The Freedom Thread - Enjoying the positives of an alcohol free life

[Breathmiller]

Hello all

A shiny new thread for those that would like to give up alcohol forever and a shiny new OP. (twirls)

The wonderful Drybird started these thread a loooong time ago and I'm sure many of you will agree that it has made such a massive difference to the lives of those who have read them or posted on them. Drybird would like to take a little break from hosting the threads so asked me if I would start one this time. The suggestion was that we can take it in turns after that which I think is a great idea .

Anyone is welcome to join and post but please be aware that this thread is for those of us who want to give up alcohol completely. It doesn't matter if you are on day 1, week 6 or year 5 (and it doesn't matter how many day 1s you have), there just has to be an intention to let go of alcohol altogether. So please no talk of moderating or drinking at the present moment or in the future, it can be triggering for some of us. There are many other wonderful threads for those who would prefer to moderate and we wish you well. If you decide that total abstinence is for you then come back.

It doesn't matter what your reason is, if you feel like it's an issue then you are welcome. It really is a friendly bunch. I also want to say hello to all the lurkers who don't want to post for one reason or another and say I hope that these threads give you support too.

There are many threads before this so if you are new, do look back, there is always at least a link to the last one at the beginning of each. Every thread is rich with advice and support. I personally have felt held in so many ways by each and everyone who has posted and I don't feel I would be here at 1yr2 months sober without it. Post daily, hourly even if it helps or just dip in now and again when you feel the need. It's not always the easist thing to do but it is worth it and it is easier with a group as supportive as this. We are each other's cheerleaders and underatns where we are coming from when the times are tough.

Here is the link to the last one....

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4324737-Freedom-An-alcohol-free-thread-for-alcohol-free-people

These threads have been a lifesaver for so many of us with ideas from AF alternatives, Quit Lit suggestions to why our brains are wired the way they are and what tools we can learn to help us break free from the fog of alcohol. But most of all it's a lovely safe space where we can talk, vent, moan, ask questions, give advice and support each other. As we get to know each other there is also a lot of daily chat about what's going on in our lives - running, books, gardening, yoga and family. It really is a warm, welcoming and friendly space so do join in.

The suggestion to get this thread going is for everyone to have a think of what they gain from not drinking, what are the positives? Or if you are on day 1 then what is the thing you are most looking forward to? Let's let go of the idea that we are denying ourselves something or that we are living less than and list what we are gaining instead.

My main positive (in amongst all the fresh skin, clear head, lack of hangovers, lack of shame better health - physically and mentally, I could go on and on........) is the fact that I don't have the eternal converation in my head going round of whether to have a drink that day or not. I am (mostly) free from that and it is amazing!

So whether you are a regular or a newbie, do say hello and introduce yourself.

Hi everyone. Ive been quiet for a while, it’s been a busy few weeks!

Just caught up on the thread, so wonderful to see the quiet determination you all have. In keeping going, resisting the voices in your heads telling you it’s ok to drink, pushing forward to living without alcohol. You are all doing brilliantly!

So I think I said in my last post a few weekends ago that I had joined the gym. It’s going well, I’ve only been swimming so far (I feel ready to do my gym induction now but didn’t want to scare myself away straight off!) and I am loving it. It feels great to be a more active, I enjoy the spa bit after a swim so it’s all very relaxing and nice. Ive found its really nice to go later in the evening, less people and no rush home for anything. It’s an activity away from the house and the habits/temptations for alcohol so that is working well for me. Like others I have not found the pounds sliding off despite the reduction in calories from not drinking. It may happen with the help of swimming/the gym, but I have decided not to focus on it. I figure I’ve already made two big changes; not drinking and being more active that I don’t need to make it harder, just need to enjoy it!

Ive also had progress in trying to find a new job, I need to get away from where I am as for many reasons it’s been absolutely unbearably stressful for the last year due to a specific team member and was definitely a big factor in how much I ended up drinking. So fingers crossed it all goes to plan.

And my cat is a lot better!

So generally I am good, I am feeling very positive, onwards and upwards.

I am day 70 today. I’m really proud of myself!

I’m finding I am not thinking about alcohol every single night now. It’s such a relief.

