The Freedom Thread (Continued) - Enjoying the positives of an alcohol free life *Title edited by MNHQ*

[BunniesBunniesBunnies]

Hello all,

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.

Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).

I hope to see many familiar names on this thread, and some new ones too! We always welcome anyone to share their feelings, ask questions or simply “check in”🙂

I’d also like to thank @Breathmiller for hosting the last thread (and to ask for your forgiveness for shamelessly stealing your thread title😳) - Thank you @Breathmiller 💐

Thanks all!

Bunnies

@PrisonerofZeroCovid thanks. No we don't have DC. Yes it's financially doable to live separately we don't have joint finances anyway, we met later in life etc. I could stay with mum for a bit I guess. I wonder though would I be even more miserable without him? The other thing is I am stressed that the relationship would fall away, I don't believe that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Checking in 👍

Almost reached for a glass of wine when I had moment of existential dread. My daughter is with her father and his girlfriend this weekend and I am facing another weekend where I feel exhausted and overwhelmed, and completely alone.

I managed not to, but the sad and anxious feelings remain

@gelatodipistacchio this must be tough for you and I hope you realise how well you did not to have a drink. Feeling sad and anxious is awful and I hope you manage to get some sleep and appreciate having a clear head in the morning. Is there a treat you can enjoy tomorrow? a walk, a special meal, a bath with candles. Anything that’s fun or enjoyable for you. Even catching up on a few chores if you feel inclined.

Be kind to yourself.

@AlloftheTime thanks. I actually think that I am experiencing anhedonia because nothing makes me feel very happy. My weekend plan is mostly to sort out a bunch of stuff; I have recently moved house at the tail end of a very lengthy divorce process and I feel that everything is drudgery and exhaustion.

I am planning to allow myself an hour or two to read before bed tomorrow. Hoping that will at least give me an interesting distraction for a time

Just catching up with the thread
@gelatodipistacchio That! sounds really tough. I hope you do something nice for yourself this weekend, you deserve it.

@gelatodipistacchio I’ve been lurking on this thread for a while (doing Dry January but don’t feel ready to admit it should be permanent) but your post struck such a chord with me I wanted to respond.

I remember that feeling that nothing brought me happiness so well. I was on holiday in my favourite place in the world and I was still sad. I starting taking anti-depressants soon after that, which did help, although my drinking probably reduced their benefit.

I’ve had a tough 3 years (including treatment for cancer) and I’m still struggling so I’m seeing a psychologist. She asked me to think about what my identity was before I had cancer. This has led to a really hard period of reflection: who was I before I was a mother? Before I was a wife? Before I took on a very challenging job?

I’m trying to reclaim that woman. But the interesting thing is that all of those experiences mean I think I can now be a better version of the “old me”. There was an email from Dry January this week that talked about “getting your you back” and that’s what I’m trying to do.

Sorry for the essay, and I don’t know if that makes any sense, but I wondered if the time you have to spend on the drudgy stuff this weekend is an opportunity to let your mind go to work in a positive way. The fact you’ve managed to stay AF on a Friday night is a huge achievement.

And definitely find time for a treat! You deserve it

@gelatodipistacchio the dread is awful . I can understand that and your feelings

On the subject of finding self … I’ve no clue tbh . I’ve spent 23 years being mum and wife , that seems the dominating factor that has strangled all else

I love my husband and my boys …. But who the fuck am I??

Can really relate to the loss of identity once career, family and kids take that over a bit.

Divorce is a very traumatic life event. A lot like a bereavement. Well done for not reaching for wine - that must have taken huge levels of strength.

