The Freedom Thread - Enjoying the positives of an alcohol free life

[Breathmiller]

Hello all

A shiny new thread for those that would like to give up alcohol forever and a shiny new OP. (twirls)

The wonderful Drybird started these thread a loooong time ago and I'm sure many of you will agree that it has made such a massive difference to the lives of those who have read them or posted on them. Drybird would like to take a little break from hosting the threads so asked me if I would start one this time. The suggestion was that we can take it in turns after that which I think is a great idea .

Anyone is welcome to join and post but please be aware that this thread is for those of us who want to give up alcohol completely. It doesn't matter if you are on day 1, week 6 or year 5 (and it doesn't matter how many day 1s you have), there just has to be an intention to let go of alcohol altogether. So please no talk of moderating or drinking at the present moment or in the future, it can be triggering for some of us. There are many other wonderful threads for those who would prefer to moderate and we wish you well. If you decide that total abstinence is for you then come back.

It doesn't matter what your reason is, if you feel like it's an issue then you are welcome. It really is a friendly bunch. I also want to say hello to all the lurkers who don't want to post for one reason or another and say I hope that these threads give you support too.

There are many threads before this so if you are new, do look back, there is always at least a link to the last one at the beginning of each. Every thread is rich with advice and support. I personally have felt held in so many ways by each and everyone who has posted and I don't feel I would be here at 1yr2 months sober without it. Post daily, hourly even if it helps or just dip in now and again when you feel the need. It's not always the easist thing to do but it is worth it and it is easier with a group as supportive as this. We are each other's cheerleaders and underatns where we are coming from when the times are tough.

Here is the link to the last one....

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4324737-Freedom-An-alcohol-free-thread-for-alcohol-free-people

These threads have been a lifesaver for so many of us with ideas from AF alternatives, Quit Lit suggestions to why our brains are wired the way they are and what tools we can learn to help us break free from the fog of alcohol. But most of all it's a lovely safe space where we can talk, vent, moan, ask questions, give advice and support each other. As we get to know each other there is also a lot of daily chat about what's going on in our lives - running, books, gardening, yoga and family. It really is a warm, welcoming and friendly space so do join in.

The suggestion to get this thread going is for everyone to have a think of what they gain from not drinking, what are the positives? Or if you are on day 1 then what is the thing you are most looking forward to? Let's let go of the idea that we are denying ourselves something or that we are living less than and list what we are gaining instead.

My main positive (in amongst all the fresh skin, clear head, lack of hangovers, lack of shame better health - physically and mentally, I could go on and on........) is the fact that I don't have the eternal converation in my head going round of whether to have a drink that day or not. I am (mostly) free from that and it is amazing!

So whether you are a regular or a newbie, do say hello and introduce yourself.

@blondystrying - so sorry about your dad

Hi everyone, I've been catching up on some of this thread and love the positivity and support. I'm on day 8. I did about 4 months earlier this year but the thoughts of "I really wasn't that bad/surely I can have the odd drink now etc" crept in. I actually hated the taste and sensation of alcohol the first few times I drank again...WHY did I go back there?? That was a few months ago and recently I've had 2 big blow outs that left me feeling AWFUL so back on it again. I have had 2 social events in the last week and had a GREAT time. Alcohol doesn't serve me at all, it hijacks my brain and personality while drinking it, I have absolutely no off switch and the hangovers and anxiety last days and impact both my parenting and work abilities. I have a demanding full time job, a toddler, a puppy and an older child with special needs and the temptation to escape through booze can certainly be tempting but I'm so much happier without it. After nearly 25 years of socialising through alcohol I also want to rid myself of the dependence on it and get to learn who I actually am if that makes sense? Anyway...I know I tend to start strong on things and am aware of how I tripped up last time, I didn't get involved in any online communities so hoping a support group and posting accountability will keep me going longer this time round. I'm doing Annie Grace TAE and love her book and poscasts, listening to her a lot to help re-wire my ways of thinking about all of this....anyway....lovely to meet you all and looking forward to joining in the chats :) xx

@bella1426 lovely post! Well done you.
Also whoever posted about prepared packed lunches and calmer mornings, thank you! The details may differ but that feeling of having the time, inclination and headspace to have productive evenings made me smile and think YES 🙌🏼
@ChampooPapi 😊
Have a good Monday everyone - sorry to those who are facing such challenging times in their work, families and health. Can only say personally I am dealing with life and it’s challenges better sober and my decision making has gone up a league!
Checking in at the start of my 15 week AF

@AlloftheTime - thanks! And well done on 15 weeks, that's a great achievement! That's about the time I faltered last time, any tips?!
I know what You mean about the difference in Monday mornings, last two weeks have been chaos, irritability, stress, unable to get on top of work...still chaos this morning but handled it a lot better and less anxious about the work week ahead!

@bella1426 just realised I’m starting my week 16 and I’ve done 15 a mere detail I know! - I hesitate to give tips usually as I have come to realise this is a common problem with a multitude of reasons behind it. Reading all the posts as I do I’ve been struck that people of all ages, backgrounds, professions and levels of confidence can be ensnared by alcohol. I know many here use podcasts, books and web based books and resources and find then extremely helpful others have very supportive family and partners. Health concerns and medical advice obviously feature for others. For me I just determined after a failed relationship and some bereavements that I had enough to deal with and wanted to part company with my longstanding friendship with booze. It wasn’t easy and at times I wavered but never went out to actually buy wine. This thread and all the stories within it are the only difference to all the other occasions I attempted being AF. I honestly believe feeling part of a ‘community’ makes me feel committed in a way I never have. Wake up every morning and relish how you feel AF works every day for me!
😊

@bella1426 I'm on day 8 too (my drink thing calculator is a day out and is telling me I'm on day 9). I just managed three months and then had a monumental blow out last weekend which I am STILL recovering from. I feel the same as regards how is serves me and it does me no good at all. Let's do this 💪

@AlloftheTime you should be so proud of yourself , you've done amazingly!

