The Freedom Thread - Enjoying the positives of an alcohol free life

[Breathmiller]

Hello all

A shiny new thread for those that would like to give up alcohol forever and a shiny new OP. (twirls)

The wonderful Drybird started these thread a loooong time ago and I'm sure many of you will agree that it has made such a massive difference to the lives of those who have read them or posted on them. Drybird would like to take a little break from hosting the threads so asked me if I would start one this time. The suggestion was that we can take it in turns after that which I think is a great idea .

Anyone is welcome to join and post but please be aware that this thread is for those of us who want to give up alcohol completely. It doesn't matter if you are on day 1, week 6 or year 5 (and it doesn't matter how many day 1s you have), there just has to be an intention to let go of alcohol altogether. So please no talk of moderating or drinking at the present moment or in the future, it can be triggering for some of us. There are many other wonderful threads for those who would prefer to moderate and we wish you well. If you decide that total abstinence is for you then come back.

It doesn't matter what your reason is, if you feel like it's an issue then you are welcome. It really is a friendly bunch. I also want to say hello to all the lurkers who don't want to post for one reason or another and say I hope that these threads give you support too.

There are many threads before this so if you are new, do look back, there is always at least a link to the last one at the beginning of each. Every thread is rich with advice and support. I personally have felt held in so many ways by each and everyone who has posted and I don't feel I would be here at 1yr2 months sober without it. Post daily, hourly even if it helps or just dip in now and again when you feel the need. It's not always the easist thing to do but it is worth it and it is easier with a group as supportive as this. We are each other's cheerleaders and underatns where we are coming from when the times are tough.

Here is the link to the last one....

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4324737-Freedom-An-alcohol-free-thread-for-alcohol-free-people

These threads have been a lifesaver for so many of us with ideas from AF alternatives, Quit Lit suggestions to why our brains are wired the way they are and what tools we can learn to help us break free from the fog of alcohol. But most of all it's a lovely safe space where we can talk, vent, moan, ask questions, give advice and support each other. As we get to know each other there is also a lot of daily chat about what's going on in our lives - running, books, gardening, yoga and family. It really is a warm, welcoming and friendly space so do join in.

The suggestion to get this thread going is for everyone to have a think of what they gain from not drinking, what are the positives? Or if you are on day 1 then what is the thing you are most looking forward to? Let's let go of the idea that we are denying ourselves something or that we are living less than and list what we are gaining instead.

My main positive (in amongst all the fresh skin, clear head, lack of hangovers, lack of shame better health - physically and mentally, I could go on and on........) is the fact that I don't have the eternal converation in my head going round of whether to have a drink that day or not. I am (mostly) free from that and it is amazing!

So whether you are a regular or a newbie, do say hello and introduce yourself.

That sounds tough @Adm1010. You did so well apologising though, many people would just stick their head in the sand. Keep plodding on and be nice to yourself. With time hopefully you’ll be able to forgive yourself completely.

Hi everyone,

Hoping I can join you?

I've wanted to do this for a while but have been waiting to be completely ready. I'm pretty sure that time is now.

I did three weeks sober last month and felt wonderful.

I started November with that same intention, but DH drank last night and I joined him. Then a friend messaged and I went to the pub, where I had too much again.

Today I've got a headache, I was sick before the school run, I'm behind with my work, I've got 'the fear', my chest hurts.

I want to be free of this, once and for all. Hoping to find support and solidarity here.

Thanks!

@indiesearcher try to remember that 'the fear' is a temporary thing. It passes and it 'isn't real' get through that and you will come out the other side stronger 🌺

Welcome to the thread indiesearcher

I hope you're feeling better today. You not only managed 3 weeks before but know that you felt bettee, that's a great incentive. You can do this, you've shown you can
These 3 weeks were made up of individual days, and that's all us longer ones have done. Just a collection of individual days. All you have to do is today, day 2.

bunnies hopefully you're moving towards wanky blue soon 😁

Welcome @indiesearcher, this is an excellent thread for support, it's got me through some tough times.

