The Freedom Thread - Enjoying the positives of an alcohol free life

[Breathmiller]

Hello all

A shiny new thread for those that would like to give up alcohol forever and a shiny new OP. (twirls)

The wonderful Drybird started these thread a loooong time ago and I'm sure many of you will agree that it has made such a massive difference to the lives of those who have read them or posted on them. Drybird would like to take a little break from hosting the threads so asked me if I would start one this time. The suggestion was that we can take it in turns after that which I think is a great idea .

Anyone is welcome to join and post but please be aware that this thread is for those of us who want to give up alcohol completely. It doesn't matter if you are on day 1, week 6 or year 5 (and it doesn't matter how many day 1s you have), there just has to be an intention to let go of alcohol altogether. So please no talk of moderating or drinking at the present moment or in the future, it can be triggering for some of us. There are many other wonderful threads for those who would prefer to moderate and we wish you well. If you decide that total abstinence is for you then come back.

It doesn't matter what your reason is, if you feel like it's an issue then you are welcome. It really is a friendly bunch. I also want to say hello to all the lurkers who don't want to post for one reason or another and say I hope that these threads give you support too.

There are many threads before this so if you are new, do look back, there is always at least a link to the last one at the beginning of each. Every thread is rich with advice and support. I personally have felt held in so many ways by each and everyone who has posted and I don't feel I would be here at 1yr2 months sober without it. Post daily, hourly even if it helps or just dip in now and again when you feel the need. It's not always the easist thing to do but it is worth it and it is easier with a group as supportive as this. We are each other's cheerleaders and underatns where we are coming from when the times are tough.

Here is the link to the last one....

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4324737-Freedom-An-alcohol-free-thread-for-alcohol-free-people

These threads have been a lifesaver for so many of us with ideas from AF alternatives, Quit Lit suggestions to why our brains are wired the way they are and what tools we can learn to help us break free from the fog of alcohol. But most of all it's a lovely safe space where we can talk, vent, moan, ask questions, give advice and support each other. As we get to know each other there is also a lot of daily chat about what's going on in our lives - running, books, gardening, yoga and family. It really is a warm, welcoming and friendly space so do join in.

The suggestion to get this thread going is for everyone to have a think of what they gain from not drinking, what are the positives? Or if you are on day 1 then what is the thing you are most looking forward to? Let's let go of the idea that we are denying ourselves something or that we are living less than and list what we are gaining instead.

My main positive (in amongst all the fresh skin, clear head, lack of hangovers, lack of shame better health - physically and mentally, I could go on and on........) is the fact that I don't have the eternal converation in my head going round of whether to have a drink that day or not. I am (mostly) free from that and it is amazing!

So whether you are a regular or a newbie, do say hello and introduce yourself.

Thanks @BunniesBunniesBunnies and @AlloftheTime, you are both a reason for me returning to this thread. And of course the amazing @Breathmiller, wouldn't be here without you all.

Checking in and ready for sleep now, just about back on track, but not complacent, feeling wobbly still when I think about a drink. Best not thought about! I can do this, I've done this 🙌

And just so fantastic there is so many on this thread, love it!

@Clouds78 how are you doing? I let the side down I'm afraid and am back to day 12 now after I caved a couple of weeks ago. Resolute again to stay alcohol free moving forward. Hope your okay , miss seeing your updates

Also can I just say how bloody brilliantly you are doing @AlloftheTime. You are amazing and should be so proud, so so proud. Your nearly at 4 months! Legend 💪🙌

You can definitely do it @ChampooPapi, keep up the good work!

Just returned home from a lovely evening out. It’s the first time I’ve been to someone for dinner who doesn’t know I’m AF. It all went well and feel firmly back on track despite Thursday’s blip. Happy weekend everyone!

You’re all amazing. Ill come back when i can succeed. Xxx

@Ilove

You’re all amazing. Ill come back when i can succeed. Xxx

You can succeed here for sure it’s just one day to start with….. Come any time we’re not going anywhere 👍

@StayingVigilant good to hear that!

