Day 1

[moochies]

I posted another thread earlier about my disaster of a Christmas Day.

I just can't do it anymore, looking into the future I can see myself losing everything, my DH, friends, family. I was considering taking myself to a&e this morning because I was such a mess.

I'm absolutely determined to do it this time, so this is day 1.

Please join me.

So I think for you, it's best to set a doable short-term goal. Don't drink on NYE or in January and see how it goes. If someone offers you a drink, "no thanks" will do. In my experience, people who are drinking really don't care if I am or not, especially if I have a diet coke in hand.

Congratulations on your marriage.

Thank you. And thanks for the congratulations. I just hope he can forgive me.

Talk to him about it, and tell him that you're going to give abstinence a try. It's good for him to be aware so that he doesn't keep offering it to you or keep the fridge full of wine.

There's no shame in desiring to do better. Being more responsible about it is the best apology you can make.

He knows but understandably he's furious about giving a random man my number and saying I would meet him. I have no memory of this

Thanks guys, day 3 here. Went to a friends party yesterday and stayed sober. It was very weird, I didn't quite know what to do with myself. But I'm glad I did it.

@teaandtoastwithmarmite I feel your pain, this sounds exactly like something that I'd do and have no recollection of. Hope you're ok. it's horrible and terrifying isn't it. Are you home safe now?

@teaandtoastwithmarmite

He knows but understandably he's furious about giving a random man my number and saying I would meet him. I have no memory of this

that's the worst isn't it, when you absolutely know that you wouldn't ever do it if you were sober.

I've done so many bizarre things in a blackout that I can't remember doing and would never in a million years do out of choice. I hope he understands. Hand holding 🤝

@moochies, well done. I find it great fun to go to a party and not drink, as I get to watch everyone else make themselves look silly.

@teaandtoastwithmarmite, you cannot undo what has happened, you can only make amends for it and resolve to never let it happen again.

It's scared me to death. Like I don't even remember it so my mind is running wild with what else I could've done. I remember arguing with people as well. Today I will start again. Currently doing pamper stuff with dd and trying to be a good mum.
@moochies that's really good that you did that. I think next time I'm just going to say I can't drink on my meds.

@teaandtoastwithmarmite that's exactly how I felt Boxing Day, I sympathise so much. Probably the worst day of my life.

I hope your DH will understand. My DH explained that's it's not even what I did that's the problem, it's that now on any drinking occasion he's on edge waiting to see what I do, and he can't ever enjoy himself because he's anticipating my awful drunken behaviour.

That was such a horrible thing to hear but it's absolutely done me good to hear it. I've cried every day since but it's the huge kick up the arse I needed.

Same with the medication here too. If we're on meds I just think we can't hack alcohol like normal people. It makes us go completely insane.

Looking back on my own awful history of drinking abusively, the one thing I am thankful for is that I was already sober for more than a year when I met my DH.

tea, how old is your daughter?

Thank you both for being so lovely. She is 8.

She is not aware of any of this though. I wouldn't let her see but it's obviously something that has to stop.

@moochies my DH is similar really. He says he can't predict me and also he doesn't like me being the embarrassing one. Lots of times I will make sure I'm driving home when we see his family as they are big drinkers and if I'm driving I know I can't drink. I purposefully have not brought overnight stuff before

You're quite welcome. Feel free to message me at anytime if you have questions about quitting drinking or just want to chat.

I'm so glad I joined this thread. It's hard to admit all that but I had to be done because every time I swear that's the last time then I forget and do it all over again.

Thanks @MissConductUS
How do you remind yourself each time because I forget how bad it was and end up a couple times drinking and being on and then I'm in a false sense of security then back to square one

tea, I had to do a seven-day inpatient detox on a locked ward when I quit, so it was pretty hard to minimize later on. I was in serious fear that drink would actually kill me.

For you, perhaps remember the close brush with death your marriage had.

Oh gosh sorry. That must have been awful. And yes absolutely I will remember that. Thank you

It's bloody awful being "the embarrassing drunk person" isn't it. Especially if the person you love most in the world is embarrassed by you.

I never thought I was "that bad" because I didn't get arrested/naked/beat people up etc. But I was excusing myself of so many bad behaviours and lying to myself that I was just having fun. I don't even think I was having fun most of the time.

@MissConductUS you're so brave, that must have been such a hard time.

@MissConductUS

tea, I had to do a seven-day inpatient detox on a locked ward when I quit, so it was pretty hard to minimize later on. I was in serious fear that drink would actually kill me.

For you, perhaps remember the close brush with death your marriage had.

Can I ask if this was covered by insurance or if you had to pay for it?

I'm starting on January 1st. I've been closet drinking alone all year to block out awful memories and feelings, I've been hiding it from everyone. I'm so embarrassed I let myself go down to that level. I'm actually really excited about stopping! I hope I'll feel happier mentally.

@moochies, it was a hard time. I was, to put it kindly, a mess.

Can I ask if this was covered by insurance or if you had to pay for it?

It was fully covered by insurance. Alcohol abuse or addiction has been a recognized medical condition in the US since the 1950s. This was in 1994, so I'm not particularly sensitive about it. And there's no shame in having a medical condition or seeking treatment for it. It's a disease, not a moral failing. Chronic drinking changes the neurochemistry in your brain.

Molecular basis of alcoholism

I'm off shortly with DH and the DC to visit my lovely MIL for dinner. I'm in New York, so it's just 4:00 PM here. But I will check back in on the thread later.

@MissConductUS thank you for talking to us. Enjoy your evening out and I think you've done amazing.

@moochies I'm the same but over the last year it's probably got more stupid so I have to stop now before it gets worse.

@ILoveSushi12345 that's great! Sorry to hear you've also been struggling.