@ChampooPapi - oh wow we are practically 2021 sobriety twins! Yeah it was after last weeks blow out (that was a total unplanned out of control disaster) that I thought enough is enough too...I was thinking of waiting till Jan as I've LOADS on between now and then (mini break with OH, girls trip, work night out, wedding, Christmas) but actually the thoughts of all those hangovers was just too rotten and I really want to cultivate a mindset of going out and enjoying life rather than just enduring it because I can't drink so fuck it just going to throw myself into them all sober. It's not like I've never had an alcohol fuelled wedding, or Christmas, or weekend away....so I'll never know how good it could be from the sober side until I try, right?
Let's do this indeed 💪

[quote ChampooPapi]@AlloftheTime you should be so proud of yourself , you've done amazingly![/quote]
Thank you!
I’m chuffed to see you back as strong as ever. Another day done ✅

Just checking in as well. Challenging day at work but tucked up in bed with tea now. Hope you’re all well.

Welcome @bella1426! A lot of what you say resonates. I’ve gotten to know “sober me” quite well over the last 18 months, and I like her. (Or at least she is marginally less annoying and surprisingly more interesting than drunk me😂)

Checking in…. Tough day at work but at least I can look forward to a sober proper sleep now…. How the hell did I do those hangovers for so many years- what a waste

Another achievement here - came out for a curry with DH (on the cobras) after a VERY stressful day, and managed to feel very satisfied drinking my mocktail.

Almost a week... one day at a time.

Also on day 8 @ChampooPapi and @bella1426!

Still here …. Just!!! It’s been a bit hairy the last few days and the voice nearly won !
Feeling a bit better today and a bit more positive .
Well done to all those facing tough days and challenges and staying sober . Being hangover free really is it’s own reward
Today I’m taking some down time and pottering . Going to do a freezer inventory! It’s such a dull job but for some reason it soothes me and I like looking at my organised list of food

Oh @Adm1010 you're so right. I've felt SO much better the last few mornings - springing up with the children with a smile on my fave is just a million times better than that glass of wine.

Enjoy your inventory- sounds like my perfect day! Sadly work calls but I'm going to take some unpaid leave if I make it to a month to celebrate and have a bit of pottering/decluttering time before the onslaught of kids birthdays and Christmas.

@Adm1010 I did a full clear out of of my food cupboard that had been bothering me for months, the sheer joy I'm experiencing this week of the neatly categorised dried foods and condiments is like nothing I could find in the bottle of a glass of wine 😂

Happy day 9 all...almost into double digits 💪 I love a day of pottering and decluttering, so therapeutic. My actual favourite thing in the world is getting a skip 🙈

@indiesearcher enjoy the springing about

@bella1426 I’m glad you get me!! How sad are we but I don’t care!!!

Kittensgalore well done at coming back. I like to think that each time I fell back into drinking that each time I came back to the idea of stopping I came back a bit wiser, stronger and armed up to the hilt with a belief that this was right for me. Glad to see you back.

blondystring i am so sorry to hear about your dad. Such a lot to deal with, you don't need to add all the complexities that drinking would bring to an already difficult situation.

blackberryblossom sooo great to see you back and celebrating a year! 🎉🌟 really lovely to hear how you've been.

I was feeling so much better, life going well and was thrown a spanner in the works yesterday. The course leader who has been my mentor for nearly 15 years is insisting that we have a meeting with the really challenging person on the course. If I don't, it looks like the only other choice is for me to leave. I'm actually furious. I know it's banded about a lot but I do believe I am dealing with someone with a narcissistic personality. She will manipulate the situation with charm and if that doesn't work she will lose it with a catastrophic outcome. This has the potential to blow up in a very bad way. I am upset and actually furious that I have set clear boundaries with someone who has been difficult in my life and now I am being told I have to have these boundaries stepped all over to remain on my career path.
But yesterday I thought to myself that in the past I would have fallen in a vat of wine last night after the meeting and I was so glad that that wasn't an option for me anymore. I did comfort eat theeee biggest bowl of spaghetti you've ever seen in your life though. But hey ho. Pick your battles.

Oh I detest people like that @Breathmiller , it always flabbergasts me when I meet them . I’m really sorry you are going through that but well done on the staying sober ! Forget the spaghetti!

Thanks adm101 it's just all such unnecessary drama. I can't be arsed with it. The spaghetti was delicious 😅

Ugh it’s not you @Breathmiller it’s her!!! I’m sure your course leader is well aware of that too! Whenever I encounter someone like that I try not to get annoyed (which is hard!) and think instead - it must be such hard work to actually BE that person, I’m so glad I’m not them!!! Then I try to zone out and just nod and smile. It’s a work in progress though…

Thanks bunnies . You're right I do know it's not me, i have seen the wake of carnage in other people that have had to deal with this person. But I am being dragged in against my will. I am so over my time being wasted by this woman's over dramatic nonsense.

Anyway, i didn't even think to have a drink. Just the thought that I am so glad I don't drink anymore. And that is a bonus in life.

Definitely a bonus not to drink @Breathmiller, imagine being hungover in a meeting like that😂 Sorry you’re being dragged into all this, hope it’s over soon and you can put it out of your mind.