The Freedom Thread - Enjoying the positives of an alcohol free life

[Breathmiller]

Hello all

A shiny new thread for those that would like to give up alcohol forever and a shiny new OP. (twirls)

The wonderful Drybird started these thread a loooong time ago and I'm sure many of you will agree that it has made such a massive difference to the lives of those who have read them or posted on them. Drybird would like to take a little break from hosting the threads so asked me if I would start one this time. The suggestion was that we can take it in turns after that which I think is a great idea .

Anyone is welcome to join and post but please be aware that this thread is for those of us who want to give up alcohol completely. It doesn't matter if you are on day 1, week 6 or year 5 (and it doesn't matter how many day 1s you have), there just has to be an intention to let go of alcohol altogether. So please no talk of moderating or drinking at the present moment or in the future, it can be triggering for some of us. There are many other wonderful threads for those who would prefer to moderate and we wish you well. If you decide that total abstinence is for you then come back.

It doesn't matter what your reason is, if you feel like it's an issue then you are welcome. It really is a friendly bunch. I also want to say hello to all the lurkers who don't want to post for one reason or another and say I hope that these threads give you support too.

There are many threads before this so if you are new, do look back, there is always at least a link to the last one at the beginning of each. Every thread is rich with advice and support. I personally have felt held in so many ways by each and everyone who has posted and I don't feel I would be here at 1yr2 months sober without it. Post daily, hourly even if it helps or just dip in now and again when you feel the need. It's not always the easist thing to do but it is worth it and it is easier with a group as supportive as this. We are each other's cheerleaders and underatns where we are coming from when the times are tough.

Here is the link to the last one....

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4324737-Freedom-An-alcohol-free-thread-for-alcohol-free-people

These threads have been a lifesaver for so many of us with ideas from AF alternatives, Quit Lit suggestions to why our brains are wired the way they are and what tools we can learn to help us break free from the fog of alcohol. But most of all it's a lovely safe space where we can talk, vent, moan, ask questions, give advice and support each other. As we get to know each other there is also a lot of daily chat about what's going on in our lives - running, books, gardening, yoga and family. It really is a warm, welcoming and friendly space so do join in.

The suggestion to get this thread going is for everyone to have a think of what they gain from not drinking, what are the positives? Or if you are on day 1 then what is the thing you are most looking forward to? Let's let go of the idea that we are denying ourselves something or that we are living less than and list what we are gaining instead.

My main positive (in amongst all the fresh skin, clear head, lack of hangovers, lack of shame better health - physically and mentally, I could go on and on........) is the fact that I don't have the eternal converation in my head going round of whether to have a drink that day or not. I am (mostly) free from that and it is amazing!

So whether you are a regular or a newbie, do say hello and introduce yourself.

Sorry you’re a bit low @Adm1010, what could you do to cheer yourself up? I’m still a bit low too but I’m hoping to get into nature for a bit today to cheer myself up. Hope you perk up soon

Sorry to hear you're feeling low today admn and bunnies.

I agree, what can you do to help you through today? What's the trigger time? When is it easier?

I'm full on working all day today so won't be able to come on but I'll be thinking of you and sending you both happy thoughts.

I need to eat better and get more rest I think . I’m very run down .

Getting into nature sounds good . I might try a walk later

@Breathmiller trigger could be anytime today tbh …. I’m feeling weak for sure!!

I'm day 62 and I must admit for the first time since I started I've really struggled these last 2 days. Could think of nothing else and really needed to stop myself just thinking sod it I'm having a wine. Bought some AF for the first time but it was disgusting. Just hope I can manage these next few weeks as I just don't feel that positive motivation like a have done since I started. Apologies for depressing post x

Morning. Day 62 completed. I’ve got a crazy weekend of work but am managing a meet up tonight for food.

Sorry to read that people are feeling low @BunniesBunniesBunnies, @Adm1010, @blondystrying. I’m better than I was and I would definitely recommend a walk, it really helps lift my mood.

@Exitstrategist dust yourself off, be gentle with yourself, practice self-compassion, learn from this and move on.

Admn can you break the day down if a day feels overwhelming?

Nourish yourself in all the ways that you know you need to nourish yourself?

Good food. Can you go for a walk? Can you rest today? Can you rest somewhere you don't connect with drinking? I know that when I felt weak and habits were a pull that sitting on the sofa in front of the tv was a no-no. So, I would go and sit on my bed, there wasn't that same connection.