@Kittenminion amazing! What a fabulous and positive post. Well done on 70 and I’m so pleased that alcohol is no longer on your mind all the time.

@Adm1010 cant beat a tidy freezer - you have inspired me to do mine.

Breathmiller that sounds painfully grim! Just get through it and as far as you can focus on all you have learnt and achieved with your studies. Some folk are huge time wasters and have enough drama to run a panto season.

Another day successfully navigated 😊

Checking in 🙌

It's so heartening to hear that so many of you even when dealing with really stressful situations are not tempted anymore, that the thought isn't in your minds to have a drink and you have to do battle with that but rather the thought is that you are glad that you don't drink anymore. As in it's not even an option. You are all incredible. I really mean that.

It keeps me going that I might feel like that too one day. I can't imagine it just now. I've had a shit day dealing with work stuff, yesterday was stressful too but I felt quite calm and so pleased I didn't cave but today has been hideous. Rather than be present with my kids at tea time I was busy imagining the quickest way to numb all that stress away. I've not done so as my head knows it won't be effective and I will feel far worse when I'm lying awake at 3am having an anxiety attack and feeling dreadful that I've given in again so readily.

I've had a peppermint tea instead and I'm posting here, then off to lose a few more brain cells with MAFS Australia. My god it's truly dreadful but just what is needed to distract me.

@ChampooPapi - I come under lots of guises on this thread. Keep on checking in and please, DO BE PROUD OF YOURSELF. xxxx

kittenminion that all sounds so positive, well done. You're right that stopping drinking and being more active are huge steps forward. Once these are established you can focus on other areas. It can make you feel invincible when you realise you can stop drinking.

Kittensgalore sorry youve had a stressful day. I suppose as much as these thoughts you had while making dinner felt hard to cope with you can be proud that they were only thoughts. They didn't lead to actions.

Another hard day at work- wasn’t home until 8.30 then discovered my toddler has been told she can’t go to nursery for two days due to a loose nappy. Now I have to drive all over the country tomorrow to organise emergency Childcare for her. I am so stressed out but I’m in the bath. No way could I even contemplate the shit day I’m going to have tomorrow with a hangover. In the bath now which is starting to replace the bottle as my relaxation of choice.

Joining the thread please. I think I may have posted earlier on this thread or on another.

I am 183ish days AF now, almost six months. I love reading about all of your stories and take strength from even the struggles as it reassures me to know that it isn't just me and that it is a universally difficult thing to give something up that is so addictive.

I gave up following surgery for a cancer diagnosis. I didn't exactly intend to stop but did post op and have carried on. It is something I have been mulling over for a few years as although I wouldn't say that my drinking was a problem per se, I didn't like certain aspects of it, particularly the difficulty in resisting alcohol when stressed.

I am definitely feeling better for giving up, and looking better too. As someone has said upthread, I haven't lost weight (didn't really need to) but I look thinner, especially in the face as I think the bloat has gone.

The single thing that stops me from having a glass is knowing that one glass and I will be back to how I was: drinking to dull emotion and to problem solve.

Checking in, day 53. Still enjoying it, if only I could shift this cold I have had for 3 weeks

Morning all ! Checking in . Got two days of training now . I dread going on training days . I’m quite introverted so I find them buttock clenching ! And today’s will be “ interactive “ I’ve no doubt!! It’s MAPA training so no doubt one on one work ! Gaaaah

If I can make it until tomorrow that's a week! Only had one craving and that was last night while decorating - weird!

Loving reading the whole thread.

Morning everyone, 10 days in now - double digits sleep gone to crap this week but that's probably a combo of work stress and too much sugar. I hate how sensitive my sleep is to even looking at a glass of wine or bar of chocolate as I get older 😭 still...everything beats being hungover...

exitstrategist I had a LOT of baths in the early days. It's funny to see the things that I did then that I don't NEED as often. I still enjoy a bath of course but I don't need it as a distraction. Same with AF alternatives. I used them a lot in the earlier days and even though now and again I will have an AF cider I am happy having other things, a glass of pepsi or ginger beer or a cuppa. And I enjoy these for their own sake, not as a need to stop me reaching for alcohol. It's interesting and I hadn't thought about it as clearly as that before now.

