Day 1

[moochies]

I posted another thread earlier about my disaster of a Christmas Day.

I just can't do it anymore, looking into the future I can see myself losing everything, my DH, friends, family. I was considering taking myself to a&e this morning because I was such a mess.

I'm absolutely determined to do it this time, so this is day 1.

Please join me.

[quote rocky1914]@MissConductUS really? Okay I'll look into this, thank you.

May I ask, how long did you drink for?

Congratulations on maintaining your sobriety. A wonderful example of the fact that it really can be done, you just need to want it enough.[/quote]
Thanks. You all can do it too.

I drank regularly and heavily for 10 years or more. I was seriously addicted for the last two to three years.

@MissConductUS Wow that's amazing that you got sober and stayed that way.

How long did you find it tough for? Does it ever become easy?

The first 6-12 months are challenging. After that it's a doodle.

Physical symptoms and cravings subside in few weeks. Then you have learn new habits. That's where peer support is crucial.

Morning guys, well I had a lovely night last night on the alcohol free Heineken. It's amazing how many people ask why you're not drinking. I decided to drive and had given blood so two good reasons. And I'm just going to carry on like that, having a break, on medication, got to be up early next day etc. And quite frankly if people don't like it then tough! I watched other people get drunk and it's an eye opener.

Well done @teaandtoastwithmarmite!

Are you feeling good this morning?

Thank you. Yes better than yesterday. Still a bit on edge but I think it will get better. Definitely don't feel like drinking. Going to take dd to a trampoline park. I feel a bit drained but I guess that's also to do with donating blood.

@moochies how do you feel?

Good morning team sobriety!

I was up at 5:00, feeling great. I fed the cats and did a three mile walk in the dark and fog and now I'm home and thinking about a shower and breakfast.

I did want to mention one factor that was really important in maintaining my long term sobriety. I was only sober a bit over a year when I met my DH. Once we started dating exclusively I told him everything. Well, maybe not every stupid drunken thing I had ever done, but he knew about my drinking history, my detox and subsequent outpatient treatment and the fact that I went to AA.

So he also knew that I could fall off the wagon, as so many do. He asked me to marry him anyway. He had faith that I was on top of it and that I wouldn't let him down in such an awful and profound way. We were married about two and a half years after we met. We've been through some tough times but have been very happy together. He's been a lovely husband and a brilliant father. We have two great kids, both doing really well at university.

My point is that our social and personal connections reinforce our sobriety. They provide the guardrails that keep us on the road. I would never betray my family by picking up a drink.

For you all now, peer support is how you start putting up your guardrails.

I am at the same point as you all on here. I drink far to much and feel dreadful, depressed, overweight and no energy. I hate the 3am wake when I run through what I did or said or ordered.

I too feel I will miss a glass of wine (or 4) by a fire in a lovely pub but I now try to play it forward. Yes it sounds nice, starts well but always ends badly. I am not moderating I am quitting completely. I cannot ever just have one drink.

I have been doing a sober school for the last 3 days online and it all makes sense I have to stop. I have often looked at these threads and am so envious of people who have months of sobriety under there belt. We can so this we owe it to ourselves and our family.

Morning everyone, hope you are all doing well. I have the worst headache this morning, I'm guessing it's related to the whole cold turkey thing.

DH bought a bottle of rum for New Years. He keeps asking if I'm going to have any with him. Even though I told him I am off alcohol for good now. Wtf is wrong with some men?

If he asks me again, I'm going to pour the bottle down the drain and see how he likes that. It's almost like he's deliberately antagonising me.

I'm pissed off because it was him who constantly made fun of my drinking prior to my quitting. Telling me I need to quit and that I'm overweight blah blah. He's not exactly an oil painting himself so I couldn't care less what he thinks about my weight or appearance in general

What's pissing me off right now is that I feel like he's making a mockery of my efforts to quit completely.

If he continues, shit is gonna hit the fan today.

Wish me luck

Hi all, you're right, it sounds really important to be supported trying to be sober.

Especially not to have someone goading you or tempting you to drink. The temptation is already there enough without someone poking you to have a drink.

@MissConductUS it sounds like you're very lucky to have a supportive husband. Does he ever drink?

@rocky1914 that sounds really annoying! That's the last thing you need. If he's being a dick I'd be tempted to go to bed with DD at 8pm and watch a film.

Going to bed early seems to be working for me a this week. I'm pretty much having dinner then getting into bed at 8 away from the booze. DH has been coming up early and watching tv in bed with me.

@Rupertpenrysmistress

I am at the same point as you all on here. I drink far to much and feel dreadful, depressed, overweight and no energy. I hate the 3am wake when I run through what I did or said or ordered.

I too feel I will miss a glass of wine (or 4) by a fire in a lovely pub but I now try to play it forward. Yes it sounds nice, starts well but always ends badly. I am not moderating I am quitting completely. I cannot ever just have one drink.

I have been doing a sober school for the last 3 days online and it all makes sense I have to stop. I have often looked at these threads and am so envious of people who have months of sobriety under there belt. We can so this we owe it to ourselves and our family.

Welcome Rupert.

Yep, being tired, overweight and depressed seems to be a common theme doesn't it

Reading everyone's posts I think why do we do it? You get about 2 "nice" hours in an evening enjoying drinking before it all goes to shit and ends in chaos, and then feeling like total shit the next day.

Quitting seems a no brainier doesn't it. But stupidly I know I'll still really miss it tonight.

I'm armed with a bottle of fizzy 0% wine.