Checking in 🙌

Welcome @indiesearcher!!! Well done on the three weeks before, that’s great! I found many of the benefits came after 3 weeks (some did come before), so if you hang in there a bit longer this time I’m sure you’ll start feeling better and better.

This thread has been amazing for me (1.5 years in now), the people on it are so supportive. We chat mostly about not drinking but of course other stuff comes up as well and that’s totally fine. So rant away, ask questions and just check in when you feel like it for accountability!

@Breathmiller my mood has improved again a bit, I’ve got a full on day at work today but then a weekend with NOTHING planned, I can’t wait🤩

Hello everyone, this week has been fine - drinking tea while cooking instead of booze. I've felt much better in the mornings too. Challenges ahead at the weekend - meeting friends tonight after a rough week at work, and then a meeting tomorrow which is bound to be fraught and is going to be followed by drinks. Planning to stick to the sparkling water and reminding myself that anxiety over things like difficult meetings is a trigger for drinking like a sailor and then saying the things I'd carefully not said in the difficult meeting!

Welcome Indie, I'm early days too (day 5).

Bunnies that sounds like the ideal weekend! Enjoy it!

Congratulations @indiesearcher on Day 1. It feels like a crappy place to be, but every journey starts with the first step, and all that.

If you feel that the time is now, it probably is! I had a couple of short-lived attempts at going booze free, but when I decided to do it for real a switch flicked in my head and I just knew I was going to do it.

That said, I couldn't have done it without support, and these threads were a lifeline. If you can give yourself time to sit down with a cuppa and read through, you'll find loads of helpful advice, and it's motivating to read the journeys of people who have had a similar experiences.

I'm into my 23rd month Alcohol Free and it's the best decision I've ever made for myself.

Thanks everyone for the warm welcome. I'm definitely going to treat this as a day at a time, but with a view to forever.

I feel a bit better today, but still anxious and wobbly. I hope it'll pass.

Really looking forward to reading the whole thread on a long train journey tomorrow.

I need to tell DH I'm making this change. He knows how I feel and that his drinking is worse than mine but I know he's not interested in stopping. I need to help him support me.

drybird thays amazing to be at 23 months. Can you see 2 years on the horizon? Bizarrely enough it doesn't seem that long since you were celebrating a year!

I'm just about to reach 15 months and feel like it's just the way of life now. The question does pop up now and again but it's easy to answer "nah, I don't drink now" and it fades away. I never thought I could be here.

I have to admit to a pang of jealousy though today when speaking to a friend who said she was feeling like a night out with her workmates. She said she had pretty much stopped drinking but only about 2 or 3 times a year she had drinks with friends.

I thought...oooh...maybe I could do that. Then laughed at myself, she has never had an issue with alcohol and she knows she will have that night out then not have another drink for 3 months. I reminded myself that I have had my share of nights out (and nights in). And at the end of our lives, even if she keeps having a night out every 3 or 4 months I will have still drank more than her over my lifetime even if I never drink again.

I sometimes feel like that, that I just fitted in a lifetime of drinking in to a shorter period. I've used up all of my drinking. 😁 Sometimes I hear myself answer "yeah, been there, bought the t-shirt - time for something new"

I also very rarely have a craving for an actual drink now. I sometimes think the idea of drinking sounds good but when it came to actually thinking about drinking alcohol it doesn't appeal.

Kind of like I still look on with envy at all the things we're sold as a lifestyle from drinking but I don't equate it to the poison that's actually in a glass. That doesn't appeal at all. So, I quite like the idea of sitting in a pub having a drink with friends, I just don't actually want it to be an alcoholic drink in my glass. And that I can do. I can have parties, I can have meals out, I can have friends and family around to celebrate special occasions. I can sit down with a nice chilled glass of a treat (Af alternatives or soft drinks). I can get all the other bits that used to feel wouldn't be any good without alcohol. But it turns out alcohol was not only just a tiny part of it, but I enjoy all of these times more now.

