The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life! Alcohol support for those wanting to give up drinking.

[SavBbunny]

Hello all
This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.
Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).
We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling
So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile
Thank you to @fortheloveofgodwhy for hosting the last thread 💜
And here’s to the next 40 pages grin

Thank you @SavBbunny . I will call someone but I'm scared and have the kids they don't let me have peace for more than 1 min even on the toilet but I'll try bribe them etc. I have done aa before and I've got to be honest it did stop me from drinking for 5 months but then it got intense. I need to just not drink today I think and try as much as I can. I thought I was strong but I'm so weak. I can't talk to partner, for him he hasn't drunk all week so will look forward to his Friday night of red wine. Little does he know I've had most his stash I'm scared when he finds out.

Morning all. Day 2 (again) for me. @Namechanged12344 you can do this - one day at a time is important to remember. Take deep breaths to calm yourself. Be kind to yourself. That critical voice inside your head is not helping. You are not a bad mum. You are a poorly woman who needs help and you deserve it.

@Namechanged12344 AA can be all consuming but it doesn't have to be. You don't need to sign up or agree to the 12 steps, I never did. Fear needs to see the light, tell your partner you are struggling. It is a new day, have you had some breakfast and a big strong cup of tea?
You have drunk his wine, it couldn't be helped. I pinched my husbands barcardi the other week when I had my post sacking bender. He marked the bottle! 😂 Not many of us are perfect, we are just taking it one day at a time.

Welcome back @Kindtomyself - how are you doing? I’m

Please don’t be so harsh on yourself @Namechanged12344 - you are not a bad person. That jittery feeling is so horrible, but water, food and time will help.

Thanks @Onewildandpreciouslife I'm ok. Glad to be back. Glad to be calmer. Determined not to run away from emotions again. Something I just want to share is I'm craving time on my own. I never have any time on my own - that's not true but feels like it. I am sick of people speaking to me. I would love to be on my own for 3 days. Ha! How are you?

Hope everyone is doing okay? I'll have a proper read through soon.

Have had a bit of a triggering experience and I'm feeling a bit flustered. No urge to drink but I'm seriously fucked off.

DP and I live separately (together 15 years, 3 DC but he moved into a relatives flat about a year ago and we've since been trying to figure our lives out). He isn't a drinker he can't fecking handle it but he does have the very occasional binge episodes (think going AWOL from phone contact, rolling it at 6am, all the usual clichés you read on MN every weekend). Its happened maybe 10 times in 15 years so not a habit but definitely a pattern.

It happened yesterday and I can't work out why I'm so upset? He doesn't live here, he was never going to come back to the family home (he isn't a violent drunk or anything but ironically I hate him drunk when I'm the drinker!!) and we'd agreed he wouldn't contact me. We spoke about 5pm yesterday and he'd had one pint and then AWOL (I was checking WhatsApp)

I am just so fucked off. He promised me he wouldn't go wild. He promised he'd make work today (self employed, missed yesterday as it was a funeral he went to)

I just know how it's gone down and I'm so annoyed with him but also with myself for allowing myself to be emotionally involved in someone else's drunken fuck up.

FWIW we've been really reconnecting recently with a view to eventually living together again and now I don't even want to speak to him.

It's part of a bigger issue of course. The feeling of being let down by him is a bit of a theme in our separation. Along with a lot of other stuff.

I just feel sad and crap today.

Aw @Crunchymum I can understand why you feel like that, you are disappointed with him.

Sorry posted too soon. I would say though that he is an adult and responsible for his own actions. He should be able to make sure he can go to work shouldn't he?

And being disappointed in someone is worse than being angry at them.

@Crunchymum big hug.
You know you can't live someone else's life.
You have done amazingly well. Can you go out for the day to take your mind off your partner?

Morning all. Sending positive vibes to those climbing back onto the wagon @Kindtomyself and others who need it @Crunchymum

Take care this weekend all

Well I feel like an idiot!!

Spoke to DP who was at work (has been since 8am). Said he had 3 pints, was home by 9pm but hadn't called as we'd spoken a few hours before and I'd told him not to ring and "annoy me" if he was tipsy. He isn't lying [he doesn't lie]

Still it highlights to me just how shaky I am with alcohol and our relationship.

namechanged12344 I am so sorry to hear things feel so difficult and intense at the moment. You are NOT weak! This is not easy. Alcohol is an addictive substance and its making you believe these things about yourself. You are in the midst of it right now, all the shame and regret and negative self belief. It's Alcohol not You. You can get away from this. I promise. You need to be honest with your dp. Just tell him. Tell him how hard you have found it and ask him for his support.

I have always had a terrible inner critical voice and have been working on it a lot.
Take a breath...right now as you read this....

Take a breath in......

and breathe out.

Smile a little (even if it feels forced- just gently soften the edges of the mouth upwards) .

Breathe in....Breathe out.

And say to yourself..."I am okay.....i am doing the best I can right now"

Do it again. And keep telling yourself this until you begin to believe it.

I try to watch the words I use to myself these days and teach my kids to do the same. "Be careful how you talk about yourself, you are always listening"

Genuinely, it sounds trite and cheesy but fake it til you make it.

We are here to help all day today. Keep posting.

