Day 1

[moochies]

I posted another thread earlier about my disaster of a Christmas Day.

I just can't do it anymore, looking into the future I can see myself losing everything, my DH, friends, family. I was considering taking myself to a&e this morning because I was such a mess.

I'm absolutely determined to do it this time, so this is day 1.

Please join me.

I'm out at the dinner party with my minging alcohol free wine.

The drinkers have got onto the port and are getting loud.

Wish me luck please all!

And good luck to all of you newly trying to not drink tonight!

Today is day number 1 for me. I am struggling massively. My anxiety is unreal. Can't sit still or enjoy anything. So on edge. Please tell me it gets better

@firefly123 it gets better why did you decide to go AF? Have you read any of the m books/listened to podcasts?

Thanks so much @doorornottodoor. I basically drink at least a bottle of wine a night a week. I tell myself that it's just a little treat, it's normal, everyone drinks but it's not. I have a problem and am dependent. Am 41 and wake up every morning with self hatred and loathing. Was going to do dry January but realised yesterday at 3am when I woke up feeling dread that it has to be now.

Just here for a hand hold and supporting @firefly123

Starting is the hardest part. You can do this @firefly123 ❤️ remind yourself why you’re doing it. Read some of the threads on here. Do something nice for yourself tonight and plan some fun alcohol free things. I started off with adventures every Sunday morning. Early things that I wouldn’t have done if I’d been drinking. Watching a sun rise/swim in the sea/cycling/art gallery/climbing a hill/camping etc…

Start with January and take it from there. That’s what I did and I’m nearly 2 years alcohol free.

@firefly123

Thanks so much *@doorornottodoor*. I basically drink at least a bottle of wine a night a week. I tell myself that it's just a little treat, it's normal, everyone drinks but it's not. I have a problem and am dependent. Am 41 and wake up every morning with self hatred and loathing. Was going to do dry January but realised yesterday at 3am when I woke up feeling dread that it has to be now.

Join us now Firefly, a few of us have woken up in the last few days feeling exactly as you are now, dependent or bingeing, anxious and freaked out.

Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. I am determined to do it this time

@firefly123 just rushing out now but you can do this. You’d future self will love you (as my teenagers say!) ❤️

@firefly123 here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4333696-The-Best-Things-About-Being-Alcohol-Free

Thank you so much @doorornottodoor. Going to read this now

So I think I've just completed day 2. I'm actually proud of myself. But this is definitely not the hardest part yet.

The hardest part is the sweating and the insomnia. Absolutely insane. Not looking forward to that.

But considering I just battled with my 3yo DD for 3.5 hours to get her to sleep, I'd be worried if I wasn't exhausted at this point.

We can do this. We just have to want it enough. Don't want to sound like a broken record but it's actually true.

You simply reach a point where you've just had enough. Had enough of something outside of yourself, controlling your every thought, emotion, decisions.

The amount of gambling online I've done while drunk, ordering hundreds of pounds of useless shit from Amazon while drunk, sent embarrassing messages to family and friends while drunk, uploaded stupid embarrassing statuses on Facebook and Instagram while drunk. ...the list is endless.

I'm glad I finally reached this decision and that I did it before the New Year.

Wishing all of you the best of luck. Happy New Year x

The hardest part is the sweating and the insomnia. Absolutely insane. Not looking forward to that.

Your GP can prescribe something that will ease this.

@firefly123, if you haven't already, click "see all" to read my prior posts. You really don't want to let it go as far as I did. I still managed to put the cork in the bottle and you can as well.

Thank you @MissConductUS. I will do that. Hoping I can be strong.

I’m going to post here without name changing

I haven’t read the whole thread but I’ve read a few posts.

Yesterday was my 25th anniversary.

I was a hopeless alcoholic. I remember looking at my bloated face in the mirror and absolutely KNOWING I could never stop drinking. I really didn’t think it was possible for me. I have had many horrendous times. It still feels like yesterday. Unbelievable that it’s been years. I still feel ashamed of myself.

But I did manage to stop. And it changed my life. Saved my life probably. I have lost several friends to the disease.

Please take a glimmer of hope from me. For anyone on the journey- find an AA meeting. Do it today. Some have crèches for your children. I’m here if anyone wants to PM me.

I never fully did the AA program or completed the steps. I do not still go to meetings. But I believe that AA saves people. It saved me.

For anyone out there still suffering, I am thinking of you and I will help you if I can in any way.

Well done everyone who got through tonight.

I'm about to toast midnight with appletiser

@firefly123 I’m pretty much the same although I’m about 2/3 or 3/4 bottle a night. I feel the same dread about dry January in that it’s this month! I’m starting on 2 January. I did manage it last year so I know I ‘can’ do it.

@Cissyandflora Well done such a great post.

So many of us have hit rock bottom recently, it's so hopeful to see how people make it through to the other side.

Thank you @moochies for starting this post. Made it through tonight

@firefly123

Thank you *@moochies* for starting this post. Made it through tonight

Well done, are you happy? I kind of can't believe we did it!

Feels very weird being sober, but I'm looking forward to waking up tomorrow not in my shoes wondering who I pissed off and deleting multiple embarrassing Facebook posts.

@firefly123 well done. That’s brilliant! I remember someone asking me how long I had stopped drinking for and it was about 5 days and they laughed. I was mad - you have to start somewhere. The early days are the hardest but it honestly gets easier. You gain so much. ❤️Do you have children?

@moochies so good!!!. Do you know the mental freedom from not worrying about making a tit of myself has been amazing!!!

The rock bottom is excruciating but clichéd as it is you have to get to that point. Thereafter it gets better. I would never ever have believed I’d get to where I am in life now. Not to say all is rosy- I’m living with trauma- but my life is so far from what it was that I’m still grateful every day.

Just wanted to thank everyone for being there for me last night. Never thought I'd get through NYE without a drink. Thank you. I have two children who are 12 and 10 who have had to put up with their mother breathing alcohol all over them on a daily basis and falling asleep on the sofa.. So ashamed of myself. I hope I can do this . Thank you again