The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life!

[Adm1010]

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.

Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).

We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling

So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life

Thankyou to bunnies for hosting the last thread.
And here’s to the next 40 pages

I work in the beauty industry. So any skincare questions ask away.

You may regret offering

I was hoping to see more improvement in my dark under eye circles. The bags are definitely reducing, but still look so tired. Any creams/products that help?

Ooh beauty industry @SavBbunny you may regret telling us that! I use The Ordinary products and find them pretty good. Noticed that they're now in John Lewis.

Ha @Borrowbox cross posts

@Borrowbox

I think you are both great and it is sad that you both worried it was you. I am such a sensitive soul atm that I nearly left the thread at the first sign of perceived criticism. I am also too scared to post anywhere else after taking a bashing in the past. This feels like a safe space.

Lovely that you are spending your money on positive things @Kindtomyself I have made a few skincare purchases guilt free. My vanity has really kicked in since seeing improvements in my skin!

I'm glad you didn't leave

For eyes I recommend boots no7, face Shiseido Bop glow (helps with red veins, only available overseas) i get mine off fleebay from the channel islands. Very spendy but you don't use much. Clairns too.

Tropics cleanser is fab. I think better than Liz E
Aldi creams are copies of La Paraie without the non vegan ingredients.
Join beauty pie if you use lots of kit. Not worth it for me as i do swaps with chums who work on other brands. Best matte lipstick thou.

Love that we have our own beauty specialist, @SavBbunny! I'm low budget and low maintenance but finding I need to make more effort as I get older.

You certainly haven't pissed me off - I like your contributions. The only time I've been pissed off on these threads was when a drunk person crashed. But even then, they clearly wanted help and were gently advised to come back later!

I had the MOST vivid dream that I was drinking. Woke up in a panic and reached for my phone to come on here, confess, and ask for support. I was so relieved when I realised it wasn't real.

@Drybird2020 One of the funniest names.
I would have loved to have been a bird or babe. 6ft so no chance of that.

I dream about champagne, I can taste it. But you know I am proud of me. I didn't think had it in me. Too miserable, couldn't be arsed and why shouldn't I have wine? I say, I pay blah blah.
I will see my ex colleague Tuesday who threatened to expose me as a alkie and you know it doesn't frighten me. He's a tosser and drinks like a fish. I don't. Feels sooo good.

That's great @SavBbunny meeting the ex colleague - what a dick (is all I can say in the matter)

Continuing with the discussion of dreams - @Drybird2020 I bet you felt fantastic when you woke up and realised you hadn't had a drink . I had a weird dream last night- that I saw my ex partner and gave him a massive hug and a smacker of a kiss, I also was wandering round in my underwear and not bothered about what I looked like. None of it was sexual just nice and friendly and comforting- VERY BLOODY WEIRD

@Drybird2020 I hate those dreams!!! I guess I should feel smug when I realise it was just a dream but I just feel awful!
@Kindtomyself your dream sounds hilarious🤣

Hope @ChampooPapi is okay

Hi all

Just caught up with the thread.

Lovely to be back and see old and new names continuing to make everyone on the thread laugh, think and gently be held accountable with the usual outpouring of love and support.

I have had a month off mumsnet. I have a project going this year to help me with discipline. Every month I let go of something that I feel has gotten out of hand and try to add something in that I know is good for me but I tend to neglect a bit.

So, January I gave up crisps (this wasn't quite as hard as I thought it would be) and added in more water which has stuck and is part of my daily routine now.

February was letting go of mumsnet for a month and reading books more.

(I know, i know, it's only February the 27th but I started 3 days early so I figured I did my time 😄)
This one proved harder at times but I pulled on my experiences of not drinking and knew the 'craving' would pass.

It was good, I didn't make a big deal of it, didn't flounce or anything. I just wanted to see if I could.

I did lots of other interesting things while I've been away. Read books, knitted and learned so much from Wikipedia on some really interesting subjects when the pull to my phone was too much.

It was quite refreshing to be away from mumset in general but I did miss you lot.

For those that are new and don't recognise my name, I was on the previous threads a lot. And posting on them daily, sometimes more than once a day in the early days helped me so much. So, as I saw upthread someone apologising for posting daily, I thought I'd say there's no need to apologise. It is so helpful to do that. Keep checking in until there is a day you don't notice that you haven't checked in. And that's quite a good place to be. When you realise you haven't counted the days or have gone through a day (or more) without thinking about alcohol. Or an hour for those in the very early days.

So, here I am past 18 months, nearly at 19 next week. But, in truth I needed to look back at my calendar and count it up. I don't count, it's just a way of life now. And, although I am in no way minimising how hard it was at the beginning, I do have that thought that if I can do it so can you. Younger me would not believe that I could be one and a half year's sober twice in a few years. I did an 18 month stint in the years leading up to lockdown then moderated fell off the wagon big time so it's been a big thing to reach that milestone and notice where my thoughts are this time.

I have to admit that the moderation voice came up the other day and I realised that if I did drink then none of you would know because I had just keft anyway.
I could laugh at it a bit though and it did pass fairly quickly. But it made me realise that being on this thread keeps that voice at bay more. Reading back over just reminded me that I CAN'T moderate. And that leads me to think I don't even WANT to moderate. My life is so much better AF. Still has shitty things happen but I deal with them in a different, better way.

So, although I plan in being on mumsnet less than I was before and I will enjoy all these other things like reading and knitting etc, I will be on here again, now and again catching up with you wonderful lot.

