The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life! Alcohol support for those wanting to give up drinking.

[SavBbunny]

Hello all
This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.
Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).
We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling
So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile
Thank you to @fortheloveofgodwhy for hosting the last thread 💜
And here’s to the next 40 pages grin

Good God I have managed to do the techy bit. Tis starting to worry me. I like a quill pen and a carrier pigeon.

Happy evening all.

@SavBbunny Thank you!!! Kudos to your technical capabilities!

Oh ace. An alert!!! I was thinking I just check in before a new thread starts 🙌 thanks @SavBbunny

hello all hope you’re all fun and happy sober bunnies. I promise to be back on here some more soon. Although summer holidays 😬😬😑

You are officially a tech genius @SavBbunny . Thanks for new thread x

Thanks for the new thread!

Hi Guys,
Checking in at over 200 days - wohoo!
@Crayonpenny, that totally sounds like the sort of thing that I would do!

OK, I really need a bit of a virtual hand hold.
So long story short, OH & I were both drinking too much, crept up over lockdown yadda yadda, you know the story. Admittedly I was more (of an) obvious mess than him.
So, I did dry jan (also had 2 weeks off before christmas), pushed it to a 90/100mday challenge and have been pretty plain sailing since.
Apart fom OH. (things haven't been great for a while, I had hoped being AF would help...)
I haven't asked him to change his behaviour at all (his reaction to my doing dry jan was "as long as you don't expect me to do it" as it has been in other years, so I knew that bit would be pointless), even still buy booze for him if shopping etc.

Anyway, he has been gunning for it since I stopped. Drank every day in Jan, and has had probably another 3 x 1 month + stints of everyday drinking.
He is rarely up before 10 (ever), and generally goes back to bed in the afternoon (yes he works FT!), it's a long standing issue shall we say. He suffers from migraines, and weird dizziness, gut issues, anxiety
etc . You name it...

Anyway most of last week was spent in bed (for any/many of the above reasons), but he was still drinking (apart fom the actual day of the migraine possibly). I suggested perhaps laying off the booze a bit more, we had a decent chat, I even explained that I really wasn't enjoying being around him being so wasted so often. So far so good.

Then it becomes all about him! How we havn't thought about how my not drinking is impacting him! What will he do on holiday now?!

Then he said he would basically have to make a choice to either spend time with me or to drink (bit weird), I said I didn't expect him to stop, just be a bit less pissed less often...
Anyway, he then polished off 1.5 bottles of wine cooking (dinner was late as I left him to do it) and fell asleep watching the film with the kids.
I mean FFS!
Actions speak louder than words huh?

I'm starting to feel that there is no future in our relationship :(

Sorry, turned into a bit of a rant, but it's been pretty cathartic to get it off my chest!

Hoping everyone is having a good Monday

@AlbinoAxolotl I kind of look back and laugh, honestly don't know how I broke the front door.
How is it today at yours?

Ls @AlbinoAxolotl 200 days is super!!!

Hi @AlbinoAxolotl that's an excellent score! Many congratulations.

I don't feel I have the expertise to comment too much on your OH issue, but it does sound like he is trying to sabotage you. Maybe this is because you giving up is throwing his drinking into stark relief and he is denial about his own issues and would be far more comfortable if he could drag you back into drinking.

My (far from perfect!) DH is still drinking (not in a problematic way as far as I can tell) but he does not try to encourage me to drink and is not bothered at all by the prospect of me not drinking for good.

@LydiaLurk how do you find it re other half having a drink. I honestly have been pretty detached re I'm not bothered but in some ways I feel missing out

@SavBbunny , thank you for the new thread. Marking my place.

Like PP's, my DH isn't supportive at the moment and it's difficult. I thought my being more 'present' would make things better between us, but instead I realise that he is drunk at least two nights a week and often more, which is no fun for me. I'm in counselling already and starting to talk more in sessions about our relationship. I'm beginning to wonder if it was the drinking that has held us together over the last few years.

Night all - thanks for new thread @SavBbunny
your skills are limitless!!

@Crayonpenny it doesn't really bother me too much, but it makes it a little bit harder when I am tempted and there is wine in the house.

Hello! Found you all. Night.

I’d like to join this thread please. I need some support and accountability in stopping drinking. I’m fed up and exhausted with trying to stop and I just want to STOP. I’ve done several periods of 50-100 days and then there always one day when there seems to be a reason I need that one glass - usually a celebration, and I have a glass of champagne, I start again and it takes months to work back up to stopping. I’ve drunk too much over many years for various reasons and I’m worried about what I have done to my body. I am desperate for the freedom that I feel when I’m not drinking. I don’t even drink much these days, relatively, and I have many non drinking days but if DH opens a bottle of wine, we end up finishing it. I’m rubbish at moderating, absolutely hopeless. I don’t find it hard not to drink if I go out and being at home with DH is my main trigger. He doesn’t want to stop and drinks moderately. He’s supportive enough if I decide to stop and doesn’t drink around me. I tend to blame him but have to admit that it’s often me who says, let’s have a drink.
As you can see from the timing of my post, this is a desperate middle of the night moment. I’m full of desperation and self disgust. I really admire everyone on here who struggles like me and has been able to stop and I would really like to join you.
i should also say that I’ve been briefly on the thread in the past and not stuck with it. There’s no point looking backwards and tomorrow is day 1.

