The support thread (continued) for an alcohol free life. All welcome.

[WendyWagon]

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. We are a welcoming bunch. These threads were started by @drybird some three years ago.
We are a mixture of sober sisters (and the odd gent) who want to lead a alcohol free life. We chat about everyday things that we use to drink to manage. No question too silly. Someone will have done/thought or been through the same.

Oh @Onewildandpreciouslife our posts crossed over, it took me so long to type my essay. I run too so had the exact same get out clause with the sugar. But its effect is powerful in other ways, as you are finding. It depends on your preferred medium for sugar, but it helped me to watch YouTube videos of how haribo is made, as a kind of aversion therapy. Yuk! And I know if I bake 'for the kids I will end up eating the lot, so I've had to review that too.

Have to tried drinking liquorice tea to kill sugar cravings? There's a nice pukka one, liquorice and peppermint I think.

Good day to you all. Hope you're having an ok time of it. Another AF morning for me, though I vastly overdid the chocolate milkshake last night. Nice to be able to walk the dog and say hello to people without feeling drained and sick.

It was hard last night though. I kept in mind the Clare Pooley 'obstacle course' blog post shared up thread and another grim but timely and (to me) helpful MN thread about 'the reality of the [alcoholic] end. Also yesterday's motivational quote from the sober app - "If you're going through hell, at least act like you own the place." 🤔😉

Strength and love to you xx

Evening all, hoping to join the thread..
very tough week as I said an expected goodbye to my younger sister (early 30's) due to alcoholism. Absolutely devastated but a BIG wake up call to put down the wine glass and step away for good.
She was admitted to hospital a few weeks ago and my open bottle remains untouched since then, that was easy when I saw the state she was in and the danger ahead.
Alcohol has devastated my family and I can't allow it to do any more damage. The clarity I feel off it and my own health felt improved in the early days, trickier now with grieving and looking after my young family.
My strength be with you all on this journey xx

@nomoremalbec welcome.

Morning all.
Not a good one for me
My sister ignited the family feud. She made some pretty serious allegations to my cousin who decided to ring me up to tell me last night (ffs), I was in bits. I survived but had a wagon fall. My 15 month road has not been a straight one but I actually look like hell this morning. No one saw me but I confess for accountability. Had I been able to get in my stride (not possible by limited stores or capacity) I would have probably rang my sister up and read her the riot act. Luckily I went to bed howling and slept on it. I don't want to go back to where I was as my way of managing my family was through drink from the age of 14. I thought I had done so well but I let myself down.
I too read the alcoholic end thread @REP22 .How awful and frightening.
One foot in front of the other today, I can do no more. May your day be peaceful.

Oh @WendyWagon sorry to hear that but we’ll done for the confession and accountability. I wouldn’t give your sister the time of day to respond. You know your silence and dignity will do more to irritate her than your reponding. Move on from your family of the past x

and also drink some milk and get some sunshine before it rains xx

welcome @nomoremalbec that must have been so hard to see. Alcohol is an absolute arse

@WendyWagon, try not to beat yourself up too much. Worse things happen at see.

Today is another day.

I have more platitudes if you need 'em. In the meantime,

Thanks lads. I went back to sleep. I look like a cross between Ron King and a cabbage patch doll this morning😁

Oh, lovely @WendyWagon , I am so, so sorry. How cruel of your sister to reinject her toxic poisonous bile into your life. 😥. I bet she hated it that you were decent enough to say hello at the funeral. Hateful narcissists cannot bear basic human decency, it throws their own twisted batshittery into sharp relief and it drives them nuts. I hope you were able to square things with your cousin and can block / grey rock your foul excuse for a sibling. Have you ever stumbled across the MN Stately Homes threads? I expect you have, but they are very helpful for those of us with difficult family members.

Your support for us all on here is so helpful and encouraging. You are a lovely person with great empathy and kindness. I'm sorry that your sister has made you feel so wretched and I totally understand why you were driven to seek refuge in a few numbing sips. Please don't beat yourself up. It will be alright soon.

Take care of yourself. Strength and love to all. Keep smiling (even if it's more of a grimace sometimes) xx

@REP22 thank you for your thread recommendation. I have had a read, wow. I have had a lovely cup of Yorkshire tea and it really is the best thing. I didn't end up in the gutter and came to my senses. My old alterego Sir Les (Barry Humpries) was no more as of yesterday and I need to do the same. Paella tonight and a marks tinny.