Can you book a massage if you like them? Or some nurturing therapy? Go for a swim? Sit in the garden wrapped up with a hot drink? Go shopping and treat yourself to something, a new piece of clothing, doesn't beed to be huge. I bought the softest cosiest socks from Primark a few weeks ago and they qrw like a hug for my feet when I put them on. Two pink pairs, which makes mw laugh a bit because I'm not a pink kind of gal. But I love them.

I know some of these might seem trite in the face of your feelings but lots of tiny little nourishing things today will soothe you in a healthier way as well as passing some time.

And post all you need.

@Breathmiller you are spot on ,.. that’s the kind of day I need I think .
I’ve just tidied the kitchen and had a big glass of fresh orange juice ( still loving my juicer! )
Then we are going to go to the “ nice “ garden centre that sells fancy stuff you know the type I mean … and I’m going to treat myself to something … I don’t know what yet .
I’m planning on making pumpkin soup this afternoon and maybe get a walk in there somewhere .
I’ve not thought as far as the evening yet .
I really appreciate knowing this thread is here

@Adm1010 & @blondystrying. I hear you sisters! It’s so tough at this time of year, it’s getting dark, cold, it’s wet and windy here today and the evenings are long. I had a wee moment myself yesterday after a boring day working, tidying up and in the kitchen making dinner thinking ‘this is pathetic I should be allowed a drink making dinner on a Friday night after a long week’ . I resisted thankfully and feel relieved today. Great advice on coping @Breathmiller, thanks for that. I guess we just need to keep chipping away I think, getting stronger each day, until we barely miss it.

I find it frustrating as I can’t even tell anyone except you guys. DH and my parents are not in favour of my sobriety.

BTW I had my GP appointment this week and, as suspected I’m hurtling into menopause. My level of the hormone they test was very high, they will check again in 4 weeks then I’ve to decide treatment with GP. Feel old but relieved - my heart isn’t about to explode after all. Phew, lol. Will be back later. Off out just now. Stay strong everyone.

Glad you resisted @iamyourequal . I to am menopausal… such fun!!!

I’m still struggling … the only word I can find is SULKING , I feel like I’m sulking!! Ridiculous … but that’s how I feel . I need to find a grip and fast!!

Sending you a grip adm101 😊

Keep strong folks. It's just a few hours.

Did you manage to do anything nice? What about going out to the cinema? Anything to distract.

I have a had a great day, just taught the first day of a weekend workshop with a very lovely group that I will be working with for a year. So amazing towork with people who really want to know more. It feeds my soul so it does.

I'm off to an empty house. Something that never happens. Going to choose something for my dinner just for me. Maybe one of these Wicked Curry dishes from Tesco. And then...reeeeelax in the peace and the quiet. Maybe even have control of the tv remote!! 😲

Oh yeah, and menopause is a bastard

Evening everyone,

Thanks again for the warm welcome here. I'm feeling really determined today, the yuk of Thursday has passed and I'm looking forward to a hot bath and lighting some candles tonight. It's just one day at a time though, I daren't think about next week just yet.

I hope you all enjoy your evenings whatever you do.

Glad you had a great workshop @Breathmiller!

@indiesearcher a bath sounds lovely.

I’m very pleased to report that after a day of nature and looking after myself (rest, good food) I am no longer feeling blue! Relieved that I’m feeling better and proud of myself for dealing with my emotions in a healthy way.

Thanks for listening to me moan this week guys😂

That’s great news @BunniesBunniesBunnies. You have come through the blue! (Royal, Prussian, azure, whichever it was 😀).
How are you now @Adm1010? Keeping occupied?
So nice your workshop went well @Breathmiller. Spookily, my yoga teacher didn’t play loud songs this week. It was quieter and acoustic. Definitely enjoying it and feeling bendier! (Whoops, that autocorrected to ‘bender’…NOT good).

Quiet day here. Long lie, gym, weekly shop, nap, prepped Christmas cake, visited parents and now a quick bath before a take-away. (Which I’m still super chuffed I can drive to collect thus saving both delivery charge and tip 😊).

BTW I was pretty deflated at GPs lack of amazement that I’d gone sober. Then remembered she doesn’t know me, and she was dead young, probably no issues yet herself, so won’t understand how awesome it is that old lushes (well me at least). Like us can kick the dimpled bottle to hell.
Anyway, hope everyone is having a pleasant evening…..keep posting.

Hello, hope you'll have me back. I was on the previous thread I think but fell off the horse hard but determinedly back on now. I have been lurking throughout but didn't want to post until I was more stable. Will be two weeks tomorrow and mostly it hasn't been too difficult this time round so far...

I had some type of norovirus thing last weekend which meant that made staying AF a breeze. The aftermath of that meant the week was ok too. This weekend has been more tricky.

