morning Crunch. I love the booze observations. It is a bit like an ex smoker. I was watching the real boozers at the wake and it was fascinating. I am usually paying so the blighters waited. I am still appalled tbh no one went to the bar until I offered to pay then they jumped in! Without me necking the grog it was way cheaper than normal.
I have been reading some other alcohol dependancy threads and the quantities are jaw dropping. Perhaps I am slightly out of date with the whole problem drinker levels. I put my neck on the line and offered up some insight. So far no bashing. I actually think I would intervene now if someone was drinking too much. We lost a mum at the school gate ten years ago, her daughter was at school with DD. I often wonder about that only child with no mother.
One more day to keys.

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TheOtherHotstepper · 27/04/2023 09:30

Quantities. As you say. Jaw dropping. The fact that I have been known to pass out after four pints of lager probably saved me from the worst that could have been.

A friend of ours was going down the well trodden route. Still working, but drinking very heavily and not eating, poor,personal hygiene etc, but amazingly, still working. Every time we saw him, we were almost surprised that he was still alive.

Then he had a massive stroke. He managed to phone his sister in the middle of the night, but he was incoherent and she just thought he was drunk, so she didn't do anything. She popped round during the following day and found him.

Three years on he is in a care home, paralysed, incontinent, non-verbal and, ironically, far healthier than he ever was before. He could go on for years yet. Makes yer think

Fortheloveofgodwhy · 27/04/2023 10:07

Morning Sober gang, another strike day another child home, although she has a newly decorated bedroom to spend the day filling with her gubbins, so that should keep her quiet.
@WendyWagon happy packing day, can you remind me the thread we talked about yesterday, the last days of the alcoholic, I'm sort of curious to read it.
Off to therapy thursday in a minute i wonder what today will throw up!

444 days today, seems like a mini milestone of a satisfying number before 500...

AlloftheTime · 27/04/2023 12:16

@Fortheloveofgodwhy got to love a cute number!
well done hope you feel chuffed 😊

WendyWagon · 27/04/2023 12:21

@Fortheloveofgodwhy
Its called 'the reality of the end' . I can't link it due to my mum phone.
It really is shocking.

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Onewildandpreciouslife · 27/04/2023 12:32

I often think of Catherine Gray’s description in Unexpected Joy: your hands don’t shake - until they do; you don’t drink in the morning- until you do.

A problem with alcohol is a horrible, accelerating downward ride, and we’re lucky if we step off in time

REP22 · 27/04/2023 12:40

@Fortheloveofgodwhy - this is the thread I think you're referring to: The reality of the end | Mumsnet.

Powerful stuff. Certainly gave me pause for thought and a much-needed slap around my deluded old chops. I admire the OP's honesty and courage, and that of the others there who shared their experiences.

Congratulations on your 444 days; what an amazing achievement. Very brave. Hope the session goes well.

@TheOtherHotstepper I'm sorry about your friend.

I'm hopefully going to get my hair cut and coloured this afternoon as a little treat for my 7 days AF. The hairdresser is getting a bit notorious for cancelling at the last minute (done it three times already this year), so it may be that I just lie on the patio while the dog runs over my hair with the lawnmower, but we shall see...

Love and strength to all. x

The reality of the end | Mumsnet

My father died this week. He was an alcoholic for around 15 years, if not longer. During that time he lost his business , his house, his wife and frie...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/4785295-the-reality-of-the-end?page=1

Crunchymum · 27/04/2023 12:56

Onewildandpreciouslife · 27/04/2023 12:32

I often think of Catherine Gray’s description in Unexpected Joy: your hands don’t shake - until they do; you don’t drink in the morning- until you do.

A problem with alcohol is a horrible, accelerating downward ride, and we’re lucky if we step off in time

Of all the quit lit I read, that was what stuck with me the most. I love that quote and what it means.

You don't start out as a fall down, black out drunk. But ultimately it's the only place you are heading. Alcohol is so insidious.

I'm so relieved and grateful to be out of that Hell.

I read the first post of that thread linked. Horrible, but profound. I'd never want to put my children through that.

REP22 · 27/04/2023 13:09

@Crunchymum you're right, no-one sets out that way but, left unchecked, the descent is inevitable. 😟

I had a similar feeling on reading that thread. I would never want my niece and nephew to have to deal with me in that state, or what I left behind. xx

Fortheloveofgodwhy · 27/04/2023 13:41

eek just read the first post, you are so right. it is a one way ticket unless you get off the train. I was unlucky/affirmed that a month or so into my sober journey a friend died from alcohol relates seizures leaving her two young children. It was a wake up call. However far from there we think we are/were, it is the inevitable conclusion if alcohol makes the decisions for you.

2023forme · 27/04/2023 13:52

Hello sober sisters (and anyone else who is reading)! Day 16 for me and finally finding the time to catch up with the thread properly post the all-inclusive holiday that I survived alcohol free (although largely due to being on Antabuse – I’m past kidding myself that I can be in control of alcohol).

