The Freedom Thread (Continued) - Enjoying the positives of an alcohol free life *Title edited by MNHQ*

[BunniesBunniesBunnies]

Hello all,

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.

Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).

I hope to see many familiar names on this thread, and some new ones too! We always welcome anyone to share their feelings, ask questions or simply “check in”🙂

I’d also like to thank @Breathmiller for hosting the last thread (and to ask for your forgiveness for shamelessly stealing your thread title😳) - Thank you @Breathmiller 💐

Thanks all!

Bunnies

bunnies laughter yoga is so much fun. I used to teach kids a lot and we would lie in a circle with our heads in the centre. Then we would start laughing in the way of someone you know with the silliest laugh. It would end up in hysterical laughter. No one could stop. It was so freeing!

Hello. I was late to the dry Jan 2022 thread which has now ended? Or has it? I don’t understand what happens after 40 pages? Anyway, I know I need to give up alcohol but sad at the thought. I had a fall after getting sloshed at home 6 days ago. I’m OK and haven’t had a drink since. I drink most days, not too much in the week but lots at weekends, probably around 30+ units a week. I would love to keep within the recommended units (which I’ve never done) but from what I can gather it appears to be easier to give up completely rather than have a battle every week. I love drinking but do not love the hangovers and the negative impact on my physical and mental health. I’m going to carry on with dry January , which I haven’t managed before. I then want to carry on being AF if I can as I believe it takes up to a few months to change one’s mindset. I am 59 so have many years of drinking under my belt. I can moderate if working the next day but not if I’m off. Would welcome any advice. Also any recommendations for AF drinks to replace opening the wine at 6pm!

Evening everyone. Well done @Savboozer. Your first weeks nearly done!
Are you any better today @Kindtomyself? I was wondering how you were doing. I’m in the menopause club too (just started HRT). Nobody tells you about the dozens of shitty symptoms other than hot flushes.

Warm welcome @Shortkiwi. That’s awful you’ve had a fall, but if it’s brought you here to a happy sober life it has served a good purpose. You are asking what to drink at wine time now? I like an AF beer or Nozeco in an evening if my DH is having a drink. But to be honest, you gradually move away from that to tea, juice, cordial or whatever you like. Elderflower tonic is nice for something grown up and not too sweet. I think the best thing is eating earlier- the best cravings crusher of all, and generally keeping busy. Some people can eliminate all alcohol from the house which helps, but that’s not possible for me. It’s tough at first but cravings don’t last all evening, they pass (that was a revelation to me!) , so it’s just trying to ride it out and keep busy. Sorry if you already know all this from experience.

Keep posting!

@iamyourequal I'm still feeling a bit rough tbh but I'm having pockets of energy then tiredness. My migraine has cleared but I still have a slight headache and vague nausea. I'm on ADs and they really help with hot flushes and sleeping. Before I started taking them I was really struggling with both but now I'm fine it's all the other symptoms that I'm struggling with mainly fatigue but also aches and migraines. Not tried HRT.

@Breathmiller it's the Yamuna balls, I'm intrigued.

Thanks @iamyourequal. Interestingly I have been very hungry this week and have eaten really early! Missing the kick/hit of alcohol in the evening. However, have slept so well for a change and feeling positive with more energy. Just want to feel confident I can keep going. Would like to think that as time goes on it will get easier. At the moment it’s all I’m thinking about, especially in terms of the future without it.

@Shortkiwi I found myself eating more sugary things and drinking lots of lime and soda. I've had a few AF beers and do like them, I've found they can take the edge off if I'm craving. I agree that eating earlier is a good idea.

In answer to your query about threads and what happens after 40 pages - a new one is usually started if there's demand for it and they will normally add a link to it in the last page or two of the old thread

Thanks @Kindtomyself. Bought some Becks blue but just been having lime/soda and had a Kombucha tonight. Also like Fever tree flavoured sodas. Never did drink gin or tonic but drank plenty of other stuff!

That sounds rough @Kindtomyself. I’d see if GP can do some tests to see if you’d benefit from HRT.
@Shortkiwi. I don’t know if it interests you, but Annie Grace is very good for helping people (including me) keep going beyond the initial willpower stage. She has lots of free podcasts on the internet and a free 30 day Alcohol Experiment which is helpful.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies thanks that's a good idea, I'm finding the Clove oil really good too. No whiskey!

@Kindtomyself sorry to hear you have been feeling rough. I can identity with the fatigue, I have it every day now even when I've managed to sleep 8 hours, I also wondered whether it was CFS or, I wonder whether it's something to do with COVID, not that I've had COViD. I guess it must be just down to menopause. I feel guilty and lazy for being so unproductive.

Checking in 👍

So it turns out my dentist has COVID and is off work. I will try and manage until he returns. Tried to go to another but no appointments.

I am finding it difficult again to sit with feelings whilst sober. I came to the conclusion before that there really isn't a solution to my predicament, so it was easier to numb the feelings of despair and disappointment at life with alcohol and antidepressants. I don't have alcohol any more but still take medication.

I really need a break from this place, I feel like I'm suffocating most days. I've booked a flight to see my mother at the end of the month, I've just booked one way, I don't feel like coming back at the moment but I know I will as I will miss DH.

Really need to get off this island

@touty glad you have something to look forward to and there will be a solution to your situation. Keep your mind and options open and a way forward will likely present itself.

@Kindtomyself hope you feel better this morning - the weekend beckons so hope you have a plan for it.

@ChampooPapi good morning! How are you doing? Thinking about you juggling home and study and hope you are having a good week. Let us know how the meetings are going.