Sorry, that was to you @gelatodipistacchio

Sorry i missed the late night posts (have to go to bed, tired ). Slight name change as it sounded like I was on the piss 24/7.
No Friday night wine was a challenge but I am reading a pile of books including 'Alcohol lied to me '. I think it is quite blokey however some good hard facts. My husband bought me Friday flowers and not wine! I also lost 4Ibs in weight which was very uplifting. I am hoping for weigt loss surgery which they won't give to problem drinkers. I am a plan maker so I would say get a big note book and write down some plans for 2022. I have also cleaned my fridge

I’m so sad but cleaning my fridge or freezer is one of my favourite things!!! I also love a good feeezer inventory

Happy dry weekend everyone
@Adm1010 @SavBbunny am now going to clean and sort fridge before I go out!
@gelatodipistacchio hope your morning has started well - don’t forget to post here any time you want to.
@ChampooPapi 😊

@AlloftheTime I’ve done mine

Might do the freezer later… it’s due an inventory

Morning all. I hope your day goes well @gelatodipistacchio and you have a nice treat lined up for when you finish. Really great posts to read this morning. Going AF, reflecting on where we are in life, and inevitably on what we might have done differently (aka better) can be brutal. Stay strong everyone.
It’s a bigger freezer I’m needing as I keep making soups and have nowhere to put them. I have a pressure cooking multipot thingy now and I can’t get over the complete alchemy of making lentil soup in 20 minutes!

@Adm1010

You ask who the fuck are you?
I asked mysrlf the same question last week.
I have been masking grief with wine to make me feel better after my son, mother and father died. Tbh I have been a functioning alcoholic for years. Sad? Hit the wine, happy? Hit the champers. I even sought out like minded new friends when my antics got too much for my old ones. Who am i really? A decent, intelligent, kind person who can't drink anymore.
If these statements help anyone that is why i have written them.

@Onewildandpreciouslife thank you for posting such an inspiring message. You’ve had such a tough time yet here you are trying to reclaim yourself. I take my hat off to you.

This in particular “ But the interesting thing is that all of those experiences mean I think I can now be a better version of the “old me”” really struck a cord with me.

When I was at my lowest drinking too much all I wanted was myself back. I was so scared I would never find her again. Now 21 months in, not only have I reclaimed myself, I really believe I am almost a better version of my former happy self. Not because I’m perfect at all, but because all of the really hard shit I went through (and then quitting booze) forced me to develop some healthy coping mechanisms. I’m still a dick sometimes and I still go through hard times, but I am so much more able to cope now, and I am so much happier as a result.

Thanks for posting that, it resonated.

[quote BunniesBunniesBunnies]@Onewildandpreciouslife thank you for posting such an inspiring message. You’ve had such a tough time yet here you are trying to reclaim yourself. I take my hat off to you.

This in particular “ But the interesting thing is that all of those experiences mean I think I can now be a better version of the “old me”” really struck a cord with me.

When I was at my lowest drinking too much all I wanted was myself back. I was so scared I would never find her again. Now 21 months in, not only have I reclaimed myself, I really believe I am almost a better version of my former happy self. Not because I’m perfect at all, but because all of the really hard shit I went through (and then quitting booze) forced me to develop some healthy coping mechanisms. I’m still a dick sometimes and I still go through hard times, but I am so much more able to cope now, and I am so much happier as a result.

Thanks for posting that, it resonated.[/quote]
That's great to hear as it's been something I've been pondering

And thanks @Onewildandpreciouslife as well as I am holding on with my fingernails that I'm going to come out of this crap a more whole person, I feel like there's something missing but I'm not sure what. I've heard and read that when you're on a growth journey (which I am and trying not to cringe at that term) it's like peeling away layers of an onion and I feel like that's what's going on. At the moment it's as though one of the layers is stuck and I'm trying hard to get it off but it's taking time. I need to be calm and focused to do this.

Checking in day 31 👍

I’m so sad but cleaning my fridge or freezer is one of my favourite things!!!

God, me too, although I always get inevitable guilt about the uneaten soup that I periodically make to kick the fresh vegetable waste guilt down the road.