soberover I think it may have been this thread as your name seem familiar. 6 months is amazing and to have done it after having your cancer operation. I know a friend of mine who is going through breast cancer has stopped drinking. She has wanted to for a while but it's just gone by the wayside now as she navigates the treatment. She says she has no desire to start again when it's over.

adm101 sorry to hear you have training that's pushing you out of your comfort zone. I'm a great believer that we need to push ourselves out of that zone now and again but sometimes there are things that come along that what you get out of it isn't worth the effort it takes. I'd kind of like to choose myself when to challenge myself instead of someone elses idea of what would help me 'grow'. Maybe that defeats the purpose a bit but I do push myself forward in life when it would be easy to sit back but I don't want to have to do that to someone elses idea. Anyway, I'm also aware that as part of group scenarios we are expected to exactly that. My friend last night (who is going through cancer) said sometime we find lessons in even the darkest situations. It put it into perspective for me. Partly just plough on through the training and especially the comfort parts, knowing it will be over in a few days and maybe just accept there will be a little bit of learning about yourslef on the way. (Speaking to myself as much as you as I navigate this difficult meeting)

indiesearcher you will manage tomorrow. And you will have a week under your belt! That will feel soooo good. Much better and more long lasting than any drink can give you. Here with my pompoms at the ready. 😊

bella well done on 10 days. I hear you on noticing how you react to things, sleep or energy levels. I am also realising how sugar affects me and seem to be letting it go slowly and naturally as I can feel how it changes me. It makes me feel rubbish so I seem to be eating less and less. Partly through choice and I have to actively stop myself. But also there seems (finally) a natural step away after mainlining it at the beginning.

Hello everyone, I haven't read the full thread but was on the older thread under a different name

I have been sober for 8 weeks this coming Saturday and want advice please if anyone could give me it?

Okay so here's how I was in 2018-2020:

Drank a half to a bottle of wine most nights (more at weekends)
Had anxiety every single day
Was a stone over weight
Couldn't sleep without a drink before bed
Didn't feel relaxed all day until a glass of wine was in my hand
Had severe health anxiety
First glass of wine used to be once kids were in bed but crept up to when cooking dinner then eventually I was pouring a glass at around 4pm
Always negative
Looked forward to drinking at any holiday/event
Less patient with my kids
Used to write cringey statuses on Facebook then wake at 4am freaking out logging in to see what I had written

I'm sure there is more. I was never actually drunk as in slurring or stumbling and never drank in the morning time BUT I knew my drinking was making my life miserable. I wasn't enjoying life until I had a large glass of wine in my hand then everything was okay, my sleep pattern was awful and never slept through the night.

So I gave up and done dry january this year and kept going until my birthday in June. Had a few and then drank again the following weekend. I felt I had broken the habit and the need for alcohol so stopped again but had another blip and now I am 8 weeks sober.

So here's how I am now

I'm relaxed
I'm content
I enjoy activities I didn't do while drinking, reading, writing, going for long walks
I love my weekends because I get a takeaway every Saturday and watch the office then spend Sundays going on long family walks then making roast dinners
I drink tonnes of water
I have lost just over 1 stone
I am patient
Our sex life is the best it's been in years
I am proud of myself and feel good about myself
I look better (I look at older photos and hardly regonise myself)
I am a better mother, more patient and I enjoy actually playing with my kids now
The biggest one - my anxiety is gone, I no longer have panic attacks and I wake up feeling so content and relaxed
I sleep ALL night and if I wake up I turn over and go back to sleep (when drinking I would have laid awake hours worrying about EVERYONE and EVERYTHING)
I am happy.

And here's were I need advice. My friend asked me could we go for drinks one night and I told her I'm not drinking anymore. Well she laughed and said what never? I said no I am just a happier person without it. She said you aren't an alcoholic surely you can have one at Christmas stop being a bore - I was stumped and just said 'sure we will see what happens' I am annoyed at myself for not standing my ground

It got me thinking though, was I an alcoholic? I feel like I was becoming one slowly but surely. But as I wasn't a slurring, stumbling drinker and because I wasn't drinking first thing in the morning I find it hard to work out if I was one or not. I didn't have physical symptoms when I stopped apart from a panic feeling when getting used to falling asleep sober (that lasted about a week) so I think that was a psychological withdrawal symptom.