Welcome to all newbies.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies
Thank you. Day 7. Mouth like ferrets arse this morning (no booze so don't understand that!). Three nights sleep without getting up for 3am pee. Friday is wine night so need to treat myself to something. Husband being great. Son home tomorrow who hates me drinking. If he is negative it won't be helpful. Will be giving him the vodka to take back to London. How do others deal with family and friends who are negative? I have had a few comments which have been hurtful. Before I would have gone straight for my friend the wine.

@Savboozer well done this week . A treat tonight would be a good idea . I’ve found a nice glass with the “ trimmings “ helps, like ice and lime maybe? Whatever you like tbh . I was never a fan of AF wine, Prosecco , gin etc and was vocal about it … BUT I’ve had a complete 360 !! The AF stuff has got me over some bumps recently , and the hand to mouth action with a “ nice glass “ has been a game changer . I now keep AF gin in the fridge with limes ice and tonic at the ready. I also have some AF rose wine in the fridge .

@Savboozer if you don't mind me asking, what are your son, friends and family being negative about? I think my reaction and dealing with it would depend on that

@kindtomyself.
Hi the usual doubting Thomas stuff. 'You won't keep it up. Your not a alcoholic' (I am, although I believe it is now called alcohol dependent). I have never been pissed at work, whilst driving or drank in the mornings but give me an open bar and I would be the last one standing. So many embarrassing escapades. We have suffered a lot of sh*t and I have dealt with it by drinking. I have the next 7 weeks off and I intend to use the time wisely.

Checking in 🙌
Busy week but will dead back over the weekend

[quote Savboozer]@kindtomyself.
Hi the usual doubting Thomas stuff. 'You won't keep it up. Your not a alcoholic' (I am, although I believe it is now called alcohol dependent). I have never been pissed at work, whilst driving or drank in the mornings but give me an open bar and I would be the last one standing. So many embarrassing escapades. We have suffered a lot of sh*t and I have dealt with it by drinking. I have the next 7 weeks off and I intend to use the time wisely.[/quote]
Ah ok, I get you so generally unsupportive comments, I was under the impression that your son thought differently so good to be clear. I think people feel uncomfortable when their drinking buddy stops drinking because it makes them look at their own drinking and also they may feel like they're losing the relationship with you. However it's important to remember that this is about you and what you want and need. You have to put yourself first and shouldn't have to behave differently to make others feel happier. I found writing in a journal really helps, I am amazed at this because I never believed the hype before but I write stuff down including comments made of various types and it helps me to get stronger mentally and emotionally.
I am aware that this all sounds a bit new age but it helps

@Savboozer I'm with you on the challenge of a booze free Friday night! Somehow it seems depressing not to have a "treat" at the end of the week.

My plan is to get in bed early with a hot water bottle, Becks Blue, and a book. This sounds like a treat plus the book will provide a mental escape (not sure whether escapism is the best solution to negative feelings, but probably better than drinking!)

@kindtomyself
I do write a couple of Facebook pages but i can't put this stuff down as my family (siblings, cousins) are very grand and controlling. I got made redundant and haven't been able to tell anyone as my family are ashamed. I didn't do anything wrong. Heartbroken so went on a bender. In in my 50s ffs but still care what people think.

[quote Savboozer]@kindtomyself
I do write a couple of Facebook pages but i can't put this stuff down as my family (siblings, cousins) are very grand and controlling. I got made redundant and haven't been able to tell anyone as my family are ashamed. I didn't do anything wrong. Heartbroken so went on a bender. In in my 50s ffs but still care what people think.[/quote]
Sorry to hear you've been made redundant - that is not your fault and doesn't define you. Have you considered talking therapy? That would help you talk through the shit you seem to be receiving from others and help you to explore the real you not what your family think you should be? My journal is on my phone and that is passcode protected so no one sees it but me. Also maybe consider exploring shame? That's such a big thing that impacts our mental health and one of the reasons that I was glugging alcohol. I listen to audible books which I find really helpful

@kindtomyself

Shame that's the chappy. I have been made to feel that since I was 9. Perv relative.
I did ring the GP this morning and got an appointment for two weeks time. Even our private therapists have waiting lists around here. Full of rich boozers! I have a lovely husband who I have bored the arse off this week. He doesn't really drink. He has rum older than our youngest dc(18). Reading books is helping.

He has rum older than our youngest dc(18).

That made me laugh- my DH is the same. He'll have a few drinks if we're out but if alcohol got banned tomorrow he wouldn't be bothered about it. My (lovely) SIL is the same- if I ask her if she wants a wine she'll be like "oh I'll have one if you're having one" but if I wasn't she'd say not to open the bottle and just have a San Pelligrino. So wish I had that mentality. Re your family being negative, sometimes I think it's about people not really liking change- they know how someone is, and how they fit around them, and if that changes, it's uncomfortable and they have to reassess their own behaviour as it relates to you.

touty sorry to hear about your toothache and hope you enjoy your trip. It does seem that a lot of how you feel is bound up with being somewhere you really don't want to be. I sympathise (or is it empathise- I can never remember) as I'm also living somewhere I'd really rather not be, albeit I do have an end in sight. I still get the massive rage at least once a week though - this week triggered by MORE covid school closures and the government just being huge dicks (more than Boris, unbelievable though that might sound). Do you have DC? If not, would living apart for some of the year be in any way financially feasible? Could you live with your mum, or would that not be great?

Just checking in (with very slight name amendment).

Day 14 for me and doing OK. Going to catch up properly with the thread now as have been away from Mumsnet entirely for a few days.

@AlloftheTime thanks yes it does help.