Hello all
A shiny new thread for those that would like to give up alcohol forever and a shiny new OP. (twirls)
The wonderful Drybird started these thread a loooong time ago and I'm sure many of you will agree that it has made such a massive difference to the lives of those who have read them or posted on them. Drybird would like to take a little break from hosting the threads so asked me if I would start one this time. The suggestion was that we can take it in turns after that which I think is a great idea .
Anyone is welcome to join and post but please be aware that this thread is for those of us who want to give up alcohol completely. It doesn't matter if you are on day 1, week 6 or year 5 (and it doesn't matter how many day 1s you have), there just has to be an intention to let go of alcohol altogether. So please no talk of moderating or drinking at the present moment or in the future, it can be triggering for some of us. There are many other wonderful threads for those who would prefer to moderate and we wish you well. If you decide that total abstinence is for you then come back.
It doesn't matter what your reason is, if you feel like it's an issue then you are welcome. It really is a friendly bunch. I also want to say hello to all the lurkers who don't want to post for one reason or another and say I hope that these threads give you support too.
There are many threads before this so if you are new, do look back, there is always at least a link to the last one at the beginning of each. Every thread is rich with advice and support. I personally have felt held in so many ways by each and everyone who has posted and I don't feel I would be here at 1yr2 months sober without it. Post daily, hourly even if it helps or just dip in now and again when you feel the need. It's not always the easist thing to do but it is worth it and it is easier with a group as supportive as this. We are each other's cheerleaders and underatns where we are coming from when the times are tough.
Here is the link to the last one....
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4324737-Freedom-An-alcohol-free-thread-for-alcohol-free-people
These threads have been a lifesaver for so many of us with ideas from AF alternatives, Quit Lit suggestions to why our brains are wired the way they are and what tools we can learn to help us break free from the fog of alcohol. But most of all it's a lovely safe space where we can talk, vent, moan, ask questions, give advice and support each other. As we get to know each other there is also a lot of daily chat about what's going on in our lives - running, books, gardening, yoga and family. It really is a warm, welcoming and friendly space so do join in.
The suggestion to get this thread going is for everyone to have a think of what they gain from not drinking, what are the positives? Or if you are on day 1 then what is the thing you are most looking forward to? Let's let go of the idea that we are denying ourselves something or that we are living less than and list what we are gaining instead.
My main positive (in amongst all the fresh skin, clear head, lack of hangovers, lack of shame better health - physically and mentally, I could go on and on........) is the fact that I don't have the eternal converation in my head going round of whether to have a drink that day or not. I am (mostly) free from that and it is amazing!
So whether you are a regular or a newbie, do say hello and introduce yourself.
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Alcohol support
The Freedom Thread - Enjoying the positives of an alcohol free life
Breathmiller · 02/10/2021 18:47
Thanks for the welcome. 
Yes absolutely @BunniesBunniesBunnies, I’m aware of that; it’s why I’ve never posted on here before. If I do slip at Christmas then I shall discretely withdraw from the thread during that time, and only come back when I’m alcohol free. I won’t talk about it here. At the moment I’m feeling that I won’t do so (drink), but the thought of an alcohol-free Christmas is such an alien concept to me (alcoholic father, very boozy family - apart from my mum -, I grew up in a pub… it would/will be the first in 40 odd years. I’m getting there, though. This resonated with me very much yesterday. welldoing.org/article/two-kinds-drinking-christmas
@Adm1010 yes, I’ve been battling that voice for years. I was reading the moderation thread on here this week, and found that quite illuminating, actually… all that wasted energy on thinking about drinking - whether to drink, have I moderated ‘enough’ to deserve a drink, did I drink too much, etc etc. This time feels very different to me; I’m not battling that voice at all, really, even when I felt bloody awful during the first week. I feel resolute in a way that I haven’t before.
I know me, though, and I know I have huge difficulty in remembering how I felt before; so when I feel dreadful, I can’t remember feeling any other way, and can’t see a way out… and correspondingly, when I feel good, I can’t remember how bad I felt. So I’m feeling optimistic at the moment, but reminding myself not to do the ‘everything’s fine and will be forever more’ thing, because then when I find myself struggling, it can feel catastrophic (so I run to my crutches rather than sitting with the feeling).
@BunniesBunniesBunnies Christmas… if it happens the way it’s currently planned (ie subject to Covid), it would actually be the ideal time to do that, as I’ll be with my mum and stepdad, who barely drink at all. It’ll be the first Xmas in 15+ years that I haven’t been with xDP (who I live very amicably with), for whom Xmas is a festival of boozing. So I’m fairly optimistic. I guess I’m just not quite ‘there’ yet and wanted to be honest about that.
And yes to the toolbox! I’ve already been doing that, and it’s why I’ve found reading back through this thread (started at the beginning, up to page 6 so far - then I’ll start at the beginning of them all) so useful and inspiring; there’s so much wisdom and experience here.
My witching hours are in the afternoon, as I mainly drank from 5pm until I eat (usually by 7pm at the latest). I can take it or leave it after that, but xDP drinks with and after food, so I’d often then keep him company. So the first week we ate, at my request, by 5.30pm (it was extra tricksy because of the clocks going back, so my body was expecting wine at 4pm GMT!). Once I’ve eaten, I find the urge manageable anyway, so it’s the hours before 5pm when that wheedling voice is trying anything to persuade me, and then because I’m hungry and the cold white slips down so fast, I can easily drink half to three quarters of a bottle before I sit down to eat. 
Then if we had red with (and after, especially at the weekends) dinner… well you get the idea. I totalled up my consumption last week, and a typical week would be 60+ units. That really shocked me. It’s not like I was getting falling down drunk, either.
Anyway… my tools for if I’m struggling in the afternoon:
EAT! I know I’m weakest when I’m hungry, so that’s the main thing.
Bring dinner right forward if I’m really struggling.
Herbal tea around 3.30/4pm. Rose petals, rose hips and Melissa is my current favourite.
I haven’t needed it yet, but I decided to have a really rich, dark hot chocolate at 4pm if I was struggling; warming, filling, full of flavonoids.
That’s when I watch the Annie Grace videos. Or YouTube interviews with David Nutt.
Hot bath with my David Nutt book on the Kindle.
@Kindtomyself
I had a similar experience with my ex-partner of 14 years who is the dad to my two children. Looking back he had always had a tendency to not speak to me with care, not so much at the beginning but there had been moments when I should definitely have walked away.
Over the years it got worse and worse until I had no choice but to leave. He would tell me I was being crazy, or it was because I had had a difficult childhood so I was being more sensitive.
Ultimately he started calling me really abusive terms in situations where the kids could easily have over heard.
Leaving was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. He refused to go so kids and I had no choice but to move out of the family home. It's now a year and a half on and the kids are so happy. They used to fight a lot, the difference in their relationship is like night and day. For that alone it was worth it.
He was a big drinker as well and there is no way I would have been able to stop if I was still there. I'm not saying any of this because I think you need to leave. But just that I can relate to that sense of lack of care and compassion that erodes your self esteem when the person that is supposed to cherish you speaks to you in an unpleasant way and then essentially places the blame on you. We all deserve so much more than that 
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