(Thanks for asking after me Iamyourequal it's great to see you still on here)

Afternoon all . Just having a read and a catch up .

This thread is an inspiration and a support . Feels safe here .

@Breathmiller hello! A month of Mumsnet, wow, that sounds more challenging than quitting booze😂😂😂 Hats off to you for continuing to improve yourself in such a fierce and awesome manner, and for laughing in the face of the moderation voice! I salute you for spending less time on here but I look forward to your always-wise and often funny updates. x

Thanks @SavBbunny will look into those recommendations. I would have considered myself very low maintenance but agree with @Drybird2020 that I have to try harder now I have hit 40. I can't go makeup free at work anymore for example.

Nice to 'meet' you @Breathmiller Your post was really inspiring, what an amazing idea to do every month. I gave up mumsnet for lent a few years ago. I wasn't posting much but just spent too long on here. While some of the site is hugely supportive, other parts definitely aren't good if you are feeling sensitive. I am trying to stick to just this area atm, until I am feeling more secure in myself.

Hope everyone is having a good evening. I came home after a Sunday lunch out and had a nap. Now wide awake! Initially I woke up feeling like I had been drinking so may have to avoid big dinners for a while, horrible feeling.

I have had a couple of dreams where I thought I had been drinking. The relief when you wake up, hangover free, is amazing

Hello, @Breathmiller. How lovely to see you 😊

Good morning all.
I had a weird dream.
Was standing at the airport seeing Michael Jackson off!
Other than that two large Gordon's af and had to get up in the night.

That is a weird dream! I had dreams about my old workplace which was unsettling. I hate those dreams where you have to process old stuff.

Morning everyone, hope everyone has a happy Monday. Last day of February always cheers me up. Spring is on the way!

@Breathmiller good to hear from you and wise words as ever.

Checking in - heavy cold and waiting for test result but otherwise all okay.

@ChampooPapi hope you are okay and that you have time to drop in and say hello.

Have a good week sober sisters 👯‍♀️

borrowbox you're right what you said upthread, this is a safe space. Mumsnet (especially AIBU) can certainly feel like a bear pit at times, even just reading. But, by being away for a mere few weeks, I realised the bits of this site I can let go of or read with a pinch of salt and some distance and how other areas, like this one are completely safe spaces.

It is heartening I always think to hear all these women (and I agree that I imagine most if not all on these threads are women, maybe I'm wrong) building each other up and supporting each other. Once we let go of that idea that people are waiting to be offended at the slightest thing we say (à la AIBU) then we learn to trust and be open.

Waves to bunnies drybird et al.

I haven't had one for a while but I used to have the odd dream where I had a drink. And, even in my dreams you lot were there. Knowing I would have to come on and tell you lot was even there in dreamland. Can't shake you off anywhere .

I have this image of a devil on one shoulder offering me a drink and you lot as Mrs Doyle from Father Ted on the other..

"Do ye want a cup o' tea, father? G'wan, g'wan, g'wan"

Maybe the devil is actually the pisspot priest, Father Jack?

"Drink, feck, girls!" 😈
"Cup o' tea, father? G'wan" 😇

Loved father Ted.

Never got called father Jack but accused of doing a 'Sir Les'

SavBunny i loved it too. So funny.
What or who, is a SirLes?

hi @Breathmiller

hope everyone had good weekends?

I'm still feeling good about being sober, although when listening to my quit lit - currently The Unexpected Joy, the old wine witch keeps popping up and pointing out I wasn't THAT BAD, although had I not had children I probably would have carried on the same path.

I also find some other fb groups a struggle, I had to mute one today, it was constant posts about people falling off the wagon and restarting day 1, which the wine witch sees as another way of pointing out everyone else seems to fall off and have to start again so at some point I can too, like a get out of jail card.

How do you lot cope with the witch?
It is like I need to go back someday and find rock bottom, but just not yet.

ForTheLoveofGodWhy

It can be a trigger to read about some people falling off the wagon and you think well, I could do that too. But, it is the craving mind fooling you into having a drink. The mind will try anything. And that used to help me when that voice started.

I would then read these people feeling awful, some just physically but most feeling wretched physically, emotionally and in all ways. Now, in no way that I'm saying when people fall off this path that they should berate themselves, quite the opposite. You can accept you feel shit and then forgive yourself and move on. But, remember they (and I include myself in all the many times it took me to get this longer term) they do feel wretched.

I know that I used to feel shame, regret, physically hungover and like I had let myself down. Then, sometimes I could forgive myself more easily and move on and that was good when I could but to be honest it was more than likely that that shame and regret would send me into a spiral. Then, there I would be again, back at the beginning and having to go through day 1 again and day 2 again. And I never want to have to do them again. Because they are the most brutal.

I have always liked the concept of playing the video forward. Where would this voice lead you? Remind yourself how you would feel tomorrow. And the next day, next week. That's where my wine witch voice would lead me. And I refuse to let her trick me anymore. I recognise her wiley ways. She's not called a witch/bitch for nothing. She's a regular old shitbag and she can bugger off as far as I am concerned.

You’re right. I like the playing it forward idea. I’ve been trying to moderate for … well decades … probably all my adult life! And not managed it. Hence the stopping. I know I can’t moderate. I don’t envy the people who have fallen off the wagon at all, but I admit I find that hard to read. I’m absolutely not suggesting or expecting that anyone shouldn’t write it. It just surprised me how emotionally I took it when I saw post after post this morning. I guess it is a Monday thing and a Facebook algorithm thing too.