Welcome sally and Bruno
I am 52 and have am on 2 years and (nearly) 1 month. I came out of another long spell (18 months) and went into "moderating". And as a PP said, I could moderate until I couldn't. It's just easier to quit altogether.
Best decision I ever made. And definitely the second of your options Sally . There's no way I could have sorted out my shit while still drinking. I would suggest that the other way is the drinking brain trying to trick you into continuing to drink. For me it would be anyway.
I mainlined sugar when i first stopped but that has eased massively. Stopping drinking has also given me headspace to address my disordered eating which I would say came from the same root as drinking. They certainly began at a similar time (teenage years) and when I was going through a difficult time. I think both became habitual patterns of coping with tricky emotions and situations.
Sorry to hear you had a hard night Rockbottombird but it sounds like you rode the rollercoaster well and are on the up again. Huge congratulations on doing it without alcohol.
I meditate daily, I have done for a long time. I'm not sure how people do life without it. 😊. Meditation can come in different forms, sitting in a formal practice using a point of focus, running, swimming, walking, drawing, creating, doing the dishes, cloud gazing... etc. Anything that just brings us into that still place within. It's a gift to ourselves. If you've never done it before then there are so many things online or go to a teacher or class. *insight timer is amazing and free). Or just commit yourself to once a day. Stopping what you're doing and focus on your breath. For 5 minutes, for one minute even for one breath! Until that becomes 6 minutes or 2 minutes or two breaths.