Morning all. Captin Wendy here back at the bridge.
A good sleep was had.
House keys this Friday!

I did read the toxic family threads and Jesus they are truly awful. No one took any notice of my sister last week. Her adult children visit me so the bile doesn't impact on the wider family. Apparently she asked my oldest niece if she was gay! Not married at 37 so must be, she isn't but she is fiesty. Good on her. I don't think I want to confess my soul re my mother etc. Therapy got most of that out.
My cousin who relayed the sorry tale is a daily drinker and it shows. Red bloated face, phone calls when pissed. I don't want to be that person.
The support on this thread has helped me so much. Thank you all.

Onwards and upwards shipmates.

Good morning all. Hope you all had a good weekend. I went out for walks and did nice things with the dog, plenty of distractions and enjoyment of sober feeling. Bit too much chocolate milkshake, but better than the alternative.

I bought Catherine Gray's "The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober" a week or two ago. I ended up reading it all in one go yesterday. It was very good, helpful but not preachy or sanctimonious.

@WendyWagon glad you can see above the familial BS (not always possible) and be your strong self despite them.

Love and strength to all xx

@nomoremalbec hello. I am very sorry about your sister. Awful. It's bad enough trying to cope with/recover from our almost all-pervading habit without raw grief on top of it as well. Every good wish to you. x

And hugs/wags to all who need one from me and the dog. x

Morning all.
Turning into a weird week already.
Not sure if either business project is going ahead. Four months arse sitting potentially for nowt.
I have found a charity job that I might enjoy (I had a spell in that sector before Covid). I loved it but it had it's issues. I went back to corporate life.
No desire to hit the booze even though I am mega stressed. Husband hasn't done his paperwork for Friday so he needs to get a wiggle on or we are doomed. I realise I need a clear head.
I hope everyone is doing well.
Have a good day my sober sisters.

Morning all.
Hang in there @WendyWagon - crossing my fingers hard for you on the move (and your husband!).

Glad you enjoyed Unexpected Joy @REP22 . Don’t worry about the milkshake - your focus now is on not drinking alcohol, one day at a time. Eventually, being free of alcohol will enable you to look at other aspects of your life, but that’s for another day. Hope you and the dog have a good day!

Hello everyone- another quick update as I’m at the airport heading home from holiday - will catch up with the thread when home.

so day 14 and I survived an all inclusive holiday with a large group of heavy drinkers. There’s a few peeps on the coach looking and feeling really rough as we had to be out of the lodges and on the coach for 8am but they still stayed up til past 2, with some being very drunk. I feel great and looking forward to getting home and away from all drinking. They can’t wait to get to the airport bar for a hair of the dog!!

I had a few moments when I felt quite low - not wanting alcohol as such but wanting to be a “normal” drinker who could enjoy a cocktail by the pool. But I just ate loads and had lots of AF cocktails instead.

in all honesty, if I wasn’t on the Antabuse I probably would have drank in secret - so my DH and those closest to me in the group wouldn’t know I was drinking. But we all know where that ends……. me being pissed and everyone saying “how did that happen, she’s not drinking”.

This tells me I need to stay on the Antabuse for at least another month - probably more. It’s my safety net until I reach the point of not seeing alcohol as a treat.

Hope people are doing well and looking forward to reading your updates as I wade through the post holiday washing!! 🙏💪❤️

Brilliant update @2023forme ! And well done for sticking with the Antabuse

@WendyWagon that sounds so tough, sending hugs.
@2023forme well done, that’s fantastic.

I enjoyed my hen weekend, although it was tough for me coping with travelling with nine others. I live alone and have lost the ability to compromise or cope with ditherers. So it was a strange mix of stressful and relaxing.

It was weird watching everyone drink from morning til night. They drank a lot, but I would have wanted much more. I did have a tequila shot and an Irish coffee over the weekend. But luckily that hasn’t awakened the beast.

I am disappointed that I drank at all, but also proud that I didn’t decide I was “one of those people who just drinks on holiday “

I need to catch up on sleep now, and get ready for The Big Diet!!

@2023forme omg, well done. I am so proud of you.

@rothbury back in those stirrups. As in on the horse.

Tbh good people I haven't done a big trip away but I did do my first sober Christmas eve and new years eve for 40 years! And I never thought that would happen.

Morning all. @Onewildandpreciouslife thank you for your encouragement. I have to face the Slimming World scales tonight, but I have no fear - if I've put on a couple of pounds I'll take that over the post-drinking feelings any day. Over a week without a sip now. Keeping going.