@nomoremalbec – sorry to hear about your sister. My older sister is an alcohol abuser too (I personally don’t use the term alcoholic) and ironically, me and DH used to feel sorry for her and I hated spending time with her. Sadly I became more of a problem drinker than her – she drinks from around 4pm until she passes out at bedtime so probably a bottle/bottle and a half of wine every single day, but she keeps quiet and doesn’t cause too much upset other than drunken rambling phone calls which I now ignore. But unlike me, she’s never been drunk at work, found in a hedge, stolen alcohol from friends etc. So no-one really says anything about her drinking anymore, its just quietly tolerated. She is also a heavy smoker and her chest sounds horrendous – she claims to have developed asthma but I’m sure it’s the start of COPD.

@WendyWagon n – well done on dealing with your sister – sounds very challenging. And good luck with the house move – how exciting (although stressful and heaps of work too!!) and what a great way to really cleanse your life and create the life you want. I’m not a gardener at all and we only have fake plants, but I sometimes wish I was as I see others gardening and it looks really therapeutic. But I don’t have the patience!

@Onewildandpreciouslife ous life – thank you for the support and encouragement. I got the Unexpected Joy but I just couldn’t get into it – I see lots of rave reviews for it on the various forums I frequent but I just didn’t click with it. I have no idea why, but it just annoyed me as I was reading it lol! Maybe I wasn’t in the right place to read it so I will give it another go and see if it clicks this time.

@REP22 22 – I must admit, I expected the weight to fall off me on the various times I’ve gone a few weeks sober. I read all about the liver being fatty through alcohol which stops it working as efficiently making it much more difficult to lose weight and I read on the NHS website that abstaining from alcohol for 2 weeks should clear a fatty liver (although after reading some scientific papers, I suspect it takes a helluva lot longer than 2 weeks) so I thought after 3 or 4 weeks off, I would have a fully functioning liver, be taking in heaps less calories, going to the gym etc and I would lose lots of weight ……………never happened. But I am definitely sticking with it this time round – I need to manifest my inner goddess as my knees are getting more and more painful and the nearly 3 stone excess is not helping.

@TheOtherHotstepper otstepper – my mum (also an alcohol abuser) also had a stroke but surprisingly did not experience any weakness etc and went on to make a full recovery and keep drinking. I’ve also said the thing that scares me about a stroke is surviving it and being left very incapacitated – I honestly think I’d rather not survive it. I have high blood pressure since my forties (not helped by the weight gain) so it is something that is on my mind. Your friend’s situation is so sad – it’s truly shocking the damage alcohol can do yet it is still so massively promoted in society.
@Fortheloveofgodwhy – 444 is amazing!!! I dream of getting into treble digits. Go you and bring on the 500!

@Crunchymum um – wow 14 months and counting. I hear you re the weight loss – I had an early menopause and it is so easy to just pile the weight on now. Pre menopause, if I overdid it on holiday, 2 days of cup a soups on returning home and my weight would be back to normal. Now it is so so hard to shift it. The only times I’ve lost any weight have been after a 3 or 4 day bender when I don’t eat anything then also don’t eat for another few days as I’m too ill/anxious. But no way am I going down that route again – I will tackle the weight loss slowly and sensibly – in fact, I’m going to the gym after this catch up. It will only be some brisk walking on the treadmill and maybe a few light weights, but it is a start. Weather is too horrible to go out for a walk so the gym it is.

@ everyone else!! Apologies for anyone I’ve missed who is reading. I find it hard to keep up with all the posts but I am going to try and take 10 minutes every morning to keep up with the thread as I do find it helps massively. I sometimes post on other threads but this is the one that helps the most and which I am going to continue to commit to.

Happy Thursday everyone. Hope it’s a good one.

REP22 · 27/04/2023 14:01

@Fortheloveofgodwhy yes, you're right. And it creeps up so sneakily. The final end can come so quickly. And most people don't (I'd probably say NONE of us, here) fulfil the stereotypical "alkie/wino" image - a shambling old tramp face down in the local park's flowerbeds clutching a bottle in a brown paper bag - we are lively, vibrant, intelligent people for the most part.

I am sorry about your friend.

Many times I have gone from utter confidence in my ability to have 'just one' and successfully moderating to lying in the bathroom throwing up on a towel because I was too grim to raise my head any further (sorry if TMI) within a very short space of time. No-one apart from the dog would know the reality to look at me. Just one sip is all it takes.

Unsurprisingly the hairdresser has cancelled. Again. I'm hiding the lawnmower keys from the dog.

Be strong. We can do it. It will be alright. x

Fortheloveofgodwhy · 27/04/2023 14:07

@REP22 it could be the next big craze, lawn mowed hair

REP22 · 27/04/2023 14:12

@2023forme nice to read your post 🙂thank you for your encouragement. The weight loss will come; sometimes it takes a while for the body to adjust. I've lost 3 stone since starting SW and I have a young and active dog, as well as a car again (I voluntarily surrendered my driving licence just over 5 years ago when I realised that my drinking was out of control. So glad I did that, but it took forever to get it back, despite being voluntary and never having been stopped or gotten any points. &%$&££!ing DVLA), so my hopes are high again.

That's a MASSIVE achievement getting through your holiday the way you did. Never underestimate that. I know you're on the Antabuse, but that's still a really big win. Goddess-level courage. xx