And if you can get a few minutes peace, if even later wben your partner gets home do phone AA.

crunchymum glad that it wasn't as bad as you feared. It's understandable that it's a subject on shaky ground for you though

Definitely a good conversation to have with him about what your boundaries are if you were to move back in together. It's okay for him to want to have a few pints on a Friday night if that's what he wants to do. But its okay for you to say that you can't be around that or can't be around someone who binges if he does. Communication is key I think in so many situations with partners.

But, bizarrely one of the hardest thing to do sometimes I find. Clear, honest, open communication on each side.

Sometimes we need to have hard lines we won't cross for our own well being and of course other times there is a level of compromise on either side.

Wow thank you @Breathmiller that really helped thanks so much for all of your support and time to post to help people like me. Thanks you @SavBbunny and @Kindtomyself absolutely amazing support here I am very grateful . I am doing ok so far. It's been a better day, I've made sure I was out most the day as home is where the poison is. I'm not thinking about it as currently it's repulsing me but who knows so I'm taking each hour at a time. @Crunchymum things like this do make you triggered and think about the relationship with alcohol even though in the end everything was fine but you will still have that feeling of nervousness and thinking the worst. I'm glad he is at work and safe etc and I'm glad you are now relieved. I hope you can both get to the point of living together again but just take baby steps still and plus you are well over 6 months now right? Bloody amazing X I want to get there.

Hi everyone, I’m on day 35 and although I can feel a change for the better over all, I’m also having days where I’m quite moody and depressed. Is this just what life is like without alcohol or could it just be my hormones regulating themselves?

rockbottombird well done on day 12 yesterday. Day 13 today. Which means you are into WEEKS tomorrow! How cool is that?
bunnies as always is right. Life is still a rollercoaster but the peaks and troughs aren't so crazy now and I don't feel so sick on the ride now I'm not drinking. It's important to find other things that soothe when we're overwhelmed. That was a huge revelation to me. There are other things, much healthier things than alcohol (or food for me) that can soothe me when I feel down or overwhelmed . Much more nourishing and nurturing things. It's both a learning curve and a work in progress. Hope today is proving easier for you.

Ah crossed post Loulsepool . Well done on 35 days. That's amazing. Yes, same as I just said in the last post. Stopping drinking doesn't stop life being full of ups and downs, good days and bad days. It just makes enjoying/dealing with these days much more pleasant and easier.

Funny, its just dawned on me. I nearly said "not drinking takes the edge off" how ironic.

Checking in again doing ok so far and not drinking day 1 again, half way through didn't realise how hard this all is again and again but I have to carry on x

Namechanged well done for keeping trying.

Thanks @Breathmiller , I think I need a time out from the kids. Partner doesn't understand he's not been with them every day for 5 weeks plus ,he gets to go to work lol I think once September hits I'm back in my routine with work etc I will definitely improve. Partner doesn't get it he thinks we should all be like.him drinking at weekends only etc. I'm drinking his aqua Libra sparkling water...better than booze hour at a time.

Thank you @Breathmiller that’s a good idea about finding a more natural soother, having two toddlers it can be hard sometimes not to turn to a drink but I’ll treat myself to something better for me instead x

Afternoon all. I am having a lazy day. Chucked the dh & dd out and read a book-The impulse purchase. Victoria Henry. About a pub but also features someone with alcohol dependancy. It was uplifting and made me cry. I loved it. I don't think it's a trigger. I sometimes need to clear my head of big business and family issues. I used to drink to do that, £5.99 for a book is cheaper. My liver will also thank me.
We are reaching the end of the summer and I remember keenly waiting for my dcs to go back. New pencils and a bit of peace. Looking after children was hard work but other than the wine I think I did OK. I have lovely kind, decent young adults. I have been really into planning my next garden, someone said 'angry weeding' on the last thread and I believe there are therapy gardens if people need help and support. I also use to work in a charity shop and that was great for my mental health. Just throwing some ideas out there. @Namechanged12344 keep going. Today is a new day.

@Namechanged12344

I can't tell you how many times I had to do "day 1" to get here (and I'm very conscious that 6 months is still precarious and I try not to be complacent). Day 1 is hideous. I'd like to say I'll never do it again but all for the grace of God and all that. I take nothing for granted.

@Louisepool I have to be honest and it took me very near to 100 days to start to really feel the benefits. The first few months were hard graft. It wasn't the wanting to drink... I think I nipped that in the bud quite quickly but it was more the discontentment and the boredom and just feeling like life was grey without the booze. I'm nearing 200 days now and 100-200 days has been so much better (today's "madness" aside)

Not sure if you've heard of PAWS (post addiction withdrawal syndrome) but it might be worth having a look at. Don't be too disheartened.

@rockbottombird day 13 tomorrow. Unlucky for some.... but not you!!

BH weekend would see the old me hitting the wine big time (any excuse for the old me) but instead I'm looking forward to an early night and a family weekend. I used to never plan or commit to much at the weekend or I'd make daddy do it in case I was too hungover and anxious.

Life is so much better now.

@Crunchymum thank you for that, I was on the verge of giving in today after a stressful day. I haven’t heard of PAWS but I’ll check them out now while I’m drinking my Fanta ☺️