I'm so fearful of starting again. I have reached a point of no return. I know I cannot moderate and I know if I carry on I will be seriously limiting my life expectancy. I am a single parent and despite being 50 and menopausal too, one of my kids has not yet stated high school. They go into S1 next August but they are both still so young and I have started to seriously worry about leaving them far too soon.

Hope you got through last night @Adm1010. 60 plus days is amazing. I never get past three weeks apart from when I was pregnant.

I started Re-reading the joy of being sober last night and it had a quote - 4 out of 10 people who started drinking before 15 will go onto become addicted. I had no idea there was a link to the age you started although of course it makes complete sense for lots of reasons and perhaps surprising it's only 40%.

I think I'll be ok today, so I will make day 14. Although we don't have too much planned for today, That was this problem last night, not needing to drink my emotions away and no stress but I think I was just bored and a bit lonely. I think I pretty much leapt to the bottle regardless. So many new ways to deal with everyday events will be required!

Happy AF Sunday everyone.

Morning everyone I hope you all got through the weekend AF, I think this is the trickiest time.
I was struggling this weekend more than I have since I started 63 days ago. I found out yesterday that my beloved dad has bowl cancer and my immediate thought was to have a drink. Then I remembered reading in Alan Carrs book I think, that it wouldn't help and then I'd just feel worse coping with the awful news and being hungover. So that kept me strong and sober. I feel able to cope today with whatever's ahead of me. Keep being fabulous and strong we don't need alcohol x

@Kittensgalore of course we’ll have you back, welcome back! I remember you🙂

@blondystrying I’m so sorry about your dad. One of the trickiest things about sobriety is dealing with difficult feelings without booze, you are doing great👍

Another lapsed poster here…

Blondystrying I am so sorry about your dad. What awful news. You did brilliantly to not reach for a drink.

I will be back later today (that’s a promise) to catch up and reply some more. Can I just share though - 364 days for me today. The first 30 were hard, then the next 70 gradually got easier. I honestly couldn’t believe it when I got to 100 day. I’m now passed the first AF Christmas, the first AF birthdays, the first AF summer dinners with friends…. I’m trying to persuade DH that I should take a cut of some of the £1100 or so that I’ve saved us in the past 12 months but he doesn’t think I’m serious. I’m going to add it to my savings for an ebike.

@Blackberryblossom you total legend! A year in, wow! You should absolutely spend some of that money on yourself and saving for an e-bike sounds like an amazing way to spend that money. You’ve earnt it, well done!

Checking in 🙌

Thankyou for the ongoing support and asking how I’m doing . It’s much appreciated

I’m a little better today . The sulking seems to have passed although I still feel a general “ flatness “

@Blackberryblossom that’s an amazing achievement well done

@Blackberryblossom that's such an inspiring post to read - huge congrats to you!

Wow that day flew by!

Thank you Bunnies, Adm and Searcher 💐💐💐 I honestly never thought I could do this, but it turns out that I could, doing a day at a time or an hour or a bath or a cup of tea at a time when the days got too long. I’m still just taking a day at a time, I can’t take this for granted.

Sympathy to everyone struggling with menopause/peri menopause. That was one of my main drivers for wanting to stop drinking - I hated waking up at night feeling as if I was wide awake in a tropical greenhouse. Quitting really did help. I still had to increase my hrt dose a few weeks ago though. There are still good days and bad days, but I’m much better equipped to cope now. A couple of times I’ve ended up promising myself a drink “tomorrow” if I still wanted one then, but a bit of chocolate or an early night did the trick. My dh accidentally gave me a rum baba ( he thought it was alcohol free)… it was awful. Smelled and tasted rank. I spat it out. Still occasionally getting those dreams about forgetting that I don’t drink any more, they are horrid.

I’m sorry to have been awol for so long. I had such brilliant support on here and I’m really grateful. I’ll try to be more present and pay it all forward. Thank you Drybird and BreathMiller for all the threads.

And yes, I’m definitely going to find a way to use some of the savings towards an ebike. If I can stop drinking then anything is possible.

I had a good day today - managed to go to a family birthday party with champagne flowing and I stuck to my herbal teas/and a couple of coffees.

I told DH tonight about my intentions to not drink again - he doesn't seem massively supportive of the decision as he's losing his best drinking buddy. Hey Hum.

Didn't get my bath last night so that's on the agenda for later.

Along with a bit of catch up bake off.

Kids school bags all packed by the front door rather than hurriedly in the morning. Homework done with a patient smiley me this morning instead of a ragged mummy.

It's so much better already.