@2023forme many congratulations on getting through the holiday; I can't imagine how hard that must have been at times. Takes a lot to have that level of strength. I am glad the Antabuse is helpful. I wonder what happens if one drinks while taking it? I guess it makes you sufficiently sick to not want to chance it. When I was in my depths they talked about prescribing me acamprosate but I didn't have it in the end. @rothbury I think you were very brave on the hen do too. Well done on stopping, that must have been tough. I've got a pub quiz night coming up, but don't feel concerned and am arming myself with cheeky excuses.

@WendyWagon sorry your week is turning out weird, I hope all your business planning hasn't been for nothing. I know what you mean about charity work though - I have worked for charities in the past; an interesting mix with (in my case) definitely an element that the big donors think they have somehow also purchased themselves the right to behave like utter c*ckwombles to other charity patrons and staff... Keeping all crossed for good developments and the move admin.

For me, today is the first anniversary of losing my lovely dog suddenly and without warning to cancer. She saw me through appalling times, personal tragedy, and stuck by me through the very depths of my addiction (at its worst points I was powering through at least seven litres of Scotch a week) when she deserved so much better, she inspired me to get myself right and came with me to every SMART Recovery session. Then, one month after my discharge from NHS Inclusion, that cowardly killer cancer took her from me in less than 48 hours (though obviously she must have been unwell and masking it for months, bless her). I am proud that I got better for her in the end. But I still miss her terribly. I will not reach for the bottle tonight though. New dog doesn't deserve drunk me any more than she did. I hope there aren't any squirrels in heaven - if there are, then the last year will have been utter torment for them that would have them begging Himself for a transfer down to "the other place"... 😉

Strength and love to you all. x

@REP22 it depends on how much u drink and how much Antabuse is still in your system. I got breathalysed by the nurse before starting to make sure no alcohol in my system. At worst you can have heart arrhythmias, breathing difficulties and seizures. I drank twice after taking it. Once it was about 8 days after my last dose and I had extreme vomiting even though “only” about a bottle of wine - I say only as a bottle of vodka over a day is not unusual for me. Another time I had one glass of wine about 4 days after last dose and became very hot and bright red from head to toe, but felt ok.

but enough to convince me not to touch a drop whilst taking it.

Wow, that does sound a bit grim. Worth it though. Hope it is helpful for you. xx

@REP22 wow. I am proud of you too. I thought I could drink (three bottles of wine). However someone was looking out for you. What a massive (huge) achievement to come back from that dark place.

I have read some more alcohol support threads and I like to think we as a group don't judge although our stories are very different. I have seen some 'shame on you' shit on other threads and had it levelled at me too. Hence my name changes.
One thing that did stand out for me at AA was the fear. For me I am all about the hope. I am going to have this new fat jab and I think you have an alcohol check for that @2023forme.

I have a cockapoo needing a walk. Post later dear hearts.

Thank you Wendy, you're very kind. I honestly don't know how I am still alive. I don't deserve to be.

This is a nice, supportive thread with lovely, insightful kind and wise people. I'm not on any of the other sober threads here (though I'm sure they are great too). Shaming people serves no purpose other than to make the shamer feel important and sanctimonious, whereas the lasting damage that can be done to the person shamed can be real-world devastating. This feels like a safe, friendly space.

I know what you mean about AA. I tried it, they were friendly but it wasn't for me. There seemed to be an element of desperate people wanting to change and support (mostly where I was) alongside people who had very real and obvious issues that they felt they didn't need to address because attending AA "was enough" (which wasn't helpful to me, as it gave me the "I know I'm bad but I'm not as bad as them" thoughts), there were a few mansplainers who would try and corner you in the kitchen as well. I know they all meant well, but it just wasn't right for me. The flicker of hope shines brighter than the torch-beam of fear. For me anyway.

Have a good walk. x

I honestly don't know how I am still alive. I don't deserve to be

Bless you but don't ever think like that. People who haven't struggled with addiction will never understand the true grit and determination it takes to make such a fundamental change. It is a daily, hourly and sometimes minute by minute battle (which admittedly does get easier BUT you have to go through the process to get there and it's fucking hard)

I am a great believer in this saying:-
“No matter how far you have gone on the wrong road, turn back.” — Turkish proverb.

And this is what you are doing right now @REP22 you are changing paths.

Be kind to yourself and be proud of yourself.