The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life! Alcohol support for those wanting to give up drinking.

[SavBbunny]

Hello all
This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.
Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).
We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling
So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile
Thank you to @fortheloveofgodwhy for hosting the last thread 💜
And here’s to the next 40 pages grin

Sorry, cross-posted @Kindtomyself . Sorry you’re back at the start of that obstacle course again. Is there anything you can do today to carve out time for yourself?

For newbies, who wonder why some of us refer to fluffy bunnies, it’s because of this excellent post from the Sober Diaries
The Obstacle Course

@Kindtomyself it's ok if it was 1 day, you can carry on your days or just start again however you feel ,do what YOU want to do today. Are you able to go off on your own for one hour, walk ,listen to music watch some TV? I had a huge fight with my partner partly because he was drinking but moaning about little things and I flipped and locked myself in another room with one of the kids and just watched loads of TV. But I think getting our for some fresh air will help. I went to bed so late and woke up early. Got to drop one kid to some activities and then I'm having 1 hour to myself just walking or going somewhere . Hope you are ok x

Thanks @Onewildandpreciouslife for that extract as I need to go back to it and possibly re read the book.

Day3.

Morning all.
Funny dreams last night. Was selling a house I sold 23 years ago!
Nothing much planned but son arriving from London for daughter's birthday next week so we now have some good chats as I am no longer drinking. He was the one that use to get really upset with my antics.
I am a bit peed off with a friend who didn't pop round yesterday. She was in the town but didn't call. We used to have a regular binge on a Friday night or Saturday lunchtime. I have seen her once since February (I gave up January 8th ). I am hurt. I don't know if she thinks I am being superior or I am just not amusing without the booze? All very odd.

@SavBbunny dreams are fascinating. I dreamt that I was covering a French lesson for a group of SEND children but was really late trying to get there. I do not speak French, I'm not a teacher and I don't work with SEND kids! It was weird I was trying to learn some phrases whilst running down the street to the class....

@Namechanged12344 & @Onewildandpreciouslife I'm going to go for a run in a while and I'm drinking loads of water. I'm not sure what's going on with me but I am trying to figure it out. I know I'm sick of people hassling me - I need to work on my boundaries. I don't know how to say leave me alone without feeling guilty. My dd ignores me anyway or laughs if I say I need a minute....

@Kindtomyself I get wanting to be on your own. I chucked my dh and dd out earlier in the week and just read. I needed peace. Perhaps it was the heat too. Our small flat doesn't help.
I was reading back on some old posts and when I first gave up drinking I had such headaches. I am coming up to 8 months and it has been transformative. I don't lose every Sunday, I don't wonder who I have offended. I miss wine but not the results.

I am sad I have lost two friends but neither wanted to support me. Both drink daily and brushed off my concerns. Ignorance or shining a light on them, I don't know. We all have our own demons.

What a night..!

@DeedIDo sounds like you've had a tough one this week. I hope the gardening helped you yesterday! Sending hugs your way xx

@Kindtomyself press the rest button and move on, we've all done it (many times) I had a massive wobble last night and could have easily caved. Find that inner strength and remind yourself why alcohol is not your friend. I have a photo of my smashed up face (it's horrific) when I have thoughts of having 'just one' I think about that photo.. loved the link @Onewildandpreciouslife that's a very accurate description of the sobriety hamster wheel..!

@SavBbunny dreams are one of the reasons I used alcohol, I've been told I have PTSD due to my not so dear husbands double life discovery. If I didn't drink these god awful dreams would scare the heck l out of me at night! 😱 but all mixed up with bits of my past thrown in if that makes sense. Bizarre! Do you think your friend might be avoiding you because you've quit the sauce and she's secretly a little green eyed about that? Mate she thinks you won't be fun anymore? People react differently and surrounding yourself with those who support your decision to be AF are worth more of your time.

As some of you know I'm in temporary accommodation (it's a grim place miles from what was home) I'm trying to make the best of a bad situation. Last night after fighting off the wine witch and locking the door, pjs on I settled down in bed to catch up with love island USA (complete trash I can let wash over me). Not to be.. the nutter upstairs started pacing around 9.30.. music in full blast screaming and shouting. By 10.30 I'd call the estate manager of the building on the out of hours number. He could hear the commotion through the phone and asked me to call the police, I was panicking and knew if I did he'd know it was me but had to do something.. so I made an online report for it to be at least logged. Tried to sleep (drifting off) bang bang bang at the door. Police arrived, my whole body turned to jelly!! They sat me down asked me what was going on.. needless to say it had sort of calmed down upstairs. They assured me they would speak to him have a look in the flat and make a report.. if anything else happened I was advised to lock myself in the toilet and call 999. I sat awake most of the night worried he'd come down and start on me. 😞 I'm shattered, I'm questioning why I've left my home, brought my children to this scary situation and I need to have a had think about what we do next. There's no going back, support from the DV team and council is not happening fast enough and I need to put a rocket up their arses. Of course it's the bank holiday so it won't happen until Tuesday but I absolutely refuse to be left in this situation any longer. Oh.. I had I drank last night imagine what might have happened.. 🤦‍♀️ so this morning I take that little piece of goodness and thank my lucky stars I didn't get that bottle of wine! Happy Sunday all xx

Excuse my rambling it helps to write it down for now, you couldn't make this sh*t up.

@rockbottombird you are doing great. Keep going.

@rockbottombird what an absolute pain in the arse. I hope it's better tonight

Better day today. Out with DH, showing him some of my teenage haunts. Nice lunch too, accompanied by a Peroni 0.0.

