Day 1

[moochies]

I posted another thread earlier about my disaster of a Christmas Day.

I just can't do it anymore, looking into the future I can see myself losing everything, my DH, friends, family. I was considering taking myself to a&e this morning because I was such a mess.

I'm absolutely determined to do it this time, so this is day 1.

Please join me.

Glad you're doing ok @moochies. I'm not too bad thanks. That random guy called me off a withheld number and I had to tell him I wasn't interested. It was really awful. DH was not happy but it's been a real wake up call. I can remember more drunken nights I've regretted than enjoyed. I know I just need to pull myself together though. Good you're driving tomorrow and DH is happy with you leaving at 11. I'm driving to a 30th tonight even though it's not that far. Thing is this is one of those times I know I wouldn't get that drunk but I still need to not be drinking. Hope everyone else doing ok.

@teaandtoastwithmarmite ah, oh no what did the random man say? At least he knows it was a complete drunken misunderstanding, hopefully you'll never hear from him again. Is your DH taking it ok?

Yep, driving seems to be for the best of you don't trust yourself to drink in moderation doesn't it. I'm planning to drive on nights out for the foreseeable future, but I'm still sad about it. I know I can't be trusted to moderate but I'll miss that nice fancy wine with dinner, and a few craft beers in a cozy pub.

But even then I know I'm romanticising drinking, and those occasions would probably start off nice but end up with being passed out in a taxi and having no memory of the early nice part of the night the next day.

Nothing really he said you gave me your number and I said yes erm I was really drunk and I don't really know who you are. Please can you just leave me alone and he was like oh ok.

Yes I'm the same. Will also miss craft beers in a nice pub but we went to bath for a couple of days and I didn't drink at all. Even in the cosy pub so I guess I can do it. You can too.

Please do not try drinking in moderation. It is not a good idea . Your neurochemistry is trying to normalize and any alcohol will inhibit the process.

I know that what you are dealing with is very difficult. You can do this, ladies.

I'm right here with you. In a very similar situation. Embarrassed and fed up. Have put on a huge amount of weight over time too. I'm now 17 stone. I was 11 stone before I had my DD. I'm fed up and I feel beyond sad too but please don't do anything stupid, it's not worth it and believe it or not, even though they may not like us when we are drunk, there are people who love us. Who would be devastated if they lost us. Head up, hun. We've got this x

Cheese..? Can somebody explain? @moochies does this help, seriously?

Congratulations on Day 5 by the way

This is Day 1 for me

@rocky1914

Cheese..? Can somebody explain? *@moochies* does this help, seriously?

Congratulations on Day 5 by the way

This is Day 1 for me

Nothing magical about cheese exactly, I'm just filling my gob with something tasty to avoid alcohol!

Though bizarrely I've lost a few lbs since Christmas. Probably because over the week between Christmas and NY I'd be having a few beers/gins everyday.

Also I'm not ordering drunken takeaways...which I was doing a few times a month.

Imagine what a few months off the booze might do, we might all shed a bit of weight.

I was probably drinking at least an extra days calories a week in alcohol, plus the drunken takeaways.

Thinking about it on a v v v bad night I might drink a bottle of wine, a few gins or whiskeys, plus a takeaway at 11pm. That's probably 2500 calories just in 1 pissed evening.

@moochies a few times a month? My god, I was doing it every few days before Christmas! It's a miracle I even managed to afford my DD's presents! Honestly, I'm typing this and she's in front of me so I don't want to cry but I'm genuinely fed up of feeling this way. The depression and the way that I excuse it in terms of drinking ie "it's okay to drink because I'm depressed so it'll make me feel better".

That statement couldn't be more incorrect if I tried. 😔

But yes, I know that my levels of comfort-eating are about to increase dramatically. Not even bothered about that to be honest, just want to get completely clean 😔

Thinking about it on a v v v bad night I might drink a bottle of wine, a few gins or whiskeys, plus a takeaway at 11pm. That's probably 2500 calories just in 1 pissed evening.

Wow! I didn't even know that alcohol had so many calories! A friend told me how many calories a bottle of wine has, I nearly spat my tea out! Apparently, both white and red wine have a high calorie count! Who knew?! 😩

So yes, I'm most definitely looking forward to the weight loss.

P.S. My go to drink is wine, I can easily neck 2 bottles in the space of an hour, not every night, but definitely every other night. I'm fed up. I'm ready to give up for certain this time.

So glad I found this thread and well done to everybody choosing to take this step now too.

It's a new year. No better time if you ask me.

Well, the drunken takeaways were a few times a month when I went full alcohol binge/blackout, but I was certainly drinking in general more often than that.

It wasn't unusual for me to have a bottle of wine to myself or several beers lots of other nights, but they were "normal" nights I guess, when I didn't wake up in my clothes with no memory of going to bed.