@moochies honestly, he's an excellent dad but an absolute dick of a partner sometimes. I feel like he does this to get a reaction out of me. He's literally just said "right I'm gonna have a shot of rum, shall I make you a coffee with some rum in it?".

What part of no doesn't this man understand?

Yes. That's an excellent idea. Usually we watch Masterchef Professionals together (because DH enjoys cooking), but tonight he can piss right off. Early night it is.

Just to echo @MissConductUS I’m nearly 2 years in and telling people has been a brilliant and supportive part of the experience. It has also kept me stronger than I might have been.

I don’t go into details unless people ask. If they ask I just say I was starting to rely on alcohol too much and decided to take a break from it. They ask “forever” and I say “who knows, maybe!” People have been really interested and I’ve only had one friend who couldn’t handle it (she has issues herself). I am careful not to judge others. But overall my friends and family have been fantastic. I was never an openly problem drinker but it was creeping up and taking up too much headspace.

@rocky1914 have you explained to him? If you have then he is a dick, sorry!

Do it for yourself. Now is the time ❤️

Why do we do it? Is the million dollar question. Advertising has a lot to do with it. Some of the quit lit is eye opening. We are being manipulated into drinking poison. Crazy! Think of your own triggers and why you do it. That’s the key to success.

@doorornottodoor several times. We have had the most explosive arguments over my drunken behaviour in the past. So it's either that he genuinely doesn't believe that I'm going to stop, or that he is simply being an immature piece of shit and deliberately antagonising me.

I have a feeling that it's both, tbh.

He has a similar attitude to most things in life that are complicated or difficult. He makes fun of things. Like everything is a fucking joke.

I used to to and fro with him and allow it to bother me, visibly I would get upset and I'm assuming this satisfied him in some way shape or form.

Now I just completely ignore him and I think that bothers him. Nobody likes to be ignored do they, but especially someone who is deliberately trying to get a rise out of you.

So ignorance is bliss for me at this point. I'm not engaging. End of.

@doorornottodoor

Why do we do it? Is the million dollar question. Advertising has a lot to do with it. Some of the quit lit is eye opening. We are being manipulated into drinking poison. Crazy! Think of your own triggers and why you do it. That’s the key to success.

I think it's because I think of lovely times when I've been wine tasting in Italy, having fun out drinking craft beers with friends, lying on the beach on holiday in Spain with a cold icy glass of beer.

I tend to wash over the nights of drinking at home on my own, drinking a bottle of gin in one go, having to hide empty wine bottles, waking up to an angry DH because I fell over or passed out somewhere.

@rocky1914 that's shitty of him.

I think sometimes they're annoyed with us for having a problem, for not being able to drink sensibly in moderation.

I think my DH would be sad if I was never able to share a nice bottle of wine with dinner with him, never be able to drink normally and enjoy myself without it going totally tits up.

He wants me to be a normal healthy person who can have 2 glasses and be able to walk home or have a conversation after drinking. But I don't appear to be able to do that.

@moochies, he will have a glass of wine a few times a year. He had one yesterday when we visited my family. And yes, I am very lucky.

@rocky1914, it's very common for partners to get arsey when someone stops drinking. They feel like maybe it will expose their overuse of alcohol and put pressure on them to stop also. There may also be an element of anxiety to it. As in, what other changes might you be making? Having a go at you is a way of preserving the status quo. Hopefully, you can make him understand that you need to do this for your own well being.

@doorornottodoor, I think some people are a bit envious when they've learned that you've stopped drinking. And it's so rarely talked about, almost a taboo topic, so it's interesting when it does come up.

@moochies it's weird because he's not a drinker, only socially and even then, it's rare. So I know for a fact that it's not that he wants to be able to drink with me.

He's possessive in many ways. And as messed up as this may sound, I feel like he's perhaps jealous in some ways that I enjoyed drinking more than I enjoyed spending time with him. I also believe (and can understand) that it offends him that more often than not, I need to be drunk in order to be able to tolerate him or even remotely converse and have a laugh with him.

The latter I can definitely understand. I would be offended if someone needed to be drunk in order to enjoy my company.

But it's not even that. It's not. I do enjoy his company when I'm sober. I actually enjoy his company more when I am sober than when I'm not.

It's not that. It's simply that I enjoy drinking after a tough day. As I previously explained, I don't drink every single day. It's literally 3-4 days a week. So on a good day, I won't drink.

It's difficult to explain but I'm certain it is an addiction. It doesn't matter that I don't drink every day. It's still an addiction.

I just wish he would take me more seriously when it comes to getting completely off of it.

Maybe once he realises I'm serious he will stop with the taunting. Until then, ignorance is the way forward I think.

@moochies but all those things could be equally enjoyed with a different (non alcoholic) drink. It’s the brainwashing/advertising that tells us we need alcohol to enjoy ourselves. The more you see it the more you see it. By the way, be careful not to use too triggering descriptions of drinking as it can be difficult for others. Not a criticism, just a point to note.

@doorornottodoor that is completely right. I've been reading all about that in the naked mind book and it's so true. My DH I think would be happy if I never drank again.

It’s the brainwashing/advertising that tells us we need alcohol to enjoy ourselves.

Is advertising alcohol allowed in the UK? Here it's print only, no TV or radio ads.

@MissConductUS you’re right I don’t think it is. But it’s everywhere! Most of my friends drink so my social media is saturated with it. Mummy’s little helper -Prosecco etc…Even nights away/trips/days out involve a free glass of “fizz”