@Ontheshingle good morning and welcome.
I think you have shown your commitment to stopping with the long stretches of AF. Do not beat yourself up for a blip. Park it. Booze is meant to hook us. For many it is a constant battle. I would be up in the night, every night. It is not good quality sleep. I was desperate too.
If you can ask your DH to join you for a bit it might make it easier. He doesn't seem unreasonable so ask him. I have bored the arse off my DH with my post alcohol observations.
And yes one day at a time.

@AlbinoAxolotl good morning. I am sorry I didn't answer last night and I am deeply sorry for what you are going through.
Your DH sounds unwell and deeply in bedded in his relationship with alcohol. I am not going to attack him or pretend to know what is going on in his mind. But I will tell you a little of my story.

I first came on here I was at the point of leaving my husband. He was a boring fart, a booze police, yada, yada. He never wanted to go out, share bottles of wine etc. I wanted more fun in my life and he was holding me back. I thought a new partner was a great idea. The truth? He didn't want to be seen out with me rolling drunk, falling over (many times), making him drive to the supermarket because I was already pissed. Yes I worked but sometimes I didn't because I couldn't cope with the politics and my constant hangovers. Our son (23) had begged me to stop many, many times. 8 weeks in 16 years had been my longest (wasn't I clever). Alcohol is a nasty addictive drug. It changes us. I am deeply ashamed of antics but most of all the way I treated my family. I could have lost them. AA ask in the 12 steps to apologise for our wrong doings. I have started that process.
Talk to a counsellor and suggest your husband does too. I wish you love and luck.

@SavBbunny thank you for the new and shiny thread xx

Thanks all for listening/replying,
I certainly felt better for venting , don’t really have anyone to talk to IRL about this stuff.

@Crayonpenny things were fine here thanks, mainly as he was pretty oblivious to the upset caused. I also have the pleasure of a few hours to myself in the mornings!

@LydiaLurk although it sounds like sabotage I’m not sure that it is, at least not consciously. He is quite clear that he thinks my not drinking is a good thing. I do think he’s missing his drinking partner though, and just carrying on as before regardless.

@DeedIDo it’s so difficult isn’t it? Although a part of me wonders if it’s karma for my own bad behavior! In general I don’t mind him drinking, just the constantly being being legless by dinner time is getting a bit grating.

@SavBbunny He doesn’t have a healthy relationship with alcohol, which is made more apparent now that I have stopped. It’s funny as he spent so much time saying we both drank too much, until I stopped. Now his consumption is fine… he made a big show if not drinking at the kids cricket match last night.

I have mostly been keeping my eyes on my own paper as they say, and will carry on doing so, and see what the summer holds.

and welcome @Ontheshingle

wishing you all a peaceful and happy day 😊
onwards and upwards everyone!

Hello from a very sunny (and sober!) south coast.

So far so good holiday wise.

Will read and post properly when I have more time

❤️

Following

@Crunchymum happy holidays Crunch 🍧

Thankyou for the welcome. I am determined to be honest here and I know that drinking is hurting me. Even though I am fairly moderate now, I get pain in my liver area when I drink. I feel ashamed writing that. It stops after a while when I don't drink but I know that I am taking a big risk in drinking anything. I also know that when I drink I am not present for my kids, who are teenagers. My daughter is leaving for university in the autumn and I want to be present for her and setting her a good example around alcohol. When I drink, even a few glasses, I'm not there in the same way.
I tend to think I can do it all alone, but I can't and I hope that feeling part of a community here will help me and I hope I can support others.
Off out to meet a friend at a pub tonight. I don't anticipate finding that difficult, which I understand may seem odd. The trigger for me is me and my dh together (for long-standing complex reasons). He's very supportive and has given up with me in the past, but he is much better at having the odd drink. Realistically he's not going to stop and I need to sort myself out. Day 1.

@Ontheshingle ask for faux gin. They all have it. Tis great. I don't like gin but the flinty taste of this is good. Buy huge lemons (you're worth it) lots of ice and tonic. Tastes like wine to me!! 😂

Thanks for the tip @SavBbunny ! I'll try the AF gin next time. I had two different AF beers which were both pretty disgusting. Usually I stick to water and it would have tasted nicer. My friend had a vodka and tonic and I wasn't remotely tempted. My husband has proposed an AF night in tomorrow which is really nice - he doesn't even know I'm trying again at going AF - I don't want to tell him because there have so many attempts and he is a bit jaded with hearing this is really it this time!

Hi @Ontheshingle
its crazy how even though our bodies are protesting about the damage we are doing our brains keep telling us it’s ok to have a drink. Well done on day one.
My dh was very sceptical about me trying to quit for good. We have tried and failed to moderate our drinking for about 25 years. I was in a cycle of drinking daily, making myself ill enough that I’d have to go to the doctor. Then stopping for a short while, then starting to drink as soon as I felt a bit better and swearing I would moderate properly this time. I can’t moderate. I was making so many rules that it all just got too complicated. It was easier just to stop and give me my headspace back. Fortunately dh decided he would stop too. He’s had a couple of drinks but not gotten drunk since I stopped. He’s a “drinker” but he doesn’t drink like me.

onwards and upwards xx