I guess it's pretty unhealthy that I didn't class a bottle of wine in the evening as bad or bingeing, that was just a fairly restrained evening on the sofa.

Alcohol can be burned as a fuel, so lots of calories.

The depression and the way that I excuse it in terms of drinking ie "it's okay to drink because I'm depressed so it'll make me feel better".

This is exactly what I do: think I'm depressed so I deserve a bottle, or I'm really stressed and anxious after I shit day so I need wine to calm down.

But tbh maybe we'd be less depressed overall if we weren't drinking so much!

@MissConductUS

Alcohol can be burned as a fuel, so lots of calories.

I was absolutely gobsmacked when I realised how many calories were in spirits. At one point I thought I'd switch to bourbon and ice instead of wine to try to cut some calories.

But I was probably having 3 triples where id have had a bottle of wine, so probably just as many calories

This is exactly what I do: think I'm depressed so I deserve a bottle, or I'm really stressed and anxious after I shit day so I need wine to calm down.

Tell me about it. This is me through and through. Just so fed up of the same excuses which I used to genuinely believe but now they provide no comfort whatsoever. I know I'm lying to myself and I let myself down every single time I walk down to the local offie or order it (yes, UberEats has made so much money from me this year, I would probably vomit if I looked at my order history and added it all up).

We live in the sticks so don't have uber eats or deliveroo.

I dread to think how much worse I'd have been if I could have had alcohol delivered. We only have a shitty kebab shop and a not great Chinese in my village and I've drunk ordered crap food from them regularly, so I guess it's for the best I haven't had access to delivered booze or decent take away.

Literally, your story sounds identical to mine, just minus the UberEats. You're so lucky you live in the sticks because the whole UberEats/Deliveroo thing would just make your situation so much worse.

I often wonder/worry about the level of damage I've done to my liver so far. I've been drinking heavily for 2.5 years. That's probably not a long time in comparison to other's stories. But it is for me. Too long. 😔

So how much does it cost to get wine delivered? Do they deliver late at night?

I know what you mean. I can actually "feel" my liver and kidneys the day after a binge.

Does anyone else get that? It's usually my kidneys, I can feel that they're sore.

It's amazing how much better I feel physically after only 5 days of not drinking. I already feel less bloated, achey, and mentally foggy/exhausted.

I really really want to make it to the end of January as an aim. I don't dare to aim further than that yet as I'll freak myself out. It's amazing how one really bad binge disaster has terrified me enough to get to this point.

@rocky1914

Literally, your story sounds identical to mine, just minus the UberEats. You're so lucky you live in the sticks because the whole UberEats/Deliveroo thing would just make your situation so much worse.

I often wonder/worry about the level of damage I've done to my liver so far. I've been drinking heavily for 2.5 years. That's probably not a long time in comparison to other's stories. But it is for me. Too long. 😔

Your GP can do a simple blood test to check liver function. If you stop drinking your liver will heal. Mine did.

Well I live round the corner from a petrol station, so I'm assuming it's slightly more expensive from the petrol station anyway as opposed to the off licence.

So the actual bottle itself is about £9, including delivery it's about £11.

I can't believe I'm typing this but I would usually buy the first bottle in the morning when I go to get my milk and other bits. I'll get on with my day as usual, do all my chores, deal with DD etc.

As soon as she's asleep, I'll start on the bottle I got from the offie. That one will be done easily within 30-45 mins.

Then I'll order the one from UberEats.

So we're talking £15/£16 3 days a week. Sometimes 4 on a bad week.

So that's ...£45-£60 a week.

Wow. I feel physically sick now that I just did that math.

Wow. 😳

I feel so angry and embarrassed. And deeply sad. 😢

Yes, likewise, I'm going to try not to look too far ahead. End of January is my aim right now. If I can do that, I know for a fact I'll be able to stop permanently.

@MissConductUS really? Okay I'll look into this, thank you.

May I ask, how long did you drink for?

Congratulations on maintaining your sobriety. A wonderful example of the fact that it really can be done, you just need to want it enough.

But a £9 bottle of wine for £11 doesn't doubt sound too bad at first glance, I could see myself ordering that and thinking it sounds perfectly reasonable...

But yes like you id then end up doing it all the time and it would add up. I can see it could be very easily done.

I've just ordered this - https://www.driftdrinks.co/products/alcohol-free-cocktail-drift-discovery-box-12-drinks?pos=2&&sid=252f6e306&ss=r

At first I thought fuck that's expensive, but I've previously thought nothing of spending that in 1 night on booze and kebabs. So hopefully there will be something nice in there.

Has anyone found a decent AF red wine? I've tried so many (on my many previous sober attempts) and they've all been disgusting. I love a chianti and a pinot noir, and I'd love to find something AF that doesn't taste like fruity soap.

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