@SavBbunny, sorry for your losses. That must have been very tough. On another note, if you're looking for less blokey quit lit, I really liked Blackout and Glorious Rock Bottom, as well as The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober. I mentioned this upthread, but I think men and women have quite different motivations for and experiences of, excessive drinking. I have found the stuff written by women more relatable, and more focused on the emotions around drinking. For me, factual stuff like "it's poison" (yeah I know, I still love it) and "it's rotten fruit and actually tastes terrible" (no it doesn't) makes me want to drink more .

First sober social occasion this year last night- dinner with friends at one of their homes. I took a few cans of 0% Asahi which were actually ok- cannot get AF wine here which is annoying- and then just drank sparkling water. Two other people of the eight were also not drinking (Dry Jan) but I think I'd have been fine if it had just been me. I didn't feel like I was on less good form and was nice to drive home afterwards. That said, I did feel like I was clock watching around 10:30 whereas normally I'd be dragged out at midnight or later. So, basically, I had a nice time but I am slightly mourning the loss of those epic nights that I think you don't really get sober where time just disappears.

@PrisonerofZeroCovid

Thank you. I am reading Glorious Rock Bottom. I agree about wine tasting nice. I don't do sweet but enjoy the fruit/tart flavours. I bought myself some expensive fruit in the Marks yesterday and have been chowing down on that. I haven't done a night out yet but have a breakfast next week. This particular lady can be hurtful/ opinionated and I usually get bladdered the night before so I am somewhat anaesthetised against her acid tongue! (I know I need new friends) Sometimes she is fine other times aggressive. At least I won't get offered wine at 10am!
However Day 8, son home and I went to bed early to spare myself the lecture (he hates me drinking) and he said I had been an alcoholic for all of his 22 years. Not true but I accept 17 of them since my 'booze police' mother died. She hated drinking too as two of her brothers had alcohol problems after prisoner of war camps (and we think we have problems! ).
Still got headaches. Dogs breath too, God knows where that is coming from. Have a good day.

Checking in. Day 16 for me.

Thank you for sharing that @SavBbunny and I'm so sorry for your losses.

Right, I'm going to have the teeniest if mini moans here, so apologies in advance.

I'm so tired and unmotivated at the moment. I am lucky that I didn't get insomnia or too many mad dreams when I stopped drinking. I was surprised about that as I was definitely, technically speaking, what they would class as a "heavy drinker". Anyway, I'm so lazy and tired. Didn't leave the house yesterday and basically sat on my arse all day. Have been going to bed pretty early and not getting up particularly early. Can't remember the last time in recent weeks that I did exercise other than work which is semi physical (but only 3 days a week)!

Anyway, did other people get the laziness? Does it end some time soon maybe ? Also eating too much I think, but I'll take that over drinking.

I need to get some more quit lit I think. I've got This Naked Mind, which I might reread before I donate it. I found it great before. Will maybe try Glorious Rock Bottom next. I wasn't mad about The Unexpected Joy... found her a little overprivileged if I'm honest. Same with The Sober Diaries. I mean, they all are quite wealthy and successful tbf. Alan Carr and Annie Grace too, but somehow it comes across less in This Naked Mind. No idea why. Maybe as it is less to do with her personal story.

@LuisaMadrial1

I know what you mean about too successful, famous blah blah. Their parties are not real, mine were a load of heavy drinking middle-aged country types who get trollied then up next day to sweat it orf mucking out the nags.
I have just been made redundant from my big cheese job. Have been sitting on my arse for 7 weeks. If i wasn't having weight loss surgery I would be going to rehab with the dosh.
I bought my quit lit on WOB. I also bought some marks zerocco. Tastes like appletiz but you are paying for the cork and bottle!
My best friend who gave up the drink said it is an illness take to your bed, so I have. I will be ok after the 14 days apparently so well done for reaching 16.

@LuisaMadrigal1 if you didn’t like UJOBS you may hate both Glorious Rock Bottom and Blackout as also written by media types living the big city life. I am quite puzzled by how a lot of quit lit comes from quite a narrow demographic. That said, while I don’t relate to their family backgrounds, they both had hugely relatable episodes/ lightbulb moments for me personally. Maybe try a kindle sample and see what you think.