I could have written that post @Breathmiller, are you me😂😂😂 Looking forward to your 2 year celebration @Drybird2020. I wonder if 2 years ago you could have imagined inspiring dozens of women to follow your lead and ditch booze for good! You deserve a medal or something👍💪

@indiesearcher “one day at a time with the view of forever” is still my motto 18 months in, it has served me well🙂

@BunniesBunniesBunnies

I could have written that post *@Breathmiller, are you me😂😂😂 Looking forward to your 2 year celebration @Drybird2020*. I wonder if 2 years ago you could have imagined inspiring dozens of women to follow your lead and ditch booze for good! You deserve a medal or something👍💪

Haha. Glad it resonated with someone. I thought after I had written it that it was just brain splurge and didn't make much sense. 🤣🤣

And I agree to Drybird maybe not quite getting how many people have been inspired to change their lives.

Tonight might be my first real test. Going out for a meal after a long long long day. I feel thirsty for drinks so am drinking water as probably dehydrated!
It will be better this evening without a drink. I do not crave a drink. I do not need a drink. I am not envious of people drinking.

Right?

Absolutely pinny . You've got this!!

You can quench your thirst as much as you want and it won't ruin your sleep or your Saturday.

I am about to go do dinner with some colleagues after a long day too...

I don't need one, don't want one, don't want any of the crap that come with it. So much crap comes with a glass of wine. It's just a glass of crap. 💩

I had none! I was in a pub and everyone else was drinking and I could see every type of booze on the shelf but I did not have a drink and it was such a good decision.
My fellow diners only had one with dinner, how pointless! I feel proud.

You all warned me and it happened. I could cry

Triggers- wine in house (present from guests)
Alone
Watching Netflix
Friday night- tough week
Just have one glass- oh well there you go finish the bottle

@Exitstrategist sorry to hear that. The main thing is to dust yourself off and get straight back on it (and not spiral into another night of wine, and another one etc).

You’ve identified your triggers which is great. Next time you know you’re going to have a Friday night alone by yourself after a tough week, carefully think about your triggers and coping mechanisms in advance. If you cannot have wine in the house right now, just pour or down the sink (honestly try it, it feels good!) or give it away.

We all make mistakes. The key is to learn from them and keep going. Hope you don’t feel too shitty today.

And well done @PinnyPencher3💪👍🤩

exit don't weep. You're back on here. Let yourself walllow a bit today then pick yourself up and start again. This time it will be easier because you've learned a great lesson in what your triggers are. And how rubbish it makes you feel to drink. It's all a learning curve.

Remember, we were only able to warn you because we have been there, done that too. I never have wine in the house, it would be far too much of a trigger for me.

Same with treat food. Last night DH was at the shop and asking what I wanted as a treat. I had to tell him twice to buy me a small treat not the big sharing bag of something because if it is there and it's Friday (even though I'm working all weekend) I WILL eat it all. I know I have to work on willpower in these situations but until then I may as well not make it any harder on myself than I need to.

When you have a party again get your guests to take any unfinished wine home, I have even packed friends off with half bottles. When they've disagreed and said "no no no, I couldn't possibly- you keep it" I have told them I will only pour it down the sink when they leave. Generally they have always taken it away rather than let me do that.
If there has been any left, then I pour it down the sink the minute they leave. I'm not willing to keep it for 'cooking' or for 'someone else another time' if it's a full bottle. It gets given away or put down the sink there and then.

@Exitstrategist back on the horse! Don’t be hard on yourself but do learn the triggers . You will be even stronger for this not weaker .
That voice is so powerful but it LIES ! Remember that xx

I’m a bit low at the minute . Need to pick my mood up somehow today .
I know that I’m tired and working to much . And I feel run down .
This is dangerous times when I’m low as the voice will see weakness … so I may post a lot today .
Im day 62 . And I intend to get to day 63 .