@ChampooPapi I’m so pleased you are here and sorry you have felt below par - yes you are probably right to avoid that wobbly feeling by not thinking about drink for a short while. Once you are ready for it consider sitting down and having a proper chat with the wicked wine witch. You’ve got so much to build on and I really want you to nail this - we started out at very similar times and I admire your tenacity.

Thank you for your kind words they mean so much, AF is now my new normal in so many ways but I know I need to remain alert. I’ve been putting it off but am going to think again about how to reduce my sugar consumption and get more balance in my diet. Having a clear head to tackle issues like this feels like it should be more manageable though.

Onwards and upwards champ!

Thank you AllOfTheTime.
AF is now my new normal in so many ways but I know I need to remain alert. this is so true. After eleven months of being totally AF it was definitely my new normal.
I’ve not been in the thread for a few months so I’m going to have a bit of a catch up. Lovely to have newbies and oldies all doing so well!!

Sending strength to anyone feeling wobbly over the weekend. Such a pervasive drug.

I can't quite believe how I am soldiering on. No kids this weekend which is tricky in terms of staying on track but I'm working tomorrow and going to the cinema late morning today. Would always have a drink and take it through usually so thought by going earlier will be easy fo break that association.

Keep 💪, each wobble can make us stronger, more determined and to steal your name @StayingVigilant, more vigilant!

Oops meant should be easier to break the association. No easy, don't want to get complacent

Saturdays without hangovers 🤩🤩🤩🤩

Agreed. So, so good to not be clutching a cold flannel to my exploding head. I do have a slight headache, didn't sleep so well, and did think a while ago, how dare my head be aching I have been nothing but kind to it for almost three weeks now!

Good idea to go earlier kittens. It’s important to break those old associations and learn new ones. The more you establish those the better. It’s a bit like muscle memory.
I’m wondering if ‘association’ was a cause for me on Thursday. Sorry to keep banging on about this ONE drink but it has baffled me. These friends visit me in London pre Xmas every year and we undoubtedly have strong associations regarding alcohol that I hadn’t properly considered. In the early days I’d really think these events through, what I’d order, what I’d say, how I’d feel etc. I’ve become complacent and now just rock up. I didn’t think I needed to plan anymore. Oops!
We are going to the Australia v England game tonight and I’m already thinking I’ll have tea to keep warm. And maybe a coke with the curry afterwards. I’m also thinking about cutting down on the AF stuff as it’s still an association. Maybe save it for special occasions or when I’m struggling. It’s interesting that breathmiller no longer has them.
I am pleased that the one drink didn’t completely throw me though. Bunnies said that one drink would have made her continue. For me, even whilst I was drinking it I was thinking ‘this is a fail’, ‘I’ve done so well’, I’m still AF. It’s nice but is it worth it? So I was quite mindful drinking it. Yet, it’s using headspace that could have been used to enjoy my friends company!
The biggest issue now is to not start thinking I can moderate. Friends would definitely say ‘well you can have one and stop, you did it before’. But I don’t think that’s true. I think that’s be a slippery slope. Again, sorry to bang on about this one drink, but it’s so useful to be able to write down my thoughts somewhere that’s supportive and encouraging. Love to you all!!

Totally agree with you, moderating isn't for me. Because then I'd just have 'one' every night, then two... and I just don't want to go back there. Not going to be owned by it ever again!

@StayingVigilant it’s certainly nor ‘going on about it’ to my ears. I’m reading it as knowledge and insight of your experience. If you don’t work through what happened and why you can’t fully move beyond it. Thanks for sharing

Totally agree, it's not going on at all, it's unpicking it and being curious. So important. Just shows how easy it is to slip up and how important a game plan is no matter how much time has gone pass.

I managed the cinema, managed two supermarkets on the way home for different bits and pieces without wavering. It is on my mind much more than I would like though. Off to have a bath and hope it clears my head.

I'm interested in your experience, @StayingVigilant. I have always had a lurking anxiety that I will do something similar one day. I can't see myself planning to drink, but I can imagine a spur of the moment decision to have one, despite despite fact that starting to drinknagain is the last thing I want to do. It's helpful to read your analysis of what happened.