But I was depending on alcohol to sleep and feel calm and it was slowly ruining my life. I am so grateful I am sober now but I don't know what to say to people who want me to drink especially at Christmas. I feel like if I say I had a problem with alcohol people will either think I am lying because I was such a grey area drinker.

Would you say I was an alcoholic? I had alot of stress over the past few years with a family problem and I know I used alcohol to cope with it.

My OH is amazing and because he's not a bigger drinker himself I haven't had to deal with explaining why I am now sober to him but my friends and some family members don't know yet and I just don't know what to say when they try and pour me one while visiting over christmas. I want to say I don't drink now because I was bordering on becoming an alcoholic but then why should I even have to explain myself!

Sorry if none of this even makes sense. This will be my first completely sober christmas and I guess I'm just working out how to navigate people expecting me to drink.

@Cappuccinoandmybook ugh so much of your thread resonated and well done for your 8 weeks! Like you I was grey area, nothing catastrophic happened, could go all week and even some weekends without drinking but just really started questioning my relationship with it (no off switch) my reliance on it socially (for everything) my behaviour on it (shite talking twat) and the hangovers (endless and full of self loathing)
Took a few months off, fell back into it and now back on that sober bus again 10 days.
Definitely one of the worst parts is dealing with other peoples opinion on this. I don't identify with the term alcoholic AT ALL. Most of our society has an unhealthy dependence on an addictive poison and I think the ones that actually give you that 'sober bore' crap are the ones rattled that your sobriety has shone a light on their own drinking. But yeah Christmas is tricky, I am not looking forward to those moments. Can you drive when possible? My responses generally are along the lines of 'I just can't handle hangovers anymore' (true) I'm too wrecked from work and kids for a mad one (true) I've turned into one of those fitness wankers and am off it for a bit (occasionally true) I had a stint off it and didn't really miss it so just gonna keep going for another while....no I won't have just the one, it'll only give me the goo to keep going and im up early with the kids...
I've found most people are either supportive or impressed but there is always the odd one isn't there, especially around Christmas but keep checking into this thread, we will keep each other strong. I'm going to re-read your list of positives to keep myself motivated! 💪

@Cappuccinoandmybook such an interesting post - thank you for being so open and well done on 8 weeks 👍
I’ve fudged this since the summer but COVID and other family reasons have resulted in very few ‘occasions’ when I have been noticeably AF with those who know me. Last week someone asked me outright ‘are you not drinking now? as there was no alcohol in the house. I just said no not since the end of the summer and they said ‘oh, well done’
It was a bit of an anticlimax but in a good way. It’s given me confidence to be more open and I’m not so worried about Christmas.

I know plenty of people will share their experiences here and hopefully you find the best way forward for you.

Your post really resonates with my younger self @Cappuccinoandmybook. Your description of you when drinking was maybe me 5-8 years ago. And that half a bottle per night just grew and grew.

That might not be the pattern for everyone but certainly for me I can look back and see that incrementally over time my capacity to sink more and more wine increased. Yet still I have been able to function in terms of somehow managing a responsible full time job and parenting two children.

A lot has gone by the wayside especially during the last 3-4 years. I was crippled with stress and anxiety. The constant thought of when can I have a drink without anyone thinking badly of me. Of having to rotate shops that I would go to so not to appear a total lush to the shop assistant. As if they would care but somehow it mattered to me. Having special measures in place to get rid of some of the wine bottles so the neighbours didn't see my overflowing recycling bin.

Worse of all I think was and still is the constant presence of alcohol featuring in my thought process. I take heart from posts on these threads from those much further down the road that have found that does dissipate. I can't wait for that to happen.

The term alcoholic doesn't resonate with me although I know that if people knew how much wine I was consuming that would absolutely say that I was. For me I know I have a had a really long and difficult relationship with alcohol and I've spent far too long being controlled by it. It is time for it to do one and not come back!