Got home to find DD's MIL is coming to the end of her life, so the universe is still giving.

Day 120

Morning all.
Muggy here. Actually managed to stay up to watch the film. Not possible in my drinking days.
Not much on but busy week ahead.

Hi all, really bad night depressed etc fighting with partner like anything I'm not sure we are compatible when I don't drink. He's been rude and rejecting me all weekend. We are supposed to be going out for a family activity and lunch after where I would typically drink but I don't even know what I want. He infuriates me but I'm not sure if it's the drink coming out of my system or my hormonal stuff that happens each month and getting worse (doc did prescribe something but I don't want to take it)
I don't know how to make this all better. Main things are he's lazy sod basically. And I'm also feeling a bit weird about kids going back and me working and I'll need help but he won't because of course his job is more.important. counselling costs money we don't have right now unfortunately. Argh sorry about the rant when there's worse things going on in the world and I hope you are ok @rockbottombird and had a less eventful night last night ? You are amazing actually doing all this, I must buck up and take note. Life is too short @DeedIDo.... Right. Another bloody day of not thinking about drinking !

Good morning all, delighted to have the children back with me last night and skipping into day 16 feeling great. Collected them yesterday .. he's still drinking himself to sleep nightly (one of the reasons I left) my son reported bottles of red wine everywhere in the house that is now a tip. 🥴 I've agreed every other weekend, to keep contact minimal.. he will soon be bored with that I'm sure of it.

Yesterday I started my meditation, I have to say I was pleasantly surprised. I'm going to do it every morning this week and see how I feel. Anyone else's do this? I'm open to podcast / you tube suggestions as it's a bit of a minefield.

Hope you all have some wonderful plans for the bank holiday. We are off to a castle to watch the medieval knights battle.

Morning all. @rockbottombird yes I meditate and it has changed my life. I don't use any YouTube but I do/did find the meditation book by headspace fantastic

@rockbottombird actually I think there are lots of headspace stuff online - google headspace meditation.

@Namechanged12344 that sounds unpleasant for you and not a nice way to exist. You deserve much better

Good morning all. I am going to have a good read of the thread to catch up, but meanwhile have decided to go AF again as drinking is creeping up again.

I feel peed off with myself as if I had carried on AF I would be at almost three months now! Never mind. Day 1.

@Namechanged12344 I experienced mood swings when I first quit the booze and I didn't like my husband much! The doctor checked my vitamin D levels and they were low. I went on a course of tablets then went into boots for otc supplements.

I am growing concerned re buying our new home. I am scared of over stretching us. We were out of the property market for a decade after losing our house in 2009. When I get scared I drink. I haven't but I feel under huge pressure. My husband could live in a shed so is useless. Any thoughts dear friends?

Welcome back @LydiaLurk - don’t feel cross at yourself for giving moderation a try - it was probably something you needed to get out of your system, and you stepped off the lift before you lost control. (As a side note, Annie Grace has started promoting something called “six steps to moderation” on Instagram- this is not going down well with her followers, to put it mildly!)

@SavBbunny yes I drink when under pressure too. Doesn't help! I guess buying the house depends on whether you are overstretching yourself or whether you are just panicking. Which do you think it is?

@Onewildandpreciouslife oh I didn't know re AG as not too busy on Instagram. Perhaps she thinks she can control her drinking? Personally I would rather suffer blips than not be trying for a af life because if I thought I could drink normally I would be lying!

@Kindtomyself I have spooked myself as our mortgage offer expired and the new one is 50% higher. I have been in rented too long and I want a homwe. We suffered very badly in the crash in 2009 and got burgled a few years later. I know I need to retire and seek good mental health. I am worrying I won't find a new job easily. We live in a seriously expensive area with lots of London incomers. Everything goes way over the odds. Lovely tho my husband is he is not a decision maker.

@LydiaLurk morning Lyds!

Welcome back @LydiaLurk

Moderation never worked for me. I could successfully moderate for weeks and even months until I couldn't. Moderation was exhausting to be honest, it took a lot of thought, time and emotional headspace.... and never lasted.

@SavBbunny can your DH manage the mortgage repayments without your salary? And how come he doesn't make decisions? Surely he must have to in his job? Genuinely interested here - I'm fascinated by people I think

Hey all, just checking in. Welcome back @LydiaLurk 👍

@Kindtomyself husband hates making decisions. I have paid for all our houses as I am the bigger earner. He we have mirror wills so I am not a controlling spouse! Big bonuses blah blah. It is a very long story but I have bought a few dogs and a few great ones. He keeps out of it unless he seriously hates it. He doesn't care as long as he can park, put his huge telly in and get to his place of work. He has no preference for style or age. He is not from the area we live in. That can be frustrating. He says if I hate it I will sell (true) so what's the point. We agreed on one house in 2000-2002 and had to move due to my dying mother. It was our dream home. She died less than two years later. We thought she was having us on (drama queen). We could never afford that now. It was our Harry Enfield years. Even I worry now and I have always been gung ho.
I think I am turning into a dithering Dorris.

Hi everyone,

I am new and on Day 4. I scared myself a bit last week with my lack of willpower (I have been a nightly drinker for a long time but amounts were increasing) so I sat and read Alcohol Explained in one sitting and just stopped. I'm feeling a bit elated that I've actually managed a bank holiday weekend, but my sleep is a mess and I'm craving sugar in the evenings - I'm hoping that will pass?