@StayingVigilant I’m grateful for your post and insight

Checking in . Busy week but taking some down time now . I’m hoping by next year I can drop my “ second job “ ( overtime but In the same field just different work place ) as my middle son graduates and the financial pressure will ease slightly . Happy news , he’s decided to do his initial teacher training locally so I’ll have him home! Plus he will be training to teach maths so he gets financial incentive that means I won’t be supporting him as much . So after her graduates I’ve just got the youngest to get through uni it’s felt never ending and obviously the job I do is stressful so it will be nice to do it less .
Although over the last few weeks the hours I work and the stress are more bearable hangover free!!

Firstly. *Love you lot"

Secondly checking in 🙌

You’re all so lovely and supportive, thank you. At least my blip has been a lesson to us all. It absolutely does go to show that we can’t let our guard down. Unfortunately. So you thinking about it at the cinema and shops kittens isn’t it a bad thing. Same as drybird considering how a blip may happen is great. Like you’ve all said unpicking the why and understanding our impulses is so important.
The rugby was great btw and just lemonade consumed. DH is a bit sad given he’s an Aussie 🤣🤣

Hello all, may I join you?

I’ve seen this thread, over the years, but never thought I’d be joining in as I’ve never really wanted to stop drinking completely. I’ve been on the ‘moderation’ merry go round for years, except that I never manage to moderate for long. I was on the Brave Babes thread for a while, years ago now… long enough to realise that most people can’t moderate successfully, including me. I’ve known for ages now, deep down, that stopping completely was probably the only way out of this endless cycle, but it just seemed (still seems, tbh) so enormous, such a terrifying change, that I couldn’t do it.

So to now… a while back I bought the book ‘Drink? The new science of alcohol & your health’ by the wonderful David Nutt. I got the audible recording and have been listening to it every night for a month or two (but still drinking; more, in fact, because I recently had a family crisis and that was my way of ‘coping’). I was getting some clarity on what I was doing to myself, though, and thinking about a dry month. I also started reading this thread, and found it incredibly inspiring.

I downloaded the Annie Grace book, and then a day or two later saw the thread in this forum about the 30 day Alcohol Experiment so decided to do an alcohol free November. My last drink was on 31st Oct.

I’m not sure why the stars have aligned this time, but it feels very different to the previous times I’ve tried Dry January and Sober October. I think it’s a combination of having prepared fertile ground by really absorbing the David Nutt book, and some other circumstances and realisations in my life. The first week I felt bloody awful, but this week I’ve felt so different… calmer, clearer, relieved, more peaceful, more content, and even a little bit hopeful that this could be a turning point. I even… and this is a huge, insanely optimistic thing for me… volunteered to remain alcohol free until next summer, to support my daughter with something. [ shock] I did caveat that with some planned slippage over Christmas, but I think that’s just because I’m not quite ready to contemplate my first sober Christmas since childhood!

I’m not quite ready yet to say it’s forever… that just feels too huge… but deep down I know it’s very unlikely that I’ll be able to moderate for any length of time, and moderation just leads me back into constantly thinking about wine… Can I have it today? Is there an excuse? Why did I drink so much? When can I drink again? Why can’t I stick to what I decided? Etc etc ad infinitum.

One of my biggest issues has been that I live with a wine buff, and we’ve enabled each other for years. Drinking is a shared experience and a bonding experience, and researching and buying wine is his hobby. He is naturally a more moderate drinker than me, though, and has more will power.

A post of @Breathmiller’s on this thread really made something click for me, and I realised that there’ll always be people around me drinking, and there’ll always be alcohol on offer around me; that’s the society we live in. It’s my choice what I put into my body, and I can take responsibility only for me. Thank you for the wisdom you share on this thread, @Breathmiller and the other regulars.

Well that’s all from me for now. I’m still reading through this thread, but I thought I’d say hello, anyway.

@PromisesMeanNothingSue morning and welcome . Moderation is virtually impossible if you are a dependant drinker . The addictive voice will not allow it . It will fight you to the death ( literally in some cases ) to put more of what it needs into your body . The ONLY way to quieten the voice ( it will never go away ) is to stop feeding it . And always be aware it is there . Literally be ready every day for it to start …. “ you’re not that bad” “ you’ve overreacted “ “ one won’t hurt” “ you deserve it” “ everyone else does it “