In terms of explaining my AF status for now I'm going to go with the driving line where I can. For those that know me very well I feel I can be more honest but I'm also expecting that to be tricky as my closest friends are also big drinkers. I know that will be problematic but I'm ignoring that issue for now, and avoiding them but that is probably another post for another time!

I have also genuinely found that some of the menopausal symptoms I was experiencing have vanished since I quit again. I am sleeping better, not perfectly but am hopeful it will keep improving and no hot flushes at all. I had to have a fan running at night because they were so bad. Since I stopped, nothing at all. So that would be another reason I might cite if people ask. Hopefully as I become more established and confident in my new dry skin I can be more open and honest. I was listening to a podcast the other day that was talking about how being sober is the new trend, and that more and more people are embracing an AF lifestyle and doing so proudly.

I love your lists of positives, off to read them again and remind myself why I'm here.

Thank you for replying to me guys. I will definitely stay on this thread and keep posting

@bella1426
I don't identify with the term alcoholic AT ALL. Most of our society has an unhealthy dependence on an addictive poison and I think the ones that actually give you that 'sober bore' crap are the ones rattled that your sobriety has shone a light on their own drinking . I couldn't agree more! Thank you!

@AlloftheTime that's great your friend said well done, if only everyone could have that response, I am looking forward to my first sober Christmas (excluding pregnancies) and I plan to treat myself to lots of fancy little starters/desserts/snacks and just enjoy great food & zero guilt!

@Kittensgalore thank you for your response, I relate with it all! The amount o was drinking was also increasing and the more I drank the more anxious I became which resulted in more drinking which of course equals more anxiety and round and round it went. Mentally exhausting. I'm so glad to have found my sobriety (it took me alot of failures) I'm hoping this time is it for me and I never look back!

So for my first sober Christmas I plan to treat myself to great food, plans festive things with my kids and actually enjoy it this time instead of counting down the time to wine o'clock I have also saved a recipe for alcohol free baileys that I I going to try and a mulled alcohol free wine type drink. I don't bother with alcohol free drinks at present but I thought those would be fun to make.

Anyway thank you girls who have replied to my very long and rambling post

Good luck everyone

So much of that resonates Cappucino! That's exactly where I was before stopping last year, and again before stopping this time.

I'm not sure the label 'alcoholic' is particularly useful because we associate it with people who are physically dependent and unable to function as a result. But there are loads and loads of us who are psychologically dependent (or at least overly attached!) and who function but "able to function" is a pretty low bar for life.

Ah @Cappuccinoandmybook I could have written your post!

Amazing work on getting to 8 weeks - I look forward to everything you've outlined!

One week fir me, I made it to a week!!

@indiesearcher first week of many!!
Well done.

@Kittensgalore just reread your post - ‘special measures for recycling’ oh yes!
What a relief not to have that faff any longer 😊

@AlloftheTime I know isn't it just 

I'm quite proud of the few glass jars rattling around the bottom of my glass recycling tub. I will put them out proudly next week.

@indiesearcher well done! A week is fantastic. Most I would usually manage is 3 days at a time. I'm going to be three weeks after the weekend. Again the most I've managed for years out with pregnancies. But am determined.

Been sent a humgdinger of a work week this week. As if to try me. Each day has progressively got more stressful in terms of having to manage some very difficult people and situations, but even though yesterday was worse than Tuesday I didn't want to drink. I really don't want to crack over some awkward work situation or problematic person.

Slept through last night too- how good is that?! I did wake up super early but preferable to lying awake for hours from 2 or 3am onwards on fire due to hot flushes and worrying myself senseless about all the work shite.

Instead I've had a cuppa and am posting to you lovely lot.

@blondystrying hope you are ok

@indiesearcher well done on your week! First milestone reached 💪 and @Kittensgalore well done on 3 weeks too! Is it starting to feel easier at all?
What is it about work at the moment, it seems to be kicking the shit out if everyone, think it's that exhausted time of year, everyone needs a holiday, weather is shit, juggling kids colds etc and a mad rush to get work things wrapped up before Christmas, it's full on isn't it!!
Tricky weekend ahead ladies, well lovely but tricky. Going away with my DP for a city break for my birthday and have lots of lovely things planned but will definitely have moments of longing for some drinks. Must. Stay. Strong.